me and vanessa (look mum! i'm skinny, seen my cheekbonez?)
the date is the sixth of the sixth (06/06), gloomy monday afternoon, heavy raining outside, me locate at abacus lab, a big mug of homemade espresso and irish cream, filled up with cinnamon shortbread breakfast, listening to my ipod mini: track 112 "Hope" by twista and faith evanz, soundtrack of my latest favourite "coach carter", in which the review i just watched at Dr. Phil show today. I think samuel L jackon is rockingly faboulous. However, the REAL ken carter is smashing all the way. Well, pardon my english language grammar this morning, i screwed everthing this morning because a straight attack of caffeine to my brain just killed my linguistic, literature sense. Bloody hew! i have an awesome day dough!! I slept til 12 afternoon today, due regards to my boyfriend who wouldnt let me sleep "too early", according to his definition. We played with "lie detector" machine last night, hahahaha, he caught me off guard, he found out that all this tyme i lie about my gender. I am not a woman. well, too bad he trust the lie detector much more than he trust me. Anyhow, i was meeting my finest jewel, vanessa tis morning for a quick update on what's been happening to us lately. then i am off to studying til 8 then i will go for dinner at terazza (again!) with my gurls. Fely's engagement is this saturday. cant be more excited!
anyway, i'm about to post something just for an evidence, it think it is more accurate in portraying the truth in comparison to a lie detector. Ladies, have you ever dreamt of that you will be in a relationship in which your man tries to give you as much security as you have demanded? Well in the past 2 months , i've bragged so much about how uncertain, how fragile, how risky and how "there's no future" for my relationship. I have mentioned before as well, that my bf and I are too stubborn, too arrogant, too proud with our ego and pride, too selfish and too manipulative towards each other. I've never had this kind of relationship before, where we have to argue in everything to settle an issue. I've always thought that there is no way we could make this work, it is just a matter of tyme that we would go in our separate ways.
However, funnily enuf, the more we argue, the more we play manipulative games with each other, the deeper the feeling is growing, the stronger the attachment becomes day by day. There has not been any guy that i know that can relate to me, argue with me intesively to this level before hahahaha. This relationship brings me headache big tymes, but it also brings out the best of me. Knowing this deep feeling is growing inside of me, i was afraid. ever been in a situation where you know that you are going to fall? i refuse to fall, therefore my brain intervenes to undertake risk management hahaha.
Tymes and tymes again i throw my arguments and analysis on why we should have ended this relationship as soon as possible. The circumstances are not supportive, then again there are differences in our circle of culture and mindframe, there are differences in our values, principles plus the uncertainty of our future, our characters and personality that will hurt each other unconsciously bla bla bla. In short, this relationship is too hard. let's break up!
I have to praise my boyfriend, for not giving up on me, YET! hahaha he knows how to answer allboth my reasonable and unreasonable point of view and he's being emotionally mature. I have not find this quality in many men that i met in my lyfe hahaha. He knows what he is doing, what he wants and how to get what he wants. HE knows where he stands and know his expectations and limitations. Being a mere human being, he has done the best of what a man can possibly do to fight for a relationship. the key words here being: commitment, willingness to change, to learn and to give, humility, understanding, acceptance and trust. Babe, i have to publish this thing here, because i trust you but i dont trust you. you know what i mean hahaha if everything that u have said to me is a lie and that it is just a part of your game, then i'll let the world know. but if u are truly a man of character, i'll let the world knows too, that i'm trully blessed to have you. For this very present tyme, i have decided tat tis guy is worth it to fight for, and the rest, just say that time will tell.
2 comments:
nice one beh!!! one of the finest writings of ursss.. me like how it ends. anyway... emang paling ribet ya klo urusan kaya gini2x... talking about security.. do we ever GET the fully SECURITY after all? i don't think so. i guess we, venus ppl, will always need to be more endurant in the end. things like security is very fragile in order to act as a platform. ya ga si?
beh..we've been there, done than, insecure relationship wif too many games and manipulation. akhirnya kan kta malah ended upnya di metro wif cosmopolitan hehehe now that we've learnt for the better, we demand much just to protect ourselves, rite? we just want to try our best not to repeat the mistakes tat we made :)
thx for the msg beh..how's thing goin on in ur smallvile, how's superman goin?? hehehe MISS U BEH!!
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