This is devoted to all the complicated ladies all around the world

*sebenernnya uda ngga mau nulish ini...cman in dedication to my fren..non CEEPOY...yah selamat dibaca dhe non!*

complicated-ness/complexity of minds, according to linceu's dictionary, is a personality trait possesed by a person because of the shaping from oneself surroundings and past experience (family upbringing, disappointment or hurts from the past etc) Some people recognise and admit their complexity nature, while some are not aware of this unique trait that they posses, and ONE PERSON i know is very proud of her complexity nature *ahhahaha yeah tat's u, poi!!*

How can u tell whether u are complicated or not? Well, if u find urself over-analysing stuff- even the simplest thing. For example, u're wanting to analyse, trying to define and elaborating ur feeling...at one particular moment even though you are not at an extreme emotional condition, you want to have a clear definition of ur feeling. say you are feeling uncomfortable, then u try to judge ur feeling...whether it is sad, it's dissapointment, half-half?? then you try to relate to things that had been going on during the day..wat other people said to you....

In shorts, in every or most of the situation in your life, you always want to define the grey area, between the black and white areas. When most of the people only have two options in their decision making, the complex person would want to have 100 options, which are in reality, might not make any sense or irrelevant to other people.

this might sound unbelievable to some of you but hey, some people who do think in this certain way exist, at least i know one person who does, me.... ^_^

well the example above about feeling might be too extreme. but put it this way, if a person pays so much attention to such minor stuff as elaborating feeling...imagine how complex the person would think when it comes to bigger stuff... like relationship issues, personality issues, in making plan for the future, and other stuff.

i find most complicated people are melancholic.*yeshhh poi! i have a melancholic side in me ehehehhe*....and a little bit over sensitive, a drama queen,an irrational and impulsive person. These people could change their decision, even major decision, daily. I could be happy this minute and in the very next minute i will have a hundred reasons to be mad. being complicated feels like having a permanent PMS daily . Pretty bad huh? but i am proud to say u must be a smart-arse to become a complicated person. If you are having hundreds of reasoning in your mind, and know how to deliver those arguments to other people, how could not u be smart? and in a way complexity gives depth in ur state of mind and makes u unique in somehow.

and this is the confession part...

sometimes i feel so tired with the way my brain operates. Sometimes i want to rebel against my thoughts and just pretend that i can simplify my mind. But as i said before, complexity is something that becomes a part of you because of the shaping of life experiences. So, definetely you cant suddently change the complexity of your thoughts because it's ur whole lyfe. If u are a complicated person, u might have ever confuse or hurt other people, because your intention have been misinterpreted. Those people might not understand ur intention or the way you think.

I would never say that complexity is postive or negative. It has its good and bad sides, however, i am dealing with my complicated personality by surrounding myself with people who can balance out my character. As i have mentioned before, complexity of mind causes changes of moods and decision in the count of seconds, and that is mostly caused by unstable emotions. Well, then i will always ask for the help of my rational , emotionally stable frens (namely adel, tine, xen2) in my decision making. In my previous blog, i wrote that burut is the one who brings stability to my ever changing mood, and it is true. At anytime i want to make impulsive unreasonable decision, these frens will put a brake on me..Their "so-smart-brain" will reason with me and give me explanations on why i should do or should not change my mind, and slowly but sure, i am learning to simplify and put focus and stability in my thought.

BOTTOM line : u cant change ur past, but u can shape ur future ^_^

selamat pagi australiaaaaaaa.......

sekarang neh...waktu menunjukan 6:42 a.m. locationg...abacus lab curtin...*literally in my pjamas*---> yeshhh i wear pjamas to uni hahaha!!
i jus finished my assgn...lagi nungguin di proof -read ama me-fren...terus me harus nunggu for other 3 hours ampe tempat binding buka...arghhh!!

guweh udah di kursi inih dari jam 11:45 last nite *i can feel the bantal udah jadi lepek hehehehe*...en i did not stop typing since last nite...
badan gw rasanya udah kejang2.. kepala sakit abisss... cman otak masih dipaksain jalan pake black coffee ..straight 3 cup.... *thank God for caffeine!*
blame my panik-an ,rusuh-tenan personality...i have planned to bring my ipod charger biar bisa denger lagu semaleman...chargernya dibawa ipodnya ketinggalan ^kalo burut baca pasti ngakak neh^*!gw banget ga seh del hahaha^ !!! niceeee....!!!! 6 hours of silenceee....

-----oh well------this kinda stuff has been my routine for the last 2 years...begadang di uni ampe pagi....mata item2...jerawatan...pigging out makan coklat gara2 assgn2...i tink taun depan...i'm gonna miss it!!! =(

sbenernya today was not really a good day...i didnt have proper saat teduh tadi pegih...en the whole day i felt devastatedd!!! CUAAAPEEEEE abizz...kerjaan sejibun2 ga abis2...ditambah grp mate yang #$)*)%#*^%^ ended up hav to triple-up the workloads....i jus really want to get thru the day...HOWEVER, i was really hepi, knowin tat i hav a music practice for sunday service....for me, eventhough it was only latian...praise and worship is still praise and worship....

pas gw dtg latian...badan gw kayanya udah lemes bgt...my throat kaya yang luka..sakit abis*ask ci hulda..she pitied me* tp memang sayah dasarnya keukeuh...kalo diteken makin ngelawan...makin gw cape makin gw loncat2...makin leher gw sakit makin kenceng gw nyanyinya hehehehe i believe that the mind in controlling the body...so if we say to ourselves that we are alrite..then we will be alrite...'n i believe in God's renewing strength..the joy and the peace that can only come frm within, overflow in my whole being when i sing...and eventhough badan gw masih tetep kelemer2...i can sense tat my fighting spirit is back *ciee...bahasanya xen2 neh*

so yeah...getting back frm the singin practice i felt better...went home..nonton apprentice (harus tetep nonton biarpun assgn besok due belon kelar)...terus i was so determined balik ke uni ngelarin assgn...and yeah...here i am rite now...assgn udah kelar...i cant wait to go back terus mo boboooooo sehariannn....*ahhh...wat a lovely day, today*

To be or not to be...me?

sumtimes i tink...

wat it feels like when i have things tat i dun have at the moment....would i be happier?
wat it feels like to be in the shoes of the ppl. whom i envy the most....would i be happier?
wat it feels like to be somebody else who is the opposite of me....would i be happier?

how happy would i be if....

i could have everting tat i want..all at the same tyme...would i be better person?
i could plan my history, my past....would i be a better person?
i could undone all the mistakes tat i made....would i be a better person?

i would be a better person if i could...

say things in a straight fwd. manner...would i change into sum1 else?
let loose of my prejudice and fear...would i change into sum1 else?

say what i have to say...and what i want to say...would i change into sum1 else?
decide when to be strict, when to compromise...would i change into sum1 else?

stop looking, comparing, wanting things tat aren't mine...could sum1 tell me how?
get a balance of confidence and humility...could sum1 tell me how?
get a grip on my emotional hype...could sum1 tell me how?

detach past frm present, stay innocent in facing the future...could sum1 tell me how?
forgive, forget, and trust again....could sum1 tell me how?

The movie and the Designer

the last 2 days have been sooo...amazing!! juzz attended the most "Hao-tze" events *so far-for me* tis year..

i watched the muvi "Notebook" last nite..and it was so-Damn-Good!! i hav not seen a good romantic drama for a while...it's not cheesy and abg-style at all...meaning-nya dalem en the way the muvi is delivered is so-Damn-Good!! --->so good tat i couldnt stop crying...the fren in my rite-ga nyenderan...en the fren on my left side ga ngedip.. ehehehe...

the muvi was a classic *may be 50's era* luve story where the poor guy fell in luve wif the rich gurl...couldnt be together...and after years they met and clbk and the gurl had to choose btw her fiance or her first luve...i luv the fact that the love story is kept real...both characters refer to each other as "pain in the ass" , dua2nya bener2 keras kepala abis..yang cowonya kool abis *tapi sekali ngomong kena banget* yang cewe cablak ga kira2 *ketawanya lebih kenceng dari gw*...but despite the odds the are crazy abt each others...the luv is so strong tat sampe terakhir2nya mreka berdua udah jadi kakek-nenek..eventhough si cwnya punya short term memory loss...the kakek refused to leave her en evriday he reads her their "notebook" yang nyeritain their journey sgl macem...*awwww pokoknya yang belon nonton..harus nonton!!!* it was...so-Damn-Good!!

terus teruss....

hari inih..me meant to hav lunch together wif cha2..*like evri usual wed*...cman halfway thru ke cafe..kta melihat papan gede "peter morissey workshop" and i was getting so excited and forgot tat i was hungry...we sat in the front row and throughout the presentation i couldnt help to be amazed by the speech made by the designer..i'v never seen any HUGE..so happening designer frm tis vry close distant...

peter morissey was raised up in an indigenous community...he was so poor tat he didnt watch tv til the age of 16 and didnt drink french wine til the age of 30...*amazing how could i remember tis info...i cant remember wat my lecturer said today...*he is a very confident ...and i said...very2 confident but not arrogant at all!! he's praising the audience throughout his presentation...he's very smart and funny...and is an excellent businessman besides a genius designer...

these are the things tat he said...*that i could remember*

"if a bald ,5'9 foot , 42 years old man could make it...so do you!"
"My secret of success is to make mistakes, stumble and fall...and rise again...both of my parents died when i was young...i made millions of debts and still managed to raise up"
"i'm morrisey on the outside but peter on the inside"
"we make raincoat not to protect u from the rain but to make u forget it's rainning"
"i dont see the difference btw models and ordinary women...the difference is models need more cloth when we make their clothes...."
"i said to my models..don make the audience want to be like u...make themto feel like u(when they wear the clothes...i spend 20 yrs trying to make ppl feel good abt themsleves"
"why is tat u never wear ur designer labelled dress...afraid of ppl judgement?? it's all in the attitude..if u are confident..it's shown and guess wat..ppl dun make it a big deal afterall"
"If u dress up the first comment ppl hav to make abt u is "tat looks fantastic"..if the first comment tat they make is "where do you get tat clothes from?"...dont ever wear tat clothes anymore...it's not ur personality"

..the rest i cant remember...but the workshop tat i attended have defenitely opened up my horizons...*geezz i'm so wanting to go to his fashion shows....*