This is devoted to all the complicated ladies all around the world

*sebenernnya uda ngga mau nulish ini...cman in dedication to my fren..non CEEPOY...yah selamat dibaca dhe non!*

complicated-ness/complexity of minds, according to linceu's dictionary, is a personality trait possesed by a person because of the shaping from oneself surroundings and past experience (family upbringing, disappointment or hurts from the past etc) Some people recognise and admit their complexity nature, while some are not aware of this unique trait that they posses, and ONE PERSON i know is very proud of her complexity nature *ahhahaha yeah tat's u, poi!!*

How can u tell whether u are complicated or not? Well, if u find urself over-analysing stuff- even the simplest thing. For example, u're wanting to analyse, trying to define and elaborating ur feeling...at one particular moment even though you are not at an extreme emotional condition, you want to have a clear definition of ur feeling. say you are feeling uncomfortable, then u try to judge ur feeling...whether it is sad, it's dissapointment, half-half?? then you try to relate to things that had been going on during the day..wat other people said to you....

In shorts, in every or most of the situation in your life, you always want to define the grey area, between the black and white areas. When most of the people only have two options in their decision making, the complex person would want to have 100 options, which are in reality, might not make any sense or irrelevant to other people.

this might sound unbelievable to some of you but hey, some people who do think in this certain way exist, at least i know one person who does, me.... ^_^

well the example above about feeling might be too extreme. but put it this way, if a person pays so much attention to such minor stuff as elaborating feeling...imagine how complex the person would think when it comes to bigger stuff... like relationship issues, personality issues, in making plan for the future, and other stuff.

i find most complicated people are melancholic.*yeshhh poi! i have a melancholic side in me ehehehhe*....and a little bit over sensitive, a drama queen,an irrational and impulsive person. These people could change their decision, even major decision, daily. I could be happy this minute and in the very next minute i will have a hundred reasons to be mad. being complicated feels like having a permanent PMS daily . Pretty bad huh? but i am proud to say u must be a smart-arse to become a complicated person. If you are having hundreds of reasoning in your mind, and know how to deliver those arguments to other people, how could not u be smart? and in a way complexity gives depth in ur state of mind and makes u unique in somehow.

and this is the confession part...

sometimes i feel so tired with the way my brain operates. Sometimes i want to rebel against my thoughts and just pretend that i can simplify my mind. But as i said before, complexity is something that becomes a part of you because of the shaping of life experiences. So, definetely you cant suddently change the complexity of your thoughts because it's ur whole lyfe. If u are a complicated person, u might have ever confuse or hurt other people, because your intention have been misinterpreted. Those people might not understand ur intention or the way you think.

I would never say that complexity is postive or negative. It has its good and bad sides, however, i am dealing with my complicated personality by surrounding myself with people who can balance out my character. As i have mentioned before, complexity of mind causes changes of moods and decision in the count of seconds, and that is mostly caused by unstable emotions. Well, then i will always ask for the help of my rational , emotionally stable frens (namely adel, tine, xen2) in my decision making. In my previous blog, i wrote that burut is the one who brings stability to my ever changing mood, and it is true. At anytime i want to make impulsive unreasonable decision, these frens will put a brake on me..Their "so-smart-brain" will reason with me and give me explanations on why i should do or should not change my mind, and slowly but sure, i am learning to simplify and put focus and stability in my thought.

BOTTOM line : u cant change ur past, but u can shape ur future ^_^