blahblahblah in the morning

it's tuesday, 9:55
it's raining, raining, ow raining.
good excuse for not working.
afterall, there is no staff meeting today, so yesh, the big boss can stay at home and relax
haha

so, i settled down with my latte,
kompas is on.
so proud of mister president
who's getting the doctoral award from japan.
viva yudhoyono!

just purchased another black item yesterday
a black mobilefone
yes, i dyed my hair jetset black, call it a long black now. haha
i manicured my nails in black french mane
i even bought a pair of black metalic shoes
it goes well with my black chloe and guess handbags
yes, black is my theme for 2007
(well, not that i'm joining the dark side)
it's classic and dramatic

speaking of black, i'm so tempted to open the little black book
mr. big is back
scorpio is hanging around the corner
and don corleone is about to turn 25 soon
yes, all the antagonist players are out.
......

rite,
the story is yet,
to be continued...

something worth knowing

• Indeed, there is such thing as fate and destiny. Life is predestined
• Therefore I’ll say, take a chill-pill and cast your care on God.
• It’s good to force a smile or laughter sometimes. Afterall, your emotions follow what your brain tells them to do. So, happy feeling is a fruit of determination.

• it's good to stand in front of the mirror and say out loud "I have confidence"
• freedom is being content and not wanting the life that someone else's has
• fulfillment is found when you know where you belong and where you are going
• There are times when you think, that you should have been in a position that someone else is in, you said "I can do it better than him or her". But the truth is, life is predestined. You cannot have what is not meant for you and someone else cannot have what is supposed to be yours

• Giving up is easy. Staying in and pressing on, that what defines a solid attitude.
• It is harder to be left by someone who loves us other than someone whom we love. True? Try it for yourself, you’ll see.
• Okay, let me elaborate: when you have already given your 100%, then when you lose it eventually, you’ll have nothing to lose anymore. But when you have always been the receiver, you’ll lose so much when you actually lose someone who has given you everything. Why? Because everybody always regret things that have been taken for granted. So, I’m just saying: regret feels sucks. Because “later on” will always come.
• FACT: you will never lose someone whom you love (because they will regret the fact that they lose you already, so they’ll stay around “just in case” they will have their second chance), but you will lose someone who has loved you much (because they will end up with someone who love them much more than you do). I’ve lived for 21 years and 10 months and I can swear for Gucci sake that this is true.

holding my breath

tell me,
what do i gotta do?
because my pulse is racing fast
too hard to breathe

okay, so i just heard another "heart-breaker" story last night.
right.
remember our talk last night, girl? *you know who you are*
we want someone who loves us more than we do love him,
but aint that how it worked on the first place?
They love us so much that we trusted them
and when we finally learnt to love them back
they break our hearts.

yes yes, same old story, just different players.

we thought it's going to be different, but eventually found ourselves singing the same old song.

But, i tell you what,
It does not bring me down as it used to be,
well we are turning 22 pretty soon, huh?
we've learnt from experiences that

love
is not always what looks like on the outside
is not always what is happening at the moment
is not always what you feel or you think it is

i just know that it does not matter how many times our hearts had been stomped on, life goes on. Keep on stepping, girlfriend.

IF he aint worth it, God is not going to permit him to have you in the end.
Not good enuf for His precious daughter, huh :)

for all in all

yes, a totally blessed sunday afternoon it has been. For the first time i heard Franky preached. Been listening to his music over the past 8 years, but never once seeing him delivering a sermon. He's a great preacher, i might say that. He does not try to fit into "the indonesian preacher"'s style, he's just being Franky, which is totally great. Well, but he does not wear the blonde hair and the tattoo this time, it's a total clean cut version of him.

The message, ah the message had brought me into tears. What could have caused more tears than an annointed teaching on the GRACE OF GOD.

Franky said,

Some people live in a life that is fullfiling the needs and wants of oneself
Some people live in a life that judges the life of others whom they thought they envy
Some people work so hard to prove something, to be a good person, to earn respect
and some people,
know that they are loved for who they are.
There is nothing that they could or should have been doing to receive such grace
They are living their lives for something that is bigger than life itself.

colosians 1:16 (For gucci sake, i remember the verse on top of my head)
"For everything is created by him", not finished there, "and for him"
well, that's life purpose: decoded.

why?

just be careful when you pray
because HE might just anwered it rightaway,
and when all the answers are laid out before you

you get confused.

we shouldn't have crossed each other path anymore
you suppose to be my history, not my future.
now that you are back in my life
what do i gotta do with you?

you are a beautiful intruder, mister.

*kamu yang paling mengerti saya dan kamu yang mendewasakan saya. mungkinkah kamu yang terbaik buat saya?*

i dont know,
but we will find out the answer,
very soon.

that is a promise.

then again,

there are always two sides of every story, right?
his and hers
so, you aint knowing nothing until you hear both of 'em.

to her,
it's all or nothing.
to her,
it's one shot, one opportunity, and no such thing as a second chance
it's a full force battle and a total withdrawal

she got nothing to lose anyway.

and well, then again
you are the one who throws the dice
dont blame me for getting back in the game
i'm raising the stake, my friend!
are you in or are you out?
you have no idea who you are messing with.

hey thee, my aphrodisiac!
it has been an extraordinary journey, you and I.
shall we continue to write our stories?
or,
shall i break you down and tear you apart?
or,
shall i be breakin down and let you to tear me apart?

i'm giving you the upper hand,
does not mean that i cannot turn the table around.
spotlight on!
it's your call.
or wait,
i'll make the first move.

just watch me.

going mift?

hah, it has been a while since i last blogged. i missed blogging haha. Well, the story behind the prolonged absence was the busy schedule with me job. geez, when will work stop to exhaust and wear us off? alritee, it's approaching december, the holiday season, the parteehh season and well the weading season. (not saying that because i am a wedding crasher, btw)

congratulations for those who are throwing their receptions and engagement parteh next month.
i promise my best to attend.
anyhow, i'm still juggling between white christmas in china.. or green christmas (that's how they name it) in bali (well, it's a mini PGA for them).. shopping or sunbathing? humm... thinking and thinking..

well, christine if you are coming on board, i am pretty sure i'm chosing the bachelorette trip over bali.

hello, it's the year 2006! the bachelors can have their one wild and crazy night, and us the gurls, we'll move 10 steps foward. we demand a whole month of "i have to do this before i get married" trip abroad with our gurlfriends. (Can i have an amen in this?)

okay, i'm starting to get in tune with myself earlier this year, you know, doing the resolution and evaluation things. I think this year goes too fast that before i realised it.. damn! it's almost december already. What have i done this year? have i been productive? have i been wasting too much time doing absolutely nothing? what will i do differently next year? what's coming up next? humm... thinking and thinking..

haaa.. turning 22 next year? Scary as it could be. I remembered xenia told me long long time ago (she was 22 and i was like what?? 14? hahah) "kalo udah kepala dua, age is very sensitive, you dont want to confuse 21 and 22, or 22 and 23" serem amatt.. yah yah. just realised that time goes by in the blink of an eye. How will it feel when i am going to turn from 29-30?? arghh.. dont want to imagine. I still have 8 years and 2,5 months to make the most of my 20's. So does wiseman says that your 20's is the best times of your life. Yes i dont want to waste my 20's doing foolish things that i would regret later, i dont want to waste my time not knowing where i am going, then in my 30's i'm gonna look back and regret it that i dont go to the max when i am in my prime.

So, having said that.. and realising there are so many great options laid in front of me.. what should i do next year,yesh? yesterday, out of nowhere, suddenly having this craving, this urge, this desire to really pursue my dream job, my big excutive corporate job (yes burr.. i envy you so much you know!! you have it all , gurlfriend *wink*) anddd indo is not enuf for this dream.. argh..