On the urge of breaking down

It is too ironic: Insanity is the only drug that keeps her from dying.

How could such a normal, sane, synchronized human being face thousand tribulations at once?

Betrayal

Deception

Indictment

Conviction

Deceit

Fear, Injustice, Liability

She must have been insane or probably in denial, or probably wishing that everything was just a dream, or probably her feeling is already numb.

Yes, she must metamorph into a cold blooded woman, or else a tremendous amount of pain will break her down.

Go on, call the lawyer in, bring in the persecutor, and let the verdict be known. It does not matter what ruling it will be in the end, her soul is already imprisoned. Guilty as charged,

Too many voices in her head, though it differs to those in the schizophrenia cases, that she just wanted to shut down for a while. She does not need to listen to anymore explanations or the chronologies of the incidents.

Explanations are not the answer to fear.

Suddenly everything else seems to be insignificant. Things that used to matter do not matter no more. Gone in 60 seconds her possession is. “What’s left?” she asks herself.

She foresees a thin line between sanity and insanity.

Too many tears, too many sleepless nights, too many nightmares, too many empty sights, too many starvations, too many empty minds, too many unanswered calls, too many anger and disappointments. If there is any way that she could escape, she would flee like a mad fugitive.

Quitting is not a DNA that she possesses

Then the alarm clock rings, the time indicates: 7 a.m. in the morning. Another battle to fight, another day to live, another trial to be attended, so well she takes the longest breathe, and she continues the journey.

There are certain and specific ways that every individual has to go through, there are specific and different amount of responsibilities and burden for every individual, yet different amount of grace to carry those particular burdens. Never envy those whom you think are blessed by a huge amount of grace, because that huge amount of grace might be the only thing that enables them to carry a great deal of burdens that you are not obligated to carry.