I got a wake up call from tante susy on the good friday, yesterday. she thought i am not a christian, by the look of me and judging of what she had known of me after living under one roof with me for a month. I was crushed. I was thinking all morning, that my attitude, my conducts, my behaviour, perhaps my words do not reflect any hint of christianity. Do not show that i am a believer. I am not a good witness of the kingdom, then.
Ko dan must have been disappointed if he reads this (haha!) All of those years of training, of ministry, of everything do not make me "look like a christian". Yah memang sih, gua kalo ngobrol2 dengan si tante gak pernah nyinggung2 ttg gereja or JC, kalo wiken gak pernah di rumah, but in my defence i stay over at my auntie's so that i could go to church on sunday morning with my coz. but all that she knows, i never go to church on sunday. kalo di rumah hampir gak pernah pasang lagu gereja, yang ada pasang lagu Justin sama remix-nya DJ edo (haha!) doang. Kelayapan terus., kalo pulang kerja pasti bawa kantong belanjaan isinya baju, baju dan baju lagih. KAmar penuh dengan majalah fashion dan DVD (prison break, what else?) and for the record, yes i dont have a bible. (i know, i'm ashamed of it). I have a huge bible di bandung, tp gak pernah di bawa ke gereja. abisnya gede banget. lagian kalo di gereja juga pasti ada power pointnya. males bawa2 bible berat. but yeahh.. emang siii from the look of me. memang kurang memperlihatkan that i am a Christian.
so that morning i told tante susy, yes i am a Christian. But i did not start giving her testimonies of my "so called" christian life, the ministry and everything that i know about the bible. I hate it when people do that. Trying too hard to prove something when they are being accused of something wrong, especially kalo yang di accuse udah lumayan senior di bidangnya. misalnya kalo ada mantan ketua cell group and worship leader baru pulang dari luar negeri, terus pas join gereja baru di indo, dikebaktian umum ditanyain sama usher, mau ikutan kelas katekisasi ga (seolah2 kayak dia masi a new baby born christian), then in the next second the used to be WL and cell leader would start to "share his testimonies" that he used to lead the main service that consist of 1000 people, how he got saved, how he had been used miraculously blablabla.. ah males banget!
personally, i tink kalo misalnya we are being judged incorectly, mendingan dipikirin and dijadiin kritik membangun ajah deh. let our corrective actions speak out for themselves. Afterall actions speak louder than self justification huh? Memang sii seudah pulang indo i admitted it is really hard to get back into Christian lifestyle. So hard if you have not find a home church to settle down. YUp, prayer partners please do pray for me, i'm still searching and searching. But i'm going to Church kok besok, harus harus perjamuan kudus. It's easter for gucci sake.
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