my drugs of choice

yes, if you have known me long enuf, damn it doesnt take tat long actually, to know that i am an addict.
Just spend a day with me and observe: how many times i inject my body with caffeine? you do the math.
what can i say? i tried to quit. I TRIED BIG TYMES. baik dengan kesadaran sendiri ataupun paksaan orang lain.

my frens even put a money (and an ear: Kereut yeuh ceuli aing lamun si lin2 berenti ngopi --> quote mr. bojeng!) to bet on the fact that the strike wont last for long. They got it right.

The longest strike i've ever been on was when i was living under one roof for one week with my bf's mum. She detest my binge drinkin problem and she will hunt me down here and there to make sure i aint indulging at all in my addiction. she even talks to my mum to remind me to stop drinkin.

i love her, and for gudness sake i tried to quit for her. Even her daughters pitied me and would give me sum coffeemix while she was not around. But after i return home i just cant handle it anymore. I told him: "well, i love your mum. but this is too much to bear" .

You see, me and my coffee, it's been a very very long, loving, cant-live-without each other kinda relationship. it's been 8 years and i think i'm gonna live happilyy ever after, with my caffeine. how could i betray something that has been united with me, in blood, in my mind in my life, all the time (literally saying: i tink i'm a black blooded woman)

Tis relationship has made a really big impact on people as well, if i may say. There are more than 20 people who are affected and becomin a follower ever since i consumed my first cup of latte. haha. Yes, no bullshit. dari mulai yang belom pernah nyoba, ga bisa konsumsi banyak2, sampe yang benci sama kopi, all of them have abusive drinking problem now. Welcome to the circle of trust. nyehnyehnyeh. when you come to my house, i dont serve water, softdrink or tea. You want to drink? mau kopi apa? tubruk, instant ato mo dibikin pake coffe machine? (am i rite, all you perth people) If we go out together for chilling: morning, afternoon, evening, supper, semi-night-ish, anytime! we order coffee. So you know, sooner or later people who hang out with me will just catch the disease.

See, why shud i quit then? I take coffee when i need to think, i take coffee when i need to clear my digestive system (you know what tat mean!) I need coffe when we are going through intense conversation. Damn, i need coffee conversation tat lasts longer than 10 minutes. mind you! i talk a lot. I need coffee when i need to diet. (Yes it works ladies. dont eat, just refill your mug haha), i need coffee when i am bored, i need coffee when i am tired, whether i am in bad or good mood, i need it every hour on the hour for the rest of my life. i am an addict, well and a writer and a criminal mastermind as well.

diagnose with neurosis

The most complicated thing in life, is a woman's brain
okay. when one day i ever happen to become famous, that line would be one of my famous lines.

funny how your mood and feelings will change as an impact of changes in your thoughts.
one second, i'm happy, cool and collected, the next second something happens, then out of nowhere, i dont know how, but negative thoughts just suddenly come into my mind. Then BAM! i become a dramatic neurotic woman.

Just last night, my bf didnt answer my question right away, and i just did not know how the hew did negative thoughts could ever occur to me. "That's it. he never listens to me. he doesnt care, never understand me bla bla bla" I hang up the fone and practically crying. I mean, how silly could tat be? the poor man was brushing his teeth. for gucci sake.

the funnier thing is, negative thoughts do not occur for only a second. it stays in our mind long enuf to be accumulated into bigger negative thoughts. "he aint listening to me. what's up? never happen before? what was he thinking? WHO is in his mind rite now? could it be tat person or tat person? ok. the likelihood of him meeting tis person is bigger than possibility of meeting tat person? if they really met, what did they talk about... and so on and so on" DAMN does this only happen to me?

The next thing i know, i was obsessed. Cant stop drinking coffee, cant stop eating chocolate, cant stop watching korean and mandarin drama series, and CRYING my eyeballs out. ew! (BTW, watch tat muvie: pangeran kodok. So, damn Gud..!! romantic, very cute, aint corny, not causing unecessary merinding2 haha) and then after an hour of drama queen moment i am like "What the hew just happened to me? what was all the crying all about? i'm so pathetic" Then i take a second to rationalise everything, and for gucci sake, when we do really utilise our brain for good use, it does help to stabilise our feelings. "Okay, what's really happenning, we've been talking about this and that, and the possible reasons for him to act such a thing is because of this and that. He might be thinking about this or tat person. nothing wrong with tat. He meets the person, nothing wrong with tat as well. what could possibly happen, okay the worst tat could happen, okay i tink i still can handle tat. problem solved."

DANG..!! then wat's the purpose of an hour- crying-session?
so,
what is happening to tis woman, you say?
a) approaching PMS
b) starting to really like my bf, that i becomin posesive
c) suffering neurosis syndrome
d) rrr.. u have any other possibilities?


anyhow, bottom line: whatever the answer is, i determine to be cured. yes. i shud try to inject my brain with positive thoughts. wif bible verses possibly. tat way i wud not be infected with deadly virus.

(afterall, boys will be boys. they are cuek, never pay attention to details, dont watch the words that come out of their mouth, they watch tv and play computer games while talking to us on the fone. well and brushing teeth too. we just have to live with tat. )

another one

writing, it is my act of procrastination. It is my guilty pleasure, my resting place i guess.

It's been a long day at work, so tired but cannot rest my eyes in peace.
So you know what's next.





Caffeine plus the net.
I'm just your typical neurotic gal livin' a workin woman's lifestyle.

there are so many thoughts, random ones.
you know, they call me the scatterbrain.


anyhow, another chapter on a model's life. i am not obsessed with models though i love seeing them on fashion TV, even more live from the fashion show. Well, i dont have anything agaisnt them either. Btw, one day i just happened to pick up a book from the "best Seller" section in IP. I even saw one cafe in bandung doing a book launching and book signing program for this particular book.

IN BED WITH MODELS. the writer is the infamous moammar emka who writes the u-must-be-living-in-a-cave-if-you-never-heard-of JAKARTA UNDERCOVER.

the book tells many epic stories of models whom you can pay to go to bed with you. I was surprised to know many different kinds of backgrounds, of motives and of consequences that they have to live with in regards to their decisions. The review on the book is posted in my fs. i dont want to repeat what i've said. but the impact to me is quite profound. Suddenly i did not dream of walking down the runway anymore. Well as a kid, i used to dream that one day, karl lagerferd or dolce and gabanna would accidentally find me while doin shoppin in Paris. Then they will offer me to become the icon of their labels. haha. It's a dream, ok!

but then i thought what the book says is very true: there is no such thing as free lunch

whoever said being a model is easy, dont know what they talkin abt.

there are expensive prices to pay. The book exactly said that: they have to sleep with ugly looking boss-boss yang dulu pas belum punya uang ga bisa dapetin cw cantik. sekarang udah bangkotan, punya uang, baru bisa bayar buat ngerasain tidur sama cw cakep. DAMN. the models admit some of the clients do have a very bad body odour and bad breathe. EW. jijoy2 deh ceritanya. baca aja sendiri.

When i look thru fashion magazine, i used to envy those beautiful people who only need to walk back and forth a runway, in designer clothes of course, then they got paid million and millions of rupiah. Some of them married a politican's son, or a successful businessman or sumthing like tat. Fame and fortune are pieces of cake. but then i realised, there are thousand of beautiful women in indonesia alone who are qualified to become a bintang lux. But they must have go the hard way to be on top of the game. The book said, HONESTLY there is no other way to the top but the CLOSED BACK DOOR way.

I was like: if tat were true. no thanks. i rather be an ordinary neurotic workin gal who well, may be hav to work harder to get the success that i want. but at least, talents and hardworks still count

enuf of the critics, i still love reading vogue magazine, read the fabulous life of heidi klum, gissele and elle.
over my third glass of caffeine.

gotta got back to work
au revoir

is there any justice in this world?

It was a fine sunday afternoon, after church, me and 'na were thinking hard on what to do to kill our free tymes. Sunday has becoming my only holiday lately. So, i want it to be occupied with the most indulging activities, you know just to recharge the battery. We were about to head for our shopping ritual when bright idea comes.

"Why not jakarta?"
"jakarta it is."

So, we landed in PI at around 3 p.m. Desperately needing caffeine, we were looking for starbucks. Too bad all seats were occupied. Hum. why not F bar. The place looks pretty cozy from the outside. To cut the long story short, we did not order just caffeine. We had coffee martini and stawberry margarita. Hah. my first arvo cocktail in a very very very long tyme.

Just a couple minutes after our long drinks arrived, i noticed a bunch of too good looking hunks standing around the corner. Is this a babelicious-happy-hour or what? And then and then, out of nowhere a very2 cempreng voice breaks the cool. As i turned around i saw, a skinny guy in skinny jeans, gucci belt and satin tight shirt. his eyebrows are shaved and shaped. His hair, well guess what, it's blonde. "ayo models, come come okay. you handsome here and you there. enter then talking talking together first and walk there"

Hah. we were in the middle of a fashion show rehersal. Good martini and good sight seeing. cant get any better than this!

Anyway, as i watched those good lookin hunks walking down the runway, i got into thinking. "Yea, they are looking fine and all. BUT, Would we, normal red blooded women, be wanting to date those models in real life?

When we are talking about female models, that's a different story. Most of my male friends would love to date models. Of course some of them would prefer regular gurls, but i'm just saying in general, female models do raise a high stake in our normal dating circle. Sering denger kan, pacar si A model ini, terus si B lagi ngecengin model ini. BUT, none of my gurlfrens in my 21 years of life, had ever been involved with a male model. They even never mention that they want to have a model boyfriend. So dating a male model is not as appealing as dating a female model. you think?

Well, i remembered back in junior high, all the gurls at school were competing to date the best looking boy. But the obsession for pretty face stopped as soon as we reach high school. Even in high school, i no longer search for the handsome face, but the cool bad boys.I was looking for the leader of the bad boys group, the ones that got detention every weekend, got friends everywhere, got gurlfriends here and there. You know, cool wins over face. As we grow older, we look for qualities yang lebih berat. Good education, good upbringings, maturity, clean records, financial stability, HELLO, looks dont even make it to the list!

so, i dun think i would ever want to date any of those runway blokes. What about actor or musicians? hum. let's see. ariel peter pan - no. arie wibowo- not really. vj daniel - enggak juga. okay, may be WON BIN or takeshi kaneshiro -yes, yes, yes! or josh duhamel or ryan seacrest(iya kale, siapa juga yang gak mau!) Huh? jadi bingung juga. jadi apa yah batesannya antara those celebs that we want to date or not want to date?

Then, i got into thinking.. then who dates all of those pretty boys from the fashion show? Well, i dun have a male model friend, although sum ex-boyfrens had been offered to become models, thank God they turned down the offer. ha!. My female model friends do always date club owners, the guy from a car club or a "michael corleone". Do male models do the reverse? See, my reference is the sex and the city DVDs, so according to carrie bradshaw the movie, these models do date, other male models or a successful older woman. hum. lucky or pity?

In conclusion:

1. hard-working ambitious women dont need to worry about not being able to get married after passing the age of 40 because all the ugly looking bachelors are marrying the 20 years old kids. look at samantha jones, she got the best looking younger guy who is not threathen by her success.
   
2. the ordinary looking guys do not need to envy the pretty boys, because the older they get the lesser the number of potential gurlfriends they will have. However, as the ordinary guys grow older to become a real man, there will be an increase in the numbers of potential gurlfriends who will chase after them.
3. And as for the good looking blokes who strud their ways in the fashion show for a living, keep smiling and be pretty. Because there are many gals like me and na who enjoy an afternoon sight-seeing. Adoration and admiration, those are the two things that other people have to work hard to get, rite?
   

So, you see. There is justice for everyone in this world huh?

what more could you ask?

I was talking to my dahling, maricha-hey-hey (what kind of nickname, bytheway is that , love? change that for the sake of your fabulous self??!! jk2) Anyway, i just think that she is one hew of a fortunate soul. She is too gorgeous in apprearance, too fashionable for the city of perth, too smart for a chick with magistrate degree and too nice for a daughter of "the Godfather" legacy (haha, is that an understatement luv?) Some boring night, she decided to give me a call...(yes, you only call me when you are bored, huh!)

cha: ok, summary in detail: how's life, love?
moi: work:cape banget, sinting. relationship:cant ask for more, laki gw baek banget
cha: haha. baek hongkong loe! mana ada laki yang baek. either it's too early in a relationship to say, or he's too smart that you could not catch him
moi: haha. some truth in that. but! i am 100% sure, he aint like the other toxic boyfrens i used to date.
cha: yah? how different?

moi: he aint the kind of person who plays games, not knowing any psychology rules or political debates. He aint so hard to crank, aint so hard to understand. I think i kno what he wants, how he is and well something like that.
cha: i see what you mean. Aint that a bit flat and dull, love?
moi: haha. cha. arent last year we were saying, we had enuf with the games and unhealthy relationships. we wont be falling for any of those criminal masterminds a.k.a bad boys

cha: i know, love. but i just cant seem to be able to break the pattern. i keep falling for mr. wrong. i cant be in a relationship with a good guy. They frustate me by being too nice. i need challenge, stimulating relationship.
moi: sampe kapan loe need challenge? mo married sama cowo yang cuman bikin loe nangis2 tiap malem gara2 diselewengin terus? mau di brainwash terus2an ama cowo2 kepalang pinter jadi bajingan. pacaran sama orang yang bisa loe percaya. kaya musuh dalam selimut ajah.
cha: gw juga tau. tp nyatanya kalo cowonya ga menantang, gw cepet ilfil gimana dong.

moi: terus gimana dong cha? cowo loe yang sekarang bentuknya kaya apa?
cha: anjir. gw balik lagi sama "romeo must die"
moi: sinting loe cha. katanya uda swear off ga mau balik ama dia. makanya kita panggil dia Romeo must die kan!. biarpun mulutnya manis amit2 itu orang maenin perasaan loe terus.
cha: abis gw ga bisa lupain dia. cowo laen ga ada yang bisa say things like he does, manjain gw like he does
moi: no-one has ever hurt you like he does as well cha.
cha: loe uda kenal gw lama. do i look like an unexperienced anak bau kencur in relationship?
moi: of course not. you are a dating guru, tapi cha..
cha: here's a question for you, love.

dont you secretly wish that your nice guy will say the things our romeoz do say? Or bring you flower, sweep you off your feet, Or For love sake, do make you cry every night because he breaks your heart. Dont you secretly wish that you want passion out of a steady relationship?

moi: and let me ask you a question, love.

When you are crying in the middle of the night, every night, because for Gudnes sake you know that Romeo just told you another lie. what do you secretly wish? when he brings you flower at dinner, but you cannot help to think that he does not only give those flowers for you. But to his other 3 or five ladies. aint you secretly wishing that he is just another regular guy with sincere feeling for you?

cha: be honest with me now. if you've been in a relationship with a fu**in romeo. can you honestly tell me, that you can be with a guy who does not know how to treat a woman like a goddess? Sometimes i really wish i could, love. But truth is, i'm addicted to passion, to sinetron like relationship.

moi: until when? do you plan to marry the guy? or does he plan to marry you?
cha: he will settle down one day, tat's what he's saying. and who's his best pick if it's not his long term-gurlfren.
moi: he will commit in 5 years to come, with a new innocent 20 years old.

cha: ok miss judgemental. what are you doing then. settling down with in a so-so- relationship. no passion just friendsip, routine kinda relationship.
moi: i'm putting it in a different way, love. a relationship that gives me security, peace of mind for sure haha, i kinda love the routine, i'm so getting used to coming home to talk to him every single night. i know where he is, what he is doing at every hour, very different to those guys who live a double or may be a tripple life. I never know whether what they were saying were true or not. What more could you ask?

This conversation is being posted seijin ibu maricha-hey-hey. Of course Romeo must die never reads blog postings, so it's safe to biatch about him here. haha. .when i ask that question, she comes up with hundreds of answers. but well, everyone has a different expectations when it comes to relationship, aait? What do you ask for? moreover, after all the packages that have been known to us since the beginning of the relationship (packages="okay, i can see him as my boyfren because he has this, this, and that quality"), what more do you want? of course a gud relationship rite, and after that? what more could you ask?

my dear friend cha said: i want true love. i want the greatest love story of all. I want to not being able to live without him kinda love. Damn, prince charles and camilla parker do eventually make it to the altar afterall?

of course i said to her: she had becoming his "other woman" for 20 years, then he eventually married her when they were both like what 50? Romeo and Juliet do make it to the happily ever after as well, in another life. who else? the superman and her gurlfren? well, superman never cheats on her gurlfren.

alrite, alrite, it will only be a never ending conversation. it's up to you to decide, afterall, all fairy tales only tells the tragedy and never describe what does "happily ever after" means? does it mean the prince comes home to cinderella everynight and they have romantic dinner and talk nonstop for the rest of their lives, of the prince falls in love with cinderela's step sister then they had an affair but cinderella forgives him and it's all passionate kiss and make up, and it goes around like that forever. Anyhow. Bottom line. I agree that every great relationship does go through tears and drama, but for the sake of growing stronger as a couple. not for the sake of hurting one that we love, ait. so,

that's all folks.

Here comes the queen

i'd say it's only a matter of tyme that i would write about her. wiseman says if you want to idolise someone, you better go with the best. Well, let see: jackie O and Hillary Clinton. The first ladies of the states, what else could you ask for?

Clinton currently is the first woman candidate to be appointed as the next president of the States. There are many controversies going on the issue of a woman becoming the US president. Whatever they say, i am all the way in cheers of such a briliant mind and character as this.

As a child, Hillary was involved in activities at church and at a public school in Park Ridge. Rodham was fond of sports, including tennis, ice skating, ballet, swimming, volleyball, and softball. She entered Yale Law school and studied Children and medicine as the subject for her postgraduate degree. Hillary was the first First Lady to hold a post grad. degree and the first to have her own successful professional career (as a lawyer. HELO!) She is regarded as the most openly empowered presidential wife in American history other than Eleanor Roosevelt.

What I admire the most is her relationship with her husband, the unpopular Mr. Bill. Of course she wins the nation's symphaty by standing still all the way through the lewinsky affair. Here's what she says "No one understands me better and no one can make me laugh the way Bill does. Even after all these years, he is still the most interesting, energizing and fully alive person I have ever met. Bill and I started a conversation in the spring of 1971, and more than thirty years later we're still talking."

So, enuf said. she might not be as fashionable as my other fist lady, but she got the brain and she got the spirit. What would it be like if she really is, becoming the first American President? hum? cant wait, cant wait!

i'm so gonna miss her when she's gone..

belajar mengerti

saya engga merasa salah
saya engga merasa egois
saya berhak menuntut
saya bukannya keras kepala
saya cuma punya prinsip
saya cuma punya keinginan
jadi kalau saya mau, saya boleh marah

saya bukannya gengsi
menurut pendapat saya
memang kamu yang salah!

tapi akhirnya saya tahu
keinginan saya bikin kamu sedih
tuntutan saya bikin kamu marah
prinsip2 saya bikin kamu kepikiran
kalau saya marah, kamu cuma diam
kalau saya mulai nangis, kamu malah bingung
biarpun akhirnya saya yang menang
bukan ini yang saya mau

saya mau kamu tenang bersama saya
saya mau kita bahagia

saya belajar mengerti,
bahagia itu bukan berarti selalu menang
menyayangi itu bukan selalu memberi kebebasan
disayangi itu bukan berarti tidak pernah disakiti
diam itu bisa berarti "maafkan saya"
marah itu bisa berarti "kamu menyakiti saya"
menangis itu bisa berarti "saya terlalu sayang kamu"

memang,
antara saya dan kamu
terlalu banyak perbedaan
terlalu banyak persamaan
saya belajar setiap hari
belajar mengerti caranya menyayangi kamu

monday

09:00 coffee-check, interview questions-check, salary list-check, notebook -check, harper bazaar-check, ipod nano- check, fax machine -on, 3 cell-fones-on, AC -on. alright. monday morning, here i go.

15:00 got 10 successful applicantions to scrutinise at home. man, since i only put a tiny winy bitsy advertising on saturday paper, i didn't expect satu RT to come and apply. i mean there are 100 companies with huge advertising boxes who search for employees on tat particular paper. i was doubtful if anyone would ever see my ad. was hoping for a maximum number of 10 people applying. Turns out, there are many people in bandung who desperately need jobs, very very qualified people in fact. lights off- i'm outa here.

17:00 salon tyme. my toe-nails are growing into ugliness. need fixing up. well, so does my hair. so close to pain. and YES. so typical me. i left my purse in the office and just realised it after all the fixing are done. so embarassing eventhou' they let me not paying, yes one thing of being a regular customer, you got the perks every now and then hihi.

20:00 resting and eating, then drowning into random thoughts.. hhh.. what would i do without You, JC..!!

sunday

so i slept late, very late last nite. long chat wif me mum. Was afraid i wouldn't get up in the morning. Turned out, was a bit late, but still make it to church at 8:45. Pretty bad, knowin the fact that i led the worship on tat day. Just wished there will be a "ci hulda" or "xenia" kinda person in our team ha! no joke.anyhow, the sunday service is olweis as good as it is. we got this awesome pastor who knows how to preach and know what to preach. no joke!

Done wif the service, rushed to hospital. my sis just gave birth to tis cute baby edward. congratulations cie sin and ko drew. btw, i am so proud of tis niu hospital where she'd been treated. so singaporean, everything is crisp clean, guud furniture and pretty modern. way to go, bandung.yeah! Then off to go to the koshan residence. it's the sunday ritual. eat eat eat. talk talk talk. then watch valentino rossi and dani pedrosa in ESPN. Damn. those italians do really know how to ride.

Then, hit home for some (more) snacks before goin shopping (haha!) sebel nii..makan terus! it always happens on that time of the month, the excessive eating behaviour..i just dont know how to control myself. where is that "self-control" annointing when i need it the most..?!?!especially after my oma's 73rd party yesterday, we got this huge piece of Ny. Liem bolu (ahh) can't say no to tat.

Huh. then the rest of the day.. just went shopping and watchin muvie wif my dahlinkk 'na. I endorse the inside man: denzel: talented, clive owen: sexy criminal mastermind. jodie foster: magnificent. by the way, it's Bandung Great Sale til the end of this month. so rush in! sale here and there. i just got moi-self many many gud bargains (of course, it's on sale you know!) on shirt dress and skinny jeans. Anyway, we used to chill wif a glass of white at the end of the week, tat's a nice way to close a hectic week. but. i got an early interview session on monday morning, so it's better to call it a day.

it's amazing to see their level of enthusiasm in the beginning, i can hardly tell which one is truly determined which one is ..well like my other previous employees. anyone had a gud interview method? tell me one. these indonesian people are so gud at being pretentious. I proud myself for my ability to manipulate people wif magistrate degree (only occasionally, and for a gud cause, of course!) but i kept getting bluffed by these anak2 SMA. fingers crossed, prayin and hopin for the best.

nyang hepi nyang hepii... YUu....!!

first of all, bur, i kno tat u prefer reading about me bitchin' and me luv affairs other than any other educational postings haha. But.. the numbers of those "NW magazines" kind of postings have to be reduced, due regards to P-diddy who told me the other week that he actually reads my blog "gasp" (no, not P-diddy the sean combs.) jadihhh jadihh.. saya mo mulai menulis "sharing-sharing yang positif" sajahh huehuehue.. entar yang gosip miringnya di msn ajah yehhh kekeke

i'm just telling that currently: i got a huge bengkak on my left eyes, then my bibir is bengkak as well... hang on!! no that kind of bengkak u know..!! it's like cracks all over the bibir. and there are thin red layers surrounding the tips of the lips. True that it looks like angelina jolie's pout.. from 1 m distance.. but as you approach closer...rrrr it looks pretty damn ugly...

sooo... i'm so embarrased to go out of my shelter in the past 2 days. so i stay at home and EAT! geez nothing to do for 2 x 24 hours. i just sat infornt of my tv and eat eat eat, coffee coffee, coffee, sleeepp til i dont know when. so i gain 2 pounds and my tummy goes whompp..

i lookkk soo ugglyy ahhh.... "cie jalan2 yukk ko bete2 ajah tampangnnya?" my bro's GF asked me.. "stress fan. krisis PD" huehuehue..."i thought ur level of PDness uda mentok" tat's my bro yunkiepritthh..." not when your eyes are menyipit and ur bibir membesar, bra! dont you get it!"

wait a minute, it should be a positif sharing rite?

yaa the morale of the story is.. kalo udah kejeblos ke lubang.. jangan nyemplung lagih ke lubang yang lebih dalam.

apasiiihhh... ga jelass....

fine saturday morning

her fone buzzez at 7 am, for gucci sake, aint that caller knows that this is saturday..
who dares to wake me up, like-tat-person-has-no-life-or-sumting..!!
she stares at her cell caller ID

the name was not there
but the number, she vividly remembers
it has been three years
but those fone numbers, she could never forget

she was not ready to talk to the voice over the fone
so she let it rings until it stops
she can always call-back, tat if she ever want to talk to tat person
she was not sure if that was a good idea
talking to the only person who has ever broken her heart

why did he call? did something urgent happen?
did he want to say something importat, that he needed to call at 7 in the morning?
was he in a dangerous situation? or did he ever want to appologize?
she was worried
so she called back,

hey, she said
hey, the voice on the other side replied
my name is X, i was just streaming down my old cell's fone list
and i didnt give this number a name, but your number was on my speed dial
i was wondering if you could help telling me your name, you must be an important
business partner that i put your number on my speed dial

ow. i'm sorry. your name does not ring a bell as well. but thank for asking
may i know whom am i speaking to?
this is mrs. Y, she just made a name up
okay. thank you mrs. Y. you have a very nice morning.
yes, in case we never talk again, you have a very nice life, mr.X

she had been his girlfriend for a year
he did not even remember her voice
he did not even apologize for calling at 7 in the morning
for disturbing her just for something so not important
he has always been the most selfish person she had ever known
and she thought, he still is and will always be

she took a very deep breath
and continues her beauty sleep, til very very late in the arvo