Future tense

Here's one thing that i could not resist to ask when i'm involved in a good conversation, with anyone: future plan. Anyone really means everyone: female, male, student, employee, unemployed people, stay at home mom, entrepreneur, director, smart, not so smart, shallow, extrovert, introvert, christian, atheist, free thinker, moeslem, buddhist, 13 years old immature ABG, DJ, politician, heiress, bule, asian, anyone whom i thought i have a chemistry with.

I remembered talking about this issue 3-4 years ago with my closest girlfriends. All of us were still sitting in college chairs(i was doing my bachelor and the rest of my friends were doing their masters) All of us were doing "a start-up" office job: You know assistant manager, office admin, intern accountant, but none of us did a "real" job at that period of time. We did not work for the money, we work for, i dont know, experience may be? or more pocket money for holiday? or we tried to live the image of so called "perfect, smart, independet, can have it all" woman? or probably competition with friends?

See, all of my girlfriends are smart, bright, determined women. When one of us had scored a glamorous job, while juggling between school amd ministry, it has becoming an "inspiration" for the rest of us. Suddenly all of us are sending resume and CVs to all of prestigious companies all over perth. Scoring an office job in perth is already an achievement itself. It is so hard even for an Australian citizen to score a job in a dead city that only have limited job vacancies. But you know, "girl power" and "healthy competition" (we have to keep up with each other) roll up in one had made us to succeed to score the job. All that i can remember is all of us ended up being employed for an office job at the same year.

Anyway, during those years we thought works are easy, of course they were easy because we did not have any pressure to save for mortgage or child's education. We did a great job in the office and earned good money to dine in Terazza every week and shop at Subiaco whenever we want. Scoring Distinction at UNI and being the part of the "so-called " ELITE group in church. We were happy with what we had and we thought, life is easy and beautiful. We could have it all. We were a naive idealist at that time, really.

Why did i say that we were a naive idealist? because when we asked each other about what we have planned for the future, all of us could easily say that "I am so confident that i could be a CEO at a prestigious company in 5 years time". or " i want to have a fashion house, a multi national brand of clothing line" or "i want to have a worldwide ministry" . ya ya, you got the idea. We thought at that time that we have gone through half way to achieve those dreams.

When we met each other again these days, given the condition that all of us have actually been in a real world now, we would say different things when talking about future plan. Living in a real world, by my definition means, that you stop depending on your parents for financial provision, you got married and started a new family on your own, you work because you have to not because you want to. Now when you put yourself on that position, all that i can say is: Life is not so easy anymore. It is scary. You will start to realise that work is hard. No matter how much you earn, it is never enough. Any kind of job that you are doing is not good enough. Because you have a projection of what you want to achieve, and it seems so far far away from the reality that you have been living in at the moment.

Of course our monthly salary is enough for one week holiday in Singapore and could buy that Prada bag in Socialite boutique if we want to. But if you want to start acquiring property and business venture, you have to save up all of those money for Gucci sake. And i'm like, damn! susah yah ternyata cari duit. All of those money that you spent so easily back in high school days, correction: your parents' money, seem to be so priceless right now. And eventhough all of my girlfriends, i know for a fact, actually do not have to work to live if they choose to live by their parents' provision, all of us actually wanted to (at least) try to see how it feels like to start a career from the very bottom. None of us work for our parents' company, but we tried the office job. And it is so damn very very hard. You know with the minimum payment, kerja rodi and office politics. We want to quit, but then realised that all jobs in indonesia are like that. Minimum payment, kerja rodi and backstabbing. *sigh*

I remember talking to Christine, Tirzah and adeline at different separate times, we were like, "gila yah dulu cita2 angan2 pengen jadi CEO pengen punya ini itu, kayanya gampang banget. Sekarang udah ngalamin kerja beneran, baru juga setaun, udah kaya mati berdiri. Kerja susah yah. Kalo ada orang yang bisa sukses starting from scratch hari gini mah, they really deserve a round of applause.

Lagian model jaim2 kaya kita orang mah, maunya yang instant terus. baru mulai business harus langsung sukses keliatan hasilnya. buset mana ada yang kaya gitu. at least 5 taun pertama emang harus kerja rodi dulu kali.

Udahlah jangan naive jadi orang, kalo udah dikasi kerjaan sama bonyok yah udah ambil ajah lah. itu udah paling enak paling gampang. Ato kalo bisa milih, jadi ibu rumah tangga ajah lah. Gak usah gengsi2an lagi mau career ini itu. Kerja tuh susah amit2. "

and in the end we all agree: untung kita perempuan. at least even if we dont work, we still have another option of being a housewife (aint life beautiful? haha) yah kalo bosen2 di rumah, ya udah buka butik ajah, gak usah running profitably juga gak apa2 asal ada kegiatan. ckckck... kasian amat yah, jauh banget dari angan2 masa lalu. but hey that's life. reality sucks.

But who knows, may be 5 years from now, kalo kita semua udah lebih dewasa, lebih kuat dan lebih stable in terms of living in this dunia yang keras, mungkin kita udah berubah pikiran lagi. mungkin at that time, kita bener2 udah siap to take on the world and living the dream.who knows? 30 years old sounds like a good age to sit in the corner office and having our names printed in SWA or TEMPO Or whatever. hahaha. Afterall, all of my girlfriends are smart, bright and determined women. I never doubt it for a day that all of them will succeed in every aspect of their lives. Just watch and see.

wantedddd...

DICARI:

DANGEROUS CRIMINAL AND PRISONER

Michael Scofield

accused and proven guilty by the jury for

1. breaking the state prison

2. stealing my heart and

3. Causing a deadly unavoidable addiction that will make victim to not being able to keep her eyes off him

big rewards for whoever can find him (or a guy as smart and as hot as he is)

Please contact me as soon as possible!

last night

It was 23:00, I was on my PJ, settling down with a hot mug of latte and adoring Michael Scofield’s blue eyes on DVD. Then this kucrrrittt, yang sudah hilang dari peredaran dan tidak terdengar kabarnya for a week, out of nowhere called and he went

“ganti baju, siap2 yah, gua jemput kita ngopi”
and I was like, “do you know where I live?”
“kemang, right? Coba kasi direction dari showroom loe”
then I went on and on for 5 minutes, until both of us give up.
“Okay, terlalu susah. Daripada nyasar besok siang ajah deh”
“Okay, have a great night”

eh baru juga tutup telepon mo nerusin nonton, he sms me and went
“what’s open in kemang at this hour?”
“starbucks, foodfest, ohlala, nu china, amore, banyak..”
“ok kita ke starbucks ajah. Sms gw direction ke rumah loe”
“ahhaha okay you can try to come here if u want to”

If you have never tried to get to my place, I can tell you it is the most confusing jalan di Jakarta. Sebenernya deket dan gampang banget tapi kebanyakan belokan, jalan tikus and gak ada patokan. It would be easy if you have someone to guide you in person, but giving direction through phone or worse, text. It is just plain confusing. Moreover, this friend of mine, yes rian if you read this, this is your friend we are talking about, well, he is the most clueless person on earth when it comes to direction. He is worse than me. He always misses the easiest turn and cannot remember direction even though we’ve been to a place for more than 3 times. SO I was thinking, paling juga ni orang nyobain setengah jalan terus diah give up and cancel it.

As a result, I don’t even bother to get dressed or siap2 segala macem. I thought to myself, entar ajah kalo dia beneran nyampe gw baru siap2 hahaha And I continued watchin my DVD. Sebenernya jalan dari showroom ke rumah gua will only take 5 minutes, so after 15 minutes the guy did not show up I was just waiting for the cancellation phone call. But I was surprised when he really showed up at my gate at 12.

Sejujurnyah udah ngantuk banget dan maleeess banget turun dari ranjang. But I have to appreciate his effort. After all he is the first person can arrive at my place without given any direction in person. And he was not a Kemang person. Moreover, I have to give him some credits too for his spontaneous gesture. Missing and lost without a trace and suddenly out of nowhere shows up and taking me out for late night coffee. Ya, ya, ya I guess I just have to live with your bossy, maksa, demanding and seenak jidat nature, huh? You’re lucky you’re a “temen lama” and I’ve known you back and front, otherwise you would have already driven me mad with those kind of attitudes, babe!!

When I got into the car, I cannot stop laughing.

“Seriously, I thought that you would never make it”
and he started cursing with his bahasa dewa (you know, the henghoeng, singsuing, kengkong, cah kangkung whatever those words mean haha) Anyhow, we ended up talking and talking and talking in Oh La La til 3 in the morning and yes, I woke up at 9. Yes, I was late for work.

speaking of imperfection,

Thanks to bobskee, and all the Indonesian students at CBS who had introduced me to MEEBO.COM. Gudnezz me, I guess it does not matter how hard the staff try to block every chatting websites, the software and everything in CBS, those Indonesian kids will outsmart them anyway. Being a student at CBS for 2 years (and a half), I think I know several chatting websites that we can crack on the uni computer, so when I arrived at my office in Kemang and realized that MSN function is disabled, I tried all kind of web messenger things that I knew. (MSN function? Messenger thing? I know Microsoft and Rian will laugh out loud when they read this.. Iya dehhh emang gua gaptek.. mana gua pikirin the right term for all of those things.. yang penting bisa chatting, friendster and blogging haha.)

The other day Rian was goin, “u chat?” and I was “gak bisa chatting, MSNnya di block, ada firewall or something like that” and he went “MSN mana ada firewallnya?” hahaha.. iyahlahhhh pokoknya u got what I meant.. Hey nobody’s perfect! I can’t do computer and parkir parallel, or parkir mundur, or liat kaca spion hahahah (seriously I can drive a car that does not have rear end mirror. Because ada kaca spion pun gak pernah gua liat ko.. Burut was terrified when we were driving in a car with no kaca spion and gua dengan polosnya ngomong “buat apa kaca spion?” hahahaha… yang penting kita selamat sampe di tempat tujuan kan bur…. Barely ahhahaah!)

Speaking of imperfection, this morning I was browsing through random blogs in friendster and I landed on a blog of a girl whose life, I thought, is perfect. We were introduced once, long time ago, but never met again ever since. Well, may be one day. I would really love to meet her. She is very innocent, never has bad thoughts towards people (I suppose with that kind of attitude, she might be mistreated by people, taken for granted and all, but against all odds, she’s still happy and loving everyone around her)

Anyway, this girl is beautiful and gorgeous in appearance, not drop dead gorgeous enough to make to the runway, but people told me that she is very popular in the social circuit, shinning brighter than other girls who are 10 times more beautiful than her, because of her great personality. She makes the tattler and Harper Bazaar every now and then, in the arms of a stunning leading man. I thought with her “life is beautiful” mentality alone; she would live a very happy life. In addition to that, she is loved by people and lives a glamorous life in this city. However, after reading her blog, I could really see another side of this person. She has got a series of unfortunate events in her life as well. Quite tough for a pretty little girl with a fragile heart like her, I can imagine.

Anyhow, the moral of the story is, sometimes when life gets tough, one used to think, nobody goes through a deeper shit than me. This thing that I am facing right now, nobody could understand, and it has gone beyond my strength, I cannot do this. So, I would myself to breakdown and doing some “harm just to cause pain that will mend the real pain. ” (Easy there! I do not cut my wrist or do drugs or anything suicidal)

But, reading her blog has made me realize that everyone has his or her shit to go through. Her family is dysfunctional but she could still live a very normal, happy life. I have witnessed all my life that children will end up like their parents. No matter how hard they tried, believe me this is a cold fact reality, they will end up like their parents. I’ve heard testimonials of a girl who had seen his father left her mother for another woman, and saw her mother crying every night, and sworn off to death that she will not end up like her, but in the end she found herself eventually marrying a clone of her father. I have heard stories of guys who have seen his father beaten up the mother and was never at home, working his arse off in the office. The son had sworn of that he would never treat woman like that, but unconsciously he grown up to be a workaholic and a person who “maen tangan” towards his wife. The saying that says an apple never falls further from its tree is totally correct. There is no way that you could run from your roots. However, apparently there are still some apples that tried their best to runaway from the trees. And they succeed.

So yep, bad excuses to be wacky such as bad family roots or excuses like “I was born like this”, “this is me” are invalid. Live right! And I also learn from the girl, don’t sweat over the negative things in life. In many situations in life, it is easier to become a simple person. Don’t over analyze everything and being too critical over things that aint worth your time. Here, I quote some lines from her blog, “people are selfish, unreasonable and proud. Love them anyway”. Words to live by, girl.

straight talk from the oven

Another 2 hours to kill before I can go to my starworld. I am totally hooked up on Prison Break, Fashion House, Heroes and American Idol. Geez, I have officially turned into a TV geek. Bukan gara2 gak punya pacar jadi gua berjamur di rumah, punya pacar pun I wud stay at home watchin TV all night, cuman bedanya sambil teleponan all hours (don’t we all love our CDMA)

I have finally come into terms on being single. I just have realised how hard it is to stand on the (beautiful) shoes of a single girl. Back then, I have too many girlfriends who have gone through a very hard time after a break-up. They could not imagine going through life without a boyfriend, they messed up, turning into a drama queen, immediately jumped into a new relationship or just becoming an ice princess right away. At that time, although I displayed affectionate empathy on the outside, inside I was like “Get a life”. I’d been single all the way through my teen period (of course there were always leading men and dates here and there) but never a solid relationship until the last 6 months of my stay in Perth. For me, being single is easy. It is not just easy it is great. Whoever said that you couldn’t be single if you live overseas, well, you should go to THE ROCKS (haha!)

Now that I have makan garem lebih banyak daripada dulu, my perspective have changed. Being single is easy, that is if you have always been single. But if you have tasted the goodness of a solid, nurturing, bringing out you best kind of relationship, feels like you cannot imagine being single anymore. Now I know that it is not a matter that my girlfriends are being “too attached”, or not being “independent enough” not that they don’t have a life or a solid character, it’s just a fact of life. It is hard to be single period.

Tapi biar susahpun kalo memang sudah terjadi kan tetep harus dijalanin. We cannot always have what we want in life, many times it does not turn out the way we want it to be, so even if we don’t want to, we still gotta do what we gotta do. I used to look for a quick fix when a relationship is broken: jump into a new relationship right away.
(Kalo diliat2 biasanya yang lgs punya pacar baru rightaway is a victim of a cheating ex) No judgement. Been there done that, learnt my lesson: That’s like gali lubang tutup lubang. It does not solve the problem, couple of months down the road, we would find ourself facing the same problem, only with a different person.

I used to think that Beyonce’s song “irreplaceable” is so right. I was too arrogant when I believed that “I could have another you in a minute, so don’t you for a second get into thinking that you are irreplaceable” It was the pride that made us believes that whoever moves on first, wins. It is so shallow, I know, but we are all guilty of doing it unconsciously. We are human beings after all. Ego, greed, selfishness are parts of our DNA. Enggak mau mikir kaya gitu lagi ahh.. It’s not a contest between you and your ex.

My girlfriends told me since I am the youngest amongst all; I am most impulsive and reckless one in the group. If I could, for once, not making decision in the times when my brain is not functioning properly because of that little thing called emotion, I would not have to go through some relationship shits that I’d been through. Thank God that they still bear with me, when I am coming to them for the hundredth time for the same problem over the years.

But yes if I could do it all over again, I still would not change a thing of what I do. Let the mistakes be the garem that make my life tasty haha. Yep, I learn that shallowness does come with a price. Well, at the bright side at least I would have many bed stories to tell my kids later. (My bed stories wont be Cinderella or Peter Pan, it would be Scorpio season one to three, Mr. Big season one to ten and all that haha.)

Moreover after not being a “we” anymore, it takes time to find out “me” as oneself. Funny how we grow into a new person in a relationship because of the things that we do for our partner, and the things that our partner do for us. Some compromise here and there, some new things that we learn in our relationship have transformed us into a new person. We develop new habits, new looks, even a new way of thinking because of our “we”-ness. Now that the “we” does not exist anymore, what about our individuality, the “me”? Thinking and thinking...

jadiiii.... yahhh begitudeh.. udah ah kebanyakan cangcingcong.. these philosophies of doctor love and this bullshit talk will be continuedd.. ada tukang mie ayam favekuwww.. i gotta run before he leavee... TUKANG ME AYAM!! WAIIIITTT...!!!!

this iss Sparrtaaa...

the movie is umbelievably scary, as far as i could remember, i tink i closed my eyes 70% of the time and see through between my palms 20% of the time so i only watched the movie in full closure by 10%, but i would really say that the movie is worth watching, and should be nominated for the oscars. I really am a gaptek person, so i would say that the graphic and the animated effects and all those techology things in the movie is just beyooonndd! they look sureal to me.

The story line, the emotional touch and the myth and history behind the movie, now that's my area of specialty. The first time i heard the term "spartacus" was back in primary school. It was a modern classic ballet cheography adopted from greek tales. The ballet portrays spartacus as a slave who tried to break free. So, when i watched the movie, i kinda get an idea on what the movie is all about. Another jinx moment during the movie was when i found out that the tyrant, the king of persia whom is the antagonist character is King Xerxes, and i went, Hang on! that's like QUEEN ESTHER's husband.

The king Xerxes that i have studied all these tymes had always been portrayed to be handsome, charismatic, wise and kind hearted (so kind hearted he would give Esther half of his Kingdom), but never portrayed as a villain, for gucci sake, he was a 3 metres tall, pierced faced, half human-half shrek, self-consumed king. How could esther marry such a monster? Moreover, all the women of persia are pierced and tattoed and they perform witchcraft. I'm like.. my goodness! Is this the real persia that Esther has been living in? It really is a country of "Arabian night" where i imagine Aladin and his blue jinnie lived. I wonder how Esther survived being a woman of God by being married and becoming a queen of such a nation? The bible said that she's being given special treatment for 6 months before she was presented before the king, so she was bathed in kemenyan and sesajen? and being pieced from head to toe perhaps? eeewww....

Tirzah and me were discussing the movie while we watched it, "So why did he go to war against the persian?" First we thought it was Pride as a spartan (the typical cause of war: man and his ego! What else?) but in the end, when we saw Leonardus prepared himself to take his last breathe, we witnessed him standing tall and his last words being "my queen, my wife, my love" and yep, as Xenia said, being a mushy mushy person that i am, that brought me into tears. Oh my Gucci, so romantic. He fought the battle for her and her alone. Not his country, not his ego, not even for his son. It was all to defend and protect her. How sweet cud that be? In the end, his lead had inspired the whole Greece to unite and end the slavery by the Persian Empire. (i wondered Was Esther still the Queen at that time?)

So yeah, I'm so saying that this movie deserves a round of applause and full encore. Totally Grand, love it. Well, other than the movie, my short break over the long weekend is amazing. I told Kuh-Cing that i wanted to buy flowers for my studio, but instead of taking me to the usual florist, she took me to the largest floristry workshop in JakBar. There i purchased the vase and did the arrangement by myself. I ended up with 3 beautiful flower arrangements in the end. Couldn't been better! Then i went furniture hunting with tirss the very next day. Found the perfect baroque armchair, with the perfect fabrics. Could not wait til next month when my chairs will be finished.

excitement of the day part deux

Kamu ke Jakarta next week?
Nginep ajah di rumah aku tinn…
Aku kerja setengah hari doangg hari sabtu..
Entar pulang kerja aku langsung susulin kamu
Kita maenn seharian..
Kmu meetingnya di kemang ajah.. yang deket2 heheh
Ke shownya deden (siswanto)?? Asikkk…
Bikin di deden yaaa wedding dressnyaa.. AAAA
(baju bridesmaidnya jugaa yaaa muahahaha)
Cant wait til next week, luvv!!
=========================================================================
“Bu, customer yang barusan ganteng banget ya… Dia masi single ga, Bu? Ko kayanya ada minat ama Ibu”
“Hush! Sembarangan”
“Becanda buuu… tp lumayan yah bu dia ngambilnya banyak banget”
“Yep”

(Yep, he is unreasonable gorgeous, Yep he bought tons of furniture that my gallery is literally empty, and Yep he is unbelievably single because I checked that his ring finger is free of ring, and because he already asked for my number. Psst! Don’t tell my staff)
===========================================================================
“pokoknya call me for church Sunday morning, and clubs Saturday night. I’m in Hahaha… “

yayaya… JPCC this Sunday, rite?

Cant believe it, I called my mum straightaway: first it was Corleone, then Scorpio, then to my horror Mr. Big and now, oh my Gucci help me breathe, Black Russian. What on earth is going on? If any of my girlfriends read these, please do pray and fast for moi.. I’m going under and not even an entire cast of Baywatch could save me from drowning. Great, why don’t Johnny Tucker and Moscato join in than it would complete my whole cast of the league of extraordinary gentlemen

excitement of the day

senenggg bangettt dehhh..
baek amattt sihhh loe jadi orangg..
sampe speechless euy!!
kapan maen ke jakarta, babe?
harus! harus! harus! telepon aku yaa..
kita maen ke dufan
tapi kan kamu tau aku beraninya cuman ke istana boneka doang
ahahhahaha....
makasiii makasii makassiii..
u kno it meant a lot! especially coming from you!
makaaasiii...
AAAAA... seneng abis tau!!

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iya emang kalo lupanya sampe sebulan sih rada kelewatan
tp gua juga taun lalu lupa bdaynya my other bestfriend
(chaaa.. i am going to carry the shame for the rest of my life :p)
jadi it's okay, dear!! u're still my best friend :):)
how's ur wedding preparation?
AAAA.. di winery yah jadinya.. sandalford? sandalwood?
something to do with sandal ya? hahahahaha
lagi summer lagi.. panas dong?
ur maid of honnor mutung dong...
bole bawa payung ga? ato dressnya bikin tangan panjang gitu ahahhaha

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phantom of the opera yuu..!!
di esplanade theatre say...
bulan depan ajah perginya...
maen sampe bulan may ko..
entar gua booking-in deh flite, hotel.. gw ada boil ko..
all you need to do is showing up looking pretty..
i'll take care of you, kid!
ambil wiken ajah. jadi besoknya kita bisa biasaaa..
orchard road hahaha

_____________________________________________________________________________________

say what?

he kept calling me "non"

gua kan sunda bukan jawa!!

tapi gak papa deh.. "non" sounds better than "neng" hahaha

lebihh enggak kaya emba2..

panggil yang laen ajah apa susahnya si..

"gurl", or "dear", or "babe" ???

bersihhh bersihhhh yuukkk..!!!

For as long as I have lived, that is for 22 years and a month, never before I have appreciated the existence of a television and a DVD player so much, until the past 7 days living without them. Now I can testify to the old saying, you never know how much you love someone, well in my case some things, until you lost them. I cant imagine what did our ancestors do before TV was invented? Read books and eat chocolate cakes all night? Well, that’s what I had been doing in the past 7 days. So, I want to send my warm gratitude to the person who saves the entire human race by inventing TV, and even a much warmer gratitude for whoever that is who invented indovision. “Love you, bro!!”

It has been 2 months since the last time I watched indovision, so I was too excited when turning on the TV at 22:00 last night and Rugrats was on instead of Wulan, or Putri, or ningsih or asep and their other friends. Not that I wanted to watch Rugrats either, but yeah just happy to find out that the Tante Susy has got the cable TV installed for moi.

Well, moving to a niu house is tricky I should have known that since this is Jakarta for Gucci sake. There’s no such thing as too good to be true, there I said it again. When looking at the current picture of my new studio, it was just fabulous. It’s a mix of old school Mediterranean and 50’s classic. The wall unit and the flooring is solid wood while the bathroom is full on, corner-to-corner, turquoise marble. A huge mirror is hanging on one side of the wall. The studio room is just grand By the time I looked at the picture I already had in mind how I would like to decorate it: Audrey Hepburn: Breakfast in Tiffany.

However, when I moved in, well the room is still beautiful but it was not as perfect as I imagined it to be. The furniture is not old school charm, it is more like old school harm. Too many defect, stain and cat yang udah ngelupas. The furniture make the room to look more like a boarding school room rather than Audrey hepburm. But the room was nothing in comparison to the bathroom. The bathroom was 180 derajat dari yang gua harapkan. It was a total mess.

At a quick inspection, you won’t notice all the stains and flaws there. But I have rented house for a period of 4 years in Perth. I have learnt how my landlord checked the cleanliness of every corner to the cornerest of a room. Well, when I was in perth, this is time when I am going to pick up my fone and dial 911-San2-to-the-rescue. “Sann.. bak mandi gw ko warnanya kuning, hijau, biru gini… harus pake apaan?” IT was literally kuning hijau biru, the toilet bowl, the mirror and the tub. I was scrubbing them all night. The mirror had too many blotches all over it. I’ve asked everyone on cleaning product and have tried everything that I’d seen in the cleaning department in Carrefour. After 3 days of scrubbing, kaki kesemutan, and pinggul pegel2 big times, I gave up and bought a tub mat. Corleone told me that all the kuning hijau biru all over the place are not filth, they are just worn off because of udah tua. But I’m like, I’m gonna stay here for at least a year, I don’t want to come home to kuning hijau biru on my tub and spooky looking mirror.

Scorpio likes to make a joke on me whenever I said spooky, he told me that the blotches on my mirror looks like blood stain and he would call me to ask me to check the mirror at 12 at night and damn! I t was really spooky. Anyhow, I decided that I am going to make my room a desirable place to live. And if my friends would drop by, I want them to go “Aaaww..” not “Eeewww…”

So, I’ve put pages and pages of vogue to cover the blotches on the mirror and the toilet bowl is saved by soap bubble (haha). Yeah, yeah I have been playing cat and mouse with my landlords for 4 years, if they know how to find the tiniest stain, I know how to hide them perfectly. Well, in the end because there are too many Vogue supermodels on my mirror and too many paintings to add charms to the old school, the bathroom does not look “Breakfast at tiffany” anymore, it’s more like, Carrie Bradshaw, in her 20s at least (haha!) But I’m loving it. I’ve spent hours in it last night doing my nails and reading Harper bazaar while listening to Justin T.

Notes :
To popoi, Pricewater House Coopers huh!?!? That’s worth a celebration, gurl! Congratulations poi.. You do really deserve the best..

To Microsoft, thank you for the blubbery cheesecake and flowers. it's not like i'm moving house, "the house" but thank you so much. love it. love it. love it.

saturday book review

first of all, to my defence, i did not purchase these books on my own.

I'm too embarassed to go to book stores and purchase "dating-help" kinda books

so, a good friend gives me the first one last night and i ended up reading it 2 hours straight up this morning, and the second one, i asked a friend to buy it for me, after i read its review on New York Times' online review

Both of them are:

excellent reading..

very funny

very entertaining

very educative <-- is there such a word "educative" --> aniway you got my point!

They are good.

i give them 4 stars!!

for better and worse, til mastercard do us part

she was calling me in the middle of the night, half drunk

"you know 5 years ago, when we first started dating, we were madly in love with each other. I really wanted to marry him and he always said, "ngapain married buru2. aku mo kasih kamu makan apa? makan cinta?" and you know what after being married to him for almost a year now. after we hav everything now, aku dikasi makan segala macem kecuali cinta. "

"beneran aku gak bohong, kalo boleh jujur mendingan aku makan warteg but i know kalo aku beneran disayang sama suami aku"

well my dear, mungkin kita masih terlalu muda untuk mengerti the huge mystery behind the so sacred married life. you've only been married for a year and everyone said that the first years of marriage is the hardest to endure. So hang in there, girl. Jangan ahh milih warteg dibanding cinta. My good friend, the wise ibu pangdam of palembang (currently) taught me that "semua laki sama ajah, lin. yang kaya yang miskin, yang ganteng yang jelek, semua juga baji***n. makanya, kalo udah tau bakalan sama aja menderita, mendingan menderita diatas mercy daripada diatas bajay. "

yah, if you ask me of course aku gak tau mo bilang apaan, my ring finger is still free kok at the moment. Biarpun gw tidak meng-amin-kan petuahnya ibu pangdam, i wud not forget those words til the day i walk down the aisle and proclaim my wedding vows.

my mum said this to me once upon a time, long2 time ago when i was stil hijau muda banget " ujian duit tuh kaya gini lin, kalo cewe, liatin ajah kalo cowonya gak punya uang dia masih mau gak stay sama cowonya. Kalo cowo, liatin ajah kalo dia udah punya uang, mau gak dia tetep stay sama cewenya", then being a very hijau naive person at that time i said " kenapa harus uang yang jadi tolak ukurnya? bukannya masih banyak pertimbangan yang laen yang bikin orang stay and go?"

Then this guy whom i met last saturday just said this to me di menit ke 55 pertandingan MU melawan Liverpool, "Gua sih mo serius career ajah dulu. Kalo gua udah sukses, banyak duit, masa cewe2 gak mau sama gua sih?" and gua again dengan ngasalnya ngomong "Yah ada millions of guys di jakarta alone yang kaya gitu ko (sucessful, good looking and have plenty of money), kenapa cw2 harus milih kamu?" tapi emang kok slogannya mastercard itu udah paling CHUN beak!! "There are something that money cant buy, but at the end of the day a platinum mastercard wont hurt you either"

aduh, hari gini yaa.. udah natural disaster jadi makanan harian, pesawat jatuh tiap minggu (btw, kalo garuda ajah bisa jatoh, what's the odds of the other pesawat kecil2 bakalan doing fine? ) kapan sii orang2 bakalan bertobat? kenapa yang jadi issue urusan duit lagi, duit lagi? Apa susahnya sih buat sayang sama istri sendiri, dulu ajah bisa cinta kan makanya bisa sampe married, kenapa sekarang udah sukses the love jadi turns sour? Kasian dong istrinya udah cakep banget, baek banget, pengertian banget, masii aja di taking for granted.

Aneh ah, the way the whole thing operates is just plain crazy, almost all of my male friends say that "gua mah gak cari yang cewe yang gimana2 lah lin, asal orangnya bae and sayang sama gua". Lah terus udah dapet yang bae, cantik pula, pinter pula, pengertian, perhatian segala macem, akhirnya putus juga. gara2 nyeleweng sama the party gurl type, a heartbreaker pula. ckckck. Yang lebih parah, udah punya yang baik dan cantik as a wife at home, masih ajah berkeliaran maen2 sama yang aneh2. loh maunya apa si?

A frustated girlfriend then just asked me, "kalo gitu gua mendingan jadi yang aneh2 ajah yah? biar lebi disayang gitu?" loh kalo gitu entar kamu gak jadi istrinya dong, jadi simpenan doang. Udah yuk, kita pergi ke gereja ajah tiap minggu, biar gak mikir yang aneh2. makin lama tinggal di indo memang bikin otak yang tadinya lumayan cerah jadi mengkerut gara2 dipengaruhi sinetron putri, wulan, intan, anggun dan teman2nya. mendingan kita beli DVD friends sama Will and Grace aja yuk!!

anihow, my dear, all that i know is that a marriage is forever. There are many and different phases that you and him will go through together. A year of "not feeling disayang" does not define your happiness, right? Love grows but the growth takes time. a happy marriage is not built in a year. And a strong, kind hearted, courageous woman like you are, will get the last laugh eventually.

Again, these are the words of my mum who has successfuly tamed 3 most selfish, arrogant, licik, stubborn people on the face of the earth (my dad, my brother and me) over the period of 25 years, "kebahagiaan itu terbuat dari many many tears, many many sacrifices, many many forgiveness, and countless prayers" She told me that once i have a family on my own i will understand that. and yes, if anyone ask my mum today, she never doubts for a day that she is truly, madly and deeply loved by these 3 people.

it's a power issue

carrie bradshaw once said that when she first moved to NYC, she rather starved on the expense of purchasing VOGUE just because it is more satisfying than dinner. Well, that statement is proven to be very true indeed. Anyhow, first night at my new house i spent 3 hours indulging in the 630 pages thick of the latest US VOGUE. (btw, so sad.. kangenn rumah lama.. gak ada "mamih angkat" yang sms-in gw kalo belon pulang.. no late nite chit chat over coffee in the kitchen bar.. no grocerries shopping di carrefour every wiken wif the whole family.. )

But i'm lovin my new studio room as well.. i purchased too many loft design and Elle decor to get an inspiration on how i wud like to design my room. i've walked around kemang the other evening, i dragged the office architect and designer to come along with me. I need their professional eyes, and bargaining skills to help me picking out bits and pieces that i wud love to put in my room. Flower choice would definetely be peonies, tulips and lilies.

Anyway, back to Vogue: The cover of this issue proclaims that it's a power issue. Therefore it contains many many interview with women whom they considered to be powerful in their fields. I love love love reading biographies and profile stories from a fashion magazines. You know, business journals only tell you someone's stats and achievements. but Vogue is telling you whether the ladies are wearing calvin kelin or Dolce and Gabanna to the office, plus they are doing excellent photograph as well. Some of the ladies are Nancy Pelosi, the Golden Globe winning actress, the lovely miss Hudson, and the super stunning ivanka Trump.

See, i think Paris Hilton shud learn from her on how to use that body part that she might never know that it exists: the brain. Ivanka is as gorgeous as Paris in appearance, she's a successful model and currently is a VP at Trump organisation as well. But she does not send daddy for heart attack surgery for embarrassing headlines just like paris does. The lady is a Trump, not a Trash.

and Silda Walls Spitzer, the wife of NYC governor, is just truly an inspiration. What's not to love about a lady who went to Harvard Law School and worked for Chase manhattan bank, but choose to leave them all to become a fulltime wife and mum. When asked whether she might consider to pursue politics later like the Clintons, she said, it's enough to have one politician at home. Then again the interviewer asked tricky question, why it has to be the woman who makes the sacrifice? She shoots the interviewer back by saying "you tell me"

Lately, i've just discovered that Power is not something that is justified by the college that we went to, the corporation that we work for, not by who we know and how many power lunch do we attend, not by the headlines that we make, but it is found in your happiness and contentment.

So, what constitutes your happiness and contentment?

jennifer hudson said that she grows up with a value that her grandmother had planted in her which says "If you dont have a family, a home and a church, that you have nothing"

highlights of the weekend

1. kalah taruhan sama arief. (emang step parentnya barack obama yang orang indo nyokapnya ato bokapnya si? bokapnya kan?? belon terbukti gw kalah, tp diah udah menuntut "you gotta give my friend a chance. next week, coffee after church.. yah bukan suru loe pacaran ma dia.. buka hati ajah lah lin haha0" oalaahhh gw yakin loh padahal sejuta sebelas ribu persen kalo gw bener!! HUH!!)

2.lontong cap gomeh.. ya yaa.. sin ciah is officially over.. remarked by eating so many many opor ayam, porkk!! (yes!! ai laikkee...) and chocolate (sigh)

3. nonton MU vs Liverpool di MU bar.. was being so nervous while talking one on one with B.Y that i said the dumbest things on the face of the earth. Damn! "saya sekolah di bandung juga, 2 taun. di jalan merdeka. tau dong dimana" and i'm like.. "engga.. ga pernah denger"... "tinggal di bandung tapi ga tau jalan merdeka dimana?!" .. dumb and dumber!! "kamu pegang yang mana.. MU ato liverpool?" and i went "gak tau.. sama ajah. gak ngikutin bola si!" even dumber!sigh... that's it! i'm so doomed to embarrasment.. arief was goin "adu lin..B ajah lagi.. anak presiden juga manusia!!" ahhaahhaha iyahhh tapi gw deg2an gimanaaa dong..

4. walking around JCC to get into the building for 30 minutes on heels.. and diusir security!! OMG as if i dun get enuf embarassment for the week!!

5. makan di samudra sukiihh after sunday service in IFGF.. jamur mentah bau hiyy!! *diky how cud u say it taste alrite?* but the dessert is perfection.. yumm..

6. tidur siang 3 jam.. digigit nyamuk and kedinginan (yess.. kedinginan di jkt.. ) luvin, luvin, luvin the angrean's new residence.. the best dining room i've ever seen in Indonesia.. love the painting, the pantry and the toshiba flat screen. ahhh and the kitchen bar is perfect for late night chit-chat. me and kuh-Cing ended up spending the whole night (4 hours) drinkin herbal tea, eating sugar crackers and talking non stop.

gak tau deh mo ngomong apa..

this morning, 08:00 a.m.

"lin, gw nganggur di kantor.. jadi baca2in blog loe.. uedann! banyak amat gbtanya yakk.. menggila bokk!! bad break-up reaction huh?" (0813994XXXXX)

i swear i answer tis honestly.. and i got the honest truth!

Your Ex is Narcissistic

Your ex thinks they're the most important person in the world and couldn't care less about anyone else. Your ex definitely has a god complex. People with narcissistic personality disorder want total power, lack empathy, and are very arrogant. Sound at all familiar?

What's Wrong With Your Ex?