bringing sexy back

finally, i touched the lowest down and ready to get up.

Well, i've said this countless times before, the fact that when you get smacked down really hard in life, i say the best policy is not to pretend that you are okay, dont calm down yourself too fast and not giving time and space for yourself to break down and cry. Breaking down and let yourself to go under is too important for long term benefit.

If we pretend that we're okay, we are just menimbun bitterness and unresolved problem that later on would cause us bigger problem. So i would say, it is okay live in a mess for a while to embrace and accept the fact that life has been shittin' us badly.

Go on, break yourself down until you cannot go any lower anymore. Because when we've touched the bottom end, the only way afterwards, is up.

So, I discover that i have reached the bottom end last night, when having a tall latte with scorpio. The ex boyfriend whom i have olweis thought to be the most bandel of the most bandel people i know. He told me how "bandel" i am now. A hundred people can tell me that i am bandel and it would mean nothing, but when the king of bandel actually thinks that i am bandel.. damn! i must have screwed up big tymes.

Therefore, i went home that night and i said to myself, this is it! i wont harm myself and cause anymore damage to myself. Of course scorpio likes the bandel version of me much more than the terlalu lempeng version. But i make up my mind last night, that's is! the pity party is officially over, this gurlfriend is climbing her way back to the top.

Funny when you sink down to the bottom of the pool, you kinda fell asleep for a while, because you turned into a person you dont even recognise, you turned into someone you dont want to be, you become what the circumstances what you to become, you lost all the principles, the values and the characters that you hold so high previously. So, when i got the wake up call, eventually, i'm like: goodness me, i've been waaaayyss off track. But yea, there is no such thing as being too late to turn back. AFterall, what you are at your lowest point does not define who you are, and big gurls always wake up does not matter how deep she had fallen, rite :)

To my dearest scorpio: i know, you just have to bear with the boring version of me.. no more "gila-gilaaan" 24/7, babe! I'm staying at home, reading john maxwell and working on my work project. I'll see you di gereja jam 9 pagi.

and being a good gurl next door,
who knows what she believes in,
and knows where she is going,
knows what's her worth,
knows who she is and content with that
now that's what i call
sexy