day after day

then:
woke up 10:30
okay no, i lied. it's 12:00 haha
dandan and pili2 baju for 2 hours
then hav lunch
then go to gym
then go shopping
then go nyalon
then go home doin friendster til night
then dinner and chit chat wif family
then call my boyfriend
then i sleep

now:
woke up at 9. sometimes at 7
dandan and pili2 baju for 30 mins top.
then goin places: from one customer to another
then stuk at the office doing mails and admin stuff
then calling here and there: nagihhh utangg..
then goin places round two
then goin and goin til 9 pm
then dinner and chit chat wif family
then on the fone wif him
then i sleep

feel like i'm bak in the uni days. dont have any chance to do my nails and hairdo. My skin desperately needs immediate treatment. had skipped facial appointments in a month and my gym membership is expired. My shopaholic disease is cured, that's one good side of the story. Afterall,why was i so proud for being a shopaholic. it's a disease of lacking self control and responsibility. (but i dont mind suffering it once in a while though) Continue... my junkfood consumption is increased at a rapid level. I was eating mie ABC for three days in a row, just because i hav to eat and dont bother to pick a restaurant. then caffeine intake is increasing at a steady level haha (blame the workloads, baby!)

anyhow, i used to be having fabulous life. IF you saw me back then in perth then compare it to me-pre-working-stage. You will notice the difference straightaway. Rambut selalu fresh wangi shampo salon, kuku panjang melenting dengan french manicure, muka is hasil rajin jet pill treatment. i've tried all kinds of massages in bandung dari yang traditional jawa, sumatra, sampe negri antah berantah. Terurus abis. bukannya persiapan te-pai, just because i hav nothing to do here. ya udahlah memaksimalkan asset yang ada haha but now that i dun hav the tyme to do all those, i think my life is ever more faboulous. it's fabulous to the max.

I rather spend hours talking to a business manager than my hair therapist discussing which vitamins i hav to use for my hair. I rather be stucked in traffic jam while goin places then spending one day in a shopping mall. I do not lie this time. i really do! I dont know about you, but doing something that gives you a sense of achievement is much more satisfying then indulging in things that only polish you superficially.

Moreover, let me share sum things wif you fellow ladies, if you are doin a biz together wif your man, you got into much much lesser fighting sessions. Before work, i used to throw tantrum at simple things. I got jealous at something that doesnt make any sense at all. Why? just because i had so much free times not to think about anything. So i scrutinised him to the tinies detail and everything just makes me explode. Now that we have so much things, other than feelings, to talk about, simple things just dont matter anymore. OF course we have "business fights" that kinda things, but professional argumentation is my cup of tea. I love debating people when it comes to money terms haha. IT's a secret ya. dont tell my baby!

Bottom line, of course i love watching fashion tv, reading vogue for hours and hours, everyone who met me just said "widihh lin2 sih idupnya uda everyday is holiday" but if that's the only destiny a gurl can hav, well it is very very sad. IT aint living everyday to the fullest. what's the point of having degree if it only takes you as far as the shopping centre? Just personal opinion thou, if you live a thriving, fast paced, challenging kind of life, whatever that means to you, you will be ressuracted back to life.

another story to tell

Hello
1800- heaven on earth?
Haha. Tat’s so lame
I would like to speak with the most beautiful angel there?

That is the lamest line ever
Well I did not mean it’s you
Haha. You got me there
So, how you been angel?
Tired. Been working my ass off.

Yah, what are you up to?
Economic review. That’s what I do. There’s this company capitol pty. ltd.
Yeah I heard you are doing their finance. That’s one huge company. I’m impressed
I don’t know how a company that messy could make millions everyday.

I can tell you how
Haha. Bulls. I’ve been working on their reports for months and found nothing
Number one: tax deductions. Number two: investment on parents company. Number three their CEO is a genius

I read from forbes that he made dangerous move. I also heard he’s still very young in age.
Only 5 years older than you, angel. Very smart very courageous. He bought undervalued land overseas and turned them into gold mines. He negotiated to become the sole distributor for the state government over the period of 20 years ahead. All projects are financed by the parent company and of course by the tax payers of the United States of America. He doesn’t need economic paper works bullshit to make millions of dollar everyday.

How the hell do you know all these?
Because I’m the young and smart CEO we’ve been talking about
Bulls

Haha. That’s not an appropriate way to talk to your boss
Well, it’s past office hour already. We shall continue by tomorrow then
Don’t. hang up. You got me there. Haha.
Then why do I still need to do this paperwork bullshit?
Corporate governance. We’re a public company. The stakeholders need to see things in print.

So, should I write what you’ve told me?
Well. No need angel, they don’t need to know what I do. As long as I keep injecting funds, they don’t care where the money comes from. Just put some demand supply curve that you learnt on high school and put some economic terms to confuse those corporate worms.
Your comment is very degrading. I’ll file my resignation paper tomorrow

No. Don’t get me wrong. I am telling you all these in fact because I want to offer you a promotion. Of course with a side of a pay rise


State me an offer I could not refuse.
Ah. Godfather. I love the godfather.
I don’t. I think Michael Corleone is the biggest scum of all.
Then you should marry him. Because that’s what his wife says.

Anyhow angel, there is this grand opening party for our sub division in Sydney. I want you to fly there next week with me.

I don’t mix business with personal agenda.
Who’s mixing what? Don’t be too arrogant angel. As the CEO of Capitol, I only see you as one of my employee. I give you an official order as the company’s financial officer to conduct an evaluation on our building project there.


(I hold the tears in that are going to flow from my eyes. His words are always very hurtful, very degrading, and disrespectful but then I said)
Order is accepted, sir.

Good. So can I take you for downtown shopping tomorrow? It would be cold down there. A minx fur coat will look good you. You have 10 thousand dollar in total to spend. Company budget, my dear. Besides, I don’t want my stuff to look ugly in front of my valuable clients?

Do you always spend 10 thousand for an employee’s uniform?
No. This is the first time I employ an angel. She’s too precious that I have to spare a budget to dress her. The other mortals, well they can go with the chippo uniform.

That’s the thing about Mr. million dollar kryptonite. One minute he can make you feel much degraded because he said hurtful things. But the next minute he just makes you feel like a million dollar baby, because of all the compliments and praises that only him can say.

lately

• j'co craving mode: on!
• Caffeine dosage: accelerated
• compulsive shopping behaviour: kambuh..
• kelayapan 24 hours -> burutss cerita kita ga abis2 yaa..
• loving the job of distribution (mixing business with much needed pleasure)
  
• epriday is holiday: tour de-java in 7 days
• my darling's 28th
• gaining 3 pounds due regards to j'co glaze
• enjoying complimentary wine and transport from valuable customers
• becoming my director boyfren's PA
  
• berantem wif my lazy-arse SPG
  
• cant put down sherlock holmes novel
  
• hurtin my ankles after being forced to live in 10cm spike heels, courtesy to my beloveth
• tanned skin, thanks to surabaya and semarang
• indulging in too many glasses of shiraz and merlot
• high flyers of garuda, mandala, sriwijaya and of course deraya
• forced to eat airport food, thanks to 5 hours delay by mandala airlines
• initial attraction: the city of Surabaya
  

favourite travelling items:

• big fat furla snakeskin tote
• davidoff echo woman moisturaizer
• jarah coffeemix instant
• kartu dominos (co tai ti?)
• listerine strips
• sherlock holmes novel
• ipod nano
• dior gloss

favourite travelling partner

• my hunnehh..
• burruttzz

oh well, my holiday is approching its dateline in 2x24 hours. it shall be extended. it shall be full of fun full of blast. as i've told you before,
sebelun janur kuning melengkung,
sebelun peruts buntings
selama credit card masi bisa digesek
selama hayat masi dikandung badan,

.. have fun, go mad!

and finally, got my darling to admit my credibility: i am a big spender, but a big earner as well. therefore, all wishes shall be granted.

a jungian convert

it's been a year since i've been putting much thoughts on a human being's antagonist side. Some have read my writings on the antagonist persona that exist unconsciously in our mind and efforts that we should make to recognise and diminish their influence.

I was shocked in awe, when i found that this theory is validated by a well-recognised philosopher from the 18th century.(damn, why did i apply to cbs instead of psycology school. i might make a gud mental doctor)

His work and reputation are being compared to ones by the father of pyschology, Sigmund freud. How come i've never heard of his name before, until last week that is. Well, this guy name is carl jung. Ended up spending hours to study his theories and philosophies of life. I just fall in love with his philosophies. Now that i convert from a freudian to a jungian, i shall apply more and more teachings of his other than freud's pieces.

Superstition and accident manifest the will of God.

• A shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

• All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination.

• An inflated consciousness is always egocentric and conscious of nothing but its own existence. It is incapable of learning from the past, incapable of understanding contemporary events, and incapable of drawing right conclusions about the future. It is hypnotized by itself and therefore cannot be argued with. It inevitably dooms itself to calamities that must strike it dead.

• Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology. He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar's gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart throughout the world. There in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul.

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.

Sentimentality is a superstructure covering brutality.

• Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better.

• The achievements which society rewards are won at the cost of diminution of personality.

• The attainment of wholeness requires one to stake one’s whole being. Nothing less will do; there can be no easier conditions, no substitutes, no compromises.

• The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

• The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown.

• The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.

• The images of the unconscious place a great responsibility upon a man. Failure to understand them, or a shirking of ethical responsibility, deprives him of his wholeness and imposes a painful fragmentariness on his life.

• The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.

• The man who promises everything is sure to fulfil nothing, and everyone who promises too much is in danger of using evil means in order to carry out his promises, and is already on the road to perdition.

• The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

• The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.

• The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.

• We are so captivated by and entangled in our subjective consciousness that we have forgotten the age-old fact that God speaks chiefly through dreams and visions.

• Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit. (Called or uncalled, God is present.)

kryptonite files, part 2

so, another round of date?
it's not a date, it's a lunch
haha. you like him already.
no way.
Well, dont be.
What? you are the one who sets us up
I told you i owe him my life, but dont fall for that predator darling.
Predator huh? it's an understatement. He wants to be called the devil
An angel and a devil. how romantic!

So, ready to break the law again?
Where could we possibly go? the white house may be?
May be next time. For now, let's have lunch in the central train station.
What?

I have never known they have a fine dining restaurant in the train station.
I know that you dont know
that's offensive
I am offensive and irresistable
(that's true. Damn)
I mean, you're the kind of angel that dwells in the sanctuary right? not the guardian angel that flies around everyday.
Offensive and sweet-talker
hahaha

So, are you a philosophy person angel?
nietzche and carl jung wrote interesting things
ha, i worship nietzche. good choice
of course, you do. you call yourself the devil
haha. you're the one who read him. so what are you then? a fallen angel?
what, no! no way. i am just kinda into something different
eventhough it's against your own belief?
well, test drive. no intention to buy

That's why you are here having lunch with the devil, angel.
It's against your logical reasoning, but you just cannot resist me
it's called the original sin. the temptation to the flesh. the sin of lust
haha. you are so arrogant. you're saying like i'm lusting for you
aren't you, angel?
you wish
haha. look, who's the arrogant one here?
i'm sorry, i didnt mean it that way
No prob. I know you like me already.

Listen
(he stares deeply into my eyes)
first date is a test drive
second date is you are putting the down payment
and i just need another date to make you mine

As much as i hate what he said, i cannot deny the statement
As much as i want to leave, i dont want this conversation to end

the kryptonite himself is too arrogant, too charming, too manipulative, too sweet, too intriguing, too fascinating, too charismatic, too confident, too fragile, too devilishly good looking, too annoying and entertaining at the same time.
I just cant fight this feeling. this is the fight that i know i cant win. There is nothing that i can do, i just cant escape the all the words he had planted in my head.

so i decide,
to fall.

something to know

i was surprised to know that people i dont really know do read my blog sometimes. I received messages in FS commenting about the content of my blog. "It's entertaining and funny" I am flattered and embarrased at the same time. I've been reading my blog and found that the content is like 80% full of crap, with many wrong spelling and wrong grammar haha. oh well, i shud put something less dumb than what i put ya?

anyhow, i was late for my meeting wif premier (thanks to italy versus germany last night), dont have time to do my hair. So, after the meeting was over i went to Roger's to get it washed and blow-dried. I couldnt stay in a salon without a stack of reading materials, so i asked for "semua majalah bazaar" that they have, ow and not forgetting "coffeemixnya dua"

I was stucked with an article about breast implants. The article is a kind of FAQ stating the exact place where you insert the silicone, the materials used to enlarge those assets to the risk of a failed implementation (damn. not pretty at all) Well, as much as i do not judge those who want to have one, i might be given an opportunity to share some funny risks attached to it. Here are some:

• Your body may “over-heal” by forming a tight scar capsule around the implant, which can cause the breast to appear artificially round and feel unnaturally firm. This may occur on one or both sides.
• Decreased Nipple Sensation – This is more likely to occur in larger implants.
  
• Shifting – The implant may move after surgery, causing discomfort or abnormal breast shape.

The other risks are more serious and dangerous, but by knowing these possible risks alone, i wont dare to go under the knife. Well, who want abnormal breast shape anyway?

Okay, so done with surgery thing, i learn something kind of interesting while browsing through friendster today. I'd be honest with you. I am very happy at this stage of life and relationship where i stand right now. But somehow, somewhat i found myself still curious about the memories that i have left behind. Not that i wish i've done something different to my past. I dont live life with regret. But, there are always butterflies and stomach tingles when you recall all the sweet memories that you once had experienced. For that reason only, i used to browsed through "the past"

Well, sometimes the accomplishments of "the past" have made me a little tender inside. Whether the past are ex-crush-es, ex-boyfriends, ex-boyfriend's girlfriends, sum biatchz who used to make my lyfe miserable, some gurls whom once i got partying with, some hi-bye's, some used-to-be-the-IT-gurls or the biggest players in town. If i see how far they've gone since the last point i left their lives, it kinda has some effects on me. Effects like: intimidation, envy, curiousity, pity sumtimes, any many2 other feelings that come at once.

But then again i think, why the hew do i care too much about the past? I was looking at a page of a beautiful friend who was being in a very long term relationship. Now that she's out of the deep root, she has taken the world. she has the slogan "single and fabulous" printed on her forehead. Fabulous career, fabulous shoes, fabulous social life (i mean, she's on vacation every month) .*damn i miss single days* OR a mantan who is goin to get married. *Hum, that's a hard one as well*.

Anyway, since i found tat obsessive checking out can only cause negativity on me, i stop. I mean they have a fabulous life, but so do i. so, i've made a pact with my inner self. Until my past can do no more effect on me , only by then i will allow myself to check out on them again.Well, for now, i just want to remember all the fabulous things that currently are happening to me. Hey someone might be single and fabulous, but i am proud to say, i am taken and loving it. Message of the day: dont envy anyone, you are fabulous. *mwahh*

a woman's friday night blues: decoded

Damn, why is it so hard to get in the mood to do some stuff for work? You know, since i have decided to do some teaching to occupy my free times, i did not realise i was setting myself up for loads and loads of homework. Feel like i'm back at uni days. I enjoy teaching so much, especially teaching my new kid, little ian. Goodness me, he's so cute (he'll be a heartrobe!), so smart, so innocent (a very rare quality these days, hope he'll never change in 10 years time and breaks women's heart!) Anyhow, but putting up teaching materials together is just, well, i'm just such a lazy bum. Moreover, after i've got myself to do business together wif my darling , i've just realised i've set myself up for more workloads. Paperwork kinda workloads that is. Damn. I love love love the adrenaline rush that comes from meeting clients and set up some presentations, but doing the follow-ups and the waiting phase are just really testing me. Oh well, i cant complaint, afterall i'm grateful that i got some stuff to do, that way i wont be dead because of boredom.


Well, It's friday night and the match of the day is Germany versus Argentia. A magnificent game to watch, that is for my boyfriend, not me. You know what, after almost three long enduring weeks of the soccer season, i think my boyfriend is more in love and more interested in del pierro, ronaldino, ronaldo, romeo, don juan, or whoever! than me. I'm just being a normal woman here, a selfish normal woman that is, who is entitled to the freedom of speech in this relationship if she is being abandoned. I deserve to be loved more than some kicking ball games. Well fellow ladies, if the same thing happens to you, you got to do what you got to do. here's what i say: he loves the game, i love "THE GAME". Some guys are just needed to be kicked on the back for not knowing his priority's right. Let me tell you the rule of "the game": IF you cannot join the enemy, BEAT THEM!. if he's busy doin his thing, guess what, I'll be busier doing my thing and i have no time to listen to who's better del piero or another del italiano!


I've just watched a newly purchased DVD of basic instict2. I was a huge fan of the original version: i think catherine Tramell has the sexiest organ of a human body, that every woman needs enlargement of. You know, the bigger the better *no, my blog is rated PG, nothing is needed to be censored*. by all means my friends, it is the brain. However, i was so disappointed to find that the sequel is not good, in fact it is not good at all. I mean, sharon stone is sexy and all that, but the character should be played by someone half her age.


Are you still reading? Still want to read about more complaints? haha, i'll sum it up! It's good to be a woman because we are allowed to bitch about stuff then just blame it on the monthly PMS. Of course i'm not making things up, by this shall all men know, that women, we just cant help being emotional, being too sensitive, too melancholy when it comes to "that time of the month". We cannot explain the science of

"I just need to eat more chocolate, hellow, it's the PMS",
"I'm so stressed out i need to buy that pair of shoes, ou and that pair too! what boros? PMS! D'oh",
"Of course i gain weight. PMS darling!", "What pimple? PMS darling",
"How come you dont love me so much anymore? What? too sensitive? well, again, it's the PMS"

So my fellow XY gene carriers, just beware and of course be patient. If you endure it just a little bit longer, you'll get through it. *My fellow ladies, dont we just wish that our PMS days will last a little bit longer* (Translated: "Are you still on PMS, darling?", "uh-huh, masi lama ko say, baru juga mulai")

There' i have let all the negative energy out. Feeling good, feeling yummy!. Now where's my fone? I want to hear some updates on del italiano and del argentino. What? Did i just say i dont want to call that man? Ou, i've changed my mind. It's PMS, you know. We are allowed to change our mind every minute. I repeat, every minute.

me versus sherlock holmes

Not trying to have a battle in investigation against him or somthing like that. Lately, i've been so infatuated by the character of holmes, the original version created by doyle of course. I'd been reading numbers of thick novels for hours non-stop, and i cant put the book down, well only for caffeine refill though. I've read agatha christie and all, but to me monsieur poirot aint got nothing in comparison to the detective from baker street himself.

So, i'm just being me, you know, when there is a legend in history whom i like, real or unreal, i'd be starting to draw similarities or common interest between the person and me. Very Pathetic i know. I was very happy when i know jackie O's daugther name is caroline and that she loves literature and history. I am a true fan of dee lestari and i am shocked in awe when finding the fact that she is a coffee addict herself (come one! why would she write a book about coffee) Anyway, since i could not find a similarity between me and the gentleman, then i'll go against him. Well, here's the reverse of the saying: If you cannot join the enemy, beat them! hehe

Sherlock Holmes Versus Me

1. Knowledge of Literature.—Nil.Versus Distinctive
   
2. Knowledge of Philosophy.—Nil.Versus Profound
   
3. Knowledge of Astronomy.—Nil.Versus Nil (does zodiaz knowledge count)
   
4. Knowledge of Politics.—Feeble.Versus Average-ish
   
5. Knowledge of Botany.—Variable. Well up in belladonna, opium, and poisons generally. Knows nothing of practical gardening. Versus Nil (well, i know some flowers' name though)
   
6. Knowledge of Geology.—Practical, but limited. Tells at a glance different soils from each other. After walks, has shown me splashes upon his trousers, and told me by their colour and consistence in what part of London he had received them.Versus Nil
   
7. Knowledge of Chemistry.—Profound.versus Nil
   
8. Knowledge of Anatomy.—Accurate, but unsystematic versus Nil
   
9. Plays the violin well versus plays computer very well (haha? apa sih?)
   
10. Is an expert singlestick player, boxer, and swordsman.versus is an expert in fashion, public speaking and performing arts
    
11. Has a good practical knowledge of British law. versus has a good practical knowledge of history, language and business ethics.
    
12. Never been involve romantically with women "the motives of women... so inscrutable... How can you build on such quicksand? Their most trivial actions may mean volumes... their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin. versus well, you know me
13. is an opium addict versus a caffeine addict
14. is a good actor versus a very good one

There you go, the battle of the sexes, in which i'm pretty sure is won by mr holmes. Anyhow, i'm so fascinated by his intelligence and coldness. Would such character exist in reality?

Scrappiezz..

It all began last week, to be precise it all takes place in jakarta, you know, the fever that every gurl in a relationship has to take in, forcefully. Uh-huh, the soccer fever is what i am referring to. Candidly i say, i aint a big fan of the sport myself, i dont even understand how does it all work, what makes someone a good player, the strategies, the different names of the kick, the rules (why does a guy keep getting a yellow card? how come at one time player fall the opponent get a free kick and the other times he does not?) too confusing. But again and again, when the world cup season starts and i happen to be involved with a male species at that particular time being, i found myself being forced (in a very sweet manner, of course) to watch every match religiously, every night. So lately, that has been my routine in the end of a day: Come home, Make myself a tall glass of capuccino, turn sctv on, call my baby and we watch the matches til 3 or 4.

Well, as i mentioned before, gurls we dont need to understand the game, how the "fur 3/4, menang 1/2" work or whatsoever going on in the game. All i know is i gladly participate in screaming marathon all the way throughout the game, that is when the ball is coming near to the goalie. Well, one perk that i got from watching countless seasons is sightseeing a bunch of damn-sexy-european-and-latino-lookin-hunks. It is much better than watching fashion tv. Come one gurls, what's not to love about a man who looks good in the street and kick ass in the field. I mean, i just have a new favourite, the mexico team, that really is my cup of tea. I hope they make it to the next round though haha.

And well, my fellow taken ladies, may i share a testimonial or two? At first i am so annoyed by the fact that my baby is so addicted to the game, that it becomes his daily bread. But after a while i got into thinking, hey if the game can keep him at home, even on friday and saturday night, man i got to persuade him to love the world cup even more. And you know what, once again, eventhough i dont get what is so seru about the game, i really enjoy the routine that we share together, listening to that guy making silly comments (he's a very terrible commentator!) singing off tune, teriak2 every 2 minutes, pointing out the outfits and rambut bakmie of the african players, i found myself paying more attention and laughing at him other than the games. Call me hopeless romantic, as a matter of fact i am, but it's ordinary small things as such that will bond you even closer huh?

So, seize the moments and endure the seasons while it still lasts my friends. ciao.

you cannot live, unless you are an addict.

I just got back from a long weekend in Jakarta, and a couple of days of staying in a fast paced city got me into thinking: how fast every single day goes by. I actually don’t have anything particular to do in purpose, but I found myself always actually be doing something while I was there.

There was always something to do, some places to go to, some people to meet, some events that I can participate in, there always are things to keep you occupied. No wonder the days feel to be rolling very quickly, and the thing is, it makes me go insane. We always have to stay alert, we always have to do something, we always on the go, the brain doesn’t pause for a sec, cannot stop to breathe, can’t chill and damn I cant even tidur siang for Gucci sake!

Pardon me for living in Perth half of my life and Bandung for the other half; I don’t get to become a metropolitan kinda chick. As much as I love the gurls in sex and the city, in reality, I am more of the wisteria lane kinda gurl.

Anyhow, every now and then, I wouldn’t mind becoming a temporary resident of a city that never sleeps. So yes, living in Jakarta for me means changing my outfit three to four times a day (no, I don’t count the pjamas and baju rumah) This whole changing outfit slash changing looks phenomenon is intensified by the fact that my darling is a true social butterfly. In accompanying him for meeting numerous people in a day, he demanded me to be polished and dressed in high key, and the thing with guys, they want the ladies to look good but don’t want to wait for us to do the deeds (you know, blow-drying, make-up session and all) so I did most of my make up time in the car. Owyeah, I’m fully trained to do that, at night or noon, in jalan tol or in parking spots, whether the car is moving in 80k or going through bumpy road, I still can draw a straight line with my eyeliner.

Anyway, I cannot help but wonder: how on earth do people manage to stay sane while living a lifestyle in a city so hectic? There was one day, my baby and I had to go around 3 basement level to look for a parking spot for 10 minutes. The parking spaces are so huge, but all spaces are occupied, going round and round in a closed space looking at cars that are parked so close to each other, it almost makes me explodes. Why is this city so frenetic, so chaotic? How do Jakarta people manage to live everyday? Do they just forcing themselves to get used it? Ain’t them realizing what’s going on around them, the clutter, the lack of air to breathe, the thousand of unfamiliar faces who live in the same building, the feeling of insignificance and hideous being in a large crowd, yet very fragile to danger?

Last night, at 12 am while sitting in the 46th floor of bni 46 building, sipping my third glass of shiraz, i got the answer. In my personal observation, i think people manage to stay in-sync because they have an addiction that keeps them alive. Some people are addicted to substance like drugs and alcohol, some highly tolerated addiction in the big city are the addictions to clubbing and smoking, some less harmful yet dangerous addiction are addiction to shopping and intense socialisation, some hidden yet killer addiction are addiction to work and the three letter word starts with the letter s.

An old friend once told me, how could he manage to quit smoking because it is the only cure that works to mend the stress of the day. He knows that smoking is not good, but he rather suffers lung cancer in 15 years time rather than not having anything to do when he comes home to an empty house. Addiction is the place where people can flee from reality, it's like a resting place, at least for a while. But after i think about it, it's not only those who live in big cities, not only those who want to flee from chaos who need addiction, those who want to flee from boredom also do addictive behaviour. I mean, who doesnt have addiction these days?

I am fully aware of the fact that i myself am having an addiction that i cannot, and dont want to let go. I'm fully recovered from my compulsive shopping behaviour since i my parents decided it's time for me to pay my own credit card bills *sigh* but with this addiction to caffeine. damn. i dont know what to do to quit? i've tried everything that i knew to help me stop, but in the end i am just doomed to fail. but yeah, my baby has decided that he will live with that.

Anyhow, i think i wrote too much, so i better put this to an end. Bottom line, there is one addiction that i know is good for you physically, emotionally and spiritually. The more you are addicted to it, the better your life will become both in short and long term. It's the addiction for JC. Go and get addicted.

raising awareness

may be one day i will learn

may be one day i will understand
may be one day i will get the slap that i need
may be one day i will wake up and all of these will be just a dream

or may be i dont want to learn
or may be i dont even want to know what i do wrong
or may be i've been slapped but i dont mind at all
or may be i secretly wish that what happens is not just a dream

may be i should have known better
may be i should not even consider to make the first step
may be i should think before i decide to fall
may be i should not be knowing you at all

or may be i keep repeating the same mistake again
or may be i have tried to avoid it, but the harder i try the deeper i fall
or may be it happens unconsiously at the back of my mind
or may be there isn't anything i could do because fate brought us together

Do you believe in soul mate?
Do you believe that people are destinied to meet?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Do you believe in true love?

No, but all i know is i feel pain when he is afar
No, but all i know is he is everything that i've ever dreamt of
No, but i feel like i've known him for years eventhough we've only met once
No, but all i know, i've never loved anybody else like i love him.

the encounter

"i'm not interested"
"i know you are. but please, do it for me. just meet him once, and after that you dont have to do it anymore"
"Just tell him i'm taken"
"He knows that you are not."
"Why are you insisting? looks like you owe him your life."
"Want an honest truth? i owe him my life."
"Who is he? the godfather or something?"
"He is, the kryptonite"
"the what?"

"Hey sweetheart, i'm outside. bisa keluar sekarang?"
sweetheart? who the hell do you think you are?
we've never met, we dont even know each other
I opened the door and there he was
standing three footsteps away from me

he stares deeply into my eyes
for another second too long
"you are much more beautiful than what i've heard"
sweet-talker!
"I bought you something"
then he presents a statue of an angel
"that's unusual. i thought i will get red roses or chocolate"
"I'm not generic. an angel for an angel"
"Arent you something. thank you"

The place, ahh the place,
i was shocked.
he drove into a university parking area.
"I thought we are going to have dinner"
"yes we are"
"In a university?"
"I bet no men have ever taken you to a university for dinner, right?"
"Yeah. i forgot. you are not generic."


the time is 8 pm
"You have to be very quiet, or else the security guard will catch you"
"What? i'm not setting myself for anything illegal. Are we breaking down something?"
"Haha. i really am dating an angel. come on. it will be fun"
"and i just agreed to a dinner invitation by the devil himself"
"Are you in or are you out?"

i've never done anything quite like this in my entire life.
I wouldnt dare
But there is something captivating and thrilling about the guy that i cannot turn down
Before i make up my mind whether to quit or continue,
he takes me by the hand and says,

"Nobody says no to me"

We entered an empty lecture theatre
through the back door, then a side window
he went upstairs to turn on the light and the overhead projector

"I feel like a thief"
"Owyeah. this is entrapment, angel"

He's coming downstairs,
with a box of pizza and a bottle of white wine
"You got to be kidding. haha. Are you sure we're not gonna be caught?"

"shh. The movie is going to start soon?"
"What? You want us to watch movie in a lecture theatre. Can you use the equpment and projector? Hey, this is a crime"
"Hey it's the notebook, angel. Your favourite"
"for gucci sake, how do you know?"
" i know much about you than you thought i do"

"Have we ever met before?"
"In a lifetyme before, yes. we were lovers. and now, we reincarnate to find each other again"
"haha easy there, romeo."
"I believe you are starving by now, and i believe the meat lovers with extra toppings and bbq sauce is an offer that you cannot refuse"
"Okay. This is getting scary. how do you know that?
"Google.com. haha i also happen to know that you have 5 angel statutes in your bedroom, you like the colour of white, your shoe size is six and a half, and your favourite singer is sade"
"and i have not even tell you my name yet, but i guess you've known from google"
"No. I want to call you angel"
"and how shall i call thee?"
"if you want to call me the devil, that sounds ok. or else you can call me brad pitt or whatever. just remember, my last name. My last name is kryptonite"

one box of pizza is all he needs to impress me
one movie marathon is all he needs to sweep me off my feet
one glass of white is all he needs to charm me
one thrilling experience is all he needs to make me wanting more
one manipulative conversation is all he needs to screw my brain
one smile is all he needs to spare my sould
one kryptonite is all it takes to break my heart, eventually.

me on review

i was walking down the book aisle the other day,
psychology section,
of course, what else.
then it was the encounter
with the best psychology book i've ever read in my entire life

"Get anyone to do anything"
Dr J. Leiberman.

you will never see people in the same way again
damn

the book is too excellent, i cannot put it down.


then, i just hav another fashion mogul favourite
andre leon talley
*anna wintour who?*
olweis religiously read his review on vogue
seen him on red carpet on Fashion tv
but never seen him doin live on air

This saturday morning, i woke up early
for a very special purpose
watching his interview with oprah
for gucci sake,
that guy is hilariously-funny
and man, does any man on earth know fashion better than him or what!
he aint as queer as carson kresley *Gudnez i miss tat guy!*
but he is so nice and what can i say,
i love man who can talk about haute couture

i'm so hooked up, i'm so gonna read vogue
with much more determination hehe


Finally, i'll give sum food review rite...
jus then, my bro his gal and my baby and moi
we had dinner at La'Oma
well, the journey is quite jauh frm bandung
and you hav to drive thru sum kampung
but tell ya'
the place is le'beautiful..
very artsy, with loads of wooden furniture, palm trees
they usually use the place for garden wedding party
*talking about wedding, bytheway, burr.. how's uh-huh?!*
and yes.. the food
we had 11 main dishes for the night
*i'm dining wif sum kelas-berat champions, apparently*
from sop buntut to fetucini to roti bakar to grilled steak
damn
how's our diet going, baby?

alrite then, i have to take off now
i'm goin on holiday besok
gnite, gnite

the kryptonite code

it's the biggest misconception of all
to believe that everything that happens in life
is happening because of the force of the nature

some people might live life like an innocent child
without them knowing it
that some psychopathic minds
are playing them
are messing up with their heads

it's too naive to believe in what you see
it might be incorrect to say that you know someone inside out
have you ever heard about
underlying personalities?
this person honestly is the person whom you know her to be
but
she also honestly is somebody else

so, you think people are saying things
just for the sake of saying things?
dont you know that every inch of you
is scrutinised
once you look at her in the eyes

who is her?
what are you talking about?

have met this species of human being yet?
once in a lifetyme, i promise you
you will meet at least one
the kryptonian breed
the one who likes to mess up with your head
the one who likes to scatter your brain
the one who confuses you with her twisted personalities
the one whom you cannot trust
yet one you cannot help to love

have you ever been charmed,
enchanted until you feel that you are casted under a spell
her eyes are too cold
but too captivating and inviting
without you even realising it
you will be telling her everything she wishes to hear
you will spare your life before her
then in a matter of second, she'd be dictating your life

what the hell is her business with you?
why do you have to be the victim?

she doesnt pick you
you pick her
it's your request to be screwed in the brain
It is your call to be broken down emotionally,
in a most painful manner.
and then you will ask,
what did i do that make me to pick her?
What shoud i do then?

my friend, i shall answer you
be screwed
then be one.

a typical sunday kinda day

so, i wake up eaarrllyy because my mum wouldnt stop screamin til i really got up.
My early kind of early is 9 a.m... i dont get it how sum people say 9 is late.. whuatt.!?!?
i catch insomnia, for the record.
So after sleeping for only 5 hours or less, my eyes are still teary-weary
but yesh, a God-chick gotta do wat a God-chick gotta go huh?!
i aint skippin church, though my throat is aching baaaddly.. i got a ministy to run, apparently!

i really never been disappointed all my life, and i swear it's true
thou i came to church half-heartedly, felt so mualesshh ga kira2,
but when you really get in tune wif the Source Power Himself,
i always go home fully-charged.. *i think i hear some amen :)*

so after church, the usuals: big family gathering.. it's the koshan's day huh :)
my 2 lovely cuz just buzzing from the US for holiday.so we gonna meet up for chit chat
called my baby on my way there
damn i miss that man!

anyhow.. i arrived at the koshan residence, huge banguet: i ate until i cant eat anymore
then me and all my cuz headed to setra duta, to the house of my almost-becomin-a-mommy cuz
the club house at setra duta- damn you have to cek it out. cool or what.
we got the whole basement for ourselves.. we did pool, ping-pong and pin ball
i never knew tat i'm gud at ping pong hahaha.. *nyeahnyeahh.. i did it on 10 cm heels my friends!*
after we were sweating..not because the game was so gud, but bcoz we were running to pick up ball too many tymes haha.. we headed back for sum pictionary games.. gudness i almost kill myself for laughing too much.

owyeahhh after hangin out wif them all day, me, mum, pap, yunkii and fanny had dinner together
whereelse, the grand eastern, my dad's fave alldatyme...
and yesh yeshhh i'm soo full.. damn i tink i gained 100 pounds today.. i eat too much
well, sorry babe, it's the PMS what can i do..i'm a woman!

okay, so i'm home... waiting for this insomnia thing to get away from me so that i can sleep
phewww...

friend or enemy?

it was a very fine saturday morning,
around 10-ish or so,
I washed my halfly-awake face, quick brush
quick breakie : hah! no carbs no sugar, plain oatmeal.
yes my friends, she has determination.
check my cell, say gud morning to my schat,
and his first comment at 10 on saturday morning is

"jadi ngegym kan?"

yes, he is totally strict wif this one.
He never pushin me to work or doin anything hard
but the man is makin sure tat i do take a gud care of my bod
no, no... carb diet alone is aint enuf for him
he demands an abs like a surfboard.. a 99% fat free one
he doesnt favour wiggly-tiggly kinda belly.. uh-huh!

so yeah, afterall i thought: it's a do-able request.
it's a win-win situation, yesh?
so, changed into my gym gear..
is tat only me or all gurls are doin it as well?
you know, all gym gears are so not sexy to wear
if you are wearing a loose outfit, it looks like banana in pajamas
if it is a tight one, all your excesive body mass (read: sum-chan) are floating up
not a pretty sight either.

oh well, what a gurl to do.. thanks to years of reading fashion magazine
it's been more than 10 times i came across the heading that reads:
"dress up according to your body type"
flaut the asset and cover the liability.. yaa yaa you got what i mean?!
anyhow.. it's been 3 wks since i last bugged my gym
the level of endurance is dropped so low
that i can hardly run in the treadmill for longer than 20 mins
damn!
have i becomin that sloppy?

i'm just about to give up, i decrease the speed from 9 to 5,
when somebody just did the right thing at the right tyme
she switched the chanel from MTV to F tv
that's all motivation that i need
there it flashed before my very own eyes
180 cm tall gurls, tanned skin, blowdried hair, nude make-up and their million dollar toned body, wrapped in gucci and Dior haute couture
strud in the runway

damn!
i took a long breath
increase the treadmill speed to 9
i ran for another 20 minutes
damn fashion TV!
and well no need to mention,
my legs are shakin badly
i hardly can drive on my way back home.

so yeah, there's just the pouring heart
of a gal who loveth/yet hates fashion TV to the core

get a grip

i think lately, i'd been suffering this syndrom called quarter life crisis. (and i have not reached 25 yet, to be precise) but you know, life circumstances sometimes just press down a little too hard and squeeze you inside out. pressure after pressure just make you want to break down, but hey after 21 years of experiencing ups and downs, i should have known better huh!? being a drama queen and celebrating self pity parties wont help. it is destructive. a good cry every now and then is always permitted, but dwelling in sorrow too long only shows immaturity.

i know there are times when we really cannot help it, a period of time in where everything seems to fall apart, eventhough we want to be positive and look for the bright side of life, you just cannot stop the tears that always flow from your eyes, unconsciously. but hey, let 'em out, all the emotional baggage have to be released or else you just stacking up garbage inside. cry out loud, punch your pillow, eat chocolate, swipe your credit cards, laugh so loud eventhough it's a fake one, sing of tune in the shower, grab your faithful friends for coffee and tell them that same story that you've been telling them for the thousand times, watch sappy dramas and listen to mellow songs, and the most important thing, involve GOD in all of the above.

That's right, after a period of tyme, without you even realising it, the storm had passed, suddenly all the things that give you headache wont affect you anymore, i'm amazed myself, how could that even possible? i was like, yesterday i was crying when i thought of it, and today, the problem has not even been better by bits, but i'm cool with it. how is that even possible? After 21 years of experiencing failure, deep sorrow and pain, i just knew how that is ever possible. You believe in God. HE creates you. IF you allow Him to take care of your pain, HE will. He just stabilise your emotional mood swings overnight, and boom! i'm suddenly, amazingly, miracuously, feeling great.

Most of the times we just spent too much times overanalysing our problems, thingking too hard on how to overcome these obstacles, how we gonna react to people, and respond to those who hurt us. but well, if u want to make it simple. it will be. just let God take care of it. no bulls! it saves you time and energy. and in no time you'll be as happy as bananas (not a good metaphor, but you get wat i'm sayin rite )

so yeap, after the main storm is gone, of course there are little itsy bitsy things that you have to take care of, i've learnt this thing from the real life example of my very own best friend, the only one ms hindra sutjahyo --> how to pronounce your name, honey? hahaha. anyway she'd shown me how to leap higher after every time you fall. so, after recovering from a marathon of crying, it't time to close the book and get a new book. do something bigger than yourself, and in no time, you will not only forget your failure, but finding yourself in a higher stage of life.

see i always believe that failure is the best reason for the next big success. because of pain. i work harder. because of hurt i achieve more than others. because failure doesnt break me, it makes me a high achiever. uh-huh! it's time to regain that self confidence that's been lost along the way haha. i'd been so insecure in the past couple weeks that i forget who i am as a person. thanks to friendster, reading testimonials remind me again of how others see me and it does help to bring back the esteem. and watched joyce meyer tis morning and it just fire up my spirit right to the bull's eye! you have to suceed at being you!

the world today is putting presurre to make you an average normal person. a normal woman would do this and this. to be considered normal you should be doing so and so. but hey, the normal person never makes it to the top. so, block all of those negative complaints that the society makes, and keep pursuing ur dream. that's what i am doing right now :)

so yeah, i'm getting a grip and prouldy anounce that i am back on track. watch out for my next move, i'm leaping even higher.

the day before xiong he

so, i finished work at 12, got back home and no-one's there. *sigh*
got bak from prima taste last nite at 11 and woke up at 6..
i tink i need to catch up on sum beauty sleep.
doing too much caffeine, however, unable me to do so.
so, threw myself on my black suede sofa, another full round of caffeine
watching "ceriwis, yo wizz" and they had maliq and the essentials on profile today
too interesting to be missed. i just found out ada aliran musik
namanya "neo-soul" ..uh-huh?! that's their kinda music.
whatever that is. i love them

bytheway.. we score the contract wif panasia.. haha..
too happy, cannot wait for my first class..
and this morning..i got sum pick-up lines di kantor..from tis manager who's goin to be my murid.
haa..i wouldnt expect anyone in indo to throw sum pik-up lines..lagian jm 9 pagi di kantor pula.. but well ! i'm just an ordinary human being.. biarpun getek, those kinda things do really make my day haha i'll make sure tat murid passes my class wif distinction/

"so you're the new teacher?"
"yep. nice to meet you"
"what's ur uni degree, miss?"
"commerce"
"not medicine? too bad. do you know CPR?"
"haha. no. why?"
"because you take my breath away"

gw kalah mutlak..kalah di tempat. tidak mampu membalikan serangan haha.. but no! he didnt get my number. that's one thing i learn frm my ex "dun mix business wif pleasure" hahaha --> see i'm a fast learner, babe :)

alrighty.. i tink the caffeine efect is gone now. i feel kinda sleepy. see you when i see you :)

talking fashion and feelings on friday

reading time magazine on the net, intriguing title: the 10 most powerful women in fashion. quite disappointed to find my fave anna wintour only sits in the third rank, and the olsen twins are in the fourth rank?! i was like.. no way.what the?! it is acceptable to say arnault of LV, aerin lauder, and kawabuko of comme des garcons are part of the list. but olsen twins? what about kate moss or my SJP. anyway, since the first position is held by the CEO of burberry and christopher bailey is also rewarded as the most happening designers, seems like burberry is penerima award terbanyak in the fashion industry these days.

reading spore bazaar this month, feeling so sad in finding the list of 10 last season items that you have to ditch a.s.a.p. pointy shoes and 50's fashion trends are out. and i was like " no way. i'm not done with them yet!" gals, if the fashion bible declares that your so called signature style is last season and need to be ditched. will you ditch them? i'm so in dilemma. haha. especially, when your domestic fashion stylist (big momma, in my case) is saying the same thing and she threw my last seaon outfits without me even knowing it. i was looking for my SJP skirt the other day, i couldnt find it and she just turned to me and said: udah mami buang. udah ga musim atuh ceh pake gituan. nih pake ini ajah. and there, before my very own eyer, the skinny jeans and victorian shirt.

hahh.. just realising it's friday already. my day begins on Friday, my day ends on friday. i love and hate friday. i feel like having to get out of the house on friday. last friday i do really feel like it, this friday on the other hand i really want to linger on my sofa wif a capucinno and let the hours go by. "masa wiken di rumah lin. malu2in bantal ah!" and there comes pressure. apparently, the socialisters of bandung do party everyday of the week. i was tryng to keep up with these people. they are all like the energizer bunnies. work from 8 to 6, istirahat bentar, then makan jam 8, ngafe jam 10, then hit the club sampai matahari terbit. salut, salut! ga tau dehh energy dari mana.. gw mah takk mampuu.. but yeah, since it is friday anyway, no harm in joining in. love hangin' out wif them anyway: full of fun full of energy.

haa..!! its' 2 days before sinciah.. cannot wait. i honestly dont like the kumpul2 for hours and hours. sitting wif 20 uncles and aunties- the relatives whom i dont even know. never see their faces except on this time of the year. but yeah, seperti kata mentor gw "asal piduiteun mah apa juga gw jabanin!" haha.. afterall, i need sum subsidi bwat liburan ke perth. arrghh.. cannot wait! one month is too long to bear. i'm so counting days to meet my gals.

a woman's worth

been listing to alicia keys unplugged album in last few days. it has been a great companion while i'm stucked in a traffic jam. here's my fave:

If you treat me fairy
I'll give you all my goods

Treat you like a real woman should 
Baby I know you're worth it
If you never play me
Promise not to bluff
I'll hold you down when shit gets rough
Cause baby I know you're worth it

She walks the mile makes you
smile all the while being true
Don't take for granted the passion that she has for you 
You will lose if you chose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man who knows her worth