when oh when?

when oh when will i ever be cured from this disease? *hatchiuu... uhuk! uhuk!*

i've been treated in hospital for 2 days and thank gudness the hospital is just totally awesome, just like a 4 star hotel (hey! trying to be positive here..) They sent me food every 3 hours, the taste aint so bad indeed. Hey the good thing about being sick is that you can eat as much and you wont gain even a single pound.


I got this wristband from the hospital that stated the date when i got in. it was: 30/10/06 (00:43:26)

30th?

7 months ago, precisely at this very hour: i just said yes to a relationship proposal. (haha. sounds like a marriage proposal, yes?) and i was like "how could this hospital incident happen at the very day,at my jadian date?" At that very time being, i was kinda in a silent war with my darling. You know gurls, the moments when you feel that he is the one making the mistake and he should apologise first, but the he thinks that you are making a big deal out of something that is completely not worth fighting for.

Yes. i realised that both of us are equally arrogant, selfish, stubborn, and never want to lose and argument. (why am i always falling for that kind of guy?) Yes, those traits are appealing to me to the fact that stubborn and selfish men are always the ambitious, high achiever, independent and natural born leaders. (ehm) But yes, to the downside, when it comes to personal life, they still want to be the boss as if they're running the office. Fine, 21 years of dating the exact same breed of men at least give me some experiences on how to deal with that specific species, am i right?

How to deal with them?

The secret is to deal with yourself first.

Never expect the other person to change. none of your business. if you are not happy with the way your relationship goes, the one that you need to change is yourself. Really, it does not matter whose fault it is anyway. I've been so miserable in the past 3 days for the sake of defending my "so-called-principles". I've missed the big picture: i'm losing the trust and the joy in my relationship.

Gez, i think God has to bring me to hospital first to make me realise what matters the most.

I had so much free times while lying down on the hospital bed that i began to read joyce's best selling book. The battlefield of the mind. YES ALL OF YOU, THE DEEP-THINKER BREED. YOU ARE SO NEEDING THIS BOOK!
Only the i realised, that i was deceived by my own logics, my own understanding, that the devils had been using the weakness that i have always thought to be my strength, my brain. I thought my specialty is screwing people's brain and emotions (even the hospital psychiatrist had given up on me. I tried the basic instinct tricks on him muahaha) but hey actually, the father of lies have been messing up with my brain, that i lost the thing that matter the most,

1 corithians 13

and hey, after we realised our sins and asked for God's forgiveness, HE takes care business for me. I was ready to get the white flags out, call him first and yes actually saying sorry first. I dont want to make a big deal by telling him that i was laying on hospital bed, so that he will feel bad and he will have to be super nice to his sick gurlfren. But, i just did not know how the guy just showed up in my suite. "shouldnt you be at sukarno-hatta by now?" Well, he was. Bue he cancelled his flight and accompanied me all day in the hospital. And he ended up doing all the speech. (you know, the" i'm sorry i did this because this this and that") alritee, i think we've just ended the worst and longest silent war (the total of 3 days of total silent, and 2 days of sms only haha) in our 7months old relationship.

okay okay, let me share you some goss. I have so many friends saying that they never seen me to be happier than this. some of my closest friends know that my darling is not really exactly my type of guy. But magically saying, this is the first relationship in which i never have any serious issue, not even a single one issue, to fight about. We are talking to each other everyday, and if i am not mistaken, the more we talk, the more we will find an issue to argue about, well at least that's my personality. I love to argue about differences, about expectations, about different view in life, everything.

But so far. the only argument that we had is that : he wants me to wear earings. i dont want him to want me to wear earings. Not that i dont like to wear earings. I just dont like people to tell me what to and not to wear. Bitchy huh? haha. But yes. that's it! and he had decided to live with that. Other than that.everything is peachy keen. SO yep, if anyone asking. i'm happy. tomorrow is the first day of our 8th month.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person
1 corinthians 13:7

life's greatest secret

i'm a simple girl, really. you want to entertain me? just take me to periplus. or QBworld. Leave me there for an hour. Then it's all good.

Yes, on some blurry nights i might request retail theraphies or a dry martini. But really, when i'm on my sanest state and i got my head alltogether, all i need is a good book. That will solve all mysteries.

So, after days of seeing stars and blue moon, i'm back to sanity. Ok, cying my eyeballs out wont make me feeling any better. Yes gurls, let me tell that to your face, a crying marathon wont solve your problem. Be a big girl. Get that kleneex and clean up your mess.


and yes, life's greatest secret is to get rid of me, myself and I first mentality and reduce oneself to love.

it is supposed to be hard.

so it is written clearly in bold.

i wish to be naive. i wish to be ignorant.
i wish i know nothing. i wish my brain takes a holiday.
i wish i have never learnt anything
i wish i have never been in love before

then it will be easier for you and me

to have a new page together.

but having a new clean page, we couldnt

because we are not new kids on the blocks
we've played the games long enough to know the rules by heart
like a chess game, baby.
yes, like playing chess that's how i feel.

every single move is risky yet necessary
why are we playing this game, my darling?
are we both madly in love with each other?

but aint that how a great love story suppose to be?
it supposed to be full of drama, a little hint of thriller
many2 comedy and ends up in an afternoon infotainment?

love doctor

dear love doctor,

i fall in love. i'm all head over heels. i'm acting crazy. i want to see tat person all the time. want to talk, phone, sms, everything. help.

answers:

1. Decide. whether you want to be with the person or you just want to enjoy the feeling of falling in love, the drama, the tears and joy and hope for the best? Okay if your answer is the second one, then go ahead with whatever that is that you are doing. Call the person, sms the person on every single minute, and i can guarantee that you'll have the drama and experience the pain of luhhveee..
2. But if you want to get the person to like you back, even to like you more than you do like the person. You gotta play your cards right, buddy!
   
3. All i'm saying is: dont be too eager. Nobody wants a desperado, or a stalker, or a private investigator. In fact, do the opposite, turn the table, be so untouchable, so admirable, so "goodness me. you're just too good to be true" that the other person would desperately wanting to be with you.
4. It's all good. dont rush. take your time. be there, then disappeared. be charming, then be as cold as ice. Everybody loves challenge, love mystery, both men and women. We wont appreciate something that we get to easy. BUT we always want something that we cannot have. Am i right? So, raise up thy chin, be confident and just play the field.
   
5. Okay, so love is a tricky word. You might want to act cool, but in front of the person you just cannot help but to lose yourself. Phew. That's what i am saying at first? Are you in for winning or for defeat? If you want to get the desired result, as high school teachers will say : WORK harder! see the big pictures. IF you have made a decision, the stick to it to the end. School, work and relationships are the same thing, whoever can control one's emotions and think clearly, will get the last laugh.
   

best regards,
love doctor

holiday fun and games

season break higlights:

- shopping, shopping, shopping
- eating, eating, eating
- sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
- salon, salon, salon
- partehh..partehh..parteehh
-no work for a week

yesh, i thought i'm gonna enjoy all of those treats in my 7 days holidays, but well, after 3 days.. (only) i kinda got bored with them all.. arghh.. but nevermind, i am having fun though.

So, finally i got to indulge in the original-original glazed. For sure krspy kreme tastes better than J.co. i took away dozens and dozens of those donutss home. (yes tash, bur, san.. be jealous please kekeke!). Ahh.. my jkt trip was not so bad afterall apart from the fact that i have to accompany yunkimen doin shoe-shopping. Yes. he's the fussiest shoe person of all. worse than a woman! He took me to this same place 3 times, back and forth, trying on shoes that he had tried on for 5 times. He cannot decide which one is better (the one with square motives or the one with a hint of suede) For gucci sake, bro! from 30cmn distance, they look the same! Just choose the ones that you like. AND after those hours of choosing, he picks an entirely different one. WHAT! thank Goodness, the shoes are cool. They are totally pointy and slim. I love those shoes. He is forgiven.

And another evenening, we went cooking on mr.emosi's crib. open house (yes, too open that a theft managed to slip in. be afraid, sen! be very afraid.) i was cooking. haha. hey the chips are a bit too brown (A.k.a almost gosong) but at least they are crispy. (withh some sambel, they wont taste too bad huh?) haha AND because it's bbq night, we went low key. no wine, no champagne, no martiniz, just beer. Ew. I can only have a zip. eventhough it's heineken or carlsberg, i cannot do beers. (call yourself an oz?)

and more home spa, salon treatment, eating out wif family and friends.. and yest i caught the FF (fathukss and fhilekss..) badd.. badd badd.. now all i gotta do is lying around my bed.. and sleep til recovery. hattchiii... thathaa..

work hard.spend harder.

long day, long long day. It's approaching the staff holiday which is the 21st, and you know what happen when they are all gonna go mudik. YES they squeeze every penny out of the employer's gucci purse..!!! Those THR, then pocket money for transportation, then they need money to buy oleh2 for keluarga di kampung, then they borrow sum money to waste on lebaran, and more more more. I mean, i have to find 1001 excuses to prevent them breaking my credit card limits.

So i said we need cashflows to build up inventories, we need marketing budget, poor collection, when the real reason is, HELO! your boss wants a new pair of true religion and citizens of hummanity jeans. muahaha. lohh bukanya bergembira di atas penderitaan orang lain. numero uno: i worked twice as hard as them. numero deux: they lied to me as well. Come on! who can be that unfortunate ditipu orang, anak kecelakaan, ditagih2 tukang kejar utang, orang tua butuh, bla bla bla.

okay could somebody teach me how to tarik ulur with employees, take a note, marketing employees!?!? I dun have any problem with accounting and admin people. they are the most lempeng people in the world, but hey talking to a marketing person... double trouble!

anyhow anyhow, dont bother my work blues.. i love getting into arguments and mind games with my staff.. it elevates my "management and negotiation" skills haha! just let's talk about shopping, shall we?

If you know me long enuf, well enuf to go on a mad shopping trip wif me, then you'll know how tat i'm a hopeless case. Okay mad shopping does not happen as often as it used to be. Now that i know how hard it is to earn a cepeceng, i am more careful in spending em. But, still every once a while, especially in desperate situations: RETAIL THERAPY is an order.

ESPECIALLY... at this season of the year.. when there are so many boutique's openning and gala and sale and preview of new arrival and yes: I definetely hadirr...!!

i endorse glow's boutique in riau. yes they sell authentic true religion, fresh karma, 7 and citizens of humanity.. ahh.. those months of searching are finally paid off. Very good customer service indeed, very cute cozy boutique, make you want to stay there for hourss...

i endorse kayu manis home spa.. finally.. can get all those treatment at the comfort of your own room. good masseur, good essential oils and good price. hah! what more could you ask for.

okay i want to endorse Vintage boutique, but have not seen how it looks like. but i kno yessie has an excellent taste and she's a gud businesswoman too. for sure her new boutique is fab. i'll check the opening tomorrow and report bakk what i impulsy purchaseedd..ha!

humm... gotta book an appointment for a blow-dry wif mas uudh from roger.... yasuthhhraa... i' m about to chill wif a mug of caffeine and huumm... tat bolu nyonya liem looks too gud to pass. MBAAkkk... piringgg dong!

Vain and vanity, ambiguity perhaps

Behold my dear,
For i may say and i may leave
pain, pain, pain
yes my dear, i'm bleeding
tears, tears, tears
dammit, why does it hurt so bad?
more than addiction, you are.
more than the strongest poison, you are
you are to me, my darling
you live under my skin

baby, your mind is playing tricks on you,
you said.

you believe in things that do not actually happen.
You make assumptions that are not even true
You confuse your theory with reality.

Well, is that true?
so i think.

"The one who hurts you is not me.
It's yourself."
you proclaimed

"My darling" i said,
"you are either the most innocent and naive boyfriend i've ever dated"
"or the most brilliant criminal mastermind whose phillosophies
are way too much higher beyond my comprehension"

with much gratitude

The person used to read my blog daily, just to know did i mean B when i say A. I dont know whether he still reads or not. But well, because his birthday was very recent. i thought of him. and decided to write something.

I owe this particular person so much and much gratitude. Here's a personal story: you've wondered long enough in the dating world, date too many good looking but no-soul hunks, made the same mistake over and over again ( you know! falling for romeo must die kind of boyfriends), and after years of nyemplung di lubang yang sama berkali2, then your heart becomes numb. You just cannot trust anyone whom you date or having a relationship with. You dont believe there is such thing as genuine heart and sincerety even in a serious relationship. Pasti ada udang di balik batu. all (very very qualified men) are the same. They are pigs!!

Okay. tat was my very cynical and bitter point of view of men, before i met this guy. He has changed the way i do a relationship. I had always thought that relationship is a burden and required too many hardwordks, with no foreseeable return. The only obvious return i will get from a relationship is emotional damage and extra killos that i put on my tummy after eating two whole tubs of gelato after a stressful break-up. I dont know how people could survive 10 years lasting relationship, especially with someone whose temper and attitude are somehow very special.

Tis person has shown me that a solid relationship does really bring loads and tons of benefits. I become a more stable and "keep my head together" person. He becomes the closest person to me who knows me back and front, side to side. It's very comfortable to talk to someone who does really understand the way you think and the way you do your life. He takes a really good care of me. I proclaim myself as a very independent woman, i make a living and take care of my life quite good. but it does not hurt at all, being takin care of. I can cook, but having someone to cook for me is just a delish, i can drive to work and pay my own bills, but having someone to do it for me is just awesome. The most amazing thing abt this person is just he does not give up on me, doesnt matter how sucks i behaved. I used to think to myself "aint you had enuf?" I treated him very badly, i was not a gud gf back then. But i did not know how the hew he still can bear with me. He teaches me the true meaning of a relationship that is worth fighting for. (hah heavy what?) He transforms me from being a commitment phobia to a relationship addict. (dont get me wrong. i am not a desperado. Strictly quality men only. thank you!)

yes yes, i told all of my boyfrens (After him) that they owe it to him. Lucky that they hav me after him. HE did all the hardworks in taming and grooming this awful person. Taming me is not an easy thing to do, you know. I was a total pain in the arse. I liked to screw people's brain. If he's not manipulative enuf, not selfish enuf, not smart enuf, not having a strong character, not kind hearted, not charming, not mature enuf, then the job wont be done.

so yes, all those tymes we've been together i rarely did give you praises and compliments ya. but i know that you know that i am talking about you. so here's with much gratitude for all the things that you have done to me. I do always wish you all the best for everything that you pursue in life.