almost xmas

Phew, Christmas is only a couple of days away, too exciting and too intense for me indeed. Alrite, it has been exciting because we’ve received so many cakes, so many chocolates and puddings at home. This Christmas is also the first time for me to send out chocolate cake to business partners and important clients. How huge is that? I was so touched when I stamped the card with my own company logo and put my signature on it. Not bad for a 21 years old kiddo huh?

Anyway continue, thank goodness that we live in the sms, friendster and msn era, since I am a person who is not very good with making a phone conversation (yes, my girlfriends can testify to that), but sms is a very practical way to ask your friends what to do on Christmas and New year, ah yes and to send greetings eventually. So yes, almost everyday my main conversation topic with my close friends, hang-out friends, hi-bye friends, friend of my friends, and my ex-boyfriends is “entar natalan taun baru ngapain?”

Sadly but true, I cancelled all the traveling plans at the end of this year (sigh), no Beijing, no Shanghai, no Bali, and yes Tirzah darling we need to reschedule tour the US next year (sigh again!). But I will still celebrate Christmas and New Year in style (haha) and in joyful spirit.

So far, my organizer states that I would be in Shierly and Leon’s wedding for Christmas, and Ade’s wedding for New Year. How’s that? Those two couples are celebrating their wedding on Christmas Eve and New Year. Other than that is still indecisive (gloomy)

Some Christmas messages from saint Kryptonite here:

Funny that God puts people in your life, whom are close to your heart, to go through similar kind of tribulation at the same time as you. Life is no co-incident at all. We have met and become close friends to grow together in characters and faith. There is a saying, “misery loves company” (haha). I am not saying I am throwing a self pity party here, by the way, but it’s good to know that what you have to go through is not only your shit. There are other people who are crying at night over the same problem. There are others who are battling and pressing on in regards to the same issue as you, and they are you friends, and if they could make it, so do you. That thought has given me a big relief.

So yes, to my darlings Ruth and Elizabeth: The three of us are the kind of person who thinks over every single detail and aspect of a problem. We cannot bear to stay still or to wait for a second, and we always want to do something about it. Well, I’d say that this really is the time for us to put our eyes on God and keep our hands out off it.

have seen it happening

Be steadfast in prayer,

Stay just for another day longer,

Be hopeful just for another day,

Pressing on, that’s what I intend to do,

I’m not telling anybody just yet,

All they’ll do is just giving me advice I do not need to hear,

All I need is not opinions,

I need the truth,

And there is only one truth once and for all

Eventually I see the light,

It’s not the complete puzzle yet,

But I’ve seen it happening

Therefore, I’m hopeful

Therefore, I know that one day

I will make it through the storm.

On the urge of breaking down

It is too ironic: Insanity is the only drug that keeps her from dying.

How could such a normal, sane, synchronized human being face thousand tribulations at once?

Betrayal

Deception

Indictment

Conviction

Deceit

Fear, Injustice, Liability

She must have been insane or probably in denial, or probably wishing that everything was just a dream, or probably her feeling is already numb.

Yes, she must metamorph into a cold blooded woman, or else a tremendous amount of pain will break her down.

Go on, call the lawyer in, bring in the persecutor, and let the verdict be known. It does not matter what ruling it will be in the end, her soul is already imprisoned. Guilty as charged,

Too many voices in her head, though it differs to those in the schizophrenia cases, that she just wanted to shut down for a while. She does not need to listen to anymore explanations or the chronologies of the incidents.

Explanations are not the answer to fear.

Suddenly everything else seems to be insignificant. Things that used to matter do not matter no more. Gone in 60 seconds her possession is. “What’s left?” she asks herself.

She foresees a thin line between sanity and insanity.

Too many tears, too many sleepless nights, too many nightmares, too many empty sights, too many starvations, too many empty minds, too many unanswered calls, too many anger and disappointments. If there is any way that she could escape, she would flee like a mad fugitive.

Quitting is not a DNA that she possesses

Then the alarm clock rings, the time indicates: 7 a.m. in the morning. Another battle to fight, another day to live, another trial to be attended, so well she takes the longest breathe, and she continues the journey.

There are certain and specific ways that every individual has to go through, there are specific and different amount of responsibilities and burden for every individual, yet different amount of grace to carry those particular burdens. Never envy those whom you think are blessed by a huge amount of grace, because that huge amount of grace might be the only thing that enables them to carry a great deal of burdens that you are not obligated to carry.

stop just there

Any choleric type of person would be able to tell you that his or her life is divided into three parts: planning, doing and achieving. Yes, I’m one of those people who always have a target, a destination to go, a goal to achieve, and so far in these 21 years of my life that characteristic has helped me to excel.

I can handle challenges, overtimes and increases in the level of difficulty. There is only one thing that I cannot handle: waiting. I have admitted the fact that there is a portion that human being can do to the maximum, but there is also another portion that only God can make it happen for you. That is why I have always said you cannot have what is not meant for you and somebody else cannot take what is supposed to be yours. Sometimes, D’Oh! Not sometimes, but almost everytime I am about to pursue something, after all the 100% effort and tears and blood that I put, the expected result takes longer time to come true. Then I’ll be like “come one! God, make it happen now!”

After 21 years of forcing and talking God into doing what I want Him to do, I give up and let God be God. Just like what mr. fx said to me the other day “just chill” (de, I’m going to make it the motto of the year) I’m the one who have to adjust and fit my schedule into his. After all, He knows the best timing for every single thing upon planet earth. John Maxwell once said, everything can be perfect, but when the timing is wrong, it’s messed up. So, I’ve decided to make my waiting worth a while.

Waiting is a part of life. I’ve spent more time in waiting than in achieving. Therefore, I’ve learnt over the years to enjoy those times when we really couldn’t do anything to fix the situation other than “bersukacitalah senantiasa” and “janganlah kamu kuatir akan apapun juga”, until “Tuhan akan memunculkan kebenaranmu” takes place.

There is this one new club that I’d been trying to put my product in. I’ve called here and there, trying to see which Godfathers can help me to build the bridge for me. I’ve met the people, do some negotiations and business lunch, and that’s basically all that I can do. After that, I can only go home and pray, and let God make the owner to accept my proposal. I cannot do anything further. I cannot call them every single day or send flowers every single day to bribe them. All I can do is to wait. I’ve tried to push thing over the edge once, I call the key person every single day, be friends, have lunch, send gifts and everything. But in the end, this is Indonesian business world; a no is still a no. In many instances I have realized,

It does not matter how smart you are, how perfect your execution and skills, how many Godfathers do you have, how flawless your product is, how smooth your negotiation technique is, if you don’t have God’s favor on you: everything is doomed to fail.

And a favour is called a favour because it is given to you for free. I cannot manipulate God to favour me. It’s his choice whether He wants to give it to me or not. SO, in the meantime, while waiting for Him to open up the way, I’ll just have a good time. Do the things that I enjoy doing, while trying not to break the back account, I read and write, sit over a glass of latte while talking to friends, watch fashion TV while burning some calories in the gym, yes some manicure and pedicure as well. You know, enjoying life until my cellphone rings. Just like yesterday, after months of waiting and numbers of “di-pending dulu ajah yah, Bu Caroline”, my new client just ordered a huge amount of product. So huge that it is enough to cover my monthly target. See, life’s good. Good thing happens when you least expect it.

See, many times in life, we stress out on things that actually we could do nothing about. Those “what if” and those “what is going on right now” really do not deserve our attentions, or else we’ll be having wrinkles sooner than we ought to. As long as we have done our parts, just wait and let God be God. In the meantime, want to have coffee with me?

building briddges

I’ve learnt so much about boundaries these days. (People, buy that book immediately. It is sold in the all the time best seller section in every major bookstores worldwide)

There is a difference between hurting and harming.

Going to the dentist might hurt but it will not harm you. It will do you good.

Eating candies does not hurt you but it will harm you eventually.

There are many things in life, many relationships, many decisions and actions that will hurt us for the good, or else harm us eventually.

Interesting facts. And yet, very tricky? Which one is which?

Seeing changes in people that we thought we have always known is intriguing. Could that be a fact that we do not actually know the particular person that well, or may be drastic changes do really take places. There is this one particular close friend whom used to spend every single day with me. If we are not hanging out then we’ll be talking to each other on the phone for countless hours. But then, I don’t know what happen, we just cant do that anymore. We are still the same person and we are still who we are. Nothing drastic has happened in our lives, so what is going on?

May be we are just in different places.

Funny how I can sit in front of this friend whom I have known since we were both in high school, and found out that I cannot talk about things that we used to talk about. The chemistry has changed. The level of trust, proximity and comforts have changed. All of a sudden I see the invisible boundaries that both of us have built against each other.

What do we do then?

I have always been the kind of person who wants to make friendship lasts to the end of day. Mg gurls and I made a pact that one day, we will be sitting in our garden, in our country house of course, having coffee with scone plus jam and cream, talking for hours about our grandchildren and our business empires (haha! Hey, we’ve been blessed with huge dream and vision, don’t blame our ambitions!). But it has only been 5 years, me and this particular friend, and we could not talk to each other anymore. Of course we have sat for coffee and nachos and talk for hours.

When you used to be having a heart-to-heart kind of conversation, the tears-almost-dropped, you-have-to-handle-the-truth kind of conversation with someone, then you will know if your latest conversation is just an airy fairy one.

But then again I learn, I could never lose the friendship. What we have had, we will always have. Things are not always going to be smooth, easy and all sparks up. Any normal long term relationship will always experience a sunny day (everything good), a stormy day (all fights and about) and sometimes some draughts (when everything is dull and crispy haha).

That’s why the boundaries book teaches us not only to have a few of close relationships in our lives. I’m not suggesting anyone to start an affair pretty soon, by all means it is referring to friendship kind of relationships. We should have more than 2 best-friends, more than 5 close friends and unlimited number of friends. This is for the purpose of letting our friends to become a normal human being. They can go through phases in their lives, becoming whoever they want to be, taking any necessary spaces from us temporarily and be back anytime they want to. In the meanwhile, we’ll still have the other best friends and the other close friends to lean on when we need them the most.

Nobody can go through life without the support of solid friendships. Keep that in mind.

I have a rock solid family to whom I can go home to every night for tender loving care and heart-to-heart conversations. But besides that, I also need a solid circle of trust to whom I can share my world with. Anybody who knows me well knows that I am a very open person. I don’t keep anything private about my life. But I don’t tell all my secrets to one person. A best friend knows some parts, another best friend knows another part, yes that burutss gurl, she might have known too much and that’s how I keep myself in balance.

blahblahblah in the morning

it's tuesday, 9:55
it's raining, raining, ow raining.
good excuse for not working.
afterall, there is no staff meeting today, so yesh, the big boss can stay at home and relax
haha

so, i settled down with my latte,
kompas is on.
so proud of mister president
who's getting the doctoral award from japan.
viva yudhoyono!

just purchased another black item yesterday
a black mobilefone
yes, i dyed my hair jetset black, call it a long black now. haha
i manicured my nails in black french mane
i even bought a pair of black metalic shoes
it goes well with my black chloe and guess handbags
yes, black is my theme for 2007
(well, not that i'm joining the dark side)
it's classic and dramatic

speaking of black, i'm so tempted to open the little black book
mr. big is back
scorpio is hanging around the corner
and don corleone is about to turn 25 soon
yes, all the antagonist players are out.
......

rite,
the story is yet,
to be continued...

something worth knowing

• Indeed, there is such thing as fate and destiny. Life is predestined
• Therefore I’ll say, take a chill-pill and cast your care on God.
• It’s good to force a smile or laughter sometimes. Afterall, your emotions follow what your brain tells them to do. So, happy feeling is a fruit of determination.

• it's good to stand in front of the mirror and say out loud "I have confidence"
• freedom is being content and not wanting the life that someone else's has
• fulfillment is found when you know where you belong and where you are going
• There are times when you think, that you should have been in a position that someone else is in, you said "I can do it better than him or her". But the truth is, life is predestined. You cannot have what is not meant for you and someone else cannot have what is supposed to be yours

• Giving up is easy. Staying in and pressing on, that what defines a solid attitude.
• It is harder to be left by someone who loves us other than someone whom we love. True? Try it for yourself, you’ll see.
• Okay, let me elaborate: when you have already given your 100%, then when you lose it eventually, you’ll have nothing to lose anymore. But when you have always been the receiver, you’ll lose so much when you actually lose someone who has given you everything. Why? Because everybody always regret things that have been taken for granted. So, I’m just saying: regret feels sucks. Because “later on” will always come.
• FACT: you will never lose someone whom you love (because they will regret the fact that they lose you already, so they’ll stay around “just in case” they will have their second chance), but you will lose someone who has loved you much (because they will end up with someone who love them much more than you do). I’ve lived for 21 years and 10 months and I can swear for Gucci sake that this is true.

holding my breath

tell me,
what do i gotta do?
because my pulse is racing fast
too hard to breathe

okay, so i just heard another "heart-breaker" story last night.
right.
remember our talk last night, girl? *you know who you are*
we want someone who loves us more than we do love him,
but aint that how it worked on the first place?
They love us so much that we trusted them
and when we finally learnt to love them back
they break our hearts.

yes yes, same old story, just different players.

we thought it's going to be different, but eventually found ourselves singing the same old song.

But, i tell you what,
It does not bring me down as it used to be,
well we are turning 22 pretty soon, huh?
we've learnt from experiences that

love
is not always what looks like on the outside
is not always what is happening at the moment
is not always what you feel or you think it is

i just know that it does not matter how many times our hearts had been stomped on, life goes on. Keep on stepping, girlfriend.

IF he aint worth it, God is not going to permit him to have you in the end.
Not good enuf for His precious daughter, huh :)

for all in all

yes, a totally blessed sunday afternoon it has been. For the first time i heard Franky preached. Been listening to his music over the past 8 years, but never once seeing him delivering a sermon. He's a great preacher, i might say that. He does not try to fit into "the indonesian preacher"'s style, he's just being Franky, which is totally great. Well, but he does not wear the blonde hair and the tattoo this time, it's a total clean cut version of him.

The message, ah the message had brought me into tears. What could have caused more tears than an annointed teaching on the GRACE OF GOD.

Franky said,

Some people live in a life that is fullfiling the needs and wants of oneself
Some people live in a life that judges the life of others whom they thought they envy
Some people work so hard to prove something, to be a good person, to earn respect
and some people,
know that they are loved for who they are.
There is nothing that they could or should have been doing to receive such grace
They are living their lives for something that is bigger than life itself.

colosians 1:16 (For gucci sake, i remember the verse on top of my head)
"For everything is created by him", not finished there, "and for him"
well, that's life purpose: decoded.

why?

just be careful when you pray
because HE might just anwered it rightaway,
and when all the answers are laid out before you

you get confused.

we shouldn't have crossed each other path anymore
you suppose to be my history, not my future.
now that you are back in my life
what do i gotta do with you?

you are a beautiful intruder, mister.

*kamu yang paling mengerti saya dan kamu yang mendewasakan saya. mungkinkah kamu yang terbaik buat saya?*

i dont know,
but we will find out the answer,
very soon.

that is a promise.

then again,

there are always two sides of every story, right?
his and hers
so, you aint knowing nothing until you hear both of 'em.

to her,
it's all or nothing.
to her,
it's one shot, one opportunity, and no such thing as a second chance
it's a full force battle and a total withdrawal

she got nothing to lose anyway.

and well, then again
you are the one who throws the dice
dont blame me for getting back in the game
i'm raising the stake, my friend!
are you in or are you out?
you have no idea who you are messing with.

hey thee, my aphrodisiac!
it has been an extraordinary journey, you and I.
shall we continue to write our stories?
or,
shall i break you down and tear you apart?
or,
shall i be breakin down and let you to tear me apart?

i'm giving you the upper hand,
does not mean that i cannot turn the table around.
spotlight on!
it's your call.
or wait,
i'll make the first move.

just watch me.

going mift?

hah, it has been a while since i last blogged. i missed blogging haha. Well, the story behind the prolonged absence was the busy schedule with me job. geez, when will work stop to exhaust and wear us off? alritee, it's approaching december, the holiday season, the parteehh season and well the weading season. (not saying that because i am a wedding crasher, btw)

congratulations for those who are throwing their receptions and engagement parteh next month.
i promise my best to attend.
anyhow, i'm still juggling between white christmas in china.. or green christmas (that's how they name it) in bali (well, it's a mini PGA for them).. shopping or sunbathing? humm... thinking and thinking..

well, christine if you are coming on board, i am pretty sure i'm chosing the bachelorette trip over bali.

hello, it's the year 2006! the bachelors can have their one wild and crazy night, and us the gurls, we'll move 10 steps foward. we demand a whole month of "i have to do this before i get married" trip abroad with our gurlfriends. (Can i have an amen in this?)

okay, i'm starting to get in tune with myself earlier this year, you know, doing the resolution and evaluation things. I think this year goes too fast that before i realised it.. damn! it's almost december already. What have i done this year? have i been productive? have i been wasting too much time doing absolutely nothing? what will i do differently next year? what's coming up next? humm... thinking and thinking..

haaa.. turning 22 next year? Scary as it could be. I remembered xenia told me long long time ago (she was 22 and i was like what?? 14? hahah) "kalo udah kepala dua, age is very sensitive, you dont want to confuse 21 and 22, or 22 and 23" serem amatt.. yah yah. just realised that time goes by in the blink of an eye. How will it feel when i am going to turn from 29-30?? arghh.. dont want to imagine. I still have 8 years and 2,5 months to make the most of my 20's. So does wiseman says that your 20's is the best times of your life. Yes i dont want to waste my 20's doing foolish things that i would regret later, i dont want to waste my time not knowing where i am going, then in my 30's i'm gonna look back and regret it that i dont go to the max when i am in my prime.

So, having said that.. and realising there are so many great options laid in front of me.. what should i do next year,yesh? yesterday, out of nowhere, suddenly having this craving, this urge, this desire to really pursue my dream job, my big excutive corporate job (yes burr.. i envy you so much you know!! you have it all , gurlfriend *wink*) anddd indo is not enuf for this dream.. argh..

when oh when?

when oh when will i ever be cured from this disease? *hatchiuu... uhuk! uhuk!*

i've been treated in hospital for 2 days and thank gudness the hospital is just totally awesome, just like a 4 star hotel (hey! trying to be positive here..) They sent me food every 3 hours, the taste aint so bad indeed. Hey the good thing about being sick is that you can eat as much and you wont gain even a single pound.


I got this wristband from the hospital that stated the date when i got in. it was: 30/10/06 (00:43:26)

30th?

7 months ago, precisely at this very hour: i just said yes to a relationship proposal. (haha. sounds like a marriage proposal, yes?) and i was like "how could this hospital incident happen at the very day,at my jadian date?" At that very time being, i was kinda in a silent war with my darling. You know gurls, the moments when you feel that he is the one making the mistake and he should apologise first, but the he thinks that you are making a big deal out of something that is completely not worth fighting for.

Yes. i realised that both of us are equally arrogant, selfish, stubborn, and never want to lose and argument. (why am i always falling for that kind of guy?) Yes, those traits are appealing to me to the fact that stubborn and selfish men are always the ambitious, high achiever, independent and natural born leaders. (ehm) But yes, to the downside, when it comes to personal life, they still want to be the boss as if they're running the office. Fine, 21 years of dating the exact same breed of men at least give me some experiences on how to deal with that specific species, am i right?

How to deal with them?

The secret is to deal with yourself first.

Never expect the other person to change. none of your business. if you are not happy with the way your relationship goes, the one that you need to change is yourself. Really, it does not matter whose fault it is anyway. I've been so miserable in the past 3 days for the sake of defending my "so-called-principles". I've missed the big picture: i'm losing the trust and the joy in my relationship.

Gez, i think God has to bring me to hospital first to make me realise what matters the most.

I had so much free times while lying down on the hospital bed that i began to read joyce's best selling book. The battlefield of the mind. YES ALL OF YOU, THE DEEP-THINKER BREED. YOU ARE SO NEEDING THIS BOOK!
Only the i realised, that i was deceived by my own logics, my own understanding, that the devils had been using the weakness that i have always thought to be my strength, my brain. I thought my specialty is screwing people's brain and emotions (even the hospital psychiatrist had given up on me. I tried the basic instinct tricks on him muahaha) but hey actually, the father of lies have been messing up with my brain, that i lost the thing that matter the most,

1 corithians 13

and hey, after we realised our sins and asked for God's forgiveness, HE takes care business for me. I was ready to get the white flags out, call him first and yes actually saying sorry first. I dont want to make a big deal by telling him that i was laying on hospital bed, so that he will feel bad and he will have to be super nice to his sick gurlfren. But, i just did not know how the guy just showed up in my suite. "shouldnt you be at sukarno-hatta by now?" Well, he was. Bue he cancelled his flight and accompanied me all day in the hospital. And he ended up doing all the speech. (you know, the" i'm sorry i did this because this this and that") alritee, i think we've just ended the worst and longest silent war (the total of 3 days of total silent, and 2 days of sms only haha) in our 7months old relationship.

okay okay, let me share you some goss. I have so many friends saying that they never seen me to be happier than this. some of my closest friends know that my darling is not really exactly my type of guy. But magically saying, this is the first relationship in which i never have any serious issue, not even a single one issue, to fight about. We are talking to each other everyday, and if i am not mistaken, the more we talk, the more we will find an issue to argue about, well at least that's my personality. I love to argue about differences, about expectations, about different view in life, everything.

But so far. the only argument that we had is that : he wants me to wear earings. i dont want him to want me to wear earings. Not that i dont like to wear earings. I just dont like people to tell me what to and not to wear. Bitchy huh? haha. But yes. that's it! and he had decided to live with that. Other than that.everything is peachy keen. SO yep, if anyone asking. i'm happy. tomorrow is the first day of our 8th month.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person
1 corinthians 13:7

life's greatest secret

i'm a simple girl, really. you want to entertain me? just take me to periplus. or QBworld. Leave me there for an hour. Then it's all good.

Yes, on some blurry nights i might request retail theraphies or a dry martini. But really, when i'm on my sanest state and i got my head alltogether, all i need is a good book. That will solve all mysteries.

So, after days of seeing stars and blue moon, i'm back to sanity. Ok, cying my eyeballs out wont make me feeling any better. Yes gurls, let me tell that to your face, a crying marathon wont solve your problem. Be a big girl. Get that kleneex and clean up your mess.


and yes, life's greatest secret is to get rid of me, myself and I first mentality and reduce oneself to love.

it is supposed to be hard.

so it is written clearly in bold.

i wish to be naive. i wish to be ignorant.
i wish i know nothing. i wish my brain takes a holiday.
i wish i have never learnt anything
i wish i have never been in love before

then it will be easier for you and me

to have a new page together.

but having a new clean page, we couldnt

because we are not new kids on the blocks
we've played the games long enough to know the rules by heart
like a chess game, baby.
yes, like playing chess that's how i feel.

every single move is risky yet necessary
why are we playing this game, my darling?
are we both madly in love with each other?

but aint that how a great love story suppose to be?
it supposed to be full of drama, a little hint of thriller
many2 comedy and ends up in an afternoon infotainment?

love doctor

dear love doctor,

i fall in love. i'm all head over heels. i'm acting crazy. i want to see tat person all the time. want to talk, phone, sms, everything. help.

answers:

1. Decide. whether you want to be with the person or you just want to enjoy the feeling of falling in love, the drama, the tears and joy and hope for the best? Okay if your answer is the second one, then go ahead with whatever that is that you are doing. Call the person, sms the person on every single minute, and i can guarantee that you'll have the drama and experience the pain of luhhveee..
2. But if you want to get the person to like you back, even to like you more than you do like the person. You gotta play your cards right, buddy!
   
3. All i'm saying is: dont be too eager. Nobody wants a desperado, or a stalker, or a private investigator. In fact, do the opposite, turn the table, be so untouchable, so admirable, so "goodness me. you're just too good to be true" that the other person would desperately wanting to be with you.
4. It's all good. dont rush. take your time. be there, then disappeared. be charming, then be as cold as ice. Everybody loves challenge, love mystery, both men and women. We wont appreciate something that we get to easy. BUT we always want something that we cannot have. Am i right? So, raise up thy chin, be confident and just play the field.
   
5. Okay, so love is a tricky word. You might want to act cool, but in front of the person you just cannot help but to lose yourself. Phew. That's what i am saying at first? Are you in for winning or for defeat? If you want to get the desired result, as high school teachers will say : WORK harder! see the big pictures. IF you have made a decision, the stick to it to the end. School, work and relationships are the same thing, whoever can control one's emotions and think clearly, will get the last laugh.
   

best regards,
love doctor

holiday fun and games

season break higlights:

- shopping, shopping, shopping
- eating, eating, eating
- sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
- salon, salon, salon
- partehh..partehh..parteehh
-no work for a week

yesh, i thought i'm gonna enjoy all of those treats in my 7 days holidays, but well, after 3 days.. (only) i kinda got bored with them all.. arghh.. but nevermind, i am having fun though.

So, finally i got to indulge in the original-original glazed. For sure krspy kreme tastes better than J.co. i took away dozens and dozens of those donutss home. (yes tash, bur, san.. be jealous please kekeke!). Ahh.. my jkt trip was not so bad afterall apart from the fact that i have to accompany yunkimen doin shoe-shopping. Yes. he's the fussiest shoe person of all. worse than a woman! He took me to this same place 3 times, back and forth, trying on shoes that he had tried on for 5 times. He cannot decide which one is better (the one with square motives or the one with a hint of suede) For gucci sake, bro! from 30cmn distance, they look the same! Just choose the ones that you like. AND after those hours of choosing, he picks an entirely different one. WHAT! thank Goodness, the shoes are cool. They are totally pointy and slim. I love those shoes. He is forgiven.

And another evenening, we went cooking on mr.emosi's crib. open house (yes, too open that a theft managed to slip in. be afraid, sen! be very afraid.) i was cooking. haha. hey the chips are a bit too brown (A.k.a almost gosong) but at least they are crispy. (withh some sambel, they wont taste too bad huh?) haha AND because it's bbq night, we went low key. no wine, no champagne, no martiniz, just beer. Ew. I can only have a zip. eventhough it's heineken or carlsberg, i cannot do beers. (call yourself an oz?)

and more home spa, salon treatment, eating out wif family and friends.. and yest i caught the FF (fathukss and fhilekss..) badd.. badd badd.. now all i gotta do is lying around my bed.. and sleep til recovery. hattchiii... thathaa..

work hard.spend harder.

long day, long long day. It's approaching the staff holiday which is the 21st, and you know what happen when they are all gonna go mudik. YES they squeeze every penny out of the employer's gucci purse..!!! Those THR, then pocket money for transportation, then they need money to buy oleh2 for keluarga di kampung, then they borrow sum money to waste on lebaran, and more more more. I mean, i have to find 1001 excuses to prevent them breaking my credit card limits.

So i said we need cashflows to build up inventories, we need marketing budget, poor collection, when the real reason is, HELO! your boss wants a new pair of true religion and citizens of hummanity jeans. muahaha. lohh bukanya bergembira di atas penderitaan orang lain. numero uno: i worked twice as hard as them. numero deux: they lied to me as well. Come on! who can be that unfortunate ditipu orang, anak kecelakaan, ditagih2 tukang kejar utang, orang tua butuh, bla bla bla.

okay could somebody teach me how to tarik ulur with employees, take a note, marketing employees!?!? I dun have any problem with accounting and admin people. they are the most lempeng people in the world, but hey talking to a marketing person... double trouble!

anyhow anyhow, dont bother my work blues.. i love getting into arguments and mind games with my staff.. it elevates my "management and negotiation" skills haha! just let's talk about shopping, shall we?

If you know me long enuf, well enuf to go on a mad shopping trip wif me, then you'll know how tat i'm a hopeless case. Okay mad shopping does not happen as often as it used to be. Now that i know how hard it is to earn a cepeceng, i am more careful in spending em. But, still every once a while, especially in desperate situations: RETAIL THERAPY is an order.

ESPECIALLY... at this season of the year.. when there are so many boutique's openning and gala and sale and preview of new arrival and yes: I definetely hadirr...!!

i endorse glow's boutique in riau. yes they sell authentic true religion, fresh karma, 7 and citizens of humanity.. ahh.. those months of searching are finally paid off. Very good customer service indeed, very cute cozy boutique, make you want to stay there for hourss...

i endorse kayu manis home spa.. finally.. can get all those treatment at the comfort of your own room. good masseur, good essential oils and good price. hah! what more could you ask for.

okay i want to endorse Vintage boutique, but have not seen how it looks like. but i kno yessie has an excellent taste and she's a gud businesswoman too. for sure her new boutique is fab. i'll check the opening tomorrow and report bakk what i impulsy purchaseedd..ha!

humm... gotta book an appointment for a blow-dry wif mas uudh from roger.... yasuthhhraa... i' m about to chill wif a mug of caffeine and huumm... tat bolu nyonya liem looks too gud to pass. MBAAkkk... piringgg dong!

Vain and vanity, ambiguity perhaps

Behold my dear,
For i may say and i may leave
pain, pain, pain
yes my dear, i'm bleeding
tears, tears, tears
dammit, why does it hurt so bad?
more than addiction, you are.
more than the strongest poison, you are
you are to me, my darling
you live under my skin

baby, your mind is playing tricks on you,
you said.

you believe in things that do not actually happen.
You make assumptions that are not even true
You confuse your theory with reality.

Well, is that true?
so i think.

"The one who hurts you is not me.
It's yourself."
you proclaimed

"My darling" i said,
"you are either the most innocent and naive boyfriend i've ever dated"
"or the most brilliant criminal mastermind whose phillosophies
are way too much higher beyond my comprehension"

with much gratitude

The person used to read my blog daily, just to know did i mean B when i say A. I dont know whether he still reads or not. But well, because his birthday was very recent. i thought of him. and decided to write something.

I owe this particular person so much and much gratitude. Here's a personal story: you've wondered long enough in the dating world, date too many good looking but no-soul hunks, made the same mistake over and over again ( you know! falling for romeo must die kind of boyfriends), and after years of nyemplung di lubang yang sama berkali2, then your heart becomes numb. You just cannot trust anyone whom you date or having a relationship with. You dont believe there is such thing as genuine heart and sincerety even in a serious relationship. Pasti ada udang di balik batu. all (very very qualified men) are the same. They are pigs!!

Okay. tat was my very cynical and bitter point of view of men, before i met this guy. He has changed the way i do a relationship. I had always thought that relationship is a burden and required too many hardwordks, with no foreseeable return. The only obvious return i will get from a relationship is emotional damage and extra killos that i put on my tummy after eating two whole tubs of gelato after a stressful break-up. I dont know how people could survive 10 years lasting relationship, especially with someone whose temper and attitude are somehow very special.

Tis person has shown me that a solid relationship does really bring loads and tons of benefits. I become a more stable and "keep my head together" person. He becomes the closest person to me who knows me back and front, side to side. It's very comfortable to talk to someone who does really understand the way you think and the way you do your life. He takes a really good care of me. I proclaim myself as a very independent woman, i make a living and take care of my life quite good. but it does not hurt at all, being takin care of. I can cook, but having someone to cook for me is just a delish, i can drive to work and pay my own bills, but having someone to do it for me is just awesome. The most amazing thing abt this person is just he does not give up on me, doesnt matter how sucks i behaved. I used to think to myself "aint you had enuf?" I treated him very badly, i was not a gud gf back then. But i did not know how the hew he still can bear with me. He teaches me the true meaning of a relationship that is worth fighting for. (hah heavy what?) He transforms me from being a commitment phobia to a relationship addict. (dont get me wrong. i am not a desperado. Strictly quality men only. thank you!)

yes yes, i told all of my boyfrens (After him) that they owe it to him. Lucky that they hav me after him. HE did all the hardworks in taming and grooming this awful person. Taming me is not an easy thing to do, you know. I was a total pain in the arse. I liked to screw people's brain. If he's not manipulative enuf, not selfish enuf, not smart enuf, not having a strong character, not kind hearted, not charming, not mature enuf, then the job wont be done.

so yes, all those tymes we've been together i rarely did give you praises and compliments ya. but i know that you know that i am talking about you. so here's with much gratitude for all the things that you have done to me. I do always wish you all the best for everything that you pursue in life.

my drugs of choice

yes, if you have known me long enuf, damn it doesnt take tat long actually, to know that i am an addict.
Just spend a day with me and observe: how many times i inject my body with caffeine? you do the math.
what can i say? i tried to quit. I TRIED BIG TYMES. baik dengan kesadaran sendiri ataupun paksaan orang lain.

my frens even put a money (and an ear: Kereut yeuh ceuli aing lamun si lin2 berenti ngopi --> quote mr. bojeng!) to bet on the fact that the strike wont last for long. They got it right.

The longest strike i've ever been on was when i was living under one roof for one week with my bf's mum. She detest my binge drinkin problem and she will hunt me down here and there to make sure i aint indulging at all in my addiction. she even talks to my mum to remind me to stop drinkin.

i love her, and for gudness sake i tried to quit for her. Even her daughters pitied me and would give me sum coffeemix while she was not around. But after i return home i just cant handle it anymore. I told him: "well, i love your mum. but this is too much to bear" .

You see, me and my coffee, it's been a very very long, loving, cant-live-without each other kinda relationship. it's been 8 years and i think i'm gonna live happilyy ever after, with my caffeine. how could i betray something that has been united with me, in blood, in my mind in my life, all the time (literally saying: i tink i'm a black blooded woman)

Tis relationship has made a really big impact on people as well, if i may say. There are more than 20 people who are affected and becomin a follower ever since i consumed my first cup of latte. haha. Yes, no bullshit. dari mulai yang belom pernah nyoba, ga bisa konsumsi banyak2, sampe yang benci sama kopi, all of them have abusive drinking problem now. Welcome to the circle of trust. nyehnyehnyeh. when you come to my house, i dont serve water, softdrink or tea. You want to drink? mau kopi apa? tubruk, instant ato mo dibikin pake coffe machine? (am i rite, all you perth people) If we go out together for chilling: morning, afternoon, evening, supper, semi-night-ish, anytime! we order coffee. So you know, sooner or later people who hang out with me will just catch the disease.

See, why shud i quit then? I take coffee when i need to think, i take coffee when i need to clear my digestive system (you know what tat mean!) I need coffe when we are going through intense conversation. Damn, i need coffee conversation tat lasts longer than 10 minutes. mind you! i talk a lot. I need coffee when i need to diet. (Yes it works ladies. dont eat, just refill your mug haha), i need coffee when i am bored, i need coffee when i am tired, whether i am in bad or good mood, i need it every hour on the hour for the rest of my life. i am an addict, well and a writer and a criminal mastermind as well.

diagnose with neurosis

The most complicated thing in life, is a woman's brain
okay. when one day i ever happen to become famous, that line would be one of my famous lines.

funny how your mood and feelings will change as an impact of changes in your thoughts.
one second, i'm happy, cool and collected, the next second something happens, then out of nowhere, i dont know how, but negative thoughts just suddenly come into my mind. Then BAM! i become a dramatic neurotic woman.

Just last night, my bf didnt answer my question right away, and i just did not know how the hew did negative thoughts could ever occur to me. "That's it. he never listens to me. he doesnt care, never understand me bla bla bla" I hang up the fone and practically crying. I mean, how silly could tat be? the poor man was brushing his teeth. for gucci sake.

the funnier thing is, negative thoughts do not occur for only a second. it stays in our mind long enuf to be accumulated into bigger negative thoughts. "he aint listening to me. what's up? never happen before? what was he thinking? WHO is in his mind rite now? could it be tat person or tat person? ok. the likelihood of him meeting tis person is bigger than possibility of meeting tat person? if they really met, what did they talk about... and so on and so on" DAMN does this only happen to me?

The next thing i know, i was obsessed. Cant stop drinking coffee, cant stop eating chocolate, cant stop watching korean and mandarin drama series, and CRYING my eyeballs out. ew! (BTW, watch tat muvie: pangeran kodok. So, damn Gud..!! romantic, very cute, aint corny, not causing unecessary merinding2 haha) and then after an hour of drama queen moment i am like "What the hew just happened to me? what was all the crying all about? i'm so pathetic" Then i take a second to rationalise everything, and for gucci sake, when we do really utilise our brain for good use, it does help to stabilise our feelings. "Okay, what's really happenning, we've been talking about this and that, and the possible reasons for him to act such a thing is because of this and that. He might be thinking about this or tat person. nothing wrong with tat. He meets the person, nothing wrong with tat as well. what could possibly happen, okay the worst tat could happen, okay i tink i still can handle tat. problem solved."

DANG..!! then wat's the purpose of an hour- crying-session?
so,
what is happening to tis woman, you say?
a) approaching PMS
b) starting to really like my bf, that i becomin posesive
c) suffering neurosis syndrome
d) rrr.. u have any other possibilities?


anyhow, bottom line: whatever the answer is, i determine to be cured. yes. i shud try to inject my brain with positive thoughts. wif bible verses possibly. tat way i wud not be infected with deadly virus.

(afterall, boys will be boys. they are cuek, never pay attention to details, dont watch the words that come out of their mouth, they watch tv and play computer games while talking to us on the fone. well and brushing teeth too. we just have to live with tat. )

another one

writing, it is my act of procrastination. It is my guilty pleasure, my resting place i guess.

It's been a long day at work, so tired but cannot rest my eyes in peace.
So you know what's next.





Caffeine plus the net.
I'm just your typical neurotic gal livin' a workin woman's lifestyle.

there are so many thoughts, random ones.
you know, they call me the scatterbrain.


anyhow, another chapter on a model's life. i am not obsessed with models though i love seeing them on fashion TV, even more live from the fashion show. Well, i dont have anything agaisnt them either. Btw, one day i just happened to pick up a book from the "best Seller" section in IP. I even saw one cafe in bandung doing a book launching and book signing program for this particular book.

IN BED WITH MODELS. the writer is the infamous moammar emka who writes the u-must-be-living-in-a-cave-if-you-never-heard-of JAKARTA UNDERCOVER.

the book tells many epic stories of models whom you can pay to go to bed with you. I was surprised to know many different kinds of backgrounds, of motives and of consequences that they have to live with in regards to their decisions. The review on the book is posted in my fs. i dont want to repeat what i've said. but the impact to me is quite profound. Suddenly i did not dream of walking down the runway anymore. Well as a kid, i used to dream that one day, karl lagerferd or dolce and gabanna would accidentally find me while doin shoppin in Paris. Then they will offer me to become the icon of their labels. haha. It's a dream, ok!

but then i thought what the book says is very true: there is no such thing as free lunch

whoever said being a model is easy, dont know what they talkin abt.

there are expensive prices to pay. The book exactly said that: they have to sleep with ugly looking boss-boss yang dulu pas belum punya uang ga bisa dapetin cw cantik. sekarang udah bangkotan, punya uang, baru bisa bayar buat ngerasain tidur sama cw cakep. DAMN. the models admit some of the clients do have a very bad body odour and bad breathe. EW. jijoy2 deh ceritanya. baca aja sendiri.

When i look thru fashion magazine, i used to envy those beautiful people who only need to walk back and forth a runway, in designer clothes of course, then they got paid million and millions of rupiah. Some of them married a politican's son, or a successful businessman or sumthing like tat. Fame and fortune are pieces of cake. but then i realised, there are thousand of beautiful women in indonesia alone who are qualified to become a bintang lux. But they must have go the hard way to be on top of the game. The book said, HONESTLY there is no other way to the top but the CLOSED BACK DOOR way.

I was like: if tat were true. no thanks. i rather be an ordinary neurotic workin gal who well, may be hav to work harder to get the success that i want. but at least, talents and hardworks still count

enuf of the critics, i still love reading vogue magazine, read the fabulous life of heidi klum, gissele and elle.
over my third glass of caffeine.

gotta got back to work
au revoir

is there any justice in this world?

It was a fine sunday afternoon, after church, me and 'na were thinking hard on what to do to kill our free tymes. Sunday has becoming my only holiday lately. So, i want it to be occupied with the most indulging activities, you know just to recharge the battery. We were about to head for our shopping ritual when bright idea comes.

"Why not jakarta?"
"jakarta it is."

So, we landed in PI at around 3 p.m. Desperately needing caffeine, we were looking for starbucks. Too bad all seats were occupied. Hum. why not F bar. The place looks pretty cozy from the outside. To cut the long story short, we did not order just caffeine. We had coffee martini and stawberry margarita. Hah. my first arvo cocktail in a very very very long tyme.

Just a couple minutes after our long drinks arrived, i noticed a bunch of too good looking hunks standing around the corner. Is this a babelicious-happy-hour or what? And then and then, out of nowhere a very2 cempreng voice breaks the cool. As i turned around i saw, a skinny guy in skinny jeans, gucci belt and satin tight shirt. his eyebrows are shaved and shaped. His hair, well guess what, it's blonde. "ayo models, come come okay. you handsome here and you there. enter then talking talking together first and walk there"

Hah. we were in the middle of a fashion show rehersal. Good martini and good sight seeing. cant get any better than this!

Anyway, as i watched those good lookin hunks walking down the runway, i got into thinking. "Yea, they are looking fine and all. BUT, Would we, normal red blooded women, be wanting to date those models in real life?

When we are talking about female models, that's a different story. Most of my male friends would love to date models. Of course some of them would prefer regular gurls, but i'm just saying in general, female models do raise a high stake in our normal dating circle. Sering denger kan, pacar si A model ini, terus si B lagi ngecengin model ini. BUT, none of my gurlfrens in my 21 years of life, had ever been involved with a male model. They even never mention that they want to have a model boyfriend. So dating a male model is not as appealing as dating a female model. you think?

Well, i remembered back in junior high, all the gurls at school were competing to date the best looking boy. But the obsession for pretty face stopped as soon as we reach high school. Even in high school, i no longer search for the handsome face, but the cool bad boys.I was looking for the leader of the bad boys group, the ones that got detention every weekend, got friends everywhere, got gurlfriends here and there. You know, cool wins over face. As we grow older, we look for qualities yang lebih berat. Good education, good upbringings, maturity, clean records, financial stability, HELLO, looks dont even make it to the list!

so, i dun think i would ever want to date any of those runway blokes. What about actor or musicians? hum. let's see. ariel peter pan - no. arie wibowo- not really. vj daniel - enggak juga. okay, may be WON BIN or takeshi kaneshiro -yes, yes, yes! or josh duhamel or ryan seacrest(iya kale, siapa juga yang gak mau!) Huh? jadi bingung juga. jadi apa yah batesannya antara those celebs that we want to date or not want to date?

Then, i got into thinking.. then who dates all of those pretty boys from the fashion show? Well, i dun have a male model friend, although sum ex-boyfrens had been offered to become models, thank God they turned down the offer. ha!. My female model friends do always date club owners, the guy from a car club or a "michael corleone". Do male models do the reverse? See, my reference is the sex and the city DVDs, so according to carrie bradshaw the movie, these models do date, other male models or a successful older woman. hum. lucky or pity?

In conclusion:

1. hard-working ambitious women dont need to worry about not being able to get married after passing the age of 40 because all the ugly looking bachelors are marrying the 20 years old kids. look at samantha jones, she got the best looking younger guy who is not threathen by her success.
   
2. the ordinary looking guys do not need to envy the pretty boys, because the older they get the lesser the number of potential gurlfriends they will have. However, as the ordinary guys grow older to become a real man, there will be an increase in the numbers of potential gurlfriends who will chase after them.
3. And as for the good looking blokes who strud their ways in the fashion show for a living, keep smiling and be pretty. Because there are many gals like me and na who enjoy an afternoon sight-seeing. Adoration and admiration, those are the two things that other people have to work hard to get, rite?
   

So, you see. There is justice for everyone in this world huh?

what more could you ask?

I was talking to my dahling, maricha-hey-hey (what kind of nickname, bytheway is that , love? change that for the sake of your fabulous self??!! jk2) Anyway, i just think that she is one hew of a fortunate soul. She is too gorgeous in apprearance, too fashionable for the city of perth, too smart for a chick with magistrate degree and too nice for a daughter of "the Godfather" legacy (haha, is that an understatement luv?) Some boring night, she decided to give me a call...(yes, you only call me when you are bored, huh!)

cha: ok, summary in detail: how's life, love?
moi: work:cape banget, sinting. relationship:cant ask for more, laki gw baek banget
cha: haha. baek hongkong loe! mana ada laki yang baek. either it's too early in a relationship to say, or he's too smart that you could not catch him
moi: haha. some truth in that. but! i am 100% sure, he aint like the other toxic boyfrens i used to date.
cha: yah? how different?

moi: he aint the kind of person who plays games, not knowing any psychology rules or political debates. He aint so hard to crank, aint so hard to understand. I think i kno what he wants, how he is and well something like that.
cha: i see what you mean. Aint that a bit flat and dull, love?
moi: haha. cha. arent last year we were saying, we had enuf with the games and unhealthy relationships. we wont be falling for any of those criminal masterminds a.k.a bad boys

cha: i know, love. but i just cant seem to be able to break the pattern. i keep falling for mr. wrong. i cant be in a relationship with a good guy. They frustate me by being too nice. i need challenge, stimulating relationship.
moi: sampe kapan loe need challenge? mo married sama cowo yang cuman bikin loe nangis2 tiap malem gara2 diselewengin terus? mau di brainwash terus2an ama cowo2 kepalang pinter jadi bajingan. pacaran sama orang yang bisa loe percaya. kaya musuh dalam selimut ajah.
cha: gw juga tau. tp nyatanya kalo cowonya ga menantang, gw cepet ilfil gimana dong.

moi: terus gimana dong cha? cowo loe yang sekarang bentuknya kaya apa?
cha: anjir. gw balik lagi sama "romeo must die"
moi: sinting loe cha. katanya uda swear off ga mau balik ama dia. makanya kita panggil dia Romeo must die kan!. biarpun mulutnya manis amit2 itu orang maenin perasaan loe terus.
cha: abis gw ga bisa lupain dia. cowo laen ga ada yang bisa say things like he does, manjain gw like he does
moi: no-one has ever hurt you like he does as well cha.
cha: loe uda kenal gw lama. do i look like an unexperienced anak bau kencur in relationship?
moi: of course not. you are a dating guru, tapi cha..
cha: here's a question for you, love.

dont you secretly wish that your nice guy will say the things our romeoz do say? Or bring you flower, sweep you off your feet, Or For love sake, do make you cry every night because he breaks your heart. Dont you secretly wish that you want passion out of a steady relationship?

moi: and let me ask you a question, love.

When you are crying in the middle of the night, every night, because for Gudnes sake you know that Romeo just told you another lie. what do you secretly wish? when he brings you flower at dinner, but you cannot help to think that he does not only give those flowers for you. But to his other 3 or five ladies. aint you secretly wishing that he is just another regular guy with sincere feeling for you?

cha: be honest with me now. if you've been in a relationship with a fu**in romeo. can you honestly tell me, that you can be with a guy who does not know how to treat a woman like a goddess? Sometimes i really wish i could, love. But truth is, i'm addicted to passion, to sinetron like relationship.

moi: until when? do you plan to marry the guy? or does he plan to marry you?
cha: he will settle down one day, tat's what he's saying. and who's his best pick if it's not his long term-gurlfren.
moi: he will commit in 5 years to come, with a new innocent 20 years old.

cha: ok miss judgemental. what are you doing then. settling down with in a so-so- relationship. no passion just friendsip, routine kinda relationship.
moi: i'm putting it in a different way, love. a relationship that gives me security, peace of mind for sure haha, i kinda love the routine, i'm so getting used to coming home to talk to him every single night. i know where he is, what he is doing at every hour, very different to those guys who live a double or may be a tripple life. I never know whether what they were saying were true or not. What more could you ask?

This conversation is being posted seijin ibu maricha-hey-hey. Of course Romeo must die never reads blog postings, so it's safe to biatch about him here. haha. .when i ask that question, she comes up with hundreds of answers. but well, everyone has a different expectations when it comes to relationship, aait? What do you ask for? moreover, after all the packages that have been known to us since the beginning of the relationship (packages="okay, i can see him as my boyfren because he has this, this, and that quality"), what more do you want? of course a gud relationship rite, and after that? what more could you ask?

my dear friend cha said: i want true love. i want the greatest love story of all. I want to not being able to live without him kinda love. Damn, prince charles and camilla parker do eventually make it to the altar afterall?

of course i said to her: she had becoming his "other woman" for 20 years, then he eventually married her when they were both like what 50? Romeo and Juliet do make it to the happily ever after as well, in another life. who else? the superman and her gurlfren? well, superman never cheats on her gurlfren.

alrite, alrite, it will only be a never ending conversation. it's up to you to decide, afterall, all fairy tales only tells the tragedy and never describe what does "happily ever after" means? does it mean the prince comes home to cinderella everynight and they have romantic dinner and talk nonstop for the rest of their lives, of the prince falls in love with cinderela's step sister then they had an affair but cinderella forgives him and it's all passionate kiss and make up, and it goes around like that forever. Anyhow. Bottom line. I agree that every great relationship does go through tears and drama, but for the sake of growing stronger as a couple. not for the sake of hurting one that we love, ait. so,

that's all folks.

Here comes the queen

i'd say it's only a matter of tyme that i would write about her. wiseman says if you want to idolise someone, you better go with the best. Well, let see: jackie O and Hillary Clinton. The first ladies of the states, what else could you ask for?

Clinton currently is the first woman candidate to be appointed as the next president of the States. There are many controversies going on the issue of a woman becoming the US president. Whatever they say, i am all the way in cheers of such a briliant mind and character as this.

As a child, Hillary was involved in activities at church and at a public school in Park Ridge. Rodham was fond of sports, including tennis, ice skating, ballet, swimming, volleyball, and softball. She entered Yale Law school and studied Children and medicine as the subject for her postgraduate degree. Hillary was the first First Lady to hold a post grad. degree and the first to have her own successful professional career (as a lawyer. HELO!) She is regarded as the most openly empowered presidential wife in American history other than Eleanor Roosevelt.

What I admire the most is her relationship with her husband, the unpopular Mr. Bill. Of course she wins the nation's symphaty by standing still all the way through the lewinsky affair. Here's what she says "No one understands me better and no one can make me laugh the way Bill does. Even after all these years, he is still the most interesting, energizing and fully alive person I have ever met. Bill and I started a conversation in the spring of 1971, and more than thirty years later we're still talking."

So, enuf said. she might not be as fashionable as my other fist lady, but she got the brain and she got the spirit. What would it be like if she really is, becoming the first American President? hum? cant wait, cant wait!

i'm so gonna miss her when she's gone..

belajar mengerti

saya engga merasa salah
saya engga merasa egois
saya berhak menuntut
saya bukannya keras kepala
saya cuma punya prinsip
saya cuma punya keinginan
jadi kalau saya mau, saya boleh marah

saya bukannya gengsi
menurut pendapat saya
memang kamu yang salah!

tapi akhirnya saya tahu
keinginan saya bikin kamu sedih
tuntutan saya bikin kamu marah
prinsip2 saya bikin kamu kepikiran
kalau saya marah, kamu cuma diam
kalau saya mulai nangis, kamu malah bingung
biarpun akhirnya saya yang menang
bukan ini yang saya mau

saya mau kamu tenang bersama saya
saya mau kita bahagia

saya belajar mengerti,
bahagia itu bukan berarti selalu menang
menyayangi itu bukan selalu memberi kebebasan
disayangi itu bukan berarti tidak pernah disakiti
diam itu bisa berarti "maafkan saya"
marah itu bisa berarti "kamu menyakiti saya"
menangis itu bisa berarti "saya terlalu sayang kamu"

memang,
antara saya dan kamu
terlalu banyak perbedaan
terlalu banyak persamaan
saya belajar setiap hari
belajar mengerti caranya menyayangi kamu

monday

09:00 coffee-check, interview questions-check, salary list-check, notebook -check, harper bazaar-check, ipod nano- check, fax machine -on, 3 cell-fones-on, AC -on. alright. monday morning, here i go.

15:00 got 10 successful applicantions to scrutinise at home. man, since i only put a tiny winy bitsy advertising on saturday paper, i didn't expect satu RT to come and apply. i mean there are 100 companies with huge advertising boxes who search for employees on tat particular paper. i was doubtful if anyone would ever see my ad. was hoping for a maximum number of 10 people applying. Turns out, there are many people in bandung who desperately need jobs, very very qualified people in fact. lights off- i'm outa here.

17:00 salon tyme. my toe-nails are growing into ugliness. need fixing up. well, so does my hair. so close to pain. and YES. so typical me. i left my purse in the office and just realised it after all the fixing are done. so embarassing eventhou' they let me not paying, yes one thing of being a regular customer, you got the perks every now and then hihi.

20:00 resting and eating, then drowning into random thoughts.. hhh.. what would i do without You, JC..!!

sunday

so i slept late, very late last nite. long chat wif me mum. Was afraid i wouldn't get up in the morning. Turned out, was a bit late, but still make it to church at 8:45. Pretty bad, knowin the fact that i led the worship on tat day. Just wished there will be a "ci hulda" or "xenia" kinda person in our team ha! no joke.anyhow, the sunday service is olweis as good as it is. we got this awesome pastor who knows how to preach and know what to preach. no joke!

Done wif the service, rushed to hospital. my sis just gave birth to tis cute baby edward. congratulations cie sin and ko drew. btw, i am so proud of tis niu hospital where she'd been treated. so singaporean, everything is crisp clean, guud furniture and pretty modern. way to go, bandung.yeah! Then off to go to the koshan residence. it's the sunday ritual. eat eat eat. talk talk talk. then watch valentino rossi and dani pedrosa in ESPN. Damn. those italians do really know how to ride.

Then, hit home for some (more) snacks before goin shopping (haha!) sebel nii..makan terus! it always happens on that time of the month, the excessive eating behaviour..i just dont know how to control myself. where is that "self-control" annointing when i need it the most..?!?!especially after my oma's 73rd party yesterday, we got this huge piece of Ny. Liem bolu (ahh) can't say no to tat.

Huh. then the rest of the day.. just went shopping and watchin muvie wif my dahlinkk 'na. I endorse the inside man: denzel: talented, clive owen: sexy criminal mastermind. jodie foster: magnificent. by the way, it's Bandung Great Sale til the end of this month. so rush in! sale here and there. i just got moi-self many many gud bargains (of course, it's on sale you know!) on shirt dress and skinny jeans. Anyway, we used to chill wif a glass of white at the end of the week, tat's a nice way to close a hectic week. but. i got an early interview session on monday morning, so it's better to call it a day.

it's amazing to see their level of enthusiasm in the beginning, i can hardly tell which one is truly determined which one is ..well like my other previous employees. anyone had a gud interview method? tell me one. these indonesian people are so gud at being pretentious. I proud myself for my ability to manipulate people wif magistrate degree (only occasionally, and for a gud cause, of course!) but i kept getting bluffed by these anak2 SMA. fingers crossed, prayin and hopin for the best.

nyang hepi nyang hepii... YUu....!!

first of all, bur, i kno tat u prefer reading about me bitchin' and me luv affairs other than any other educational postings haha. But.. the numbers of those "NW magazines" kind of postings have to be reduced, due regards to P-diddy who told me the other week that he actually reads my blog "gasp" (no, not P-diddy the sean combs.) jadihhh jadihh.. saya mo mulai menulis "sharing-sharing yang positif" sajahh huehuehue.. entar yang gosip miringnya di msn ajah yehhh kekeke

i'm just telling that currently: i got a huge bengkak on my left eyes, then my bibir is bengkak as well... hang on!! no that kind of bengkak u know..!! it's like cracks all over the bibir. and there are thin red layers surrounding the tips of the lips. True that it looks like angelina jolie's pout.. from 1 m distance.. but as you approach closer...rrrr it looks pretty damn ugly...

sooo... i'm so embarrased to go out of my shelter in the past 2 days. so i stay at home and EAT! geez nothing to do for 2 x 24 hours. i just sat infornt of my tv and eat eat eat, coffee coffee, coffee, sleeepp til i dont know when. so i gain 2 pounds and my tummy goes whompp..

i lookkk soo ugglyy ahhh.... "cie jalan2 yukk ko bete2 ajah tampangnnya?" my bro's GF asked me.. "stress fan. krisis PD" huehuehue..."i thought ur level of PDness uda mentok" tat's my bro yunkiepritthh..." not when your eyes are menyipit and ur bibir membesar, bra! dont you get it!"

wait a minute, it should be a positif sharing rite?

yaa the morale of the story is.. kalo udah kejeblos ke lubang.. jangan nyemplung lagih ke lubang yang lebih dalam.

apasiiihhh... ga jelass....

fine saturday morning

her fone buzzez at 7 am, for gucci sake, aint that caller knows that this is saturday..
who dares to wake me up, like-tat-person-has-no-life-or-sumting..!!
she stares at her cell caller ID

the name was not there
but the number, she vividly remembers
it has been three years
but those fone numbers, she could never forget

she was not ready to talk to the voice over the fone
so she let it rings until it stops
she can always call-back, tat if she ever want to talk to tat person
she was not sure if that was a good idea
talking to the only person who has ever broken her heart

why did he call? did something urgent happen?
did he want to say something importat, that he needed to call at 7 in the morning?
was he in a dangerous situation? or did he ever want to appologize?
she was worried
so she called back,

hey, she said
hey, the voice on the other side replied
my name is X, i was just streaming down my old cell's fone list
and i didnt give this number a name, but your number was on my speed dial
i was wondering if you could help telling me your name, you must be an important
business partner that i put your number on my speed dial

ow. i'm sorry. your name does not ring a bell as well. but thank for asking
may i know whom am i speaking to?
this is mrs. Y, she just made a name up
okay. thank you mrs. Y. you have a very nice morning.
yes, in case we never talk again, you have a very nice life, mr.X

she had been his girlfriend for a year
he did not even remember her voice
he did not even apologize for calling at 7 in the morning
for disturbing her just for something so not important
he has always been the most selfish person she had ever known
and she thought, he still is and will always be

she took a very deep breath
and continues her beauty sleep, til very very late in the arvo

viva arrogance..!!

Never seen any woman who is as confident and as arrogant as this diva: Maria Callas. She is known to be the best opera singer of the post World War 2 as she has combined an impeccable bel canto technique with great dramatic gifts. I have heard about the big name, but never came across to read her bio until today. I was watching the biography of Aristotle onassis, whom happened to be the second husband of my Damn-she-is-too-good too-be true-muse Jackie O. Aristotle was said to find his true love in Maria Callas. Then, I was curios to check what sort of woman she was, afterall, she’s jackie’s rival.

Her biography was full of the names of opera and songs and terms that I don’t understand, I think to myself, what the hew is so special about this woman person, but when I reached the end of the reading, I was shocked in awe to find out her very own famous quote. Is this lady super confident or what?

· "Don't talk to me about rules, dear. Wherever I stay I make the goddamn rules."

· "I would not kill my enemies, but I will make them get down on their knees. I will, I can, I must."

· "You are born an artist or you are not. And you stay an artist, dear, even if your voice is less of a fireworks. The artist is always there."

· "Some say I have a beautiful voice, some say I have not. It is a matter of opinion. All I can say, those who don't like it shouldn't come to hear me."

· "If I have stepped on some people at times because I am at the top, it couldn't be helped. What should I do if someone gets hurt... retire?"

On Renata Tebaldi: "When she can sing a Walkure and Puritani back to back, then you can compare us. Until then it is like trying to compare Coca Cola to champagne."

Some people hate arrogant people. I am not some people. I love arrogant people who can prove they are what they say they are. I rather be in the presence of a confident person rather than a person who doesn’t know what he or she stands for. Moreover, of course she is allowed to be overly confident and arrogant, she was the best of the best in her era. For me personally, arrogance can bring such magnetic charm and charisma up to a point. It hypnotizes one’s surrounding not to despise but to praise the particular person. well, that's how the saying goes: if you got it, flaut it. Viva arrogance..!!