work hard, play harder

yah, sebenernya judulnya rada2 kurang accurate (because sincerely i have not been working hard, but i definetely living it up to the standard in the playing department. Ha!) So, i was flying to Spore on Friday. It was one of the scariest flight i have ever taken, due regards to the bad weather. The plane actually flew around for 10 minutes because it could not land. And for the first time in my life the head of stewardness announced, "please pray accoding to your own belief so that God will protect us and bring us to the destination safely" And my prayer varies from, "TUhaaannn... esther belon meriddd!!!" to "Tuhann kalo aku mo dipanggil pulang, aku request mau rapture sebelon pesawatnya jatoh!!". When i told Sherlock, he was like "buset nii anak, life and death ajah dibikin maenan!"

Anyhow, ternyata memang my mission on earth is not fully accomplished just yet, so i landed safely in spore. Tine and Aswin picked me up, and God Lord, i must have been staying in Indo too long because they walked so fast and i always ketinggalan like 10 steps behind. And i love, love, love their apartment in Novena Estate. IT's very chic, Tine's style and homy and comfy. It's just that it is located in 4th floor and there is no elevator to get there. So we have to climb 4 storeys 5 times a day. It's hard enough for them to do it, imagine me on my standard height heels. Give me a month there and i'll take J'LO for sexy butts competition. Owyeahh..

So, the first night it was Phantom, baby! Of course laa.. everyone there can sing, but the person who plays phantom really can sing! i mean, he got sum real techniques that would make us merinding-merinding bo!! During the break, me and tine sneaked out for some champagne break and celebrity sightseeing. Ow yess we met Koes Hendratmo and his fair lady (aaAA GYMana seehh??!) Anyway, the opera was beyondd.. The curtain encore goes up to 4 times in total. And on Saturday, we went shopping. Yes pokoknya when it comes to shopping, Tine and I are governed by the same principle "sampai titik darah penghabisan" (haha!) and we met up with Cath, Rika and Liz. We had the typical girls day out: Retail Theraphy, Cheesecake and donuts, Chai latte and coffee, relationship talks, career talks, ngecengdotcom, dinner, high tea, and Clarke Quay. Dressed up, mojito, lusting after the bass player in The pump, then dancing all night long in the Ministry Of Sound, many2 glasses of whisky and coke and killing ourselves while climbing the stairs on 10cm stileto, half sober, on our way back home. AAAhhh.... i need tukang pijaatt desperately!!

yah yahh.. pokoknya to sum up everything: i had too many cheesecake and dendeng, too much caffeine and alcohol, topshop apparel and dior makeup and excessive fats by the time i got back to jakarta. my dear, i miss you too!! kayanya udah lama banget yaahh gak liat muka kamyuuu yang aneh tapi nyata tapi ngangeninn.. yahh minggu depan juga gak bisa ketemuan.. have to go bak to bandung uey.. engagementnya anne and phillip. u wanna come wif me?

me and cha2 this morning

Cha2 says:
maybe ga akan ada co yg bs fall in love ke aku like he does
Cha2 says:
but
Cha2 says:
like we said
Cha2 says:
or i said
Cha2 says:
i dun want to settle for 2nd best


Cha2 says:
and wat should I do with XXXX? =(
caroline says:
pokoknya prinsip guah cha
caroline says:
does not matter with any guy
caroline says:
cake p or jelek
caroline says:
pinter or bapuk
caroline says:
MY PRIDE COMES FIRST
caroline says:
ahhahahahahahaha
Cha2 says:
hahaha
caroline says:
as soon as he hurts my pride, i'm leaving!!!!



caroline says:
but we have to learn to be able to live without them
caroline says:
jangan ngerasa lonely kalo gak ada yang deketin
caroline says:
kalo gak ada yang muji2, gombal2an
caroline says:
entar kita jadi approval addict
caroline says:
live for other people approval
Cha2 says:
ghahaha ya sih dat is so trueee

Raining, raining and raining. I love, love and love it. Even when you had a really rough day, once it starts to rain, your mood soothe away somehow. So I’d been sitting in a 1.5-seater burkshire sofa, covered in premium leather in my showroom, of course aided with a shot of caffeine and kacang goreng and Sade is playing on the background. Can you believe it; I’ve been eating this kacang goreng tidak bermerek seharga seribu perak per plastik dari warung Bu haji di belakang showroom, everyday for the past 7 days. I love, love and love them. Anyway, this moment of males2an di tengah hujan sambil mengkhayal ngalor-ngidul begini emang paling manthapss di seluruh dunia. This is my ultimate indulgence together with bubble bathing, retail therapy and chocolate binging.

Males banget kerja, especially when my next vacation is only around the corner (precisely 18 hours 20 minutes to go). In the past 2 days, I only sat in front of the computer, berita di Koran basi semua.. berita orang mati semuah.. Boris Yeltsin lah, Virginia Massacre lah, Lumpur Lapindo lah.. aduhh yang laenn sii?! mana hasil pemilu di France? Lama amat.. mau tau dong siapa yang menang. Eh, actually I was watching Tukul last night. I am not a fan of Indonesian talk show truthfully, but if a guy could make 30 million rupiah per hour, I guess he’s worth checkin out. Yeah, yeah, not bad! He’s funny alright and he’s smart, I can tell. He knows how to throw a decent joke and know how to” mengembalikan bola” dari tamu2nya. I’ll give it one year the max before it goes to the backdoor. The show business is very tough huh? Today you are the hottest item and next year you will be another “yesterday news”. Makanya big thumbs up for the one and only OPRAH who survives the talkshow business for decades.

Udah ah jadi melenceng, So today I was browsing yahoo! Images and working on the shopping list with my colleagues. My store manager wants Kenzo perfume, my architect wants a Chloe and my accountant wants Elizabeth Arden beauty kit. Aduhhh banyaakkk duitt nii (duit titipan semua haha!) Gaya euy, mo membabi buta di Orchard (nyeah, nyeah, belanja buat orang laen though) As for the boss who flied all the way to Singapore, namely me myself and I, wont be able to afford anything after splurging on the opera and plane’s tickets (sighs) sedihhh amaatt… gajiann dong gajiann, Mr. Julian!!

By the way, my darling Claudia was calling me last night; while I was tidur siang (thank you very much) Kenapa all of you know the exact time I sleep?? The other day it was Diky who ruined my tidur siang, Malemnya Andre, kemaren Claudia telepon pas gua tidur siang, eh malemnya Bobskee was calling pas gua udah di langit ketujuh. Tapi I love you all too much, so it’s okay. Anyhow I confessed to my ex-boyfriend’s cousin, whom I have considered to be my own little sister, that I have fallen in big times admiration for one very, very, very special individual. Is this a wrong thing to do?

Anyway, I kept saying to her that this person is very, very, very perfect. Inside and outside, top to bottom, forward and backward, yesterday, today and tomorrow. She went speechless because she knows my attitude towards guys, I would never use the term “perfect” to describe a guy. Pasti guah bilang keren banget, ok banget, high quality, eligible and all that, but never “perfect”. She wants me to email his picture and she said she would print it out then stick it on her bedroom wall, lay hands and pray over the picture day and night. “God if this man is for Cie Lin2 then tolong dibukain jalan, tapi kalo bukan, buat aku aja. Amin!”

“Terus yang laen2 gimana dong cie? Dikemanain semua itu tabungannya?” Dikemanain yah sa?? Buat kamu ajah gituh? Aduhh but can I keep my scorpio? Humm.. darling, darling I’m gonna trade you with Mr. Perfect karena saya nonton kotbahnya Pastor Kong He di family channel kemaren. Kata Pastor Kong He the best relationship style is the mix of best friend love and unselfish love, sedangkan our style is the game playing and possessive style, right? Mana bisa hepi in the long term kalo beginih terus huh? Sudah gihhh dikau mencari mangsa baru sajah.. udah kelamaan nii nangisin dan mikirin kamu teruss.. loe juga pasti udah kebanyakan nelen panadol dan cangkok jantung kan all these years. We have started as lovers, enemy, friends, lover, in between lover and friends, in between enemy and best friends, huh? Bingung juga kan? Udah terlalu panjang sejarahnya kamyu dan akyuu.. mendingan kita start fresh ajah yuukkk.. (yuuukkk!!) Tinnn.. guah belom ngepak nii.. males banget!! Berat bawa2 hairdryer and curling iron. Minjem kamu punya ajah yahh!!

tuesday

1. tuhh kann.. kenapa si kucrit ituu selalu muncul di saat yang sangat tidak diharapkan!! pas ditunggu2in, dikangen2in, dipikirin pagi siang malem, gak pernah nongol! eh pas udah dilupain, diantepin, baru aja i found "another you", jeng jrengg... tau2 nongol from out of nowhere..huhh.. why you makin my life so difficult, babe?
2. Boris yeltsin died!! turut berbela sungkawa for once named the most controversional president of Russia.
3. Counting days to meet tine in spore
4. I just kno what it feels like to live with condemnation eventhou you have repented over and over again, but last night, something amazing happened. I've been praying and crying at night, begging God to forgive me for things that i did that i know had broken His heart. I've been doing this almost every night because i felt that the guilt does not go away no matter how much i've said sorry. So at 11 i went to bed and have already asleep, but i woke up at one, because that kucrit called me, i woke up and could not sleep again so i turned on the TV. Can you believe it, the program on family TV at that time is exactly the same as what i've been praying for? It was a short drama about a little boy who did something wrong, and he was afraid that his father would punish him and all. So he ran away and hid from the father. The father then came to look for him, hugged the boy who had been hiding under the bed and the father said,

"There is nothing that you could ever do that would make ME love you less"

The father said the statement over and over and over again, and I was crying, and crying and crying. And i felt relieved.

weekendnism 101

Truth is, life is so full of surprises and many of the good surprises do come when you least expect them. Moreover, the best surprises do come when you are not ready for them.

So, i got a huge huge huge, oh so huge surprise. So huge that i think i must have been dreaming. But some people try to get in the way to make sure that i wont be getting the huge huge surprise. I was so mad when i found out and i've sat in my baroque armchair, armed with 2 glasses of kopi tubruk for an hour, thinking. I would think of every possible method to outsmart them, to defend myself when they are going to launch a counter attack, the worst case scenario and everything.

However, in the end i decided to retreat. I've learnt over the years, in a very hard and painful way, that being manipulative, being sly and cunning is not helpful, worse than that, it is not useful at all. You can try every single trick that the best book has ever taught you, but if mother nature is not in favour with you, it wont happen the way you want it to be. The more we try to make something happen, the more we try to change something or someone, the more things will go the wrong ways. Being manipulative might give us a little advance in a short period of time. We might get a little victory, but it is only a temporary triumph. Again, i'll say this: you cannot have (bend your arse trying hard to steal) something that is not meant for you, and nobody else could take away (bend their sorry ass to get) what is meant to be yours.

i've made up my mind that these days, i wont try to be competitive or showing off to anyone the " if i want it i can get it" attitude. I'll make peace with anyone, even if those people try to cheat on me or trying to take advantage on me. I'll smile and sit back, and wait, for time will tell, that no matter what you do, you cannot bring me down. Excuse me, darling. But if God has put me in this position, as far as i'm concern, as long as i do my part, HE will keep me here. And if in the end, i wont be getting what i've prayed for, then well, i'll be a big girl and proudly says that somebody deserves it more than me, may be it's not my time yet,but never mind, the best is yet to come.

we'll see.

Ah hang on, i suppose to be talking about my weekend rite?

• went to dinner at Nan Xiang: Silvy and Seni. (Ah.. long tyme no see. You gurls look stunning!) And the food are marvelous. The VIP room is excellent and the ferrero dessert is just perfect.
• stay over at Tirz: maen nintendo Wii: as you all have already predicted: guah dibantai abis2an because gua kebanayakan teriak2, loncat2 dan cubitin ary daripada actually playing. haha
• church on sunday noon at Bapindo. Great preaching, pastor! He's a batak marrying a Cito. Can you believe it? we were discussing him all the way from kuningan to senopati on Sunday.
• Trying on new salon for monthly nail work: QUEENDOM. It's korean. So, it all smells very2 Anyong Haseo! but the koreans do really know how to get a perfect pedicure (thou it takes 3 hours to get the job done) i'm pleased :) (tine, my feet are ready for phantom!)
• Congratulations to Joshua and Cindy for the engagement!!
• and you, finally you give in! hahaha.. siapa suruh kamu baca koran kompas section olahraga tiap hari, pasti baca artikel Jimmy Jusman terus jadi kepikiran your friend whose name is accociated with the pool player huh? hahahaha... The cold war is officially over! and i WON!!
• but just when i thought i have a sweet, sweet victory: He sprayed his Armani perfume on my arms, and that's it. He got me. Ahhh.. you do really know how to make a girl thinks about you all day huh, my scorpio? (who use Armani these days? you are so jadul babe!!)

fried rice, french election, you and I

Saturday, 08:00, my residence:

a series of continuous knocking on my door.
I was blowdrying my hair, so i just abandoned it.
But the knocking did not stop.
I thought, that must be the maid checking if i'm up already,
the driver has arrived to pick me up (to go to work)
Yes, who else goes to the office on saturday morning but moi?
Anyway the knocking got more irritating, so i screamed
"sebentar!" , as i finished with my hair i rushed to the door,

and there he was
standing there, with a tray, a fried rice and a glass of orange juice.

The first thought that came to mind was,

"how on earth did you bring all of those things? How did you go pass the security gate at 8 in the morning? the maid and my tante? For Gucci sake, how could i not appreciate this effort, everything on a tray haha. If the guy is not a high flyer player, there is no way he could pull this thing off"

yayaya.. never mind, you made the effort to wake up early on saturday morning and cooked, go to supermarket to buy the orange juice and brought them all thee way from Jakbar to Jaksel, on a tray!! gudness me, i still cannot believe the tray, man! So i let him in, we watched CNN while having breakfast. Discussing the Virginia massacre and upcoming french election that will take place tomorrow. Sergoleone Royal for president. yeah! you go and do your thing, girl!

Well, i did not pay too much attention of French politics, but yesterday i spent all morning Google-ing Ms. Royal and Nina Wang. Anyway, if she is elected, she will be the first woman president in France. She is so chic and fashionable. haha. Actually the other 2 candidates are not too bad themselves, Sarkovsky or whatever his name is. I think he is going to win. He's very young and good looking. The election is going to be very unpredictable and exciting since 40% of the voters have not made their decision on whom to pick. 40% is huge. Even an underdog still has a hopeful chance to win.

But the nina Wang is even bigger than the election. I mean, the richest woman in Asia has decided to give her total inheritance (that's 4.2 BILLION US DOLLAR) to her fortune teller?? i mean?? This is nuts! Since when a fortune teller even enters the scene? What did the fortune teller do to her? Hypnotise her or something? What about her family? Her company and all of the people whom have worked for her over the years?

Anyhow.. back to my breakfast romansa (haha..!!)

The thing is, i have known the guy for 5 years, have known him good enough that even if he served me romantic breakfast (which is not the first time), even if he decorates my whole bedroom in rose petals (which had happened before), even if he invites me to his annual family gathering (which had happened as well), even if he puts his whole heart on the tray, it will still take a very long way to go to fix our "broken to pieces" relationship.

But yeah, at least now that i know what you are willing to try,

why dont we give "us" another try?

besides, his fried rice tastes much better than the first one that he cooked for me 3 years ago.
"Babe, you are a good cook. This is terrific!"
"I'm a changed man. A better man, love"

What ever that means.

melepas rhinnnduuu....

finally, finally i got to meet her!. I literally ran from my office to the parking field to greet her in person. As soon as she saw me, she stopped the car and jumped out of it, we screamed like a mad person, run and gave each other a hug. IT was quite a scene, actually tp maklum dong namanya juga udah setaun gak ketemu! So off we go to SHY (oh my Gucci, i'm so recommending this place to everyone) I've breathe the kemang air for almost 3 months now, and SHY is practically the best lounge in the area. It is so classy, elegant and sophisticated. All the waiters speak perfect english, no indonesian accent, thank you very much. WE ordered a cheese plater and a white dessert wine. I should have tried to remember it's name since it was so good. The cheese selection is just beyond! We sat and talked for hours and hours and hours til the restaurant is practically closed. If she is a he, this is the time when i am going to start to fall in love. CHaaa.. i love you, love you, love you!!! thank you for the love consultation (gila udah bertaun2 masalah kita masih itu2 ajah yah cha: Bad boys for life haha!), sharing new skills and new pick up lines (hey if we are getting back into the game, it is just about time to polish up jurus2 silat baru, right haha)for the business advice (you always amaze me with your goals and achievement), some tearful heart to heart sharring, make up tips, kodak moments and gossip sessiongs of course hahaha. Too bad, too bad, she is flying back to Perth tonight, yahh baru ketemuan lagi november dong entar! But we'll be meeting up in perth ya, hoorah!, millpoint pastinyaa yah cha hehe

wait, wait, i think i heard a sms alert!

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

belom juga ada 5 menit i sent my previous posting

dan "orang yang dimaksud" has oredy responded?!

sayonara

going once..
going twice..


okay, that's it!
your time is up.

past the expiration date already

just know that i have waited, and
i've waited long enuf yah babe
capee deehh...
no hard feeling but,
1i'm leaving yaaa

you have a nice life

mwahh..

world peace, my friend.. please dong ah!

you know, i'm all against the war between the USA and Iraq. Masi banyak cara laen untuk menerapkan disiplin kok. Bonyok2 yang berpendidikan ajah gak harus mukulin anaknya to get the kids to do what they want. Masa such a nation like the US does not know how to discipline a country without getting their hands dirty? kenapa harus pake perang2an segala. Mendingan budget perangnya dipake buat ngutangin developing and third world countries. Please dong ah!

Oh well, cuman in real life, kenapa ya i find myself again and again, choosing to go to the battlefield other than negotiating for the quest of peace, when my territory is tresspassed? Anyway, i dont have barbed wire when it comes to friendship and career. Even in the toughest situation, i still can keep my head on its place and hands clean while solving the entire quarrel between the disputing parties. But when it comes to anything that is involving feelings and emotion, you all know what i am talking about, just watch out my friends, one foot on the wrong place, i get my shotguns out.

"loh memang dunia percintaan itu equivalent to dunia persilatan kok, lin. Siapa yang kuat dia yang menang. Udah gak ada tuh istilahnya Bogoh paeh, love is blind, losing your head. Those things are for losers."

Begini deh jadinya kalo my alliance dan sekutu2 terdekat are cold hearted players (Correction: not players, just masterminds and relationship experts) Gak ada tuh yang namanya "mendengarkan kata hati", "pursue true love", and all of those happily ever after tales.

So, it has been 19 days since you and I have decided to send our troops to the frontline. The battle is on. There is no sign that any of us will fly the white flag and offer a peace treaty anytime soon. We both have been raised in battlefields. We have the reputation to conquer even the most dangerous skilful, armed and dangerous warriors. We know how to fight like a pro, and make every opponent dying inside. Moreover, this is not the first time we screw each other’s brain in cold wars, I mean I cannot believe we keep doing this to each other over the period of 5 years.

We’ve been playing games since we the first time we were introduced to each other. I still can vividly remember, the matchmaker was calling me the night before I was supposed to be introduced to you. He said, “You are about to meet your match, girl.” And, meeting a perfect match I do, indeed. And funny thing is, the pattern of our cold wars does not change even slightly at all. We met, fall in love, crazy about each other, drive each other nuts, intensify the relationship with a lot of tension, kiss and make up, and when the relationship is at its best, we just snap and disappear from each other’s life. Disappear, disappear, until we forget about each other, then out of nowhere we intentionally make the effort to meet each other again, in some random occasion, some random place, some random time and repeat the whole cycle all over again. IT has been 5 crazy years and the cycle is kept repeating itself.

This is nuts!! Baby please, I’m so tired of playing this game. Especially with you. Listen to that Santana’s “Smooth” song would ya? World peace, please dong ah!

“Give me your heart, make it real, or let’s just forget about it!”

here i am,10:45 in the morning, feeling grumpy and moody, and all of those friendster junkie out there must have had known why. The rountine maintenance that will take up to a day. ARgh. i desperately want to see Tirzah Bday pictures. Anyway, Tirzah's Bday, that's another story to tell. I tripped over the brick pavement and my right knee was bleeding very badly that i had to walk around Plaza Senayan like an injured soldier. I never knew how hard it is to walk in 10 cm heels before that night. I ended up spending half an hour in Starbucks public bathroom and wasted half roll of toilet paper to clean and soothe the wounds. But thanks for the dinner, my dear. It was amazing.

The seafood, the bul go gi, the bul kal bi, and the other "an nyong haseo" food that we binged til we were short of breath last night were superb. I think i have eaten a total of 1 killogram of meat in total. I felt very bloated all morning and i cannot fit into my jeans. Dummit! Now this is one of those days when a loose dress (which is one size bigger than your usual size) comes in handy. Well, well, looks like i need to get into the caffeine diet as soon as possible. People ask me these days, how did i manage to loose 15 pounds in a year? tell you the truth: get a job, get a boyfriend and get into the caffeine diet. Trust me. It works.

Okay, since friendster is aint working, i had to find another retreat, so i read the paper all morning. The paper has been very interesting lately, with the upcoming elections from all over the world. It's still a tight battle between the clintons and obama,megawati and SBY, and fauzi bowo and daradjatun. Yeah whoever wins the election, i'm just glad that he (or she) is a democrats. hoorah! Especially in the US, i wonder what would really happen if a democrat wins the upcoming election, what will happen to the bush-blair-howard trilogy? would the republican saga going down? And what about that Singapore PM doing with his 2 million US dollar salary? apparently the PM of singapore has stacked the biggest salary in the world, i mean 2 million US?? even bush only get 400.000 US/ annually. No wonder the normal working hours in Singapore is 7 to 11 in comparison to 9 to 5 in the states. The singaporeans have to work their arses off to pay their PM.

My attention was devoted to the munir case, btw. Well, not a fan of human rights issue actually. But since i am hooked up on prison break, i was kinda touched by the fact that Munir's wife is fighting for pembersihan nama baik of her husband who was killed for a crime that he did not commit. Well, fighting against the country's intel is not as easy as putting a demo in front of the parliement's house. Even someone as smart as Scofield has a hard time doing it. Anyway, good look to you, missus. Just wish that there will be someone in the government body who has a heart to fight for justice and righteousness.

Yah, yah, it's better to stay away from the world of politics. I've been involved in some cases that were involving lawyers and court orders and they were terrifying. It is not as kewl as what we had seen on TV. So, God forbid. i wont go there anymore. Anyway, Tirzah: cant wait til saturday! I am so staying over for chocolate binging and playing nintendo wii all night. Xen: seriously, you dont want to go to Hillsongs when u r 6 months pregnant. Sen: I'll defintelly be coming for the engagement on may. ("may be yes, may be no" haha emangnya ringgo?!) Gina: neng.. gimana nih jadinya? hayuu dung ikutann.. it's phantom for gucci sake!. Scorpio, my dear: ARGHH.. i dont know what to say to you anymore. let's cool off for now. we'll talk after our brain come back from holiday, rite. Why it always has to be intense, you and i? pffttthhh...

are you kidding me?

girl, i like you so much. you are gorgeous and all that. but you are ways too complicated for me.

boy, i think i can be with you. you are smart, charming and all that. but you are not ready to settle down just yet.

girl, your thoughts, your smile, you fascinate me

boy, your confidence, your eyes, you astound me

why oh why we cant make this work?

why oh why you have to be so proud and obstinate?

so i guess this is it, this is the point where we should go on our separate ways

so i guess this is it, we should go on with our own life and pretend nothing has ever happened between us.

This is ridiculous, as if meeting someone whom can connect with us is not hard enough, after you found one whom you really like, both of you choose not to give it a try?

*you can meet the right person, but if it is not the right time, it would not work out anyway.

my dear,

let's put all of those bitter sweet memories behind
we know that we would never make it, you and i.
you know that i deeply care for you,
yesterday, today, tomorrow. i will always be there for you,
as a friend.
so for the very last time, thank you for everything my dear

dear scatterbrain,

I was sitting all morning reading kompas and my newly purchased psychology book with a plate of batagor, oreo, kapal api and teh botol. (see tirs, I’m eating properly) God bless the street of Kemang Raya: Batagor, pempek, Mie Ayam. Bakwan bakso, Rujak, Soto ayam, Ayam rica rica, well your pick! I am feeling full already just by listing all of those abang2 who pass through my showroom everyday.

What can I say, even moving to Jakarta does not remove the “teteh spirit” in me. A true bandung gurl will always love batagor, even if they are fattening and not hygienic. (Babe, what are we having for dinner tonight? I tink I’m too full already. Can we not eating anything delicious? )

Anyway this new book that I am reading, Oh so good. It is called the frame of mind by Howard Bardner. I bought the book at the first place because I thought the book might give a breakdown on how human mind operates. You know, the frameworks that cause us to think what we think. Does every single human being have different frameworks? What are the differences? I want to know the differences in the framework of a simple and a complicated person. Yes, I am a too complicated person, and if there is anyway in the world that could help me to simplify my thoughts I would really love to know that.

The first chapters of this book really disappoint me. I could not find anything that the title suggested, the framework. I’m like, “where is the framework?” The book only tells about the bright mind of Clinton and Gandhi. Yes, I love the Clintons, but if I want to know their biographies, I would not buy a psychology book. However, when I arrive at chapter 5, the book does start to become very entertaining and educative. After reading the book, suddenly I don’t want to be a simple person anymore. Because the book teaches me on how to really operate the framework of one’s mind. There are many steps and methods to really change our thinking framework, and these methods could also be used to change the minds of others, such as the reasoning method, the argumentative methods, the subconscious method and many more. A simple person would not bother to learn the thinking pattern and how to manipulate and control them. Only a bored complicated person would. Haha. So I guess, there is a reason why God has given me not a very simple way of thinking when it comes to life.

I’ve met quite a number of people who are just like me. Have so many thoughts, all at once, very complex matrix when making decision, when analyzing and judging everything that is presented before them. We know a lot but are not very fond when it comes to organizing our thoughts. That’s why we use the term scatterbrain to describe ourselves. It bothers me so much, being a scatterbrain. So I keep searching and learning stuff that would help me to putt all of the messes in my brain into a controlled system. And I am glad that this book does help a lot.

To the entire scatterbrain out there, I totally recommend this ‘Frame of mind” book by Howard. The author is a lecturer at Harvard so the guy knows what he is talking about. It helps you to identify the sections and fractions of the thoughts in your mind such as the fraction of your childhood memory, the fraction of your happy memory, the fraction of painful and hurtful experiences, and many more. Those fractions have to be organized when you get into thinking process because if you don’t do it intentionally, an undesirable fraction might unconsciously play a dominant role in your thinking pattern. The book is very scientific actually, it tells you to sort out all of the learnt experiences, creating blueprint for future thinking pattern and all. Damn it’s very long and descriptive. Kalo enggak niat mendingan gak usah dibaca. Bikin cape sampe sakit kepala. Banyak banget theorynya, edan. Makanya I said it is not enough to be a complicated person alone, you have to be both complicated and bored enough that you have nothing better to do but reading about brain and it’s functionality. Haha.

Terus, terus, I am so sedih that I had just watched the season finale of Prison Break last night. I’ve watched two seasons (20 episodes per season) back to back in 3 days. That’s like a full on 40 hours of indulgence. I am so falling in love with Michael Scofield, a bigger kind of love than what I used to have for Josh Duhamel in Vegas and Lex luthor in Smallville. Yahh.. ko udah gak ada terusannya lagi sih? Hey Brad Retner, when are you going to start filming the third season? Pas nonton padahal guah udah kesel setngah mati kok gak abis2, I cannot be bother to watch any scene that do not have Michael Scofield in it. Lucky that I have a narrator who’s talking on the phone with me while I was watching the movie (yeah, you know who you are) So if there is any part that I don’t like watching, I just ask my narrator what is going on, then I can fast forward to the Scofield’s scenes. But, skearang filmnya udah abis, gua jadi BT dan moody. No more dates with Scofield? Hey babe, should I start watching Lost now?

bad witness case

first and foremost, happy easter to you all.

I got a wake up call from tante susy on the good friday, yesterday. she thought i am not a christian, by the look of me and judging of what she had known of me after living under one roof with me for a month. I was crushed. I was thinking all morning, that my attitude, my conducts, my behaviour, perhaps my words do not reflect any hint of christianity. Do not show that i am a believer. I am not a good witness of the kingdom, then.

Ko dan must have been disappointed if he reads this (haha!) All of those years of training, of ministry, of everything do not make me "look like a christian". Yah memang sih, gua kalo ngobrol2 dengan si tante gak pernah nyinggung2 ttg gereja or JC, kalo wiken gak pernah di rumah, but in my defence i stay over at my auntie's so that i could go to church on sunday morning with my coz. but all that she knows, i never go to church on sunday. kalo di rumah hampir gak pernah pasang lagu gereja, yang ada pasang lagu Justin sama remix-nya DJ edo (haha!) doang. Kelayapan terus., kalo pulang kerja pasti bawa kantong belanjaan isinya baju, baju dan baju lagih. KAmar penuh dengan majalah fashion dan DVD (prison break, what else?) and for the record, yes i dont have a bible. (i know, i'm ashamed of it). I have a huge bible di bandung, tp gak pernah di bawa ke gereja. abisnya gede banget. lagian kalo di gereja juga pasti ada power pointnya. males bawa2 bible berat. but yeahh.. emang siii from the look of me. memang kurang memperlihatkan that i am a Christian.

so that morning i told tante susy, yes i am a Christian. But i did not start giving her testimonies of my "so called" christian life, the ministry and everything that i know about the bible. I hate it when people do that. Trying too hard to prove something when they are being accused of something wrong, especially kalo yang di accuse udah lumayan senior di bidangnya. misalnya kalo ada mantan ketua cell group and worship leader baru pulang dari luar negeri, terus pas join gereja baru di indo, dikebaktian umum ditanyain sama usher, mau ikutan kelas katekisasi ga (seolah2 kayak dia masi a new baby born christian), then in the next second the used to be WL and cell leader would start to "share his testimonies" that he used to lead the main service that consist of 1000 people, how he got saved, how he had been used miraculously blablabla.. ah males banget!

personally, i tink kalo misalnya we are being judged incorectly, mendingan dipikirin and dijadiin kritik membangun ajah deh. let our corrective actions speak out for themselves. Afterall actions speak louder than self justification huh? Memang sii seudah pulang indo i admitted it is really hard to get back into Christian lifestyle. So hard if you have not find a home church to settle down. YUp, prayer partners please do pray for me, i'm still searching and searching. But i'm going to Church kok besok, harus harus perjamuan kudus. It's easter for gucci sake.

question

i dont get it,
why men keep hurting the one that they care the most?

hey you,

kok lucuu sii..

never before i meet,

orang yang muiripp buangett sama gua

in a guy,

(well of course my brother does not count..)

suka maen freecell sama sudoku

tapi gak suka banget maen PS, nintendo and all of those war games

lebih suka sydney daripada melbourne

lebih suka singapore daripada bali

tergila gila sama sherlock holmes

gak suka bright colour,

maunya item putih sama warna tanah aja

gak suka lagu trance progressive ato anything heavy

tapi bisa appreciate classic and jazz

gak suka red wine tapi kalo dikasi white wine ketagihan

kalo sakit gak pernah minum obat dan gak mau ke dokter

suka history, philosophy, art and literature

kalo udah ngemil gak bisa stop

very honest and open yet very mysterious

very analytical but very reckless

very reserved but very passionate

very realistic and naive at the same time

can be very manipulative but never has the heart to do so

very bossy and unstopable when it comes to work

you dare to do the unthinkable

your trueself is very different to the image you portray to the world

people say that you are very confident and you try to believe in yourself

but you doubt yourself every single solitary day

you have anxiety attack every now and then

but very good at doing re-booth and restart

the only difference between you and me is just,

you are not a born again, not a believer,

have not met the Creator, the one true Saviour

cuman mo kasi tau ajah sama kamu,

ati2 loh.. kalo memang kamu bener2 mirip sama saya,

your thoughts, attitudes, principles, behaviours, beliefs and personalities,

are very intense yet dangerous

could have destroy you one day

kamu bisa ancur total if you dont have a stronghold that you could get a hold onto

battle of the sexes, round 1

“Terus kenapa putus?”
“Gak cocok”

“Mana ada alesan gak cocok hari gini. Yang ada juga gak mau”
“beneran ko gak cocok”

“Semua orang juga gak akan ada yang cocok. Tapi karena mau jadi dicocok-cocokin”
“Kalo emang dua-duanya keras kepala susah dong mo nyocok2innya”

“People are together for two reasons and two reasons only. Karena terbiasa atau butuh”
“Kalo engga dua2nya? Gak ada diah bisa dibiasain, gak ada juga idup masi berjalan”

“Yah itu, kaya elo. Putus dengan alesan gak cocok. Basi”
“ahhahahahaha. Berarti selama ini loe pacaran gak beneran suka sama orangnya dong? Dicocok-cocokin, dibikin kebiasaan dan dibutuh2in aja?”

“I’m a cynical person, babe. I don’t believe in emotions bullshit. The butterfly feeling in your stomach and the drama bla bla bla. Save that for Indonesian sinetron”
“Hahahaha. All these times I have always envy you for being a person who can really keep it together, unemotional and cool. But turns out you never fall in love? Well, no wonder. You missed out a lot of things, that’s all I am saying”
“I don’t feel missed out or unfortunate for not experiencing the so called romantic drama”

“Whatever. But don’t tell someone that their breaking up reason is invalid. What do you know? You’ve never stood up in their shoes”
“See. This is why I cannot put up with women. Kalo udah kalah, gak bisa comes up with alesan yang masuk akal, yang logical, pasti langsung masukin feeling. You don’t know what it feels like to be me? You never understand what I feel? Alaaa.. loe sendiri sebenernya ngakuin kan kalo all of those things are just emotional camouflage. Relationship is a piece of cake. Just like business partnership with red roses on valentine’s day. Do what you gotta do. No emotions involved.”

“Which explains to me why all of your ex girlfriends do leave you for good”
“hahahahah that’s a little harsh”
“Ow I thought no emotions are involved in this conversation”

“Susah yah. Padahal selama ini gua pacarannya juga sama smart, reasonable, mature women. Tapi kenapa even the most secure women could lose their minds when it comes to love?”
“Well, if you are really smart, shouldn’t you use that fact to your advantage? If you know what all women can be broken down to pieces by that little thing called emotion, since you are so good at handling them, why don’t you play with them?”

“bener juga yah. Hahaha. Anjirrr loe sih jahat abis jadi cewe”
“Just a reminder though. In the history of mankind, belom pernah ada orang yang keluar dengan utuh sehat walafiat when entering the game of love. You enter a predator, huge chance, come out as a victim”
“hahahhaha. Loe kebanyakan baca buku filsafat dan psychology. Dating you must be very interesting yah?”

“Nope. Having me as a friend is interesting. Having me as a girlfriend is a headache.”
“Iya. I can imagine. Hahahaha”