holiday black and white

well, take the lesson frm me. Dun let loose of ur rage under Any circumstance. Nu-uh! it does more harm to you than to anybody else. I've been filled up wif so much anger and presurre in the past few days. I want to blame the weather and work, but in the end it's all still my resposibility though. I was releasing my anger in a totally wrong way. I became so moody and unfoccused. I wrote nasty things in the blogspot * i wont delete 'em though* and it backfired me at the end hahaha *never mind, my skin is thick enuf* and that i made my boss *geleng2* big tymez.

i do understand now, why workin people are soo stressed out. It's better to sit in uni other than doin 9-5 job. It's burdensome. however, since all of us, sooner or later, have to work anyway, it's good to find a way of release of all the tension and pressure of work.

secret numero uno, i used to melampiaskan by overeating, which is really bad, coz tat causes me to feel bad abt myself in the end. So, eating is not an option. Shopping is also not an option, beacuse funnily enuf, when u kno how hard it is to make money for a living, u dun want to spend it on overnight indulgence. *ARGGHH this is a confession of a reformed shoppaholic*

so, i find the secret to overcome anger, rage, pressure and tension is to enjoy the simple pleasure in lyfe. I FORCE myself to laugh a lot, putting my extra energy to be enthusiastic in every lil thing tat i do. I cook, clean the house * and the office*, move furniture around..jus to give myself a good feeling at the end of the day. and spend the "energy" for anger sumwhere else. Hit the gym, swimming pool, or wherever. If u find out at the end of the day tat u are tired, u wont have any more energy to be mad. it's all good ^_^

AnYwei, I'VE been enjoying my hectic-but-blessed-lyfe. thank u my frenz *cha2+popoi for tha' phantom muvi 'N the gurls chat..fang2+ indra+ ein+ christina+ lebe+ tj+ moni+ mira+ devy+ steven+buddy and jojo=xmas dinner,co tai ti, tat titanic game and uno hehehe + robby+ chris+ albert+ ryan+ giri+my lopely Sylvie for the fast eddy laughing marathon...and of course the ROCKS for becomin' the place for me to "recharge" the power within' hehehe and last but not least, thxs to my boss *chandra en John Redy* the most amazing boss can't imagine holiday without u!

deal breaker

*phew* hot day @ the office...it's a good day to write abt the bad side of me...haahhaha...
well, i'm jus being a normal human being..and rite now i jus feel the urge to get the rage out of my solar system...so yeah, i thought, why not writing abt sumtings tat really make me go mad. we dont have to be nice all the tyme, dont we? :)

• i dont like to be copied!!

i'm honoured if my frens want to buy particular skirt or shoes that i wear, yesh even exactly the same one wif the same colour and brand. No problemo. But if sumone "steal" my style, dress up like me frm head to toe, then copy the way i walk, the way i talk, even copy the way i pronounce and say sum particular things. Tat's over the top. I dun like it if sum1 makes a prototype of my blogspot, or my writings. *believe me tis is not over reaction..my gurlfrens point out the exact words this person copy frm my blogspot* wat makes me angry the most, is tat these people got praises for what they do...*sorry, i'm only human. i dun like ppl get credit for wat i do ;p*

i dun mind competition, because whether we realise it or not, gurls will unconsciously compete wif each other. I truly acknowledge tat my gurlfrens are superior than me in many things, like fely in study, adel in singing, tine is the most likeable gurl in our community. I''m happy and so proud to be their fren...However, if sum1 is directly challenging me by stealing my identity, tat's unbelievable. why go after my close frens? and the guys whom i liked in the past? why doing things that i do, but u dont like? jus for the sake of wanting to prove tat u can do it better than me?

geezz...we're not in primary skool anymore for the search of identity rite?? i have no right to stop u, gurls for doing wat u do. i'm juz annoyed and for u, no matter how hard u try to be me, wat u copy are superficial things. Why dun u search inside urself and make the best out of gifts.

• i dun like people whose motto is "me, myself, and i"

arghhh....it's so tiring, even jus to spend a day wif these kinda people. All these ppl do is to talk abt themselves, cut u in the middle of ur story, and refer those to them, and it's all will always comes back to them. I have never favour one way relationship (friendship or watever kind). Relationship is about giving and receiving. if all these people do is only to take the other people for granted, take advantage of em, geezzz..tat's a deal breaker!

i do hav sum frens who like to ask for help, and when the problem is solved, they jus disappeared. Sum ppl. dun consider other ppl. feeling and situation. They laugh and enjoy their own happiness when other people are having bad days. Well, their excuse is tat, they dun want to get into other ppl. business. Is symphaty sumting tat's too much to ask?

i dun like ppl yang kecentilan...ngaca every minute, yang jalannya, ketawanya diatur2, yang kalo ngomong ama orang ga ngeliat ke mata but busy enjoying themselves.

worse come to worst, i meet sum ppl. who manipulate other ppl. feeling and weaknesses to get wat they want. Sum ppl. who olweis blame others no matter who is wrong or rite. Sum ppl. who throw degrading jokes on others. *either guys to gurls, or the fatty* sorry...ngaca dulu dong kalo mau ngejelekin orang!

i used to not liking orang yang lemot, but i got punishment jadi rada lemot jg gwnya gara2 kebanyakan minum kopi myself hahahaha....but hey, i'm doing my best to improve it hahaha.. it takes tripple the efforts for me to become more careful and teliti..so yeahh..pls understand my circumstances frens hahahaah... ^_^

so yeah..there goes my *uneg2* in the office today...i'm not pointing at any specified person, so dun comes up to me slap me in the face :p

but if U are reading my writing now, and thinking of making a similar kind of this, well u kno wat tat mean.

update me

hummm udah lama ga nulish blogspot...gara2 kerjaaa nehhh...cape pisann...while my gurlfrens are in bdg nge-joged di embassy...i'm stuck here @ the office everyday..8-5 *how's tat!! for a part tyme job* wif the very hot weather...However, despite the workloads and all, rite now i rather be here than anywhere else in da world ^_^ yesh, i just found my self transforming to a workaholic, and no longer a shoppaholic.

so yeah...to all my frens in perth...pls visit my office in freo during business hours or call me in msn...turst me...no matter how much u love ur job...it's still dead boring to do office routine 6 days a week =( anyhow, thx to my awesome boss, he still allows me to browse the net when i have finito everything..

lyfe here in perh december...so garing mannnn!!! cannot tahan =( ga bisa ngegym gara2 kerjaan..makanan gw jg jadi junk-food semuah...so not healthy..*argh!!* untungnnya me kecapean...jadinya ga nge-gendutin hehehe..sedi jg seh ga bisa pulang indo...i missed too many events...my mum's bday, my coz' wedding, home-church xMaz, en my gurlfrens were partying in bandung!! *mauuu ikutannn!!*

i got tis quiz frm my fren diary...bole jg bwat menuhin blog ehhhe...here it goes..well, if anyone wants to copy it, i dun mind...juz shoot!

1. wat R u thinking at the moment? how to make more and more money
2. do you have a dobel personality? jus say i know how to menempatkan diri ;p
3. dark side or angelic heart? cerdik seperti ular, tulush sperti merpati hahaha
4. when u meet people at the first time, positive or negative thoughts? no thought at all
5. emotional rollercoaster? yepp...but i'm working on it...getting better though ^_^
6. optimistic or pesimistic? over-optimistic
7. your obsession? louis vuitton bags
8. you weaknesses? food, sama high-level gombal hehehe
9. favourite car? my mini!
10. if u are to swap lyfe with anyone, who would it be? my brother ahahahah
11. if u have to choose, much more (10 yrs) older or younger man? even if tat's 20 yrs, i'll go older
12. deal breaker of friendship? yang mulutnya ga bisa dijaga, yang tukang copycat, yang kcentilan
13. deal breaker of relationship? cheating
14. premarital sex? no
15. are u an independent woman? yeap! i can take care of myself, at least :p
16. are u a feminist? no, tat's the fall of every relationship!
17. fave flower? banyak..yang plg demen white lilies
18. fave music? diana krall, r'n'b
19. fear? being defeated
20. wat kind of book u are reading? christianity 'n' buku abt. money...
21. u follow technology? since i work for mobilfone company, yesh
22. fashion victim? i follow sex and the city muvi...
23. read news? only on wednesday or saturday
24. in one word, what do u look for in opposite sex? compatibility
25. candidate for presidency? anyone who sits in liberal or democrats

incomplete

juz got back frm. feli'z house, watching final idol wif my-gurls, makan dessert pizza.*omigod* so yummy!! then rite now di curtin lagi belajar2 bwat bsok exam jm9..males pisan eui!! so me listening to tis vry sentimental song "incomplete" by sisqo..enak pisan cman so ironic..en bcos i had noting to do..it got me into thinking.

"i can make believe i have everything, but i cant pretend that i dont see, that without u my life is incomplete"

"U told me tat fell in luve but i wasnt sure tat i was, i wished i could travel back in time"
"all the money,all the expensive cars, all the women, dont amount to you"

owww romantis sekali...cman i tink it's a bit wrong to have a thought like tat...why dwell in the past memories and waiting for sumting that will never come? why trash everything a man would want to achieve and say tat life is incomplete because one person is missing frm ur lyfe? why think tat missing piece will make ur lyfe complete not the other way around? why it has to be tat person tat u turn down before?

arghh..easy to say, but unconsciously, i think at sum point in my lyfe i experience tat incomplete feeling as well...i am asking myself at this very moment, "why wanting thing that i rejected in the past, regreting the decision and wishing to make up for the mistake now?" but yeah, after i thought abt it..i realised tat the decision i made in the past was based on reasonable considerations, why regret? the past is the past. and who knows what the future hold? i choose not to let past memories to hold me back, make me feel insecure and incomplete, i want to live in the moment, with no regret, with no guilt no pressure and as grateful as always for wat i have.

udah ahhh mo bobo...
eii bantuin doain gw yah...mulai exam neh besok thank you...thatha ^_^

me to you

Perth, 9th November 2004

everdearest my-ever-BloveD frens,

gurlfrens, me so grateful for the one day tat we spent together, yesterday tat is. Gelow yah, tadinya ga ada rencana mo ngumpul2 gituh...taunya malah jadi ketemuan, terus kta spent 4 hours di terazza en blew the whole plan tat we had for the day hahaha but it was worth it! kangen pisan yah, udah lama pisan ga sharring *a.k.a biatchee talk* se-dalem ituh ^_^

xen" : thank you for olweis being the one who stands still, for ur "JLEB" to the point advice and the all that, thank you for ur acceptance and ur constant support, thank you for all tour "dodol" comments hehehe, well, u go and get married gurl! i'll go to the end of the world for ur parties...=D

san": san2 gw kangen pisan sama elo nonnn!!! hayu kta ber-Quality-Timez lagih 24/7 kaya dulu...byarpun kta udah jarang ketemuan, u are only a prayer away frm me gurl! san, u are stronger than u tink u are!! endure in faith and prayer, en makazhi bwat menampung semuah curhat en burden2nya lincew...kta be-there for each other @anytime yakkk ^_^

tine: *if u happen to read blogspot* jus kno tat I LOOOVEEEE you loads gurl! cant believe we be-gadank sampe jam lima pagi ngomongin *ngejengreng lyfes*. tine, i dun tink i have ever been thru tis much wif any fren in me-lyfe besides u hehehe i'm really grateful for everything that we've been thru as frens yah, wat-eva decision tat u are goin to take, i belive in u and am expecting the best for u, and i am proud of u! keep Kuwat *bcos u are kuwat already* and keep loving meee ahahhahaha

me so sad already, knowing tat at one point in our lyfe we might have to say goodbye to people whom we hold so dearly in our heart...*argh udah ah ga mo dibayangin dulu* no matter siapah yang pegih duluan jg, kalo bisa i want to have all of u gurls in me lyfe for lyfe =( pokoknyaa....make the best out of wat we have now yah...

sincerely olweis,
me

my B-frenz

i had written abt. e best-gurl-frens of mine, and how their influences have shaped my whole-being. Anyhow, the frens, whose influence is great in me-lyfe, are not only gurls. I've been blessed thru'out the years thru' frenships wif close mates-whom happen to be male. Being in a close frenship relationship wif. the opposite sex can be tricky and kinda complicated. People are often questioning the motive, "Would it be possible?", "wat if the fren is in a relationship? would it change the frenship?"it's not only other people, sumtimes u find urself wondering too.."wat am i doin wif this frenship?" --- well i can tell u, been there, done that, never regret a day of em ^_^

according to survey, 99.9% people believe tat there couldn't possibly be a close friendship btw boy-gurl without any for of attraction, the other 0.1% are just confused.

My first ever best guy-fren was my first boyfren *note: cinta monyet* i found chemistry wif tis guy in year7 , we hang out for almost everyday at school and became bf-gf ^_^ after 4 months of conta-monyet relationship we broke up and i moved to ausie. However, after we lost contact for a year, the phenomenon of EMAIL is entering the scene, and we found ourselves contacting each other trhu email. When i got back to indo, we have always met and catch up. He was the first person to whom i can talk on da fone for hours and hours, everyday! A wonderful man of GOD, very dedicated in his ministry, an excellent leader wif excellent organisational skills. (three times ketua osis and countless times youth ministry leader), a drum player, and is going to be an architect in 2 yrs time. A sanguine who LOVES TO TALK! and he always find a way to make me laugh, and is very mature eventhough he's only 19. Due to the facts that we live in different countries and only meet in person once a year, we couldnt be as close. Even though kta kalo ngomong nyambung banget en kalo ketemuan pasti lgs semuah news di-update, different circle of friends and 2 totally different lives have created a distance btw us. He's to me is always sum1 to turn to for spiritual advices. He always brings GOD into the picture in every problem in lyfe *salute!*

Because i have asked for his permission to write abt him, i am going to mention his name here, LUCAS Lucky Suherlan.

*neh guah sekalian promosiin elo! eventhough u are taken already hehehe* thank you for the friendship, ky! kta catch-up2an lagih ntar december holiday okei ^_^

Secondly, i want to write about a best friend, a brother, a mentor, someone whom i have to be close with, because his mother and mine are bestfriends hahaha, the most-sabar-est, most rendah-hati, and sum1 with a heart that longs for the LORD alone, an excellent Worship Leader and keyboadist player and sum1 who've seen me in my darkest hours. TIAN!! we have known each other for 3 yrs, jadi deket gara2 we shared kinda similar past *dibentuk sama TUHAN dibanting2 ampe remuk redam tidak berbentuk en dipersiapin for a big cause yeah ^_^* we live in the same world, the world of miracle and grace, the world of tidak ada yang pasti, and the world that is aiming at a vision and dream. Though me might talk often, and there are a lot of cold silence moments btw us *gara2 polos-nya elo yang bikin gw sensi ga karu2an hahaha* tp our prayer covenant could never be broken hey..so yeah, *yannn if u are reading tis* i wanna say thank you bwat smuah understanding loe ama my complex personality and am so looooooking fwd bwat pelayanan bareng lagih in december...God blezh!

Terus terus....seseorang cowo yang udah gw anggep kaya DD guah sendiri, he is one of my brotha's close fren *yunkiemennnn ai kangen yuu braaa*, and is my partner in cryme di cellgroup..MR BOBBY DAZZLER!! si boby neh untung lebi muda dari gw..kalo engga gw bisa dijadiin sasaran RAYUAN PULAU KELAPA-nya die hehehe bobby is a man wif the heart of gold, orangnnya mau nolong banget, ga tegaan ga enakan ama orang, LUCU-nya ama BOJENG-nya beak abis dhe hehehe we share a common interest in CARS and biro-perjodohan yah bob!! lately, we have spent loads of time together yah...gw mengikuti perkembangan diah dari jadi cowo desperate, jadi cowo ngetop, ngejar2 cw, jatuh bangun jadi jojoba ampe skrg udah in a relationship hihihi gw mah ketawa2 terus bawaannya kalo ama diah. cman dibalik semuah sinting2nnya diah, si bobster inih orangnnya sensitive en thoughtful abis *apalagi kalo udah menyangkut the special lady* he has a lot of potential too, in ministry, in business and epritink...*pokoknya loe kalo udah tajir inget2 ama TjieTjie Lin2 yah bob ahahaha*

besides a younger brotha, i have older brothazz whose influence is so significant in me lyfe. Becoz i haven't asked their permissions to write abt em..i wouldnt say so muach..but to all of my brothers who read this blog, yang di sydney, yang udah di surabaya, KOKO ARNOTTT!!!, bro-mozzi...i really thank you all for all the advices, the marah2'n'galak-advice yang udah dikasi ke gw, especially in my abg times hahaha, me so grateful for ur share in the times of me-lyfe.

and theeennn....my two ever-best guy pal! HOPENK 'n si eNyonG..loe orang berdua paling TOP seluruh dunia dhe!!! we've been thru a lot as frens yah...dari yang sweet sampe yang asem dhe, dari perang dingin ampe perang beneran jg udah dijabanin, si Hopenk, juragan dodol garut *hahaha*, inih orangnnya sincere pisan, kalo ketawa suaranya surround sound alias menggelegar kemana2, orangnya rame abis *dari bandung sih yakkk* terus bodynya body marketing euy hahahaha, si hopenk inih kalo udah demen ama cw, dalemnya ajebileee! terus orangnnya pinter juga, lihai jg, en setia kawan abis dheee!!! selama me temenan ama diah mah banyak transaksi yah dari mulai boil ampe buku2 marketing...pokoknya semboyan kita ga bole CIA HOPENG!!! ok hahaha yahhhh trima kazi for olweis bringing laughter to my day, skrg udah jarang konseling cerita cinta lagih seh soalnya mission udah accomplished yah penkkk hehehe *awet2 dhe ama si Doi*

Nyongkeeehhhhh....ini orang yg olweis be there for me during ups and down...we've known each other dari abg times sampe humm...not so-abg times hahaha he's so Damn Smart, so Damn creative, so Damn baikkkk..jago ngegambar, jago masak, jago angkat besi, jago makan, jago ngebut, ga pernah marah, sense of pridenya *bole juga*--jadi kalo mau gontok2an, i meet my match!! hahaha he has a strong conviction in anything that he believes in, adores his parents and respect family values, he is a good listener and orangnnya rational abis...having him as me best fren is a awesome blessing frm above.

yang laen2 ntar disambung part 2 dhe...

so in conlusion, i would say it is true that GURLS can BE BEST FRENS wif GUYS...*i can be 100% sure abt my feeling twrds them is PURE frens* though it's true kalo one party udah ber-pasangan, there is a distance that we have to keep. I have olweis maintained a good relationship wif the special ladies in my boy-frens' lives and we get along pretty well so far ^_^ it is also true tat there are boundaries that have to be kept to sustain the relationships and if both parties respect and truly care for each other, Boys-Gurls friendships are no different to gurls-sisterhood ^_^

This is devoted to all the complicated ladies all around the world

*sebenernnya uda ngga mau nulish ini...cman in dedication to my fren..non CEEPOY...yah selamat dibaca dhe non!*

complicated-ness/complexity of minds, according to linceu's dictionary, is a personality trait possesed by a person because of the shaping from oneself surroundings and past experience (family upbringing, disappointment or hurts from the past etc) Some people recognise and admit their complexity nature, while some are not aware of this unique trait that they posses, and ONE PERSON i know is very proud of her complexity nature *ahhahaha yeah tat's u, poi!!*

How can u tell whether u are complicated or not? Well, if u find urself over-analysing stuff- even the simplest thing. For example, u're wanting to analyse, trying to define and elaborating ur feeling...at one particular moment even though you are not at an extreme emotional condition, you want to have a clear definition of ur feeling. say you are feeling uncomfortable, then u try to judge ur feeling...whether it is sad, it's dissapointment, half-half?? then you try to relate to things that had been going on during the day..wat other people said to you....

In shorts, in every or most of the situation in your life, you always want to define the grey area, between the black and white areas. When most of the people only have two options in their decision making, the complex person would want to have 100 options, which are in reality, might not make any sense or irrelevant to other people.

this might sound unbelievable to some of you but hey, some people who do think in this certain way exist, at least i know one person who does, me.... ^_^

well the example above about feeling might be too extreme. but put it this way, if a person pays so much attention to such minor stuff as elaborating feeling...imagine how complex the person would think when it comes to bigger stuff... like relationship issues, personality issues, in making plan for the future, and other stuff.

i find most complicated people are melancholic.*yeshhh poi! i have a melancholic side in me ehehehhe*....and a little bit over sensitive, a drama queen,an irrational and impulsive person. These people could change their decision, even major decision, daily. I could be happy this minute and in the very next minute i will have a hundred reasons to be mad. being complicated feels like having a permanent PMS daily . Pretty bad huh? but i am proud to say u must be a smart-arse to become a complicated person. If you are having hundreds of reasoning in your mind, and know how to deliver those arguments to other people, how could not u be smart? and in a way complexity gives depth in ur state of mind and makes u unique in somehow.

and this is the confession part...

sometimes i feel so tired with the way my brain operates. Sometimes i want to rebel against my thoughts and just pretend that i can simplify my mind. But as i said before, complexity is something that becomes a part of you because of the shaping of life experiences. So, definetely you cant suddently change the complexity of your thoughts because it's ur whole lyfe. If u are a complicated person, u might have ever confuse or hurt other people, because your intention have been misinterpreted. Those people might not understand ur intention or the way you think.

I would never say that complexity is postive or negative. It has its good and bad sides, however, i am dealing with my complicated personality by surrounding myself with people who can balance out my character. As i have mentioned before, complexity of mind causes changes of moods and decision in the count of seconds, and that is mostly caused by unstable emotions. Well, then i will always ask for the help of my rational , emotionally stable frens (namely adel, tine, xen2) in my decision making. In my previous blog, i wrote that burut is the one who brings stability to my ever changing mood, and it is true. At anytime i want to make impulsive unreasonable decision, these frens will put a brake on me..Their "so-smart-brain" will reason with me and give me explanations on why i should do or should not change my mind, and slowly but sure, i am learning to simplify and put focus and stability in my thought.

BOTTOM line : u cant change ur past, but u can shape ur future ^_^

selamat pagi australiaaaaaaa.......

sekarang neh...waktu menunjukan 6:42 a.m. locationg...abacus lab curtin...*literally in my pjamas*---> yeshhh i wear pjamas to uni hahaha!!
i jus finished my assgn...lagi nungguin di proof -read ama me-fren...terus me harus nunggu for other 3 hours ampe tempat binding buka...arghhh!!

guweh udah di kursi inih dari jam 11:45 last nite *i can feel the bantal udah jadi lepek hehehehe*...en i did not stop typing since last nite...
badan gw rasanya udah kejang2.. kepala sakit abisss... cman otak masih dipaksain jalan pake black coffee ..straight 3 cup.... *thank God for caffeine!*
blame my panik-an ,rusuh-tenan personality...i have planned to bring my ipod charger biar bisa denger lagu semaleman...chargernya dibawa ipodnya ketinggalan ^kalo burut baca pasti ngakak neh^*!gw banget ga seh del hahaha^ !!! niceeee....!!!! 6 hours of silenceee....

-----oh well------this kinda stuff has been my routine for the last 2 years...begadang di uni ampe pagi....mata item2...jerawatan...pigging out makan coklat gara2 assgn2...i tink taun depan...i'm gonna miss it!!! =(

sbenernya today was not really a good day...i didnt have proper saat teduh tadi pegih...en the whole day i felt devastatedd!!! CUAAAPEEEEE abizz...kerjaan sejibun2 ga abis2...ditambah grp mate yang #$)*)%#*^%^ ended up hav to triple-up the workloads....i jus really want to get thru the day...HOWEVER, i was really hepi, knowin tat i hav a music practice for sunday service....for me, eventhough it was only latian...praise and worship is still praise and worship....

pas gw dtg latian...badan gw kayanya udah lemes bgt...my throat kaya yang luka..sakit abis*ask ci hulda..she pitied me* tp memang sayah dasarnya keukeuh...kalo diteken makin ngelawan...makin gw cape makin gw loncat2...makin leher gw sakit makin kenceng gw nyanyinya hehehehe i believe that the mind in controlling the body...so if we say to ourselves that we are alrite..then we will be alrite...'n i believe in God's renewing strength..the joy and the peace that can only come frm within, overflow in my whole being when i sing...and eventhough badan gw masih tetep kelemer2...i can sense tat my fighting spirit is back *ciee...bahasanya xen2 neh*

so yeah...getting back frm the singin practice i felt better...went home..nonton apprentice (harus tetep nonton biarpun assgn besok due belon kelar)...terus i was so determined balik ke uni ngelarin assgn...and yeah...here i am rite now...assgn udah kelar...i cant wait to go back terus mo boboooooo sehariannn....*ahhh...wat a lovely day, today*

To be or not to be...me?

sumtimes i tink...

wat it feels like when i have things tat i dun have at the moment....would i be happier?
wat it feels like to be in the shoes of the ppl. whom i envy the most....would i be happier?
wat it feels like to be somebody else who is the opposite of me....would i be happier?

how happy would i be if....

i could have everting tat i want..all at the same tyme...would i be better person?
i could plan my history, my past....would i be a better person?
i could undone all the mistakes tat i made....would i be a better person?

i would be a better person if i could...

say things in a straight fwd. manner...would i change into sum1 else?
let loose of my prejudice and fear...would i change into sum1 else?

say what i have to say...and what i want to say...would i change into sum1 else?
decide when to be strict, when to compromise...would i change into sum1 else?

stop looking, comparing, wanting things tat aren't mine...could sum1 tell me how?
get a balance of confidence and humility...could sum1 tell me how?
get a grip on my emotional hype...could sum1 tell me how?

detach past frm present, stay innocent in facing the future...could sum1 tell me how?
forgive, forget, and trust again....could sum1 tell me how?

The movie and the Designer

the last 2 days have been sooo...amazing!! juzz attended the most "Hao-tze" events *so far-for me* tis year..

i watched the muvi "Notebook" last nite..and it was so-Damn-Good!! i hav not seen a good romantic drama for a while...it's not cheesy and abg-style at all...meaning-nya dalem en the way the muvi is delivered is so-Damn-Good!! --->so good tat i couldnt stop crying...the fren in my rite-ga nyenderan...en the fren on my left side ga ngedip.. ehehehe...

the muvi was a classic *may be 50's era* luve story where the poor guy fell in luve wif the rich gurl...couldnt be together...and after years they met and clbk and the gurl had to choose btw her fiance or her first luve...i luv the fact that the love story is kept real...both characters refer to each other as "pain in the ass" , dua2nya bener2 keras kepala abis..yang cowonya kool abis *tapi sekali ngomong kena banget* yang cewe cablak ga kira2 *ketawanya lebih kenceng dari gw*...but despite the odds the are crazy abt each others...the luv is so strong tat sampe terakhir2nya mreka berdua udah jadi kakek-nenek..eventhough si cwnya punya short term memory loss...the kakek refused to leave her en evriday he reads her their "notebook" yang nyeritain their journey sgl macem...*awwww pokoknya yang belon nonton..harus nonton!!!* it was...so-Damn-Good!!

terus teruss....

hari inih..me meant to hav lunch together wif cha2..*like evri usual wed*...cman halfway thru ke cafe..kta melihat papan gede "peter morissey workshop" and i was getting so excited and forgot tat i was hungry...we sat in the front row and throughout the presentation i couldnt help to be amazed by the speech made by the designer..i'v never seen any HUGE..so happening designer frm tis vry close distant...

peter morissey was raised up in an indigenous community...he was so poor tat he didnt watch tv til the age of 16 and didnt drink french wine til the age of 30...*amazing how could i remember tis info...i cant remember wat my lecturer said today...*he is a very confident ...and i said...very2 confident but not arrogant at all!! he's praising the audience throughout his presentation...he's very smart and funny...and is an excellent businessman besides a genius designer...

these are the things tat he said...*that i could remember*

"if a bald ,5'9 foot , 42 years old man could make it...so do you!"
"My secret of success is to make mistakes, stumble and fall...and rise again...both of my parents died when i was young...i made millions of debts and still managed to raise up"
"i'm morrisey on the outside but peter on the inside"
"we make raincoat not to protect u from the rain but to make u forget it's rainning"
"i dont see the difference btw models and ordinary women...the difference is models need more cloth when we make their clothes...."
"i said to my models..don make the audience want to be like u...make themto feel like u(when they wear the clothes...i spend 20 yrs trying to make ppl feel good abt themsleves"
"why is tat u never wear ur designer labelled dress...afraid of ppl judgement?? it's all in the attitude..if u are confident..it's shown and guess wat..ppl dun make it a big deal afterall"
"If u dress up the first comment ppl hav to make abt u is "tat looks fantastic"..if the first comment tat they make is "where do you get tat clothes from?"...dont ever wear tat clothes anymore...it's not ur personality"

..the rest i cant remember...but the workshop tat i attended have defenitely opened up my horizons...*geezz i'm so wanting to go to his fashion shows....*

wassup wif u lately??

watsup wif u lately?

well..these are things tat r goin' on in my lyfe at the moment....

half-heartedly finishing all assgnments and reading too-thick-too-boring-too-hard textbookS for Xams...

Draggin' MySelf to FitneSS-FirsT..have to burn those winter jelly belly before summer season..can't hide em behind jacket anymore ehehhehe

finish all the books tat i bought impulsively frm koorong..thank God they are good...*kissed the gurl and made her cry..anointed for business...boundless love..the message Remix*

i'm lovin my mini @evrysecond now...*si popoi mah udah eneq kali dengerin gw ngegombalin mobilku hihihi*people say u would do thing that u dread the most when u fall in love..it's true!! i cant believe me washing car at 12 noon or 12 nite..checkin tyre pressure n buying scratch and polish product...it's official..i'm in love ^_^

i spend almost evriday wif popoii...geezz gurl!! pokoknya kalo jalan ama diah tuh .antara idup dan mati dhe...*linn salah jalur..cepetan pindah..ga ada mobil* *lin trust my intuition..never be wrong.."then after 5 mins"..lin kayanya udah kelewat deh jalannya...* *lin bentar bentar..."then kedengeran suara" CEPRET.."camera mobile-fone"*

hahahaha poi..u'r UNBELIEVABLE..know wat!! i cant believe i fund sum1 who is more complicated than me...i olweis learn sumting new abt u evritime we talk...i love u to bits poi!!

i'm so grateful for ever-very-best-gurlfrens too..eventhough udah jarang ketemuan..our last dinner was totally a BLAST..*untung we took the BEFORE picture instead of the AFTER one hahaha* i'm soooo lookin fwd for our next-gurls-nite-in!!

i spend monday talking to Tiffany'N' wednesday wif vanessa ---> beautiful, amazing, smart gurlfrens ^_^

me so pump up for THE ROCKS camp..we had loads of laughter already jus by talkin abt it...the survivor game, the chicken dance..*ice ice baby!*..the undies en baygon ---> emang orang2 pada sinting segala macem jg diomongin!! most of all, camp for me is like a honeymoon for my spiritual walk..it's good to withdraw frm busy evriday lyfe and takin care of ur spirit and soul ^_^

then..wat's up wif me lately..i'm kinda KUAAANGEEEENNN.....ama yunkieee...*it's been a month since i saw u the vry las time hey...but the chat on the fone kemaren inih was kewl, bra!!* guess u are havin a really gut time there in bandoenk rite...dun forgeto ur ceceehhh heree...i need suntikan dana braaaa!!!!

humm mumpung lagi ngomongin kangen...i miss sum special people too, whom used to bring smilez to my face, but now i cant see evriday bcoz indo-perth ituh mayan jauh yah...aduu..i wish we spent more quality times to make the most of our memories yah...shoulda woulda coulda...

i'm loving "hillsongs-forever and a day" "alicia keys- if i ain't got you" "diana krall- change of address"
i want to improve my lyfe for the better..i start wif small practical things..like changing my bedroom colour...from blue to red ehheeheh...i try to decrease my caffeine intake..i substitute coffee wif vanila tea..i bake apple pie instead of eating shorbread for snacks..not bad for a start hey ^_^

bottom line: My Life been great lately..i'm still livin it to the fullest

secret i'll tell

secret i'll tell

10 things to cure Bete , sebel, sedih...

1. Retail Therapy
2. Chocolate
3. Teriak sekenceng2nya...
4. ngebut sekenceng2nya...*cman ati2 speedcam ^_^*
5. tidur
6. ke salon..*but dun go mad..last time i did tis..i ended up wif a poodle hair*
7. coffee..makin pait makin mempan
8. go to ur most sabar fren...then keluarin semuah uneg2nya
9. fitness..*body combat it is...bwat melampiaskan semuah gregetan ehhehe*
10. praying..the only way to get a grip!

10 things to do to kill the time (and enjoy) in perth

1. go to random cafe *di tempat yang ga biasa..leedervile, subi, freo*
2. window shopping *again..subi, freo, or even morley or the "regular" garbo*
3. cuci mobil
4. go to different bookshops *Koorong*
5. join gym
6. decorating ur house *so many antiques u can find everywhere..IKEA, again freo*
7. nyetir tanpa tujuan
8. BBQ-an
9. nite in or nite out wif close frens
10. join GEREJA

10 things that i couldnt live without

1. JC
2. people who love me
3. people whom i love
4. coffee
5. internet
6. eyeliner en perfume
7. mobile-fone
8. music
9. shopping
10. my mini

10 personality traits that float my boat

1. Passion
2. smart, rada2 *berpolitik* jg gw suka, ber-wawasan lwaz...apalagi yg pinter ngomong
3. pede *wif their inner -not outer- qualities*
4. humility
5. lucu
6. genuine as in apah adanyaa..
7. charm
8. jual-mahal-ness *it is a personality trait* --> it means sense of Pride and Dignity
9. persistancy
10. ambitious

10 personalities/attitudes that sink my ship

1. narcist-ness
2. double-face
3. childish
4. coward-ish
5. kritinggg...!!!
6. intolerant
7. ga tanggung jawab
8. ga mandiri
9. kasar
10. over-emotional

have u ever been blank?

i tink there will olweis be moment where we feel so...blank!

when sumting unexpected, sumting intriguing, astonishing come to our way

it's amazing tat my most typical respond is not

panic, sadness or anger...

it's just blank

u thought u are so sad that u really want to break down

but you are not

or may be it's anger because u can't handle the truth

or may be it's disappointment or indifference

no it aint

it's not a happy or relief moment

it's a feeling of acceptance, but i feel like in denial too

it is so emotional that you really want to express it

but what is it when all u feel is just something, unknown

i wish it would be something other than blank

if it is anger or sadness..at least i would know how to handle 'em

but wat to do with blank-ness??

blank-ness contains tears but a feeling of relief

it contains no regret but a feeling of uncertainty

my blankness also contains cheerful mood and some sort of emotions

usually, when i am sad i am going to eat and when i am angry i scream

when i am blank...

i think and try to make this feeling something else...

i cry

i laugh

i sing

i write poems

i think

but i found no cure

blank feeling

whatever!

may be it's better to leave it as it is

my best fren part 2

*picturenya kecil bgt seh*..cman yang plg ujung kiri ituh namanya Christine..tine inih 3 yrs my senior and i look up to her as my role model..tine inih orang yg karakternya paling kuwat dr semuah org yang pernah gw kenal...orgnya punya prinsip..sgt independent, tough, mandiri, pinter banget..orgnya perfectionist, know how to take care of herself..pinter cerita jg..en lucu banget..tegas tp orgnya jg ngejaga perasaan org bgt..en keibuan bgt dhe..pokoknya in term of personality..tis gurl is 9/10 ahahaha..pokoknya if u meet her..u cannot not falling in luv wif her...

on my left n rite r madeline and xen2..these 2 sisters share kinda similar traits if i should say so...mreka discipline bgt, tanggung jawab en devoted to wat they do but passionate as well..especially xen2..kalo ngomong ceplas ceplos..ga pake introduction lgs ke sasaran..hahahaha gw kadang2 sport jantung jg kalo ditegur ama diah..cman i thank God for her..i believe in life we dont only need ppl who pamper us all d time..we need a slap in our face to wake us up and rise..en she is the one who does tat to me hahahaha *tp xen2 jg bs jd shoulder to cry on ko...jus be honest wif her...wat u see is wat u get*

at the other end..tirzaahh..my partner in cryme!! cw inih is all abt luv and caring hahaha she'll take care of ur well being hahhaha kalo ama tirzah tuh gw dimanjain terus..ampe kita udah dibilang kaya lesbong ama semuah orang hahaha tis gurl is vry open, vry liberal in her thinking, vry expressive..she's all abt fun..orgnya ramah bgt sama semuah org..and vry lovable ^_^

bottom lines, we often ask ourselves.wat does it take to make frens to bcome best frens?

for me,these gurls (part 1 and 2) are my best frens bcoz i found tat wif them, i dun have to pretend to be anything...i can show my clueless-ness (it's so annoying hahaha), my embarassing moment or my achievement and success without the fear of being judged or unaccepted...most of all of course, these gurls are my best frens because when i'm in deep mess (lots of times), they dont leave me nor correcting me..they jump into the mess wif me and help me to fix it and push me up out of the deep hole...luv you gurls!

sex and the city

my all the tyme addiction

yup..i confess tat i'm addicted to SATC shows..i lurve carrie bradsaw to bits...
i'm the dvd collector-i do clipping-and put pictures of the gurl all over my room..

carrie bradshaw character is simply a fashion icon to me...though i dun plan to copycat her..i lurve the way she put uneven pieces of clothing together..and they work well. so yeah..havin' the clipping gives me inspiration on styling and all... my fave are the 50's skirt wif pointy shoes..the high ugh boots...the forever-never-die black dress ^_^plus the gurl is only 160cm tall..jus like me..-i can relate to her hahaaha^_^

more than the fashion thingy...of course me likey the whole show too...luv all the gurls...and luv the guys too...i luv the show the most when aidan was in it...funny how all my gurlfrens and i love aidan character so much..he's the perfect-romantic-faithful-unerstanding-and 100% husband/bf material...but when it comes to the real world...all gurls (including me and carrie bradshaw) prefer a Mr Big kinda person..the unattached-challenging-tempting type altogether...*when will we learn frm mistakes??*

since aidan was out of the equation..i tot there would be no better man character in the show..but then along came harry--charlotte's boyfren

i swear i really like tat guy! i played the episodes yang ada diahnya for the last 3 wks..he's just too irresistable to watch! he has sumting beyond his outside appearance...humility but confidence...so direct but funny at the same tyme...his character is smart and his romantic move is so unique as well... he's not really tall but so attractive and cowo abis dhee..allrite i better stop before i fall in luv wif him hahahaha

hey if anyone knows anybody like him in reality................... ^_^

my best frens (part1)

wise men say it is good to suround yourself wif people of different personalities, that way you will see different perspectives of lives. Not only my best frens are possessing different characters wif me, but all of them are very strong too in terms of their characters.

There is, of course, the negative side of having strong-character frens, that is they will always be arguments and point of indifference..there will be frictions because these frens would not tolerate their characters.

Tat's okai for me...i respect and adore people who are strong in their characters..people who are content wif themselves..who have principles and values...and if i am having these kinda people to be my best frens..i consider myself to be more than lucky ^_^

having strong character doesnt always mean to be dominant ato gahar ato jalu gituh ehhehehe san2 one of my bestgurl..is so not macho at all...malahan diah model yang kaya anak2 gituh..so bubbly and cheerful..but dun be-fooled by the look..despite all the cutey-bubbly look..she is the monica (from Friends) of the group..she knows how to do..EVERYTHING! she is the one who remembers evrybody bday..en yang sibuk cari2 kado juga..smenjak dket ma san2..i learn how to clean my house..guah jadi tau all cleaning and cooking products ahahhaha *before, i only knew beauty product*...tis is the gurl who knows how to set her priorities rite...olweis on time..n berdedikasi tinggi..and SELALU nolongin temen2nya..ngurusin urusan rumah tangga...dari bebersih rumah ampe ngurusin surat2..we can olweis depend on her

my very best fren..burut is the exact opposite of me...even til now i still couldn't believe tat we can become best frens..guah tipe yang suka basa basi en she is the straight to the point type...guah yg mushy2 type en she's the macho-gurl..i'm into poetry ands she is into maths..we hav completely diff. dreams in life..diff. ideal lifestyle..but it's amazing how we could draw a line in the middle and complement in the area of weaknesses of each other...she's the one who brings stability in my ever changing life..and the one who brings reality into my emotional state of mind

my bebeh mariaa..is the fren whom i thought paling mirip ama gw in term of charachters...only slightly more advance ahhahaha she's always the life of the party..the trendsetter and the one evrione turns to for luve advice...jus like oprah...cicinya semuah orang ^_^ tis bebeh is the one who brings colour and depth into my life
my 3 best frens

intro to me

FIRSTLY, i tot this thingy is kurang kerjaan banget... but, here i am..kurang kerjaan..bosen..N ended up writing stuff di blogspot afterall, i luv writing..'N tis blogspot thingy becomes interesting the more i get into it.. so yeah..why not havin a blogspot ^_^

'N well..i owe tis blogspot to sum1 a while ago..so "you" better read tis thingy eventhough it's dead boring hehehe.. for the rest of visitors...tengQ for checkin out ^_^ i

f tis blogspot thingy is meant to cerita2 ttg thoughts and idup-penulish-nya.. me called my page a story abt a life (sounds sinetron-ish..but will do ^_^)

caroline's life..

it's abt JC..it's abt frens..it's abt coffee..it's abt carrie brandshaw and fab5...it's abt flowers and food..it's abt msn and sms...it's abt frenster and "may-be-soon-to-be" tis blogspot..it's abt handbags and shoes..

it's abt learning..it's abt holding on and moving on..it's abt laughing out loud and crying all nite..those hahahaha and arggggghhhh.... "wat the @#%&*"....it's abt thinking and observing..it's about making mistakes and fixing 'em...it's abt changing and having a principle...it's abt laughing at myself and be bold in making a step...it's abt big dreams and achieving 'em

the best thing i've ever done for myself is to love my life'N living it to the fullest so, this is the story of my life, wif no regret ^_^

things tat make me go mmm....

• when wake up *knowin it's not too early nor too late*...havin' music still playin' in the cd player.. not in a rush to class or meeting...then havin oh-so-yummy-breakfast..scones wif jam and cream..or hot pancakes...and read magazines all morning..

definetely such a fine morning ^_^

• Wednesday is my special day...lookin fwd to buy newspaper ahahhaha * i only read news on wednesday*..then go to random cafe..anywhere in perth..read papers wif coffee and chocolate cakes..*yum* wednesday is also groceries day...buying essentials such as doritos-scotch fingers-mandarins and flowers....

• shopping..fremantle 'N subi are my fave spot...small independent shop is olweis the best...can get bargain and discount for goods that are not sold elsewhere *best handbags in the city*...plus the old city atmosphere is so relaxing...can walk around there for hourss ga kerasaa...^_^

best evening would be...chatting for long hours on de fone or msn...talking abt A-Z and having loads of hahaha...or watching sex and the city series on dvd...or finish a thick book *wif doritos and coffee*

• having my fave song played in radio..*esp the oldies one*
• lil thoughtful surprises...
• reading my old journals or past chat blog history...esp the ones abt. the old crush ahhahaha *blush*
• gurls nite in...with truth or dare game and midori/tequila and dominos and pedicure manicure sets..
• dengerin lagu slow yang super romantis..*bisa ampe ngerinding hahahaha* -->first time i listened to keith martin "because of you" --->i played the song all nite long ^_^
• driving my mini at nite ato sore2 frm withrop ke cannington...*abis jalanannya lurus doang*..apalagi kalo ujan2..sambil dengerin lagu diana krall..biasa ajah sih..nuthing special abt it..but it makes me feel gut ^_^