the ultimate guilty pleasure

2007-09-13T01:50:00.002-07:00

yes, working in a furniture gallery has turned me into an interior devotee. It has changed my preference of furniture as well. If u asked me three years ago, what kind of interior style that i like, i would say "minimalis", because obviously, it was the most common one at the time. My mum, whom is an excellent interior decorater opts more for a country style, or mediteranian perhaps. But, i was more of the minimalis - japanese zen style - kinda girl.

but my oh my, after working in a classic american furniture gallery, all i can say is "Minimalis sucks!!"

I mean, modern contemporary is great but no more minimalist style, please.

I dont deny that i love IKEA, we all love IKEA, but tell me now you, dont you hate how your book shelves and shoe racks change their shapes after they stayed at your place for 3 months. I had loads and loads of products from IKEA (and Freedom) back then in Perth. I used to love my furniture for their style and price. But they are plain. Well, i only realised that my taste was plain after I have learnt about the quality of solid wood, how they are processed, crafted and polished with paint and chemical and end up in a great piece of art.

Before i studied furniture and classic american style, i used to flip through VOGUE living magazine and went BLEEHH.. when looking at the castle and mansion of the dukes and barons and counts and earls yaaahhh u kno what i meant... those flowery patterned sofa, those antique looking coffee table and not-matching-yet-so-colourful carpet are so last century. But hey, now i'm a true believer. I love american classic, better yet the English charm. OF course those baroness and your highness style are marvelous but dont really suit my clumsy personality, so while searching for furniture for the new apartment, i'm opting for more classic contemporary with a little taste of eclectic. You like?

Anyhow, apart from furniture, i'm sending my greatest condolescene for the earthquake victims in Bengkulu and those who missed the great Debenhams sale.

Now that i am going to quit my job in 2 months, a great job offer comes my way. Thanks heaps for referring me, cozin! we'll eat, drink and be merry. I want to come wif you to SF, or with MCDreamy to Korea, of wif Ce'em and Cinkeh to Sydney. Haiyehhhhh why is that all of you taking vacation and leaving me alone here?

to rephrase in words

2007-09-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

here comes the mood for writing, finally. I didn know how, for the past couple of weeks, somehow i think i lost my ability to create phrases and combine words. Yeh, not that i'm saying that i am capable of making good phrases, it is just that i really like writing phrases that do not have any meaning literally, but well, somehow it feels good making those phrases, you know?

Yeah, yeah, i used to think that i might have some indigo genes. Those DNA that takes you to wonderland, you know. But anyway, this morning, i found myself composing those phrases. And i am so happy because of it. I consider myself a little literate or cultured perhaps, if i talk in a language that does not make sense at all haha. May be, it's the effect of the third glass of caffeine that i zipped or perhaps because i hang out with an ill person (literally ill) for 5 days.

McDreamy hav been sick for 5 days. He got to cancel his trip to Korea (yay!) and stays at home. As a result to that, now i hav to be the one who travels to his place. Well, let me just say that the experience had made me realise how much he luvs me.. I mean, i just knew that a one way travel from kemang to kbn jeruk will take no less than 2 hours. That's just madness. I almost kill myself after being trapped in a two hours traffic, everyday in the past 5 days. Take note that i do not drive. I only sat on the passanger seat and complaining to my driver how the macet seems to be neverending. I am touched, knowing that my dear boyfriend, after a tiring day at work, would drive all the way to meet me for dinner, then drive me home then drive all the way back to his hour in far far away land, everyday. And he never displays a zombie face like i do. Being a snobbish person that i am (haha!) i always make sure that he knows what i had to endure to meet him. I always put on a tired face, a long sigh and making "the look" yeaaahhh point is, i m just trying to say that my boyfriend is a super nice person haha.

Apparently today he's still sick and i gotta go to his place again.. But that's okay wif me. McDreamy is a very sociable person. He enjoys being in a crowd, meeting up with friends and likes the company of other people. Since the first day i was dating him, he always takes me to meet up with other people. Lunch with his high school friends, dinner with his business associates, late night chit chat with his boss, and so on. Well, i dont mind that at all, but truth is i would like to spend time alone with him, as many tymes as possible. Now that he is sick and cant get out from the house, i'm the only one who can see him on a daily basis, yahhh and his parents of course. So, I'm happy :D

Huehh.. it's 5:30 already, tyme to clean up and go bak to loverville..

au revoir

choose right

2007-09-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

It's good that I accidentally left my fone at home, thou i hav my cdma wif me, now that i have one day off from, well, talking allday long. Funny how snobbish some people could be when it comes to their cellphone. I carry my cdma wif me all the time, but never used it at all. Even when i talk and talk for hours all day, i cant be bothered to use the cdma, thou it would save me big bucks. Some people are aware that they spend a couple hundred thousand rupiah per day just on the fone, those cost will be fractioned only just by dialing the number thru their cdma. But I dont know why, i am one of those shallow and not so smart people, people are still reluctant to switch..

So, now that i dont have my fone wif me, i dont talk to anyone at all. Well, of course i talk to mcdreamy this morning, how could i get thru a day without talking to him? (nyeahnyeah) I dont know what would i do next week, when he is taking off to Korea for a week?! Anyone wants to catch up wif me afterwork?

Anyhow, i'd been thinking, about breaking up and moving on. The thought comes when i was browsing through friendster this morning (correction: all morning) I'd been browsing intensively the pages of my exes, mcdreamy's exes and .. okay now, dont raise your eyebrows on me, as if i'm the only kepo girfriend

on earth who has the urge to check out the boyfriend's exes, SECRETLY (haha!)

Well, for those who are as kepo as i am, you must have experienced the feeling of relief when you found out that all of your bf's exes are already "in a relationship" or better yet "married". Of course the bible teaches us that "love does not envy, covers all and conquers all" , but still, our fight agaist our flesh and ego is lightened up when you know some contenders have withdrawn from the frontline already. They are out off the whole picture, they have their new lives and you could stop assuming scenarios in your mind that (he might still have.. or she might still be..)

moreover, i also check out the pages of my exes.. hum.. well, where should i start? mcdreamy and I used to live in different world, he lives in the land of saints and i lived in the land of alligators, land of lacoste (haha!) So, it's predictable to say that his lovely, nice and Godly exes have all moved onto a new solid relationship, and most of my exes are well, they still live in their happy houses in the land of crocodile. (btw, take notes: never volunteer yourself to become a crocodile hunter, look what happen to steve irwin!!)

So yeah, point is, i just realised again, for the hundreth time, that time does really fly. It moves us from the end of the earth to another end of the earth. I remember where i was last year, September 2006, and now in September 2007, i have been in a totally different place than last year. my job, my house, the people whom i hang out with, even the way i think, the way i speak, my attitude changes a lot in a year. Something, or someone whom used to matter so much in my life, and whom i think would play a significant role for the rest of my life in a time span of a year, disappear. The person is no longer important at all to me is gone without a trace. I have never heard, or would like to hear or know anything about what is going on in that particular person's life as well. not that i hate or have bitterness or things like that, but it's just that, what's the point of keeping in touch with someone whose role has been replaced by someone else. Am i right?

How could it happen this way, i wonder? life is weird.

I dont regret my life, also i never want to swap place with anyone else, or doing my life differently if i had been given another chance, i think i love the way i do my life (including years of wandering around in the land of alligators.) But if i could advice my kids or any baby sisters, i would suggest them to save some kleenex and panadol. Do follow McDreamy's path. It's less rockier than mine and does not cause so much bleeding and pain.

May Day May Day...

2007-08-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

why is that, towards the end of the month, evryone suddenly turns cranky?

i was thinking, probably it's because the wallet in the back pocket is getting thinner towards the last days of the months, or the deadline of the month is approaching and there are still many workloads to do, or probably those who work in marketing are still wayss behind the target...

Yeah, i just noticed people arround me are not so smiley and energetic.. most of them are putting on papaya faces, somehow and somewhat disconnected and are so tense that their veins look like they are about to explode.

Well, honestly i'm not really a happy banana too myself. Probably it's the wether or the moon eclipse, or the fluctuations in the stock market, whatever. But yeah, in tymes like this, listening to Joel Osteen and Jose Carol turns out to be quite usefull. Their sermons do give your spirit a booster. Live your best life, today!

A little smiling does help to brighten a "hangin-low" day, so does a box of dark chocolate and lyche martini. anyhooww.. cheer up people, 2 and a half more day to endure, then it's September.

Saying goodbye to the month of Leo and Saying Hi to the month of Virgo... Ahh.. refering to my previous posting months ago... have i told you that my current bf is a LEO... He's a Leo and a Dragon.. Good Lord!

butt yeaahh... everything is still good and peachy keen.. wel'll be turning 2 months old in a week.. Does anyone ever do monthly anniversary celebration? or dinner perhaps? or getaway?? i wonder if babe wud like to go to Bandung again before leaving for Korea.. hummm///?!?!

Anyway, i've started going bakk into ministry.. if xenia reads this.. she'll said Hallelujah! i guess hihi.. finally got myself a boyfriend who will bring me back to God and straighten me up in the right path haha.. I wonder what that hot mama is doing.. cant wait til november.. to see all of them in PErth.. I was enquiring about the tickets all morning.. Bur.. is it still ok if i go at 1st of Nov? I'll stay longer afterwards thou.. may be we can go to melb or sydney together??

alrite thenn..

my pangsing goreng is coming.. i'm eatingg... and logging off now..

holla from loverville

2007-08-28T03:25:00.000-07:00

yes so i have 30 minutes to kill before going home,
friendster is on its schedule maintenance,
all magazines, books, and newspapers have been read twice if not 3 times
so well, here i am, blogging

why is that, now i have lost my appetite to write?
both, bulletin boards and blogs,
i used to think that i am addicted to writing things,
stuff,
useless stuff.. haha

anyway, things are going great between mcDreamy and I
**see, i'm suffering the carrie bradshaw syndrome, again!
losing my individuality after transforming into a two-some.
Dont get me wrong, not that i'm losing my self.. my character and all that
It's just that, now i spend (almost) every hour by the hour wif McDreamy,
I rarely think as me, myself and I anymore...

It's always "we are going to this dinner", "we are going to meet up wif friends"
yes, yes, i am joining the proudly "we" club.

Y'all know that i have been trapped in a number long distance relationships before,
so, now that i got to live in the same city wif my beloveth,
I demand to see him everyday.
(poor McDreamy, as if Kbn Jeruk and Kemang are not far enough??)
yahh.. what can i say, two months is still an allowed honeymoon tyme, rite?

i olweis thought having relationship in indo will be sooo crispy
you could only see each other during weekend,
and there is nothing that you could do other than movie and dinner

If you live overseas, ofcourse being together 24/7 is super common,
well, im so happy to say that,
seeing each other everyday is still possible in jakarta
if there is a will, there is a way
(A HARD<>
but,, it's all good... seeing McDreamy's smiley face at the end of a tiring day is worth going thru a macet way
ehehehehhehe
oh well,
gotta go now,
time's up..
waktunya pulanggg
waktunya pacarannn
thathaaa peoplee...

lost in translation

2007-08-13T02:50:00.000-07:00

It has been a month since i last blogged, geez, i cant believe that i can live without blogging for a month..
that's how the saying goes, huh?

addiction cannot be stopped but replaced by a bigger addiction

yes, so my purpose of blogging today is to report the current affair from loverville haha..

McDreamy and I are very happy.. I've hoped to introduce him to all of my friends, my closest ones especially.
He has met all of my family members (yes including my sencimping cousins.. ) and he has witnessed how secimping they could be.. (but all i am saying is tat if he has not met the Queen Bee, the master of sencimping-ness, he hasnt seen nothing!!) So, leloy my dear, when will you leave SF huh?

and, as for my closest darlings in perth, i'll be there in november. so, wait for moi, yes?

McDreamy and Me have just come bakk from Bandung on Sunday evening,
He accompanied me to my Great Grandmother's funeral,
Thank Goodness that he came wif me, y'all know how boring an "acara tutup peti" of a "cina totok" family is?!
is like, the chai-ma doing some prayers and bakar2 hio here and there, and we were stucked there wif a plate full of kacang and sweets, we were tempted to bring playing cards and play capsah instead of listening to the cai-mah. But, eventually we did something better than that!! haha// McDreamy, yunkiee, fanny and me, we drove all the way to lembang and spent the whole afternoon swimming at SanGria.

Well, actually it was more of eating by the poolside and maen perang air rather than swimming, but we had a lot of fun.. i tink we blew our stomach by ordering too many food.. have i told you that i have gained probably 3 kg since i dated McDreamy (and he, himself has gained i tink 5-6 KG hahaha) At the end of the day, we were sitting at the jacuzzi, and saying "kita bukannya harusnya berduka cita dan berkabung yah???"

anyway.. promise dont tell my parents yah..

pink skies all over again

2007-06-29T02:31:00.001-07:00

yes people, the mcdreamy addiction is still on. I'm so mezmerized by his charms and kindness, so fascinated by his intelligence and his unbelievably handsome face (hewl yeah!!)

huahhh.. ko Tuhan baek banget yahhh sama guaa.. not only that HE creates this beautiful, annointed, so close to perfection human being, HE also allows him to cross path wif me... sighhh....

So, dear friends, please accept my apology for turning down all of the invitations for lunch, dinner, coffee, movie, goodness me, i dont even say yes to a painting exebition and salon and midnight shopping spree di sensi . I am totally out off my mind. i know, i commit the cardinal sin of abandoning my friend for a hot, correction super hot, date.

I spend time wif him, all the time, from lunch to coffee, to dinner, to coffee again pokoknya tiap hari full on deh. And this is what i hate abt jakarta.. why the city is so big?? and macet?? why do people have to live far away from each other??? kalo di bandung it will only take you 20 mins to go from bandung utara to selatan. but yesterday we went all the way from kemang to pantai indah kapuk, it was like... D'oh!! forever!!!

but well, seperti mami papi bilangg... kalo lagi fall in lurrveee... even 3 hours in traffic feels like not long enough ahahhahaha... it was like, "We're home already?? Damn!" So yeahhh... by this time, i should have been calling all of my bestfriends to give them the detail of the detail of my mcdreamy obsession... i've told cha2, fely, tirzah, i even called buruts and christine. so, if i have not called you yet, stand by the fone. san, you'll get the details when we meet up nex wik yah.. and bob! if you want to kno, you call me, bro! poi, since i hardly meet you, tanya cha2 ajah deh... okay, who did i miss?? oww hot mama, you can ask tirzah if you are not buzy watching jerry springer hahaha.. anyway, please be happy for me, and please pray for me...

how i meet mcDreamy

2007-06-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

btw, before i start, have you watched that show, how i meet your mother. Well, if you have not, go to kemang foodfest and buy the DVD immediately. It is funnier than FRIENDS, i swear on Gucci. Usually i would spend 2x12 hours to do a DVD marathon to finish every DVD that i purchased. I think i spend 4 days to watch the whole 2 seasons of Prison break. But with this series, it is so good that i dont want to spill it out. I want to indulge on it. So i spend 6 days, one disc per day. I drink Dry Martini and eat Lindtt Dark chocolate while watching it. What can i say? something that great is worth the wait haha.

Anyway, the storys goes up like this,

i was sitting down with my girlfriends having lunch. we were talking and laughing and were having a good time. Then he enters the room. The room is crowded and it was quite noisy. But then he looked at me, I looked back and tried not to fall from my chair. (Hey come on! he is drop dead gorgeous. All the girls in the room were drooling when he walked into the room) He was talking to other people, and then i was having trouble tuning into the conversation. My mind was on the other part of the room. He looked at me, the second time. Now, i am trying not to choke the meat in my mouth. He is still gorgeous, for goodness sake. He was walking towards my crowds, and i swear this time i almost fell from my chair, due regards to a sudden nervous attack. But then he smiled and asking for my name. I was smiling, and hoping that the spinach did not stuck in between my teeth, shook his hand and told him my name.

From then on, the story turns out to be very interesting. If you happen to be one of my friends whom i called in the middle of the night terus aku curhat2in kaya orang gila, saking aku stressnya dealing and trapped in this game, well you might say that "very interesting" is an understatement. But yeah, things are going well wif McDreamy and we are up to "un-date Date" number 10 so far. and if i happen to be together with MCDreamy at last, i would ask him his side of the story. otherwise, just remember this as the story when saint kryptonite almost fall from her chair because she is astound by the presence of a drop dead gorgeous man.

i'll say oui!

2007-06-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

AAhh.. kenyang bangettt.. baso malang definetely tastes good! MSG rocks! i wondered when wud i be starting to live a healthy life again? humm.. been a while since i last blogged (considering the fact that i used to post writings forthnightly) Anyhow, life's been greaatt.. See, this is for all of the single girls out there, SINGLEDOM ROCKS! well, i love to be in a relationship, and if people ask me to choose between being single or being in a relationship, i would choose relationship at any given day. But, now that if you have not found Mr.right, please do your fabulous self a favour; Choose singledom other than settling with some mr right now. YOu know what the best thing about being single is, it's easy, and you'll always be fabolous. Relationship is great but it requires many compromies, many hardworks, many forgiveness, many patience, but when you are single, all you need to do is just be yourself, and everything is fabulous. So, i'm enjoying every single solitary day of being single, because i sense that this good thing wont last very long (haha!) When i told Angie last night, she's like "jadi maksud loe, loe udah mau jadian lagi gitu??"

Ahh.. i'd been treating myself to extravagant food retreat in the past 7 days because my niu set of friends happen to become food and wine lovers. if any of you fancy french cuisine, there is this awesome place that i just been to last night. It is located in Cipete and the name is BokaBoku. My dear Yasleen, she's one truly droit food hunter and she found this tiny restaurant in the middle of nowhere and it happened to have the best escargot in the city. Teams up wif my niu fren monsieur Jabin the first (btw he wants to name his kids jabin the second and jabin the third), whom is great food critique and dinner commentator (and preacher and discussion moderator as well haha)Together these 2 people have taken up my dining experience to a new level.

AAAhhh... banyak acara for the next 2 wks yaahh??? margaretha and Sammy's wedding, trip to surabaya wif San and anto (may be), trup to Singapore wif Monique and Yasleen (another may be) U turn Concert and Narrowgate dinner (still deciding) another great date with Mc.Dreamy (definetely coming) and the best is still yet to come

life as it is

2007-06-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

WHO:

irene is expecting. congratulations my dear!
jeanne: lamaan sihh di jkt-nya.. kita ketemuan!
silvia: nex friday, temenin gua ngajar yah!
stella: this saturday, babe? mau dinner dimana yah kita?
fely: kapan yah nginep2an-nya? nex wik?
Tirz: dikau pacaran terus... menelantarkan me!!
yasleen: hair extension tomorrow? mana itu si ilham?
evelyn: kapan ke jakarta, say? janji curhat2muh..
claudia: cepet sembuh. jangan gbt2 terus ah!
cha: congratulations yah pindahan rumahnya.. seru euy!
chow2 bin wardoyo: welcome home
anto: surabaya?
alex: bandung?
Yo: brebes? (why all of u are goin local?)
bobske: dig deeper, bro!

WHAT:

fantastic 4 was alrite: jess alba is HOT with a capital H!
premiere lounge in EX was fabulous. tried it for the first time last nite, i mean, lazy boy and blanket. even if the movie is dead boring you could get a decent 2 hours sleep there.
gucci is on sale
so does prada
and roberto cavalli (Di, would i get more discounts if i mention ur name?)
love SEIBU fitting room, the chair is so louis XVI, i want to steal them!
book review: "I can read you like a book", "mind magic" and "Live your best life now"
coffee in cafe betawi in Grand indonesia sucks! Seriously.
when you go to luvaze for a haircut, it is better to stick with Sanny, eventhough it will take you one week to get an apointment with her. Dont lose your patience and settle for tante acun. look at my hair. i'm in great despair.
prada mobilefone is just beyoondd..!!
Friday night club in menteng

WHY

treating someone nice is different to treating someone right
i just realise that physics does exist in everyday life: the law of momentum (if you have got a positive word of mouth, it exegerates to your advantage. but if you have a bad word of mouth, the momentum will harm your reputation by double the force) , the transfer of energy (energy is neither lost or destroyed, it is transfered from one form to another. The bigger the energy that i carry, the bigger the aura and energy that i am transforming to other while i am communicating with them. Therefore, increase the forces within) ---> hey trust me, i got a distinction in physics class in year 11 haha
it is easier to start than to maintain
it is easier to break than to maintain
the rewards on waiting on God is worth it.

back into You

2007-06-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

how fast cud it be yah? udah hari sabtu lagi. so exhausting. cape banget. kurang tidur, kurang makan, kurang terawat in the past 7 days. geez. i just realised that when life is moving in a fast pace, sometimes you take everyday life for granted. You dont really think about what is going on, who you are, or even be conscious of what you are doing. You just roll into activities after activities and by the time you got home, you were like "What have i been doing in the last 24 hours? ko udah malem lagi?" This is always happening to me when i am trapped in a busy schedule, like all of the activities in your life is timed by the hours. 10-11 meeting A, 12- 13 meeting B, 14-16 meeting C, you hardly can squeeze time to breathe.

Yahhh sekarang sih berasanya kaya gitu lagi, only that instead of having meeting A,B, and C, i am more of a ngopi sama A, lunch sama B, telepon sama C, shopping sama D, nyalon sama E, then followed by dinner sama F and movie sama G. You think that's relaxing? well, you guess wrong! Talking to different people continuously in one day is exhausting. Sama ajah kaya kerja EO ato pi-are ato marketing. BEcause you dont just show up and be there, you actually have to "be there". You listen to them, converse intelligently (yes, btw we are still hot on stock market and bonds) halaaahh... i have been lying down on bed at 3 in the morning and thinking, "what a hekk of a day?" PAdahal cuman maen doang sharian, tapi tubuh jiwa raga ko kaya abis diperes abis2an?? humm...

but then again, i am thankful for being in a fast paced life period at the moment. though the other day, i went to bed at 3 and found myself udah bangun jam 7 pagi. I catched up on my morning prayer and saat teduh, only then i got the opportunity to really "get into me". Praying is a good way to remember who you are, because i am sure that many times we forget who we are, to see the big picture of what is happening in your life, to anyalise your goals and see whether you are still on track or not. And when you really know the answers to all of those issues, i think you wouldnt feel lost eventhough trapped in a fast pace life. You think?

hello world

2007-06-10T20:21:00.001-07:00

Have been so capeekk.. so exhausted lately.. udah 9 hari nih.. gak pulang ke rumah before 1 in the morning!! i need to catch up on my beauty sleep!! pegi maeenn terus.. seru sihh.. i cannot complain.. finally i got an occasion to wear my "spandex" dress. It looks good though, since i've dropped couple of pounds due regard to tired-ness. Ow have i told you that i cropped my hair supershort? I'm trying to pull out "Vic beckham" look, skinny gal in le smoking, black vest and super tight white shirt, of course wif her brunette straight-dropped bop hair. so loving this new style.

Anyway, i'm so enjoying hanging out wif these grupz of friends. You know, once you passed the awkward moments, started to bond, started to get close and feel comfortable being in a new group, once you have turned from a new-comer to a regular, and started to become one of us. It is good. You want to see them everyday, have so much things to talk about and since it is the initial stage, you have not seen the bad traits of you friends, you think they are perfect and you love them so much. yah, friendship is basically just like relationship, only that you could have more than one love interest. haha.
So, i have been seeing my niu friends 24/7. my day would start at 7, since most of my friends work in Jalan sudirman, they all woke up at 6 and they managed to give the kemang girl wake up calls, and we talked all day, we meet for lunch, then for coffee breaks, then for nyalon or shopping di PI or PS, then big group dinner, then evening coktails, then followed by late night fone calls. (See, apa bedanya sama orang pacaran??)

and, claudia, bobske, burut, cha2, popoy, if you read this, please notify that my dream has come true. i have found my MCDREAMY. I've called my mum yesterday morning and told her that i have found the impossible dreamboat. haha. the funnier thing is, my exboyfriend is the one who sets us up. i mean how could this be any crazier? see girls, that's what i am saying about maintaining good friendships with your ex, you never know if years later the bastard broke your heart might introduce you to the next big thing. And all in all, Mcdreamy had asked me out.. AAA!! who wants to accompany me to shop for new dress and shoes? Now, please pray hard, and to all of my girlfriends out there, please get your praying equipments out and start fasting and get down on your knees and pray for me hahahahaha.

i'm home..

2007-06-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

sitting down in my office at 12:45 and told myself, "Finally back in civilisation". I hate the first days coming back from holidays, because i still am wishing that the holiday is not over. I love the fact that i finally got to see indri gautama in person. I have huge respect for cum laude student/sucessful business woman/annointed preacher who can deliver a three hours sermon in perfect English. It's worth the 2 hours traveling to Bogor over the weekend.

Actually the 3 days retreat had hooked me up with a new set of friends, the overseas educated/young professionals/ christian breed. I was like, "this is home!" I am so thanking Silvia for introducing me to these people and calling me persistently to come to this retreat. I imagine how much i would hav missed if i did not go. See, the first years when i went back from perth, i was nagging and whining and crying my eyeballs out to my girls, telling them how hard it is to find people with the same passion and background as you are. The passionate christians are not so business minded, and the smart cookies who bring home the bacon (i ended up dating some of em) are party animals, and most of the people who go to the same boutique and gala dinners with you, do not speak english and can only talk about cosmetics. I was driving myself to insanity. But Thank God, i could finally meet a group of people who (constantly) talking about the stock market over the dining table and gather every Thursday for prayer meeting.

Yuukss.. so if anyone ask me what i'd be doin in the next couple of days, in the near future, i'll be wif them. Learning about the stock market (since that's always be the main conversation topic), learning how to play piano (since they ask me to play in the gathering, and D will teach me how to), learning more about Christianity (since pastor Jani is always present wherever we go) and be inspired, be stimulated, be motivated to grow.

*Yah yah.. you all know that i'm a person who is gak mau kalah.. i hav to at least keep up wif my friends, so guess what i'm doing this morning: I gathered all the business papers in the past 7 days, and studied the fluctuations of shares, dollars and index in BEJ haha.. Geex i've never studied those tables diligently even back during the the times of economic exam.*

It has only been one day since i unpack my trunk, i havent even send my clothes to the laundry, i've already got loads of holiday invitations.. ARGh!! mau pegi pisann.. tapi jatah bolosnya udah abis?! gimana dong!

Mr. Big is going to Spore for Singapore great Sale (and the JET concert)
Silvia is leaving for perth next week (care for indonesia concert by mr.I Yudhoyono),
Seni is leaving for Melbourne on June (for the release of "Kado KEnzo" movie)
Tirzah is going to Sydney on July (for hillsongs conference)
and Andrew is planning this bali trip on August..

Huahh.. Jalan2 tiap bulan!! bayarnya pake apaa euy.. kapan gua nabungnya yaahh??

the addiction kicks in..

2007-05-30T01:52:00.000-07:00

Here we go again,
The battlefield of the mind,
Why is it that I have to be so tense,
When everything is going well?
So they all said that we are all addicts,
We have different kind of addiction,
And as for me,
I am addicted to adrenaline rush,
I am addicted to unfinished puzzle,
When there is no clear target,
No destination, no game, no competition,
Everything is smooth sailing and easy ride,
I become so jaded.
This is exhausting.
Someone, please give my brain something to do!

plastic or no plastic

2007-05-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

Hi there!I'm doing a survey (pros and cons) about Plastic Surgery (beauty purpose) and need 100 ppl (50 males and 50 females) to respond. Please simply reply with YES (if you agree) or NO (if you don't agree) also the reason why. Note that your name will remain confidential :-)PS. It's A.S.A.PThank you!!!

-- L S HP: 0813 111 XXXXX

i got this question in my inbox on Friday from my dear friend who's doing a survey for her project. I replied it in 3 seconds. i said under special circumstances, like accidents or if the person is born with disabilities (note: chubby cheek, big nose, no jawline, no lipetan mata, uneven complextion and cup A do not count. I am talking about real disabilities like the ones in extreme makeover cases) , then i would say OK to plastic surgery. But under normal circumstances, i would say no. No to breast enlargement, or tummy tuck or liposuction.

But then, as i sat down with my capucino this morning, i got to think about the survey again. I was like, "Wait a minute, what if I'm pregnant and gain like 100 kilos, and after i gave birth i look like an elephant? I wouldnt mind having lipo. SERIOUSLY. I would do lipo!!" (and i believe whoever my husband is going to be, he would support the idea too!!) And what about cellulite?? See, this is what i dont like about being a woman. We have to have it. Even tyra banks has it. Now, i've read tons and tons of articles on cellulite and i learn that, it is not a result of poor eating habits and lacks of exercise. It is genetic and au naturel. See, if there is nothing that you can do about it naturally, what's the harm in going under the knife??

And moreover.. what about botox and chemical peeling? Are they considered to be plastic surgery? Because if they are, then i would say i am so supporting plastic surgery. Now, you could judge me as much as you want, but i have anjing pug at home, and i can tell you that having wrinkles is not pretty at all. All i am saying is when i hit the 40's mark i am so joining the Demi moore and Teri Hatcher's club. (Owyeah, i know all hollywood residents who're doing one. I watched "plastic surgery gone bad" on E! haha)

Well, you might be asking now, why did i say no in the survey when i, myself , am considering to have procedures done? The answer is that because i could only say YES or NO. she doesnt want an essay. And looking at the question itself, i believe she meant to inquire about the kind of plastic surgery like changing the shape of your face, make your eyes bigger or your nose smaller, you know, michael jackson kinda surgery. Without a second thought: i'm a no.

So bottom line is, in my opinion as long as if the plastic surgery is done to preserve the original version of the person then i agree. But if it is done to alter or modify the originality of the person, then i would say no to plastic.

Real life Prison Break

2007-05-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

Thrusday morning, and i really am terrified because the truck from our production plant in bandung has not arrived yet. I've been bombarded with phone calls, emails and sms from dissatisfied clients since 2 days ago. Told all of them already that there is nothing that i cud do about it, but i'm the kambing item of the company, so i just have to deal with them sadly. Dimarah2in again and again. Anyhow, this morning i came to the office and thought that i deserved a break. So i shut down my mobile and refused to pick up the phone at all. I made myself a cup of torabika and wasted hours and hourse reading news online.

One headline news had got my attention this morning: CONFESSION OF A RUSSIAN EX-SPY. All that i can say to him is "I feel you, my friend!! Even running away from angry customers is hard enough. Imagine running from the government of your country. Ckckckc.. Good luck to you!" Here's the story that i paste from yahoo..

"MOSCOW - Late one night in April 1998, three government security agents met at a guest house outside Moscow to make an extraordinary video in which they claimed their bosses had ordered them to kill, kidnap and frame prominent Russians. The tape, the Federal Security Service officers said, was a kind of insurance, to be released only if something happened to one of them."

"Now one of them, Alexander Litvinenko, is dead, poisoned with a rare radioactive isotope in London last November. British police on Tuesday accused another ex-KGB agent, Andrei Lugovoi, in the killing. No motive was stated. Lugovoi denied involvement, saying the decision by British officials was politically motivated.
The tape, though, suggests that from the time Litvinenko first blew the whistle on his bosses almost a decade ago, he knew he was a marked man."

In the video Litvinenko and his colleagues sit on couches with Russian journalist Sergei Dorenko, announcing their dislike at the violence and immorality they claim had infected the Federal Security Service, or FSB, an agency they were once proud to serve. Dorenko,whom is now a talk-show host of a radio station, made the tape available to The Associated Press and The Wall Street Journal.

In the tape, Litvinenko confesses that he was ordered to beat up or plant a weapon on Mikhail Trepashkin, another former FSB agent who was imprisoned several years later for revealing state secrets.
The videotaped claim appears prophetic: Trepashkin, who investigated claims the FSB was behind a series of apartment building explosions that killed about 300 people in 1999, was arrested in 2003 after police said they found a gun in his car. His lawyers said the weapon was planted.
Trepashkin was convicted of disclosing state secrets, and is now in prison. Amnesty International has said that the charges "appear to have been politically motivated," and in 2005 accused the Russian government of denying him medical treatment.

Litvinenko admits in the tape that he is worried, but insists he is not fearful.
"I do understand that a security officer is not supposed to give interviews or appear on television," he said. "But now I realize the time has come. If I were afraid, I wouldn't do what I do now. But I fear for the life of my wife, my child." He believes the situation in the agency had become intolerable.
They stated that the reason they made the tape is "to describe actions by the agency which contradict the current law, with the criminal code and do not meet our moral demands."

Litvinenko claimed he was ordered to kill Berezovsky by Alexander Kamyshnikov, one of his superiors in the anti-crime department. Kamyshnikov denied the allegations in 1998.

Although Berezovsky does not appear in the video, he is an almost inescapable presence in it: Litvinenko had reportedly worked with the tycoon while still in the FSB. At the time of the taping, Dorenko worked for ORT television, which then was under Berezovsky's control. Litvinenko received support from Berezovsky after both of them fled to Britain in 2000 and were granted political asylum.

This year, Russian state television strikes back by reporting that Litvinenko allegedly forced another Russian in London to pretend to be an FSB agent sent there to poison Berezovsky. According to the report, Berezovsky used the phony plot to plead for asylum. Berezovsky has denied the allegation.

The implication, perhaps, was that Berezovsky may have ordered Litvinenko's poisoning in order to eliminate a witness to the alleged ruse. In Russia, there is widespread speculation that Litvinenko was killed by foes of the Kremlin to discredit President Vladimir Putin' . In the West, suspicion has fallen on Russia's security services, acting with or without the support of the Kremlin. Dorenko said he believes Putin, who became FSB director a few months after the tape was made, had a hand in Litvinenko's death.

Dorenko said, "Of course, he didn't say, 'Kill him with polonium.' He was simply told, the guy had crossed the boundary, the guy had gone too far."

The Russian government has denied any involvement in Litvinenko's death.
Dorenko, who was an anchorman with ORT until he was fired in 2000, said he did not look into Litvinenko's accusations at the time because of the risk. "Frankly speaking, I was scared to investigate those cases, " he said. He also feared for the fate of his sources.
Dorenko stored the tape with friends until the time came

"If something happens to one of my comrades," one of the agents tells the camera, "only then would we want what we have now told you to be made public."

scary stuff!! i could not help wondering that there is no right and wrong in this world. The one who has powers determines the rules of the game. There is no such thing as justice in this world. I was thinking what would happen to those guys whom have been marked for death by the high power. So what if they have managed to make a public confession on a tape? The high powers can make it disapper and twist the fact if they want to. It might gain public awareness of what is going on, that is if the public believes in what Litvinenko said, but that's about it. Sooner or later the public will accept the fact that that's just the way the system operates. Everyone has different roles to play in this world. Some are meant to be kambing hitam like me, Some have to be ordinary civilians, some are born to make it big in hollywood, and there are a few whom have to be martyrs.

lanjoeeettttt...

2007-05-22T02:43:00.000-07:00

stella says:
loe pernah pacaran ma yg bae2 gth?
caroline says:
ahhahahaha
caroline says:
iya
caroline says:
pernah
caroline says:
tapi malah i ended up hurting him

caroline says:
abis udah parno
stella says:
oh yah?
caroline says:
kebiasaan sama yang badboys kan prinsipnya
caroline says:
hurt them before they hurt you first
caroline says:
ahahhahahaha
stella says:
parno gimana?
stella says:
yia...
stella says:
iya betul
stella says:
gua jg suka mikir nya gth
stella says:
ahahhaah
stella says:
hahahaha...

stella says:
u playgirl
stella says:
heuehuehe
caroline says:
haahhahahahahahahahahahah
caroline says:
abisnya
caroline says:
it mah defence system atuh
caroline says:
bukan play girl
stella says:
heheheheh...
stella says:
it is playboy n playgirl system
stella says:
huehuehe..
caroline says:
ahahahhahahahahaha
caroline says:
yahhhh pokoknya kalo mau survive kan

caroline says:
harus play by the rules dong
stella says:
bukannya dulu loe pacaran ma org sby?
caroline says:
orang semarang
stella says:
iya... drpd disakitin...
stella says:
hohoh
stella says:
pacaran LD donk
caroline says:
iyaaa
caroline says:
LD terus
caroline says:
3 times in a row
caroline says:
sinting
caroline says:
makanya i tink i need a break

something to talk about

2007-05-22T02:15:00.000-07:00

stella says:
nah justru biasanya yg kaya gituh bikin gregetan yah? heuehueh...
stella says:
nah trus kenapa gak sama loe yg ganteng keren player itu?

caroline says:
iyah awalnya geregetan
caroline says:
belakangnnya nangis darah
caroline says:
ogah ah
caroline says:
udah tua nii
caroline says:
suda saatnya mencari yang baleg

Caroline says:
ahhhhh loe mah maunya yang bandel2 gituh yah la
caroline says:
bad boy gituh
caroline says:
yang menantang
caroline says:
heuheuehueheuheuhe

stella says:
soalnya kalo yg terlalu bae ntar malah ngajakin serius kan jd bingung...
stella says:
hauhauahuahuahuaha...
caroline says:
lohhh loe gak mau yang serius tah neng?
stella says:
loe tuhhh.. kan mo ma yg serius..
stella says:
ehuehue
caroline says:
iyaaa
caroline says:
makanya stress melulu gua

tella says:
bukannya gth... lebih seru kalo bikin badboy cinta bgt ma kita... drpd bkin yg emank dasarnya bae trus jadi cinta mati ke kita..
stella says:
ngerti gak?
stella says:
jadi bikin kita yg jadi player nya
stella says:
gaya pisan yah
stella says:
hahahaha
caroline says:
iyaaa

stella says:
ya pokonya suka lebih seru kalo deket ma yg playboy... drpd yg bae banget
stella says:
iya gak sih?
caroline says:
i used to think like that
caroline says:
used to be like that juga
caroline says:
tp
stella says:
tapi?
caroline says:
kebanyakan dibawa pake perasaan sihh guah mah la
caroline says:
akhirnya malah gua yang stress
caroline says:
udah ahh kebanyakan playing games malah lieur
stella says:
jadi malah elo nya yah yg kebawa ma permainan nya si cowo?
stella says:
iya sih yah
stella says:
hahaha
caroline says:
gini
caroline says:
pertamanya kita bikin tuh orang jadi sukaa banget ma kita
caroline says:
terus begitu diahnya suka bener2 suka
caroline says:
guahnya kan jadi luluh
caroline says:
hahahahahahahahahhaha
stella says:
iya
stella says:
iya sih yah...
caroline says:
eh sekalinya guanya serius tuh orang mulai mengeluarkaaannnn kulit asli
caroline says:
emang namanya cowo gak bisa dibaekin si..

stella says:

ya kali ya? jadi gak bernapsu gituh liat yg bae teh ya?
caroline says:
abis gak bisa ngegombal yah la
caroline says:
ahahhahaha
caroline says:
jadi garing!!!!!

what's cookin' in the kitchen, darl?

2007-05-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

i tink it has been a month since i developed a new habit. Tidur siang dari jam 7 sampe jam 10, terus stay up til 2 in the morning, nungguin JAMIE OLIVER's show, terus bangun jam 7 to catch up Oprah at 8 in the morning. Iyah, i'm in london tyme! I'm a huge fan of the Naked Chef! i see many many chefs on the cooking channel but none of the interest me at all. You all know, apalagi yang kokinya bule, biasanya masakannya tasteless. What can i say, asian chefs are the best. What do you expect from those who cook without MSG??!! haha..

Anyhow, people use to raise an eyebrow when i told them that i love cooking..

(so i dont look like someone who can cook yaa??)

yah yahh.. emang gua mah orangnnya musiman yaa..

there is a period of time when i am so into cooking that i do fine cuisine everyday..

just ask my housemates and my anak cellgroup..

i wud cook sum meals which name does not even exist in oxford dictionary

tapi udah for gut ke indo juga udah gak niat masak lagi...

males juga ah masak buat sendiri,

apalagi ada nyokap yang jelas masakannya jauh lebih enak dari gua ehhehe

but now that i live by myself again,

and watching jamie doing his magic in the kitchen

and the fact that my house is only 10 minutes away from kemchick

hummm.... may be this wiken yaa??

billion dollar buffett

2007-05-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

another boring saturday morning, so i dedicated the whole morning to read yet another not so boring biography. This morning my chosen person is the great Warren Buffett. See, he is ranked the third richest person in the world by Forbes in April 2007. I was so loving the fact that this billionaire in fact is an Academia. I hated it when people say that education is not so important since the richest and second richest person in the world (the infamous Gates and Dell) are college drop-outs.

The ultimate facts that intrigues me to learn more about Buffet is "In June 2006, he made a commitment to give away his fortune to charity, with 83% of it going to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.The donation amounts to approximately $30 billion. Buffett's donation is said to be the largest in U.S. history. At the time of the announcement the donation was enough to more than double the size of the foundation"

Warren Buffett had shown his potential in business and mathematics since he was very young in age, as he could easily doing complex mathematical computations in his head. (now, i love this) He was also known as a book worm and had started working very early. In fact, He began working at his father's brokerage at the age of 11. Moreover, at that same year made his first stock purchase, buying shares for $38.25 each. He sold them when the price reached $40, only to see them rocket to $200 a few years later. This taught him the importance of investing in good companies for the long term. (I am a firm believer that all billionaires are book worms and had started working their ways up to the top while the peers of the same age as them were still busy wasting time by having fun)

This boy is beyond smart, he is a genius. He acquired his first property at the age of 14. He spent $1,200 to buy 40 acres of farmland which he then rented to tenant farmers. When he was 16, Buffett and a friend spent $25 to purchase a used pinball machine which they placed in a barber shop. Within months, they owned three machines in different locations. (Oh my goodnes, when i was 16 all that i ever wanted to purchase were cosmopolitan magazines and LV bags. Yes, which explains why he could acquire a gas station by the time he's 22 and i am still a pekerja rodi at JN)

Anyhow, here are some inspiring ilmu that i learn from him;

investing tips, also known as Buffett approach:
Generals: undervalued securities that possess margin of safety and meet expected return-to-risk characteristics
Arbitrages: company events that are not related to broader market changes, such as mergers, acquisitions, liquidation, etc.
Controls: build sizable holdings, ally with other shareholders or employ proxies to effect changes in companies

On inheriting wealth for his children; "His children will not inherit a significant proportion of his wealth. These actions are consistent with statements he has made in the past indicating his opposition to the transfer of great fortunes from one generation to the next. Buffett once commented, "I want to give my kids enough so that they could feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing"

Choose your friends wisely: "Buffett is an avid player of the card game bridge. He has said that he spends 12 hours a week playing bridge. He often plays with Bill Gates"

philosophy on money:
"I personally think that society is responsible for a very significant percentage of what I've earned. If you stick me down in the middle of Bangladesh or Peru or someplace, you find out how much this talent is going to produce in the wrong kind of soil... I work in a market system that happens to reward what I do very well - disproportionately well. Mike Tyson too. If you can knock a guy out in 10 seconds and earn $10 million for it, this world will pay a lot for that. If you can bat .360, this world will pay a lot for that. If you're a marvelous teacher, this world won't pay a lot for it. If you are a terrific nurse, this world will not pay a lot for it. Now, am I going to try to come up with some comparable worth system that somehow (re)distributes that? No, I don't think you can do that. But I do think that when you're treated enormously well by this market system, where in effect the market system showers the ability to buy goods and services on you because of some peculiar talent - maybe your adenoids are a certain way, so you can sing and everybody will pay you enormous sums to be on television or whatever -I think society has a big claim on that." (Lowe 1997:164-165)

"I don't have a problem with guilt about money. The way I see it is that my money represents an enormous number of claim checks on society. It's like I have these little pieces of paper that I can turn into consumption. If I wanted to, I could hire 10,000 people to do nothing but paint my picture every day for the rest of my life. And the GNP would go up. But the utility of the product would be zilch, and I would be keeping those 10,000 people from doing AIDS research, or teaching, or nursing. I don't do that though. I don't use very many of those claim checks. There's nothing material I want very much. And I'm going to give virtually all of those claim checks to charity when my wife and I die." (Lowe 1997:165-166)

So, all has been said and done. The billion dollar Buffett who enjoys T-bone rare steak and plays ukulele is without a doubt an inspiration and a living legend whose footsteps have earned him a place in the wall of fame in the history of mankind.

life is a vacation

2007-05-18T01:37:00.000-07:00

Anyway, I just realised that Indo has much more public holidays than Oz. Even I thought Australians are lazy enuf that they have to make the Queen’s birthday a public holiday. Well, since this is the first year that I do an office job in Indonesia, I was surprised to find myself getting “public holiday” break like every 2 weeks. My one-day break was great. I was talking to a guy friend whose name I had to keep in secret because he wants me to take him for facial appointment on Sunday (haha!) then I hang out in fudfest wif Andre and Rian ketawa2 gak puguh dan gosipin our lawyer friend (haha! Siapa suruhh gak ikut..) til 2 in the morning. Bangun pagi2, I had the most perfect morning, eating my favourite breakfast which is two toast, dipped in kopi kapal api, peanut butter and strawberry jam and I was reading stacks of last year UK VOGUE that I bought in QB WORLD ON SALE (I mean, you could buy an issue of UK VOGUE for 20 ribu!! I was in heaven!!) Then I went for Starbucks lunch and Shopping Session in SEIBU with my darling Tirz and EEW. Actually, yesterday was the first time I went out with them as a couple. It is funny when you have been friends with two people for years and years and years, and suddenly one day they are dating and you were like ‘Where have you two been all these times?” But the two of them are so dodol and so cute together. AND I am going to be Tirzah’s bridesmaid (yeah!!) Anyway, SEIBU is just beyond!! Love, love, love Seba’s collections and the dressing room. Oh my goodness, the baroque armchair in magenta is just so cute. Anyway, I just blow my saving for this month buying a black jersey that is so tight I tot It was spandex! I am so having to cut off some carbs and doing some cardio if I ever want to fit into the dress. Tirzah is doing PT and she told me a normal woman could only have 20% body fat in her body. She is so toned and sexy and has 26%. I imagine eventhou I am kurus (kalo kata Andrew: kecil, kurus, pendek dan jelek hahaha) there is no muscle in my body, only bones, skins and some excessive sumchan. Even Devy is on a Diet. She’s so langsing and sexy and she is drinking this juice from Oncom Jaya (girl, you are more bandung than me! Even I don’t know that Oncom Jaya sell a diet juice) Apanyalagiii yang mo dikurusin dari dikauu, say?? Later during that night, Scorpio (finally) called and he dropped by my house for coffee, chit chat and Donald Trump. I woke up the next morning at 7, talked to Claudia on the phone (Good luck for the exam, darling. Tell your mama and tante Lanny I say hallo) Went to works and at 13:00 EEW, Tirzah and Rio came for lunch. Goodness me, I have not seen Rio since Xen’s wedding, then he met Corleone randomly last weekend and my ex told me that I am in JKT now. Wah, turns out Jakarta is not as big of a city yah? Yah, after we finished our lunch in Dakken, they head to Sensi and I Back to my office (sigh!). I so cannot wait for the next public holiday, which is only 2 weeks away from now (haha). Hopefully, I can make it to this 3 days getaway that Silvia is throwing. I am so wanting to see Indri Gautama in person.

London Bridge

2007-05-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

i was reading articles on Keira Knightley all morning on Vogue and man what can i say: i love her! she's hotter than alba. *now, say whatever you want to say! i stand by my choice! i think british is hotter than latina!!* I mean look at those ABS!! some serious too-die-for ABS for sure.. Moreover, She is nominated for OSCAR, she loves Jack Nicholson (me too!) and her brother's name is Caleb (me too!) See.. i'm predestined to love her!! I always have a thing for British stuff you know!. i've always loved british accents, i always love the beatles, rachel weiz, James Bond, Kate Moss, Siena Miller, Jamie Oliver, Zadie Smith, Jude Law, Jane Austen, Sherlock Holmes, My goodness i almost work for The British Institute.

Btw during lunchitime today, i was on MSN with Jeanne. We were again for the hundreth time discussing philosophies on men madness (kayak gak ada topik laen lagi ajah!!) anyway, Jeanne was like "have you ever taken into consideration a guy's zodiac sign when you are dating?" and i said, "nope. only their charming gestures and their shoes" And then she stated this very interesting fact, "I've just noticed the similarity of the star signs of all of my *extraordinary gentlemen*. All of the have animal signs. Taurus. Cancer and Aries. See, no wonder all of them behave like ones!!!"

Hahahaha.. now this is interesting. Turns out my extraordinary gentlemen list juga consists of killer predator. Just proves her theory right. So, we spent the whole afternoon figuring out the zodiax sign and personality traits referred to it. Well, i told her that she is lucky. At least she got a tamed animal: domba. You wanna know mine?

Cancer (Crabs): a deadly disease/ ke lautt ajaa (kan kepiting!?)

Leo (Lions): binatang buas. They belong in the jungle and never meant to be tamed.

Sagitarrius (the hunter) as the name suggest! the hunter!They can catch you, but you cant catch them.

Capricorn (bulls) dont get anywhere nearby unless you are a matador. Once they enter the arena, it's game on baby!

Scorpio : deadly and poisonous

sigh! alrite.. next time i meet a new man, i'll make sure i get their starsign first.. If you are not classified as the tamed animal (like pisces (ikan) or aries (domba)) or undagerous things (libra (timbangan)) just dont get anywhere near me!! i'm all babak belur already from dealing wif all of those carnivoras all these years.

But hey, know what's more interesting.. afterall i'm an Aqua (water) .. i'm not the mangsa species. All of those predators need me.. or else they'll die kehausan..(hauss apaa tuhh?!?!) So watch out baby. Play wif me and you might get drawning

counting my blessings

2007-05-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

jakarta dingin abiss.. if the weather stays like this forever, then Jakarta wud be perfect ( and of course if the degree of macet could be reduced a little) Hujann terus dari kmaren, jadi pengen makan tidur terus bawaannya. Anyway, my mum is flying to Beijing tomorrow. She'll be having a shopping trip for a week with her frens. Haduhhh.. mau ikut dong, mamii!! I have the best monday ever. Everyone is busy with delivery this morning so i got the whole showroom to myself haha! I sat down with my capucinno from the cafe next door. I just knew that the owner of that cafe actually owns a pabrik roti. It has been a week since he sent us free loaves of freshly baked chocolate and almond bread daily!! I tell you, bread talk aint got nuthin compares to this!! enakkk bangett.. free freshly baked roti everyday delivered to my office at 4. Aftenoon snack everyone? moreover one of our clients ternyata own this lifestyle magazine on the rising. Registry magazine. It is like Harper bazaar and tatler (on the early days!!) YAhh lumayan lahh.. the mags got some potential, only that they have to fire their current language editor!! jelek banget bahasa Inggrisnya!! i felt like reading an indonesian text, translated into English. And they got most of the socialite's names wrong on the social pages. Ati2 loh tante2 tatler kan super sensi.

But yeah, cant complain since they send us a free copy too every month. Aint life a sweet retreat? hehe And i am so happy to that my accountant just bought me a new USB. It is just a USB, i know, but i'd been wanting and needing it for the past 4 months, and having no time and not knowing where to buy it. SO when one morning i arrived in the office and finding a new flash disk on my table, i am so wanting to kiss her!!!! terus one of my clients treat me to a divine cheese platter and wine on Saturday evening (for the record, it's not an encek2 yah.. and it's a she!) gila baru juga jam 7 sore udah tipssseehh.. Seneng yahh kalo banyak yang ngasi ini itu huehehehe.. thou God has shown some tough love on me as well.

I was watching 3 separates shows on different days, that is by Joel Osteen, Kong He and Joyce Meyer on the topics of being negative, judgemental and cynical. The three of them are preaching on different topics, but i can sense the same message out of the three sermons. Of course different people can get different things from one particular sermon, it is just what you need at that one particular time. For me, i can sense that God wants me to change my negativity. Through the three sermons i learnt the roots of negativity. Being cynical actually is not a sign that you are smart, so smart that you are paying attention to the details. More specifically, the details and mistakes and flaws of everything that a normal person couldnt see. It is not a sign that you are a meticulous person, it is a defence system to cover your own flaws. Being abrasive and sharp is also a sign of insecurity and bitterness. Those stuff needs to be confronted with before you are spreading deadly virus to your surrounding: spreading negativity that is. A christian should be happy and vibrant and makes people to be wanting to have what you got. That is Joy and peace.

Reading from my blog alone people could have already tell that i am very good at whining and complaining. I can tell all the flaws, insignificant mistake that one makes.Even i can elaborate the roots, the cause and effects, the possibility of turning without evean insignificant mistake into a big and serious problem without even thinking. I'm a cynical and judgemental person naturally. At first i thought that by possessing such traits would make you a perfectionist. It would accelerate your expectations and make you excell more than others. Of course, some of it are true. but it does not make you happy. It makes you a grumpy person. At this age, i can tell you that being happy is much more important than being successful. What is the point of making an achievement, of being the best of the best, if you find yourself stress out and cant stop obessing about everything and being in strive with everyone whom you have thrown tantrums to. Therefore, i have made up my mind, to learn to count my blessings other than scrutinising what went wrong and what could have been done better or what others have and that i dont//

And have i told you about the best treat i've received this week? Grey's anatomy DVDs, the complete 3 seasons from my dearest dear. I was running out of DVDs and just thought that i would drop by the kemang fudfest afterwork to purchase some weekly supplies when he sms me at 9 on Saturday morning, told me that he was out DVD shopping and asked whether i want sum as well. Asssikkk.. thanks babe! you are the best!! *tapi mana yahhh DVDnya?? how cum u still have em wif you!?!??!*

business, politics and loverville

2007-05-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

Yukss.. 9 days counting down to the deadline for Phopple's order in Britain, 12 days down to Salman's order in Pakistan, and 21 days left to finish Mucha's order in Germany. It's time to kejar-kejaran sama orang pabrik. They want to prolong the production time and we want to speed up everything so the balance payment could be completed. Apparently, i got the priviledge to take care all the exports orders in this company and the priviledge to become the kambing hitam when deadline is missed even by the counts of hours. Clients never willing to pay penalties of prolonged parking hours in Tanjung Priok, so it's my head that they put in the chopping board if we do not deliver the goods on time.

However, now that the goods are still in production, they are not my responsibility just yet. I still have days to breathe until all of them are delivered to the showroom's front door. Anyhow, I dont want to stress out and elevate the hormones fluctuations in my body, remembering the fact that this is the time of the month when my mood is at its worst. So, i just catch up wif my reading and writing. The news have been quite interesting lately, that is since Sarko is elected to be the next president of France. A huge riot on the day he is crowned in victory? ckckck. Makanya, learn to control what slip out off your mouth Mr. President. I was watching the updates on the cabinet reshuffling in Indo as well. I think the president is doing a good job in firing the people he needs no longer. All the ministers that have been fired seem to accept the decision gracefully. They said they can understand why they are being replaced, the appreciate the president and will serve in the new position whole heartedly. I wonder how SBY does it? It aint easy to fire people and still be respected by them, you know? Just look at Trump and Simon Cowell. People are swearing their names off in the street after being cast out of the competition.

Anyway, some updates from loverville: Corleone is back from Singapore. Black Russian will be coming back from Perth in 2 days. Mr. Big and Scorpio are missing without a trace. Should i start to conduct a CSI investigation? Actually, if i really am thinking as clear as i could, i could have known what i should do with him, him, him and him. They are all shud be treated as friends. Kenapa coba harus penasarannya sama "orang2 lama"? You had them once for gucci sake. I shud have learnt from my lawyer friend, whom i have talked to for 2 hours yesterday, to take control over your feeling. It does not matter how strong your feeling towards someone is, and even if you know that the other person is feeling the same way, if the circumstance is not right, you have to have the power to say NO to play with fire. Iya sihh sampe kapan mo kemakan sama penasaran, terbawa perasaan and caught up in the middle of adrenalin rush terus. Get a grip!

*Aniway drew, Too bad! once you become my friend, you just have to accept the fact that our conversation might be publicised on this blog. And you have the right to remain silent. haha!* And Ahh.. after i woke up from tidur siang, i checked up my fone and there is a misscall from moscato. Babe, i was thinking shud i be calling back or not, but i remembered cha2 told me "Kalo sampe kamu balik sama dia kamu aku marahin loh lin!" Boro2 balik lagi, mo ngomong sama orangnnya ajah belum siap. Hiiyy!! Hanafie and Irene: kapan mo maen ke jkt? accomodation diprovide deh!! kita have fun go mad yaa.. Chris: katanya hao peng you!! tp udah jadian 4 bulang baru ni de hopeng diupdate!! ckckck.. pas baru putus ajah.. gundah gulana sessiongs tiap hari!! penderitaan dibagi2 kalo udah hepi gak cerita2!! BAGUS!!

"Lin, kenalin gua cw dong!"

2007-05-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

How fast could it be? Udah wiken lagi? Sipdehh.. especially pulang siang today haha. Mau mani-pedi ahh!! di senayan ajah gitu ya? biar deket sama tempat seminar. Terus udah gituhh mau bersua and having dinner wif me friends. Well, eve and Tina, if you read this, just know that since one of you is leaving Jkt and the other one has found yourself a boyfriend, then i have found another VICTIM buat dicomblangin tonite (haha)

If you have known me long enough, you must have been a korban at least once. (Just ask San2, Tirzah, Tiff and Lala!) I have this thing for menjodoh2kan orang. It's just natural you know, like when Tine introduced me to Catherine last week, i was just out of nowhere asked "Tin, dia gua kenal2in temen2 gua yah!"/ Or when My ex' mum was asking me to take his sister buat di- "kenalin, ajak maen sama temen2 kamu", i took out my PDA instantly and nantangin balik the tante "ok, banyak kok pilihannya. Mau yang kaya gimana tante" and the following week, i took the little sister to browse friendster to see which one of my single friends whom she is interested in. And the following week afterwards, i would arrange a meeting for the twosome to meet. Yeap. it's official,i'm a P.I.M.P! (haha)
The tricky thing is that, let me be brutally honest with you, as a normal human being, many people want to be introduced to a person outside their league. Namanya temen kalo ngenalin kan pasti dipikir2 yang kira2 cocok, but (the guys especially) are always "jelek ah", "kurang ini lah" "kurang itu lah", "mau yang itu ajah" (pointing out to a picture of my friend whom is a supermodel) and dalem hati i was like "Well, the only way you could get to be with her is if you are brad pitt!! Or Donald Trump!!"
These days, as long as your tone is informal and casual, most people dont mind "making friends" with the help of a matchmaker, like moi. It is not like the old days when people strongly believe that it is desperation when you are being set up to meet people. "Yang mau dijodohin tuh cuman yang gak laku. Kalo emang the guys or the girls are eligible, gak usah dijodo2in juga pasti yang antri udah banyak". MAtter of fact, many of my eligible male friends whom have passed the age of 25 are seriously making phone calls to their female buddies to "cariin gua cw dong, tp yang udah siap mo merid"

Yah, yah, makanya jangan didengerin omongan orangtua that says, "kalo masi sekolah jangan pacaran dulu. Nanti ajah kalo udah lulus udah kerja baru mulai cari temen". I mean like"Get a life, dude! Justru college is the only place you could meet people. Once you are graduated, the chance to meet a potential spouse is getting thinner." Everyone whom has entering the workforce must have agreed with me, "It is so hard to meet people once you've started working" Because in college, you'll meet hundreds of different people everyday, but once you have your own cubicle, you'll only meet a few same people everyday. You are lucky if your colleague (or your boss) is actually someone you can hit on. But, if you are stucked in an excellent job like me, the only people whom you will meet everyday are: a married 40 years olf batak manager, a 27 years old female architect, a 34 years old pregnant accountant and the OBs. (Now, this is when you have no choice but starting to ngecengin your customers, but that will be another chapter, ok!)

Anyway, basically everyone agrees that once you've graduated from College, the safest thing to meet "a potential other half" is through introduction by mutual friends. Lucunya tuh.. kalo cowo2 yang udah gede dan sukses dan siap merid tuh nyarinya cwnya yang CANTIK, CW BAIK2, PENGERTIAN dan masi kecil (kecil as in kecil my age! 21-24.. yah2 namanya juga di indo, it's not fair for the girls once you've passed the age of 25.. it's going to be so susah.. haduh! makanya takut juga euy! i only have 3 years left then!!) Guah juga gak ngerti, ngapain sih nyari yang kecil2? Masi hijau belum mengerti apa2 kali? masi mau maen sampe kenyang, masi mau merintis karier, udah di-pressure untuk merid? What's wrong with single women at the age of 27? (KALO KATA DD GUA sih.. if there is nothing wrong with them, gak mungkin dong umur 27 belon merid?) Halahh.. tp emang most of my "kecil" friends juga udah pada siap merid semua tuh.. sok atuh sok.. mangga laah.. kalo ada yang mau dikenalin.. As in for tonight, it is the first casual dinner for Mr. A and Miss. M. AWAS yah!! kalo sampe loe orang jadian. remember the person you have to traktir!

work hard, play harder

2007-04-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

yah, sebenernya judulnya rada2 kurang accurate (because sincerely i have not been working hard, but i definetely living it up to the standard in the playing department. Ha!) So, i was flying to Spore on Friday. It was one of the scariest flight i have ever taken, due regards to the bad weather. The plane actually flew around for 10 minutes because it could not land. And for the first time in my life the head of stewardness announced, "please pray accoding to your own belief so that God will protect us and bring us to the destination safely" And my prayer varies from, "TUhaaannn... esther belon meriddd!!!" to "Tuhann kalo aku mo dipanggil pulang, aku request mau rapture sebelon pesawatnya jatoh!!". When i told Sherlock, he was like "buset nii anak, life and death ajah dibikin maenan!"

Anyhow, ternyata memang my mission on earth is not fully accomplished just yet, so i landed safely in spore. Tine and Aswin picked me up, and God Lord, i must have been staying in Indo too long because they walked so fast and i always ketinggalan like 10 steps behind. And i love, love, love their apartment in Novena Estate. IT's very chic, Tine's style and homy and comfy. It's just that it is located in 4th floor and there is no elevator to get there. So we have to climb 4 storeys 5 times a day. It's hard enough for them to do it, imagine me on my standard height heels. Give me a month there and i'll take J'LO for sexy butts competition. Owyeahh..

So, the first night it was Phantom, baby! Of course laa.. everyone there can sing, but the person who plays phantom really can sing! i mean, he got sum real techniques that would make us merinding-merinding bo!! During the break, me and tine sneaked out for some champagne break and celebrity sightseeing. Ow yess we met Koes Hendratmo and his fair lady (aaAA GYMana seehh??!) Anyway, the opera was beyondd.. The curtain encore goes up to 4 times in total. And on Saturday, we went shopping. Yes pokoknya when it comes to shopping, Tine and I are governed by the same principle "sampai titik darah penghabisan" (haha!) and we met up with Cath, Rika and Liz. We had the typical girls day out: Retail Theraphy, Cheesecake and donuts, Chai latte and coffee, relationship talks, career talks, ngecengdotcom, dinner, high tea, and Clarke Quay. Dressed up, mojito, lusting after the bass player in The pump, then dancing all night long in the Ministry Of Sound, many2 glasses of whisky and coke and killing ourselves while climbing the stairs on 10cm stileto, half sober, on our way back home. AAAhhh.... i need tukang pijaatt desperately!!

yah yahh.. pokoknya to sum up everything: i had too many cheesecake and dendeng, too much caffeine and alcohol, topshop apparel and dior makeup and excessive fats by the time i got back to jakarta. my dear, i miss you too!! kayanya udah lama banget yaahh gak liat muka kamyuuu yang aneh tapi nyata tapi ngangeninn.. yahh minggu depan juga gak bisa ketemuan.. have to go bak to bandung uey.. engagementnya anne and phillip. u wanna come wif me?

me and cha2 this morning

2007-04-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

Cha2 says:
maybe ga akan ada co yg bs fall in love ke aku like he does
Cha2 says:
but
Cha2 says:
like we said
Cha2 says:
or i said
Cha2 says:
i dun want to settle for 2nd best

Cha2 says:
and wat should I do with XXXX? =(
caroline says:
pokoknya prinsip guah cha
caroline says:
does not matter with any guy
caroline says:
cake p or jelek
caroline says:
pinter or bapuk
caroline says:
MY PRIDE COMES FIRST
caroline says:
ahhahahahahahaha
Cha2 says:
hahaha
caroline says:
as soon as he hurts my pride, i'm leaving!!!!

caroline says:
but we have to learn to be able to live without them
caroline says:
jangan ngerasa lonely kalo gak ada yang deketin
caroline says:
kalo gak ada yang muji2, gombal2an
caroline says:
entar kita jadi approval addict
caroline says:
live for other people approval
Cha2 says:
ghahaha ya sih dat is so trueee

2007-04-26T03:16:00.000-07:00

Raining, raining and raining. I love, love and love it. Even when you had a really rough day, once it starts to rain, your mood soothe away somehow. So I’d been sitting in a 1.5-seater burkshire sofa, covered in premium leather in my showroom, of course aided with a shot of caffeine and kacang goreng and Sade is playing on the background. Can you believe it; I’ve been eating this kacang goreng tidak bermerek seharga seribu perak per plastik dari warung Bu haji di belakang showroom, everyday for the past 7 days. I love, love and love them. Anyway, this moment of males2an di tengah hujan sambil mengkhayal ngalor-ngidul begini emang paling manthapss di seluruh dunia. This is my ultimate indulgence together with bubble bathing, retail therapy and chocolate binging.

Males banget kerja, especially when my next vacation is only around the corner (precisely 18 hours 20 minutes to go). In the past 2 days, I only sat in front of the computer, berita di Koran basi semua.. berita orang mati semuah.. Boris Yeltsin lah, Virginia Massacre lah, Lumpur Lapindo lah.. aduhh yang laenn sii?! mana hasil pemilu di France? Lama amat.. mau tau dong siapa yang menang. Eh, actually I was watching Tukul last night. I am not a fan of Indonesian talk show truthfully, but if a guy could make 30 million rupiah per hour, I guess he’s worth checkin out. Yeah, yeah, not bad! He’s funny alright and he’s smart, I can tell. He knows how to throw a decent joke and know how to” mengembalikan bola” dari tamu2nya. I’ll give it one year the max before it goes to the backdoor. The show business is very tough huh? Today you are the hottest item and next year you will be another “yesterday news”. Makanya big thumbs up for the one and only OPRAH who survives the talkshow business for decades.

Udah ah jadi melenceng, So today I was browsing yahoo! Images and working on the shopping list with my colleagues. My store manager wants Kenzo perfume, my architect wants a Chloe and my accountant wants Elizabeth Arden beauty kit. Aduhhh banyaakkk duitt nii (duit titipan semua haha!) Gaya euy, mo membabi buta di Orchard (nyeah, nyeah, belanja buat orang laen though) As for the boss who flied all the way to Singapore, namely me myself and I, wont be able to afford anything after splurging on the opera and plane’s tickets (sighs) sedihhh amaatt… gajiann dong gajiann, Mr. Julian!!

By the way, my darling Claudia was calling me last night; while I was tidur siang (thank you very much) Kenapa all of you know the exact time I sleep?? The other day it was Diky who ruined my tidur siang, Malemnya Andre, kemaren Claudia telepon pas gua tidur siang, eh malemnya Bobskee was calling pas gua udah di langit ketujuh. Tapi I love you all too much, so it’s okay. Anyhow I confessed to my ex-boyfriend’s cousin, whom I have considered to be my own little sister, that I have fallen in big times admiration for one very, very, very special individual. Is this a wrong thing to do?

Anyway, I kept saying to her that this person is very, very, very perfect. Inside and outside, top to bottom, forward and backward, yesterday, today and tomorrow. She went speechless because she knows my attitude towards guys, I would never use the term “perfect” to describe a guy. Pasti guah bilang keren banget, ok banget, high quality, eligible and all that, but never “perfect”. She wants me to email his picture and she said she would print it out then stick it on her bedroom wall, lay hands and pray over the picture day and night. “God if this man is for Cie Lin2 then tolong dibukain jalan, tapi kalo bukan, buat aku aja. Amin!”

“Terus yang laen2 gimana dong cie? Dikemanain semua itu tabungannya?” Dikemanain yah sa?? Buat kamu ajah gituh? Aduhh but can I keep my scorpio? Humm.. darling, darling I’m gonna trade you with Mr. Perfect karena saya nonton kotbahnya Pastor Kong He di family channel kemaren. Kata Pastor Kong He the best relationship style is the mix of best friend love and unselfish love, sedangkan our style is the game playing and possessive style, right? Mana bisa hepi in the long term kalo beginih terus huh? Sudah gihhh dikau mencari mangsa baru sajah.. udah kelamaan nii nangisin dan mikirin kamu teruss.. loe juga pasti udah kebanyakan nelen panadol dan cangkok jantung kan all these years. We have started as lovers, enemy, friends, lover, in between lover and friends, in between enemy and best friends, huh? Bingung juga kan? Udah terlalu panjang sejarahnya kamyu dan akyuu.. mendingan kita start fresh ajah yuukkk.. (yuuukkk!!) Tinnn.. guah belom ngepak nii.. males banget!! Berat bawa2 hairdryer and curling iron. Minjem kamu punya ajah yahh!!

tuesday

2007-04-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

tuhh kann.. kenapa si kucrit ituu selalu muncul di saat yang sangat tidak diharapkan!! pas ditunggu2in, dikangen2in, dipikirin pagi siang malem, gak pernah nongol! eh pas udah dilupain, diantepin, baru aja i found "another you", jeng jrengg... tau2 nongol from out of nowhere..huhh.. why you makin my life so difficult, babe?
Boris yeltsin died!! turut berbela sungkawa for once named the most controversional president of Russia.
Counting days to meet tine in spore
I just kno what it feels like to live with condemnation eventhou you have repented over and over again, but last night, something amazing happened. I've been praying and crying at night, begging God to forgive me for things that i did that i know had broken His heart. I've been doing this almost every night because i felt that the guilt does not go away no matter how much i've said sorry. So at 11 i went to bed and have already asleep, but i woke up at one, because that kucrit called me, i woke up and could not sleep again so i turned on the TV. Can you believe it, the program on family TV at that time is exactly the same as what i've been praying for? It was a short drama about a little boy who did something wrong, and he was afraid that his father would punish him and all. So he ran away and hid from the father. The father then came to look for him, hugged the boy who had been hiding under the bed and the father said,

"There is nothing that you could ever do that would make ME love you less"

The father said the statement over and over and over again, and I was crying, and crying and crying. And i felt relieved.

weekendnism 101

2007-04-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

Truth is, life is so full of surprises and many of the good surprises do come when you least expect them. Moreover, the best surprises do come when you are not ready for them.

So, i got a huge huge huge, oh so huge surprise. So huge that i think i must have been dreaming. But some people try to get in the way to make sure that i wont be getting the huge huge surprise. I was so mad when i found out and i've sat in my baroque armchair, armed with 2 glasses of kopi tubruk for an hour, thinking. I would think of every possible method to outsmart them, to defend myself when they are going to launch a counter attack, the worst case scenario and everything.

However, in the end i decided to retreat. I've learnt over the years, in a very hard and painful way, that being manipulative, being sly and cunning is not helpful, worse than that, it is not useful at all. You can try every single trick that the best book has ever taught you, but if mother nature is not in favour with you, it wont happen the way you want it to be. The more we try to make something happen, the more we try to change something or someone, the more things will go the wrong ways. Being manipulative might give us a little advance in a short period of time. We might get a little victory, but it is only a temporary triumph. Again, i'll say this: you cannot have (bend your arse trying hard to steal) something that is not meant for you, and nobody else could take away (bend their sorry ass to get) what is meant to be yours.

i've made up my mind that these days, i wont try to be competitive or showing off to anyone the " if i want it i can get it" attitude. I'll make peace with anyone, even if those people try to cheat on me or trying to take advantage on me. I'll smile and sit back, and wait, for time will tell, that no matter what you do, you cannot bring me down. Excuse me, darling. But if God has put me in this position, as far as i'm concern, as long as i do my part, HE will keep me here. And if in the end, i wont be getting what i've prayed for, then well, i'll be a big girl and proudly says that somebody deserves it more than me, may be it's not my time yet,but never mind, the best is yet to come.

we'll see.

Ah hang on, i suppose to be talking about my weekend rite?

went to dinner at Nan Xiang: Silvy and Seni. (Ah.. long tyme no see. You gurls look stunning!) And the food are marvelous. The VIP room is excellent and the ferrero dessert is just perfect.
stay over at Tirz: maen nintendo Wii: as you all have already predicted: guah dibantai abis2an because gua kebanayakan teriak2, loncat2 dan cubitin ary daripada actually playing. haha
church on sunday noon at Bapindo. Great preaching, pastor! He's a batak marrying a Cito. Can you believe it? we were discussing him all the way from kuningan to senopati on Sunday.
Trying on new salon for monthly nail work: QUEENDOM. It's korean. So, it all smells very2 Anyong Haseo! but the koreans do really know how to get a perfect pedicure (thou it takes 3 hours to get the job done) i'm pleased :) (tine, my feet are ready for phantom!)
Congratulations to Joshua and Cindy for the engagement!!
and you, finally you give in! hahaha.. siapa suruh kamu baca koran kompas section olahraga tiap hari, pasti baca artikel Jimmy Jusman terus jadi kepikiran your friend whose name is accociated with the pool player huh? hahahaha... The cold war is officially over! and i WON!!
but just when i thought i have a sweet, sweet victory: He sprayed his Armani perfume on my arms, and that's it. He got me. Ahhh.. you do really know how to make a girl thinks about you all day huh, my scorpio? (who use Armani these days? you are so jadul babe!!)

fried rice, french election, you and I

2007-04-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 08:00, my residence:

a series of continuous knocking on my door.
I was blowdrying my hair, so i just abandoned it.
But the knocking did not stop.
I thought, that must be the maid checking if i'm up already,
the driver has arrived to pick me up (to go to work)
Yes, who else goes to the office on saturday morning but moi?
Anyway the knocking got more irritating, so i screamed
"sebentar!" , as i finished with my hair i rushed to the door,

and there he was
standing there, with a tray, a fried rice and a glass of orange juice.

The first thought that came to mind was,

"how on earth did you bring all of those things? How did you go pass the security gate at 8 in the morning? the maid and my tante? For Gucci sake, how could i not appreciate this effort, everything on a tray haha. If the guy is not a high flyer player, there is no way he could pull this thing off"

yayaya.. never mind, you made the effort to wake up early on saturday morning and cooked, go to supermarket to buy the orange juice and brought them all thee way from Jakbar to Jaksel, on a tray!! gudness me, i still cannot believe the tray, man! So i let him in, we watched CNN while having breakfast. Discussing the Virginia massacre and upcoming french election that will take place tomorrow. Sergoleone Royal for president. yeah! you go and do your thing, girl!

Well, i did not pay too much attention of French politics, but yesterday i spent all morning Google-ing Ms. Royal and Nina Wang. Anyway, if she is elected, she will be the first woman president in France. She is so chic and fashionable. haha. Actually the other 2 candidates are not too bad themselves, Sarkovsky or whatever his name is. I think he is going to win. He's very young and good looking. The election is going to be very unpredictable and exciting since 40% of the voters have not made their decision on whom to pick. 40% is huge. Even an underdog still has a hopeful chance to win.

But the nina Wang is even bigger than the election. I mean, the richest woman in Asia has decided to give her total inheritance (that's 4.2 BILLION US DOLLAR) to her fortune teller?? i mean?? This is nuts! Since when a fortune teller even enters the scene? What did the fortune teller do to her? Hypnotise her or something? What about her family? Her company and all of the people whom have worked for her over the years?

Anyhow.. back to my breakfast romansa (haha..!!)

The thing is, i have known the guy for 5 years, have known him good enough that even if he served me romantic breakfast (which is not the first time), even if he decorates my whole bedroom in rose petals (which had happened before), even if he invites me to his annual family gathering (which had happened as well), even if he puts his whole heart on the tray, it will still take a very long way to go to fix our "broken to pieces" relationship.

But yeah, at least now that i know what you are willing to try,

why dont we give "us" another try?

besides, his fried rice tastes much better than the first one that he cooked for me 3 years ago.
"Babe, you are a good cook. This is terrific!"
"I'm a changed man. A better man, love"

What ever that means.

melepas rhinnnduuu....

2007-04-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

finally, finally i got to meet her!. I literally ran from my office to the parking field to greet her in person. As soon as she saw me, she stopped the car and jumped out of it, we screamed like a mad person, run and gave each other a hug. IT was quite a scene, actually tp maklum dong namanya juga udah setaun gak ketemu! So off we go to SHY (oh my Gucci, i'm so recommending this place to everyone) I've breathe the kemang air for almost 3 months now, and SHY is practically the best lounge in the area. It is so classy, elegant and sophisticated. All the waiters speak perfect english, no indonesian accent, thank you very much. WE ordered a cheese plater and a white dessert wine. I should have tried to remember it's name since it was so good. The cheese selection is just beyond! We sat and talked for hours and hours and hours til the restaurant is practically closed. If she is a he, this is the time when i am going to start to fall in love. CHaaa.. i love you, love you, love you!!! thank you for the love consultation (gila udah bertaun2 masalah kita masih itu2 ajah yah cha: Bad boys for life haha!), sharing new skills and new pick up lines (hey if we are getting back into the game, it is just about time to polish up jurus2 silat baru, right haha)for the business advice (you always amaze me with your goals and achievement), some tearful heart to heart sharring, make up tips, kodak moments and gossip sessiongs of course hahaha. Too bad, too bad, she is flying back to Perth tonight, yahh baru ketemuan lagi november dong entar! But we'll be meeting up in perth ya, hoorah!, millpoint pastinyaa yah cha hehe

wait, wait, i think i heard a sms alert!

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

belom juga ada 5 menit i sent my previous posting

dan "orang yang dimaksud" has oredy responded?!

sayonara

2007-04-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

going once..
going twice..

okay, that's it!
your time is up.

past the expiration date already

just know that i have waited, and
i've waited long enuf yah babe
capee deehh...
no hard feeling but,
1i'm leaving yaaa

you have a nice life

mwahh..

world peace, my friend.. please dong ah!

2007-04-17T02:42:00.000-07:00

you know, i'm all against the war between the USA and Iraq. Masi banyak cara laen untuk menerapkan disiplin kok. Bonyok2 yang berpendidikan ajah gak harus mukulin anaknya to get the kids to do what they want. Masa such a nation like the US does not know how to discipline a country without getting their hands dirty? kenapa harus pake perang2an segala. Mendingan budget perangnya dipake buat ngutangin developing and third world countries. Please dong ah!

Oh well, cuman in real life, kenapa ya i find myself again and again, choosing to go to the battlefield other than negotiating for the quest of peace, when my territory is tresspassed? Anyway, i dont have barbed wire when it comes to friendship and career. Even in the toughest situation, i still can keep my head on its place and hands clean while solving the entire quarrel between the disputing parties. But when it comes to anything that is involving feelings and emotion, you all know what i am talking about, just watch out my friends, one foot on the wrong place, i get my shotguns out.

"loh memang dunia percintaan itu equivalent to dunia persilatan kok, lin. Siapa yang kuat dia yang menang. Udah gak ada tuh istilahnya Bogoh paeh, love is blind, losing your head. Those things are for losers."

Begini deh jadinya kalo my alliance dan sekutu2 terdekat are cold hearted players (Correction: not players, just masterminds and relationship experts) Gak ada tuh yang namanya "mendengarkan kata hati", "pursue true love", and all of those happily ever after tales.

So, it has been 19 days since you and I have decided to send our troops to the frontline. The battle is on. There is no sign that any of us will fly the white flag and offer a peace treaty anytime soon. We both have been raised in battlefields. We have the reputation to conquer even the most dangerous skilful, armed and dangerous warriors. We know how to fight like a pro, and make every opponent dying inside. Moreover, this is not the first time we screw each other’s brain in cold wars, I mean I cannot believe we keep doing this to each other over the period of 5 years.

We’ve been playing games since we the first time we were introduced to each other. I still can vividly remember, the matchmaker was calling me the night before I was supposed to be introduced to you. He said, “You are about to meet your match, girl.” And, meeting a perfect match I do, indeed. And funny thing is, the pattern of our cold wars does not change even slightly at all. We met, fall in love, crazy about each other, drive each other nuts, intensify the relationship with a lot of tension, kiss and make up, and when the relationship is at its best, we just snap and disappear from each other’s life. Disappear, disappear, until we forget about each other, then out of nowhere we intentionally make the effort to meet each other again, in some random occasion, some random place, some random time and repeat the whole cycle all over again. IT has been 5 crazy years and the cycle is kept repeating itself.

This is nuts!! Baby please, I’m so tired of playing this game. Especially with you. Listen to that Santana’s “Smooth” song would ya? World peace, please dong ah!

“Give me your heart, make it real, or let’s just forget about it!”

2007-04-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

here i am,10:45 in the morning, feeling grumpy and moody, and all of those friendster junkie out there must have had known why. The rountine maintenance that will take up to a day. ARgh. i desperately want to see Tirzah Bday pictures. Anyway, Tirzah's Bday, that's another story to tell. I tripped over the brick pavement and my right knee was bleeding very badly that i had to walk around Plaza Senayan like an injured soldier. I never knew how hard it is to walk in 10 cm heels before that night. I ended up spending half an hour in Starbucks public bathroom and wasted half roll of toilet paper to clean and soothe the wounds. But thanks for the dinner, my dear. It was amazing.

The seafood, the bul go gi, the bul kal bi, and the other "an nyong haseo" food that we binged til we were short of breath last night were superb. I think i have eaten a total of 1 killogram of meat in total. I felt very bloated all morning and i cannot fit into my jeans. Dummit! Now this is one of those days when a loose dress (which is one size bigger than your usual size) comes in handy. Well, well, looks like i need to get into the caffeine diet as soon as possible. People ask me these days, how did i manage to loose 15 pounds in a year? tell you the truth: get a job, get a boyfriend and get into the caffeine diet. Trust me. It works.

Okay, since friendster is aint working, i had to find another retreat, so i read the paper all morning. The paper has been very interesting lately, with the upcoming elections from all over the world. It's still a tight battle between the clintons and obama,megawati and SBY, and fauzi bowo and daradjatun. Yeah whoever wins the election, i'm just glad that he (or she) is a democrats. hoorah! Especially in the US, i wonder what would really happen if a democrat wins the upcoming election, what will happen to the bush-blair-howard trilogy? would the republican saga going down? And what about that Singapore PM doing with his 2 million US dollar salary? apparently the PM of singapore has stacked the biggest salary in the world, i mean 2 million US?? even bush only get 400.000 US/ annually. No wonder the normal working hours in Singapore is 7 to 11 in comparison to 9 to 5 in the states. The singaporeans have to work their arses off to pay their PM.

My attention was devoted to the munir case, btw. Well, not a fan of human rights issue actually. But since i am hooked up on prison break, i was kinda touched by the fact that Munir's wife is fighting for pembersihan nama baik of her husband who was killed for a crime that he did not commit. Well, fighting against the country's intel is not as easy as putting a demo in front of the parliement's house. Even someone as smart as Scofield has a hard time doing it. Anyway, good look to you, missus. Just wish that there will be someone in the government body who has a heart to fight for justice and righteousness.

Yah, yah, it's better to stay away from the world of politics. I've been involved in some cases that were involving lawyers and court orders and they were terrifying. It is not as kewl as what we had seen on TV. So, God forbid. i wont go there anymore. Anyway, Tirzah: cant wait til saturday! I am so staying over for chocolate binging and playing nintendo wii all night. Xen: seriously, you dont want to go to Hillsongs when u r 6 months pregnant. Sen: I'll defintelly be coming for the engagement on may. ("may be yes, may be no" haha emangnya ringgo?!) Gina: neng.. gimana nih jadinya? hayuu dung ikutann.. it's phantom for gucci sake!. Scorpio, my dear: ARGHH.. i dont know what to say to you anymore. let's cool off for now. we'll talk after our brain come back from holiday, rite. Why it always has to be intense, you and i? pffttthhh...

are you kidding me?

2007-04-09T22:13:00.000-07:00

girl, i like you so much. you are gorgeous and all that. but you are ways too complicated for me.

boy, i think i can be with you. you are smart, charming and all that. but you are not ready to settle down just yet.

girl, your thoughts, your smile, you fascinate me

boy, your confidence, your eyes, you astound me

why oh why we cant make this work?

why oh why you have to be so proud and obstinate?

so i guess this is it, this is the point where we should go on our separate ways

so i guess this is it, we should go on with our own life and pretend nothing has ever happened between us.

This is ridiculous, as if meeting someone whom can connect with us is not hard enough, after you found one whom you really like, both of you choose not to give it a try?

*you can meet the right person, but if it is not the right time, it would not work out anyway.

my dear,

2007-04-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

let's put all of those bitter sweet memories behind
we know that we would never make it, you and i.
you know that i deeply care for you,
yesterday, today, tomorrow. i will always be there for you,
as a friend.
so for the very last time, thank you for everything my dear

dear scatterbrain,

2007-04-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

I was sitting all morning reading kompas and my newly purchased psychology book with a plate of batagor, oreo, kapal api and teh botol. (see tirs, I’m eating properly) God bless the street of Kemang Raya: Batagor, pempek, Mie Ayam. Bakwan bakso, Rujak, Soto ayam, Ayam rica rica, well your pick! I am feeling full already just by listing all of those abang2 who pass through my showroom everyday.

What can I say, even moving to Jakarta does not remove the “teteh spirit” in me. A true bandung gurl will always love batagor, even if they are fattening and not hygienic. (Babe, what are we having for dinner tonight? I tink I’m too full already. Can we not eating anything delicious? )

Anyway this new book that I am reading, Oh so good. It is called the frame of mind by Howard Bardner. I bought the book at the first place because I thought the book might give a breakdown on how human mind operates. You know, the frameworks that cause us to think what we think. Does every single human being have different frameworks? What are the differences? I want to know the differences in the framework of a simple and a complicated person. Yes, I am a too complicated person, and if there is anyway in the world that could help me to simplify my thoughts I would really love to know that.

The first chapters of this book really disappoint me. I could not find anything that the title suggested, the framework. I’m like, “where is the framework?” The book only tells about the bright mind of Clinton and Gandhi. Yes, I love the Clintons, but if I want to know their biographies, I would not buy a psychology book. However, when I arrive at chapter 5, the book does start to become very entertaining and educative. After reading the book, suddenly I don’t want to be a simple person anymore. Because the book teaches me on how to really operate the framework of one’s mind. There are many steps and methods to really change our thinking framework, and these methods could also be used to change the minds of others, such as the reasoning method, the argumentative methods, the subconscious method and many more. A simple person would not bother to learn the thinking pattern and how to manipulate and control them. Only a bored complicated person would. Haha. So I guess, there is a reason why God has given me not a very simple way of thinking when it comes to life.

I’ve met quite a number of people who are just like me. Have so many thoughts, all at once, very complex matrix when making decision, when analyzing and judging everything that is presented before them. We know a lot but are not very fond when it comes to organizing our thoughts. That’s why we use the term scatterbrain to describe ourselves. It bothers me so much, being a scatterbrain. So I keep searching and learning stuff that would help me to putt all of the messes in my brain into a controlled system. And I am glad that this book does help a lot.

To the entire scatterbrain out there, I totally recommend this ‘Frame of mind” book by Howard. The author is a lecturer at Harvard so the guy knows what he is talking about. It helps you to identify the sections and fractions of the thoughts in your mind such as the fraction of your childhood memory, the fraction of your happy memory, the fraction of painful and hurtful experiences, and many more. Those fractions have to be organized when you get into thinking process because if you don’t do it intentionally, an undesirable fraction might unconsciously play a dominant role in your thinking pattern. The book is very scientific actually, it tells you to sort out all of the learnt experiences, creating blueprint for future thinking pattern and all. Damn it’s very long and descriptive. Kalo enggak niat mendingan gak usah dibaca. Bikin cape sampe sakit kepala. Banyak banget theorynya, edan. Makanya I said it is not enough to be a complicated person alone, you have to be both complicated and bored enough that you have nothing better to do but reading about brain and it’s functionality. Haha.

Terus, terus, I am so sedih that I had just watched the season finale of Prison Break last night. I’ve watched two seasons (20 episodes per season) back to back in 3 days. That’s like a full on 40 hours of indulgence. I am so falling in love with Michael Scofield, a bigger kind of love than what I used to have for Josh Duhamel in Vegas and Lex luthor in Smallville. Yahh.. ko udah gak ada terusannya lagi sih? Hey Brad Retner, when are you going to start filming the third season? Pas nonton padahal guah udah kesel setngah mati kok gak abis2, I cannot be bother to watch any scene that do not have Michael Scofield in it. Lucky that I have a narrator who’s talking on the phone with me while I was watching the movie (yeah, you know who you are) So if there is any part that I don’t like watching, I just ask my narrator what is going on, then I can fast forward to the Scofield’s scenes. But, skearang filmnya udah abis, gua jadi BT dan moody. No more dates with Scofield? Hey babe, should I start watching Lost now?

bad witness case

2007-04-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

first and foremost, happy easter to you all.

I got a wake up call from tante susy on the good friday, yesterday. she thought i am not a christian, by the look of me and judging of what she had known of me after living under one roof with me for a month. I was crushed. I was thinking all morning, that my attitude, my conducts, my behaviour, perhaps my words do not reflect any hint of christianity. Do not show that i am a believer. I am not a good witness of the kingdom, then.

Ko dan must have been disappointed if he reads this (haha!) All of those years of training, of ministry, of everything do not make me "look like a christian". Yah memang sih, gua kalo ngobrol2 dengan si tante gak pernah nyinggung2 ttg gereja or JC, kalo wiken gak pernah di rumah, but in my defence i stay over at my auntie's so that i could go to church on sunday morning with my coz. but all that she knows, i never go to church on sunday. kalo di rumah hampir gak pernah pasang lagu gereja, yang ada pasang lagu Justin sama remix-nya DJ edo (haha!) doang. Kelayapan terus., kalo pulang kerja pasti bawa kantong belanjaan isinya baju, baju dan baju lagih. KAmar penuh dengan majalah fashion dan DVD (prison break, what else?) and for the record, yes i dont have a bible. (i know, i'm ashamed of it). I have a huge bible di bandung, tp gak pernah di bawa ke gereja. abisnya gede banget. lagian kalo di gereja juga pasti ada power pointnya. males bawa2 bible berat. but yeahh.. emang siii from the look of me. memang kurang memperlihatkan that i am a Christian.

so that morning i told tante susy, yes i am a Christian. But i did not start giving her testimonies of my "so called" christian life, the ministry and everything that i know about the bible. I hate it when people do that. Trying too hard to prove something when they are being accused of something wrong, especially kalo yang di accuse udah lumayan senior di bidangnya. misalnya kalo ada mantan ketua cell group and worship leader baru pulang dari luar negeri, terus pas join gereja baru di indo, dikebaktian umum ditanyain sama usher, mau ikutan kelas katekisasi ga (seolah2 kayak dia masi a new baby born christian), then in the next second the used to be WL and cell leader would start to "share his testimonies" that he used to lead the main service that consist of 1000 people, how he got saved, how he had been used miraculously blablabla.. ah males banget!

personally, i tink kalo misalnya we are being judged incorectly, mendingan dipikirin and dijadiin kritik membangun ajah deh. let our corrective actions speak out for themselves. Afterall actions speak louder than self justification huh? Memang sii seudah pulang indo i admitted it is really hard to get back into Christian lifestyle. So hard if you have not find a home church to settle down. YUp, prayer partners please do pray for me, i'm still searching and searching. But i'm going to Church kok besok, harus harus perjamuan kudus. It's easter for gucci sake.

question

2007-04-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

i dont get it,
why men keep hurting the one that they care the most?

hey you,

2007-04-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

kok lucuu sii..

never before i meet,

orang yang muiripp buangett sama gua

in a guy,

(well of course my brother does not count..)

suka maen freecell sama sudoku

tapi gak suka banget maen PS, nintendo and all of those war games

lebih suka sydney daripada melbourne

lebih suka singapore daripada bali

tergila gila sama sherlock holmes

gak suka bright colour,

maunya item putih sama warna tanah aja

gak suka lagu trance progressive ato anything heavy

tapi bisa appreciate classic and jazz

gak suka red wine tapi kalo dikasi white wine ketagihan

kalo sakit gak pernah minum obat dan gak mau ke dokter

suka history, philosophy, art and literature

kalo udah ngemil gak bisa stop

very honest and open yet very mysterious

very analytical but very reckless

very reserved but very passionate

very realistic and naive at the same time

can be very manipulative but never has the heart to do so

very bossy and unstopable when it comes to work

you dare to do the unthinkable

your trueself is very different to the image you portray to the world

people say that you are very confident and you try to believe in yourself

but you doubt yourself every single solitary day

you have anxiety attack every now and then

but very good at doing re-booth and restart

the only difference between you and me is just,

you are not a born again, not a believer,

have not met the Creator, the one true Saviour

cuman mo kasi tau ajah sama kamu,

ati2 loh.. kalo memang kamu bener2 mirip sama saya,

your thoughts, attitudes, principles, behaviours, beliefs and personalities,

are very intense yet dangerous

could have destroy you one day

kamu bisa ancur total if you dont have a stronghold that you could get a hold onto

battle of the sexes, round 1

2007-04-03T02:54:00.000-07:00

“Terus kenapa putus?”
“Gak cocok”

“Mana ada alesan gak cocok hari gini. Yang ada juga gak mau”
“beneran ko gak cocok”

“Semua orang juga gak akan ada yang cocok. Tapi karena mau jadi dicocok-cocokin”
“Kalo emang dua-duanya keras kepala susah dong mo nyocok2innya”

“People are together for two reasons and two reasons only. Karena terbiasa atau butuh”
“Kalo engga dua2nya? Gak ada diah bisa dibiasain, gak ada juga idup masi berjalan”

“Yah itu, kaya elo. Putus dengan alesan gak cocok. Basi”
“ahhahahahaha. Berarti selama ini loe pacaran gak beneran suka sama orangnya dong? Dicocok-cocokin, dibikin kebiasaan dan dibutuh2in aja?”

“I’m a cynical person, babe. I don’t believe in emotions bullshit. The butterfly feeling in your stomach and the drama bla bla bla. Save that for Indonesian sinetron”
“Hahahaha. All these times I have always envy you for being a person who can really keep it together, unemotional and cool. But turns out you never fall in love? Well, no wonder. You missed out a lot of things, that’s all I am saying”
“I don’t feel missed out or unfortunate for not experiencing the so called romantic drama”

“Whatever. But don’t tell someone that their breaking up reason is invalid. What do you know? You’ve never stood up in their shoes”
“See. This is why I cannot put up with women. Kalo udah kalah, gak bisa comes up with alesan yang masuk akal, yang logical, pasti langsung masukin feeling. You don’t know what it feels like to be me? You never understand what I feel? Alaaa.. loe sendiri sebenernya ngakuin kan kalo all of those things are just emotional camouflage. Relationship is a piece of cake. Just like business partnership with red roses on valentine’s day. Do what you gotta do. No emotions involved.”

“Which explains to me why all of your ex girlfriends do leave you for good”
“hahahahah that’s a little harsh”
“Ow I thought no emotions are involved in this conversation”

“Susah yah. Padahal selama ini gua pacarannya juga sama smart, reasonable, mature women. Tapi kenapa even the most secure women could lose their minds when it comes to love?”
“Well, if you are really smart, shouldn’t you use that fact to your advantage? If you know what all women can be broken down to pieces by that little thing called emotion, since you are so good at handling them, why don’t you play with them?”

“bener juga yah. Hahaha. Anjirrr loe sih jahat abis jadi cewe”
“Just a reminder though. In the history of mankind, belom pernah ada orang yang keluar dengan utuh sehat walafiat when entering the game of love. You enter a predator, huge chance, come out as a victim”
“hahahhaha. Loe kebanyakan baca buku filsafat dan psychology. Dating you must be very interesting yah?”

“Nope. Having me as a friend is interesting. Having me as a girlfriend is a headache.”
“Iya. I can imagine. Hahahaha”

Future tense

2007-03-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

Here's one thing that i could not resist to ask when i'm involved in a good conversation, with anyone: future plan. Anyone really means everyone: female, male, student, employee, unemployed people, stay at home mom, entrepreneur, director, smart, not so smart, shallow, extrovert, introvert, christian, atheist, free thinker, moeslem, buddhist, 13 years old immature ABG, DJ, politician, heiress, bule, asian, anyone whom i thought i have a chemistry with.

I remembered talking about this issue 3-4 years ago with my closest girlfriends. All of us were still sitting in college chairs(i was doing my bachelor and the rest of my friends were doing their masters) All of us were doing "a start-up" office job: You know assistant manager, office admin, intern accountant, but none of us did a "real" job at that period of time. We did not work for the money, we work for, i dont know, experience may be? or more pocket money for holiday? or we tried to live the image of so called "perfect, smart, independet, can have it all" woman? or probably competition with friends?

See, all of my girlfriends are smart, bright, determined women. When one of us had scored a glamorous job, while juggling between school amd ministry, it has becoming an "inspiration" for the rest of us. Suddenly all of us are sending resume and CVs to all of prestigious companies all over perth. Scoring an office job in perth is already an achievement itself. It is so hard even for an Australian citizen to score a job in a dead city that only have limited job vacancies. But you know, "girl power" and "healthy competition" (we have to keep up with each other) roll up in one had made us to succeed to score the job. All that i can remember is all of us ended up being employed for an office job at the same year.

Anyway, during those years we thought works are easy, of course they were easy because we did not have any pressure to save for mortgage or child's education. We did a great job in the office and earned good money to dine in Terazza every week and shop at Subiaco whenever we want. Scoring Distinction at UNI and being the part of the "so-called " ELITE group in church. We were happy with what we had and we thought, life is easy and beautiful. We could have it all. We were a naive idealist at that time, really.

Why did i say that we were a naive idealist? because when we asked each other about what we have planned for the future, all of us could easily say that "I am so confident that i could be a CEO at a prestigious company in 5 years time". or " i want to have a fashion house, a multi national brand of clothing line" or "i want to have a worldwide ministry" . ya ya, you got the idea. We thought at that time that we have gone through half way to achieve those dreams.

When we met each other again these days, given the condition that all of us have actually been in a real world now, we would say different things when talking about future plan. Living in a real world, by my definition means, that you stop depending on your parents for financial provision, you got married and started a new family on your own, you work because you have to not because you want to. Now when you put yourself on that position, all that i can say is: Life is not so easy anymore. It is scary. You will start to realise that work is hard. No matter how much you earn, it is never enough. Any kind of job that you are doing is not good enough. Because you have a projection of what you want to achieve, and it seems so far far away from the reality that you have been living in at the moment.

Of course our monthly salary is enough for one week holiday in Singapore and could buy that Prada bag in Socialite boutique if we want to. But if you want to start acquiring property and business venture, you have to save up all of those money for Gucci sake. And i'm like, damn! susah yah ternyata cari duit. All of those money that you spent so easily back in high school days, correction: your parents' money, seem to be so priceless right now. And eventhough all of my girlfriends, i know for a fact, actually do not have to work to live if they choose to live by their parents' provision, all of us actually wanted to (at least) try to see how it feels like to start a career from the very bottom. None of us work for our parents' company, but we tried the office job. And it is so damn very very hard. You know with the minimum payment, kerja rodi and office politics. We want to quit, but then realised that all jobs in indonesia are like that. Minimum payment, kerja rodi and backstabbing. *sigh*

I remember talking to Christine, Tirzah and adeline at different separate times, we were like, "gila yah dulu cita2 angan2 pengen jadi CEO pengen punya ini itu, kayanya gampang banget. Sekarang udah ngalamin kerja beneran, baru juga setaun, udah kaya mati berdiri. Kerja susah yah. Kalo ada orang yang bisa sukses starting from scratch hari gini mah, they really deserve a round of applause.

Lagian model jaim2 kaya kita orang mah, maunya yang instant terus. baru mulai business harus langsung sukses keliatan hasilnya. buset mana ada yang kaya gitu. at least 5 taun pertama emang harus kerja rodi dulu kali.

Udahlah jangan naive jadi orang, kalo udah dikasi kerjaan sama bonyok yah udah ambil ajah lah. itu udah paling enak paling gampang. Ato kalo bisa milih, jadi ibu rumah tangga ajah lah. Gak usah gengsi2an lagi mau career ini itu. Kerja tuh susah amit2. "

and in the end we all agree: untung kita perempuan. at least even if we dont work, we still have another option of being a housewife (aint life beautiful? haha) yah kalo bosen2 di rumah, ya udah buka butik ajah, gak usah running profitably juga gak apa2 asal ada kegiatan. ckckck... kasian amat yah, jauh banget dari angan2 masa lalu. but hey that's life. reality sucks.

But who knows, may be 5 years from now, kalo kita semua udah lebih dewasa, lebih kuat dan lebih stable in terms of living in this dunia yang keras, mungkin kita udah berubah pikiran lagi. mungkin at that time, kita bener2 udah siap to take on the world and living the dream.who knows? 30 years old sounds like a good age to sit in the corner office and having our names printed in SWA or TEMPO Or whatever. hahaha. Afterall, all of my girlfriends are smart, bright and determined women. I never doubt it for a day that all of them will succeed in every aspect of their lives. Just watch and see.

wantedddd...

2007-03-28T00:02:00.000-07:00

DICARI:

DANGEROUS CRIMINAL AND PRISONER

Michael Scofield

accused and proven guilty by the jury for

breaking the state prison
stealing my heart and
Causing a deadly unavoidable addiction that will make victim to not being able to keep her eyes off him

big rewards for whoever can find him (or a guy as smart and as hot as he is)

Please contact me as soon as possible!

last night

2007-03-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

It was 23:00, I was on my PJ, settling down with a hot mug of latte and adoring Michael Scofield’s blue eyes on DVD. Then this kucrrrittt, yang sudah hilang dari peredaran dan tidak terdengar kabarnya for a week, out of nowhere called and he went

“ganti baju, siap2 yah, gua jemput kita ngopi”
and I was like, “do you know where I live?”
“kemang, right? Coba kasi direction dari showroom loe”
then I went on and on for 5 minutes, until both of us give up.
“Okay, terlalu susah. Daripada nyasar besok siang ajah deh”
“Okay, have a great night”

eh baru juga tutup telepon mo nerusin nonton, he sms me and went
“what’s open in kemang at this hour?”
“starbucks, foodfest, ohlala, nu china, amore, banyak..”
“ok kita ke starbucks ajah. Sms gw direction ke rumah loe”
“ahhaha okay you can try to come here if u want to”

If you have never tried to get to my place, I can tell you it is the most confusing jalan di Jakarta. Sebenernya deket dan gampang banget tapi kebanyakan belokan, jalan tikus and gak ada patokan. It would be easy if you have someone to guide you in person, but giving direction through phone or worse, text. It is just plain confusing. Moreover, this friend of mine, yes rian if you read this, this is your friend we are talking about, well, he is the most clueless person on earth when it comes to direction. He is worse than me. He always misses the easiest turn and cannot remember direction even though we’ve been to a place for more than 3 times. SO I was thinking, paling juga ni orang nyobain setengah jalan terus diah give up and cancel it.

As a result, I don’t even bother to get dressed or siap2 segala macem. I thought to myself, entar ajah kalo dia beneran nyampe gw baru siap2 hahaha And I continued watchin my DVD. Sebenernya jalan dari showroom ke rumah gua will only take 5 minutes, so after 15 minutes the guy did not show up I was just waiting for the cancellation phone call. But I was surprised when he really showed up at my gate at 12.

Sejujurnyah udah ngantuk banget dan maleeess banget turun dari ranjang. But I have to appreciate his effort. After all he is the first person can arrive at my place without given any direction in person. And he was not a Kemang person. Moreover, I have to give him some credits too for his spontaneous gesture. Missing and lost without a trace and suddenly out of nowhere shows up and taking me out for late night coffee. Ya, ya, ya I guess I just have to live with your bossy, maksa, demanding and seenak jidat nature, huh? You’re lucky you’re a “temen lama” and I’ve known you back and front, otherwise you would have already driven me mad with those kind of attitudes, babe!!

When I got into the car, I cannot stop laughing.

“Seriously, I thought that you would never make it”
and he started cursing with his bahasa dewa (you know, the henghoeng, singsuing, kengkong, cah kangkung whatever those words mean haha) Anyhow, we ended up talking and talking and talking in Oh La La til 3 in the morning and yes, I woke up at 9. Yes, I was late for work.

speaking of imperfection,

2007-03-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to bobskee, and all the Indonesian students at CBS who had introduced me to MEEBO.COM. Gudnezz me, I guess it does not matter how hard the staff try to block every chatting websites, the software and everything in CBS, those Indonesian kids will outsmart them anyway. Being a student at CBS for 2 years (and a half), I think I know several chatting websites that we can crack on the uni computer, so when I arrived at my office in Kemang and realized that MSN function is disabled, I tried all kind of web messenger things that I knew. (MSN function? Messenger thing? I know Microsoft and Rian will laugh out loud when they read this.. Iya dehhh emang gua gaptek.. mana gua pikirin the right term for all of those things.. yang penting bisa chatting, friendster and blogging haha.)

The other day Rian was goin, “u chat?” and I was “gak bisa chatting, MSNnya di block, ada firewall or something like that” and he went “MSN mana ada firewallnya?” hahaha.. iyahlahhhh pokoknya u got what I meant.. Hey nobody’s perfect! I can’t do computer and parkir parallel, or parkir mundur, or liat kaca spion hahahah (seriously I can drive a car that does not have rear end mirror. Because ada kaca spion pun gak pernah gua liat ko.. Burut was terrified when we were driving in a car with no kaca spion and gua dengan polosnya ngomong “buat apa kaca spion?” hahahaha… yang penting kita selamat sampe di tempat tujuan kan bur…. Barely ahhahaah!)

Speaking of imperfection, this morning I was browsing through random blogs in friendster and I landed on a blog of a girl whose life, I thought, is perfect. We were introduced once, long time ago, but never met again ever since. Well, may be one day. I would really love to meet her. She is very innocent, never has bad thoughts towards people (I suppose with that kind of attitude, she might be mistreated by people, taken for granted and all, but against all odds, she’s still happy and loving everyone around her)

Anyway, this girl is beautiful and gorgeous in appearance, not drop dead gorgeous enough to make to the runway, but people told me that she is very popular in the social circuit, shinning brighter than other girls who are 10 times more beautiful than her, because of her great personality. She makes the tattler and Harper Bazaar every now and then, in the arms of a stunning leading man. I thought with her “life is beautiful” mentality alone; she would live a very happy life. In addition to that, she is loved by people and lives a glamorous life in this city. However, after reading her blog, I could really see another side of this person. She has got a series of unfortunate events in her life as well. Quite tough for a pretty little girl with a fragile heart like her, I can imagine.

Anyhow, the moral of the story is, sometimes when life gets tough, one used to think, nobody goes through a deeper shit than me. This thing that I am facing right now, nobody could understand, and it has gone beyond my strength, I cannot do this. So, I would myself to breakdown and doing some “harm just to cause pain that will mend the real pain. ” (Easy there! I do not cut my wrist or do drugs or anything suicidal)

But, reading her blog has made me realize that everyone has his or her shit to go through. Her family is dysfunctional but she could still live a very normal, happy life. I have witnessed all my life that children will end up like their parents. No matter how hard they tried, believe me this is a cold fact reality, they will end up like their parents. I’ve heard testimonials of a girl who had seen his father left her mother for another woman, and saw her mother crying every night, and sworn off to death that she will not end up like her, but in the end she found herself eventually marrying a clone of her father. I have heard stories of guys who have seen his father beaten up the mother and was never at home, working his arse off in the office. The son had sworn of that he would never treat woman like that, but unconsciously he grown up to be a workaholic and a person who “maen tangan” towards his wife. The saying that says an apple never falls further from its tree is totally correct. There is no way that you could run from your roots. However, apparently there are still some apples that tried their best to runaway from the trees. And they succeed.

So yep, bad excuses to be wacky such as bad family roots or excuses like “I was born like this”, “this is me” are invalid. Live right! And I also learn from the girl, don’t sweat over the negative things in life. In many situations in life, it is easier to become a simple person. Don’t over analyze everything and being too critical over things that aint worth your time. Here, I quote some lines from her blog, “people are selfish, unreasonable and proud. Love them anyway”. Words to live by, girl.

straight talk from the oven

2007-03-21T00:55:00.000-07:00

Another 2 hours to kill before I can go to my starworld. I am totally hooked up on Prison Break, Fashion House, Heroes and American Idol. Geez, I have officially turned into a TV geek. Bukan gara2 gak punya pacar jadi gua berjamur di rumah, punya pacar pun I wud stay at home watchin TV all night, cuman bedanya sambil teleponan all hours (don’t we all love our CDMA)

I have finally come into terms on being single. I just have realised how hard it is to stand on the (beautiful) shoes of a single girl. Back then, I have too many girlfriends who have gone through a very hard time after a break-up. They could not imagine going through life without a boyfriend, they messed up, turning into a drama queen, immediately jumped into a new relationship or just becoming an ice princess right away. At that time, although I displayed affectionate empathy on the outside, inside I was like “Get a life”. I’d been single all the way through my teen period (of course there were always leading men and dates here and there) but never a solid relationship until the last 6 months of my stay in Perth. For me, being single is easy. It is not just easy it is great. Whoever said that you couldn’t be single if you live overseas, well, you should go to THE ROCKS (haha!)

Now that I have makan garem lebih banyak daripada dulu, my perspective have changed. Being single is easy, that is if you have always been single. But if you have tasted the goodness of a solid, nurturing, bringing out you best kind of relationship, feels like you cannot imagine being single anymore. Now I know that it is not a matter that my girlfriends are being “too attached”, or not being “independent enough” not that they don’t have a life or a solid character, it’s just a fact of life. It is hard to be single period.

Tapi biar susahpun kalo memang sudah terjadi kan tetep harus dijalanin. We cannot always have what we want in life, many times it does not turn out the way we want it to be, so even if we don’t want to, we still gotta do what we gotta do. I used to look for a quick fix when a relationship is broken: jump into a new relationship right away.
(Kalo diliat2 biasanya yang lgs punya pacar baru rightaway is a victim of a cheating ex) No judgement. Been there done that, learnt my lesson: That’s like gali lubang tutup lubang. It does not solve the problem, couple of months down the road, we would find ourself facing the same problem, only with a different person.

I used to think that Beyonce’s song “irreplaceable” is so right. I was too arrogant when I believed that “I could have another you in a minute, so don’t you for a second get into thinking that you are irreplaceable” It was the pride that made us believes that whoever moves on first, wins. It is so shallow, I know, but we are all guilty of doing it unconsciously. We are human beings after all. Ego, greed, selfishness are parts of our DNA. Enggak mau mikir kaya gitu lagi ahh.. It’s not a contest between you and your ex.

My girlfriends told me since I am the youngest amongst all; I am most impulsive and reckless one in the group. If I could, for once, not making decision in the times when my brain is not functioning properly because of that little thing called emotion, I would not have to go through some relationship shits that I’d been through. Thank God that they still bear with me, when I am coming to them for the hundredth time for the same problem over the years.

But yes if I could do it all over again, I still would not change a thing of what I do. Let the mistakes be the garem that make my life tasty haha. Yep, I learn that shallowness does come with a price. Well, at the bright side at least I would have many bed stories to tell my kids later. (My bed stories wont be Cinderella or Peter Pan, it would be Scorpio season one to three, Mr. Big season one to ten and all that haha.)

Moreover after not being a “we” anymore, it takes time to find out “me” as oneself. Funny how we grow into a new person in a relationship because of the things that we do for our partner, and the things that our partner do for us. Some compromise here and there, some new things that we learn in our relationship have transformed us into a new person. We develop new habits, new looks, even a new way of thinking because of our “we”-ness. Now that the “we” does not exist anymore, what about our individuality, the “me”? Thinking and thinking...

jadiiii.... yahhh begitudeh.. udah ah kebanyakan cangcingcong.. these philosophies of doctor love and this bullshit talk will be continuedd.. ada tukang mie ayam favekuwww.. i gotta run before he leavee... TUKANG ME AYAM!! WAIIIITTT...!!!!

this iss Sparrtaaa...

2007-03-21T00:39:00.000-07:00

the movie is umbelievably scary, as far as i could remember, i tink i closed my eyes 70% of the time and see through between my palms 20% of the time so i only watched the movie in full closure by 10%, but i would really say that the movie is worth watching, and should be nominated for the oscars. I really am a gaptek person, so i would say that the graphic and the animated effects and all those techology things in the movie is just beyooonndd! they look sureal to me.

The story line, the emotional touch and the myth and history behind the movie, now that's my area of specialty. The first time i heard the term "spartacus" was back in primary school. It was a modern classic ballet cheography adopted from greek tales. The ballet portrays spartacus as a slave who tried to break free. So, when i watched the movie, i kinda get an idea on what the movie is all about. Another jinx moment during the movie was when i found out that the tyrant, the king of persia whom is the antagonist character is King Xerxes, and i went, Hang on! that's like QUEEN ESTHER's husband.

The king Xerxes that i have studied all these tymes had always been portrayed to be handsome, charismatic, wise and kind hearted (so kind hearted he would give Esther half of his Kingdom), but never portrayed as a villain, for gucci sake, he was a 3 metres tall, pierced faced, half human-half shrek, self-consumed king. How could esther marry such a monster? Moreover, all the women of persia are pierced and tattoed and they perform witchcraft. I'm like.. my goodness! Is this the real persia that Esther has been living in? It really is a country of "Arabian night" where i imagine Aladin and his blue jinnie lived. I wonder how Esther survived being a woman of God by being married and becoming a queen of such a nation? The bible said that she's being given special treatment for 6 months before she was presented before the king, so she was bathed in kemenyan and sesajen? and being pieced from head to toe perhaps? eeewww....

Tirzah and me were discussing the movie while we watched it, "So why did he go to war against the persian?" First we thought it was Pride as a spartan (the typical cause of war: man and his ego! What else?) but in the end, when we saw Leonardus prepared himself to take his last breathe, we witnessed him standing tall and his last words being "my queen, my wife, my love" and yep, as Xenia said, being a mushy mushy person that i am, that brought me into tears. Oh my Gucci, so romantic. He fought the battle for her and her alone. Not his country, not his ego, not even for his son. It was all to defend and protect her. How sweet cud that be? In the end, his lead had inspired the whole Greece to unite and end the slavery by the Persian Empire. (i wondered Was Esther still the Queen at that time?)

So yeah, I'm so saying that this movie deserves a round of applause and full encore. Totally Grand, love it. Well, other than the movie, my short break over the long weekend is amazing. I told Kuh-Cing that i wanted to buy flowers for my studio, but instead of taking me to the usual florist, she took me to the largest floristry workshop in JakBar. There i purchased the vase and did the arrangement by myself. I ended up with 3 beautiful flower arrangements in the end. Couldn't been better! Then i went furniture hunting with tirss the very next day. Found the perfect baroque armchair, with the perfect fabrics. Could not wait til next month when my chairs will be finished.

excitement of the day part deux

2007-03-16T03:28:00.000-07:00

Kamu ke Jakarta next week?
Nginep ajah di rumah aku tinn…
Aku kerja setengah hari doangg hari sabtu..
Entar pulang kerja aku langsung susulin kamu
Kita maenn seharian..
Kmu meetingnya di kemang ajah.. yang deket2 heheh
Ke shownya deden (siswanto)?? Asikkk…
Bikin di deden yaaa wedding dressnyaa.. AAAA
(baju bridesmaidnya jugaa yaaa muahahaha)
Cant wait til next week, luvv!!
=========================================================================
“Bu, customer yang barusan ganteng banget ya… Dia masi single ga, Bu? Ko kayanya ada minat ama Ibu”
“Hush! Sembarangan”
“Becanda buuu… tp lumayan yah bu dia ngambilnya banyak banget”
“Yep”

(Yep, he is unreasonable gorgeous, Yep he bought tons of furniture that my gallery is literally empty, and Yep he is unbelievably single because I checked that his ring finger is free of ring, and because he already asked for my number. Psst! Don’t tell my staff)
===========================================================================
“pokoknya call me for church Sunday morning, and clubs Saturday night. I’m in Hahaha… “

yayaya… JPCC this Sunday, rite?

Cant believe it, I called my mum straightaway: first it was Corleone, then Scorpio, then to my horror Mr. Big and now, oh my Gucci help me breathe, Black Russian. What on earth is going on? If any of my girlfriends read these, please do pray and fast for moi.. I’m going under and not even an entire cast of Baywatch could save me from drowning. Great, why don’t Johnny Tucker and Moscato join in than it would complete my whole cast of the league of extraordinary gentlemen

excitement of the day

2007-03-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

senenggg bangettt dehhh..
baek amattt sihhh loe jadi orangg..
sampe speechless euy!!
kapan maen ke jakarta, babe?
harus! harus! harus! telepon aku yaa..
kita maen ke dufan
tapi kan kamu tau aku beraninya cuman ke istana boneka doang
ahahhahaha....
makasiii makasii makassiii..
u kno it meant a lot! especially coming from you!
makaaasiii...
AAAAA... seneng abis tau!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

iya emang kalo lupanya sampe sebulan sih rada kelewatan
tp gua juga taun lalu lupa bdaynya my other bestfriend
(chaaa.. i am going to carry the shame for the rest of my life :p)
jadi it's okay, dear!! u're still my best friend :):)
how's ur wedding preparation?
AAAA.. di winery yah jadinya.. sandalford? sandalwood?
something to do with sandal ya? hahahahaha
lagi summer lagi.. panas dong?
ur maid of honnor mutung dong...
bole bawa payung ga? ato dressnya bikin tangan panjang gitu ahahhaha

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

phantom of the opera yuu..!!
di esplanade theatre say...
bulan depan ajah perginya...
maen sampe bulan may ko..
entar gua booking-in deh flite, hotel.. gw ada boil ko..
all you need to do is showing up looking pretty..
i'll take care of you, kid!
ambil wiken ajah. jadi besoknya kita bisa biasaaa..
orchard road hahaha

_____________________________________________________________________________________

say what?

2007-03-12T23:49:00.000-07:00

he kept calling me "non"

gua kan sunda bukan jawa!!

tapi gak papa deh.. "non" sounds better than "neng" hahaha

lebihh enggak kaya emba2..

panggil yang laen ajah apa susahnya si..

"gurl", or "dear", or "babe" ???

bersihhh bersihhhh yuukkk..!!!

2007-03-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

For as long as I have lived, that is for 22 years and a month, never before I have appreciated the existence of a television and a DVD player so much, until the past 7 days living without them. Now I can testify to the old saying, you never know how much you love someone, well in my case some things, until you lost them. I cant imagine what did our ancestors do before TV was invented? Read books and eat chocolate cakes all night? Well, that’s what I had been doing in the past 7 days. So, I want to send my warm gratitude to the person who saves the entire human race by inventing TV, and even a much warmer gratitude for whoever that is who invented indovision. “Love you, bro!!”

It has been 2 months since the last time I watched indovision, so I was too excited when turning on the TV at 22:00 last night and Rugrats was on instead of Wulan, or Putri, or ningsih or asep and their other friends. Not that I wanted to watch Rugrats either, but yeah just happy to find out that the Tante Susy has got the cable TV installed for moi.

Well, moving to a niu house is tricky I should have known that since this is Jakarta for Gucci sake. There’s no such thing as too good to be true, there I said it again. When looking at the current picture of my new studio, it was just fabulous. It’s a mix of old school Mediterranean and 50’s classic. The wall unit and the flooring is solid wood while the bathroom is full on, corner-to-corner, turquoise marble. A huge mirror is hanging on one side of the wall. The studio room is just grand By the time I looked at the picture I already had in mind how I would like to decorate it: Audrey Hepburn: Breakfast in Tiffany.

However, when I moved in, well the room is still beautiful but it was not as perfect as I imagined it to be. The furniture is not old school charm, it is more like old school harm. Too many defect, stain and cat yang udah ngelupas. The furniture make the room to look more like a boarding school room rather than Audrey hepburm. But the room was nothing in comparison to the bathroom. The bathroom was 180 derajat dari yang gua harapkan. It was a total mess.

At a quick inspection, you won’t notice all the stains and flaws there. But I have rented house for a period of 4 years in Perth. I have learnt how my landlord checked the cleanliness of every corner to the cornerest of a room. Well, when I was in perth, this is time when I am going to pick up my fone and dial 911-San2-to-the-rescue. “Sann.. bak mandi gw ko warnanya kuning, hijau, biru gini… harus pake apaan?” IT was literally kuning hijau biru, the toilet bowl, the mirror and the tub. I was scrubbing them all night. The mirror had too many blotches all over it. I’ve asked everyone on cleaning product and have tried everything that I’d seen in the cleaning department in Carrefour. After 3 days of scrubbing, kaki kesemutan, and pinggul pegel2 big times, I gave up and bought a tub mat. Corleone told me that all the kuning hijau biru all over the place are not filth, they are just worn off because of udah tua. But I’m like, I’m gonna stay here for at least a year, I don’t want to come home to kuning hijau biru on my tub and spooky looking mirror.

Scorpio likes to make a joke on me whenever I said spooky, he told me that the blotches on my mirror looks like blood stain and he would call me to ask me to check the mirror at 12 at night and damn! I t was really spooky. Anyhow, I decided that I am going to make my room a desirable place to live. And if my friends would drop by, I want them to go “Aaaww..” not “Eeewww…”

So, I’ve put pages and pages of vogue to cover the blotches on the mirror and the toilet bowl is saved by soap bubble (haha). Yeah, yeah I have been playing cat and mouse with my landlords for 4 years, if they know how to find the tiniest stain, I know how to hide them perfectly. Well, in the end because there are too many Vogue supermodels on my mirror and too many paintings to add charms to the old school, the bathroom does not look “Breakfast at tiffany” anymore, it’s more like, Carrie Bradshaw, in her 20s at least (haha!) But I’m loving it. I’ve spent hours in it last night doing my nails and reading Harper bazaar while listening to Justin T.

Notes :
To popoi, Pricewater House Coopers huh!?!? That’s worth a celebration, gurl! Congratulations poi.. You do really deserve the best..

To Microsoft, thank you for the blubbery cheesecake and flowers. it's not like i'm moving house, "the house" but thank you so much. love it. love it. love it.

saturday book review

2007-03-10T00:05:00.000-08:00

first of all, to my defence, i did not purchase these books on my own.

I'm too embarassed to go to book stores and purchase "dating-help" kinda books

so, a good friend gives me the first one last night and i ended up reading it 2 hours straight up this morning, and the second one, i asked a friend to buy it for me, after i read its review on New York Times' online review

Both of them are:

excellent reading..

very funny

very entertaining

very educative <-- is there such a word "educative" --> aniway you got my point!

They are good.

i give them 4 stars!!

for better and worse, til mastercard do us part

2007-03-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

she was calling me in the middle of the night, half drunk

"you know 5 years ago, when we first started dating, we were madly in love with each other. I really wanted to marry him and he always said, "ngapain married buru2. aku mo kasih kamu makan apa? makan cinta?" and you know what after being married to him for almost a year now. after we hav everything now, aku dikasi makan segala macem kecuali cinta. "

"beneran aku gak bohong, kalo boleh jujur mendingan aku makan warteg but i know kalo aku beneran disayang sama suami aku"
well my dear, mungkin kita masih terlalu muda untuk mengerti the huge mystery behind the so sacred married life. you've only been married for a year and everyone said that the first years of marriage is the hardest to endure. So hang in there, girl. Jangan ahh milih warteg dibanding cinta. My good friend, the wise ibu pangdam of palembang (currently) taught me that "semua laki sama ajah, lin. yang kaya yang miskin, yang ganteng yang jelek, semua juga baji***n. makanya, kalo udah tau bakalan sama aja menderita, mendingan menderita diatas mercy daripada diatas bajay. "

yah, if you ask me of course aku gak tau mo bilang apaan, my ring finger is still free kok at the moment. Biarpun gw tidak meng-amin-kan petuahnya ibu pangdam, i wud not forget those words til the day i walk down the aisle and proclaim my wedding vows.

my mum said this to me once upon a time, long2 time ago when i was stil hijau muda banget " ujian duit tuh kaya gini lin, kalo cewe, liatin ajah kalo cowonya gak punya uang dia masih mau gak stay sama cowonya. Kalo cowo, liatin ajah kalo dia udah punya uang, mau gak dia tetep stay sama cewenya", then being a very hijau naive person at that time i said " kenapa harus uang yang jadi tolak ukurnya? bukannya masih banyak pertimbangan yang laen yang bikin orang stay and go?"

Then this guy whom i met last saturday just said this to me di menit ke 55 pertandingan MU melawan Liverpool, "Gua sih mo serius career ajah dulu. Kalo gua udah sukses, banyak duit, masa cewe2 gak mau sama gua sih?" and gua again dengan ngasalnya ngomong "Yah ada millions of guys di jakarta alone yang kaya gitu ko (sucessful, good looking and have plenty of money), kenapa cw2 harus milih kamu?" tapi emang kok slogannya mastercard itu udah paling CHUN beak!! "There are something that money cant buy, but at the end of the day a platinum mastercard wont hurt you either"

aduh, hari gini yaa.. udah natural disaster jadi makanan harian, pesawat jatuh tiap minggu (btw, kalo garuda ajah bisa jatoh, what's the odds of the other pesawat kecil2 bakalan doing fine? ) kapan sii orang2 bakalan bertobat? kenapa yang jadi issue urusan duit lagi, duit lagi? Apa susahnya sih buat sayang sama istri sendiri, dulu ajah bisa cinta kan makanya bisa sampe married, kenapa sekarang udah sukses the love jadi turns sour? Kasian dong istrinya udah cakep banget, baek banget, pengertian banget, masii aja di taking for granted.

Aneh ah, the way the whole thing operates is just plain crazy, almost all of my male friends say that "gua mah gak cari yang cewe yang gimana2 lah lin, asal orangnya bae and sayang sama gua". Lah terus udah dapet yang bae, cantik pula, pinter pula, pengertian, perhatian segala macem, akhirnya putus juga. gara2 nyeleweng sama the party gurl type, a heartbreaker pula. ckckck. Yang lebih parah, udah punya yang baik dan cantik as a wife at home, masih ajah berkeliaran maen2 sama yang aneh2. loh maunya apa si?

A frustated girlfriend then just asked me, "kalo gitu gua mendingan jadi yang aneh2 ajah yah? biar lebi disayang gitu?" loh kalo gitu entar kamu gak jadi istrinya dong, jadi simpenan doang. Udah yuk, kita pergi ke gereja ajah tiap minggu, biar gak mikir yang aneh2. makin lama tinggal di indo memang bikin otak yang tadinya lumayan cerah jadi mengkerut gara2 dipengaruhi sinetron putri, wulan, intan, anggun dan teman2nya. mendingan kita beli DVD friends sama Will and Grace aja yuk!!

anihow, my dear, all that i know is that a marriage is forever. There are many and different phases that you and him will go through together. A year of "not feeling disayang" does not define your happiness, right? Love grows but the growth takes time. a happy marriage is not built in a year. And a strong, kind hearted, courageous woman like you are, will get the last laugh eventually.
Again, these are the words of my mum who has successfuly tamed 3 most selfish, arrogant, licik, stubborn people on the face of the earth (my dad, my brother and me) over the period of 25 years, "kebahagiaan itu terbuat dari many many tears, many many sacrifices, many many forgiveness, and countless prayers" She told me that once i have a family on my own i will understand that. and yes, if anyone ask my mum today, she never doubts for a day that she is truly, madly and deeply loved by these 3 people.

it's a power issue

2007-03-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

carrie bradshaw once said that when she first moved to NYC, she rather starved on the expense of purchasing VOGUE just because it is more satisfying than dinner. Well, that statement is proven to be very true indeed. Anyhow, first night at my new house i spent 3 hours indulging in the 630 pages thick of the latest US VOGUE. (btw, so sad.. kangenn rumah lama.. gak ada "mamih angkat" yang sms-in gw kalo belon pulang.. no late nite chit chat over coffee in the kitchen bar.. no grocerries shopping di carrefour every wiken wif the whole family.. )

But i'm lovin my new studio room as well.. i purchased too many loft design and Elle decor to get an inspiration on how i wud like to design my room. i've walked around kemang the other evening, i dragged the office architect and designer to come along with me. I need their professional eyes, and bargaining skills to help me picking out bits and pieces that i wud love to put in my room. Flower choice would definetely be peonies, tulips and lilies.

Anyway, back to Vogue: The cover of this issue proclaims that it's a power issue. Therefore it contains many many interview with women whom they considered to be powerful in their fields. I love love love reading biographies and profile stories from a fashion magazines. You know, business journals only tell you someone's stats and achievements. but Vogue is telling you whether the ladies are wearing calvin kelin or Dolce and Gabanna to the office, plus they are doing excellent photograph as well. Some of the ladies are Nancy Pelosi, the Golden Globe winning actress, the lovely miss Hudson, and the super stunning ivanka Trump.

See, i think Paris Hilton shud learn from her on how to use that body part that she might never know that it exists: the brain. Ivanka is as gorgeous as Paris in appearance, she's a successful model and currently is a VP at Trump organisation as well. But she does not send daddy for heart attack surgery for embarrassing headlines just like paris does. The lady is a Trump, not a Trash.

and Silda Walls Spitzer, the wife of NYC governor, is just truly an inspiration. What's not to love about a lady who went to Harvard Law School and worked for Chase manhattan bank, but choose to leave them all to become a fulltime wife and mum. When asked whether she might consider to pursue politics later like the Clintons, she said, it's enough to have one politician at home. Then again the interviewer asked tricky question, why it has to be the woman who makes the sacrifice? She shoots the interviewer back by saying "you tell me"

Lately, i've just discovered that Power is not something that is justified by the college that we went to, the corporation that we work for, not by who we know and how many power lunch do we attend, not by the headlines that we make, but it is found in your happiness and contentment.

So, what constitutes your happiness and contentment?

jennifer hudson said that she grows up with a value that her grandmother had planted in her which says "If you dont have a family, a home and a church, that you have nothing"

highlights of the weekend

2007-03-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

1. kalah taruhan sama arief. (emang step parentnya barack obama yang orang indo nyokapnya ato bokapnya si? bokapnya kan?? belon terbukti gw kalah, tp diah udah menuntut "you gotta give my friend a chance. next week, coffee after church.. yah bukan suru loe pacaran ma dia.. buka hati ajah lah lin haha0" oalaahhh gw yakin loh padahal sejuta sebelas ribu persen kalo gw bener!! HUH!!)

2.lontong cap gomeh.. ya yaa.. sin ciah is officially over.. remarked by eating so many many opor ayam, porkk!! (yes!! ai laikkee...) and chocolate (sigh)

3. nonton MU vs Liverpool di MU bar.. was being so nervous while talking one on one with B.Y that i said the dumbest things on the face of the earth. Damn! "saya sekolah di bandung juga, 2 taun. di jalan merdeka. tau dong dimana" and i'm like.. "engga.. ga pernah denger"... "tinggal di bandung tapi ga tau jalan merdeka dimana?!" .. dumb and dumber!! "kamu pegang yang mana.. MU ato liverpool?" and i went "gak tau.. sama ajah. gak ngikutin bola si!" even dumber!sigh... that's it! i'm so doomed to embarrasment.. arief was goin "adu lin..B ajah lagi.. anak presiden juga manusia!!" ahhaahhaha iyahhh tapi gw deg2an gimanaaa dong..

4. walking around JCC to get into the building for 30 minutes on heels.. and diusir security!! OMG as if i dun get enuf embarassment for the week!!

5. makan di samudra sukiihh after sunday service in IFGF.. jamur mentah bau hiyy!! *diky how cud u say it taste alrite?* but the dessert is perfection.. yumm..

6. tidur siang 3 jam.. digigit nyamuk and kedinginan (yess.. kedinginan di jkt.. ) luvin, luvin, luvin the angrean's new residence.. the best dining room i've ever seen in Indonesia.. love the painting, the pantry and the toshiba flat screen. ahhh and the kitchen bar is perfect for late night chit-chat. me and kuh-Cing ended up spending the whole night (4 hours) drinkin herbal tea, eating sugar crackers and talking non stop.

gak tau deh mo ngomong apa..

2007-03-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

this morning, 08:00 a.m.

"lin, gw nganggur di kantor.. jadi baca2in blog loe.. uedann! banyak amat gbtanya yakk.. menggila bokk!! bad break-up reaction huh?" (0813994XXXXX)

i swear i answer tis honestly.. and i got the honest truth!

2007-03-01T20:05:00.000-08:00

Your Ex is Narcissistic

Your ex thinks they're the most important person in the world and couldn't care less about anyone else.
Your ex definitely has a god complex.
People with narcissistic personality disorder want total power, lack empathy, and are very arrogant.
Sound at all familiar?

What's Wrong With Your Ex?

psychology dissertation

2007-02-27T22:50:00.000-08:00

At last, found a theory that I’d say could beat Florence Liteuraneur 4 temperaments’ theory! The Alpha Male Syndrome, written by Kate Ludeman and Eddie Erlandson , is an excellent book that unveil the phenomenon of turf wars at work and in life.

Yes, I’m guilty of reading too many personality theories and over analyzing them until I don’t know which theory is the absolute truth. Sometimes it is good not to be carried away by your curiosity that wants to know more and more, because too much information would only create clusters. Having selective memories do really help your brain not to overwork. Therefore, after years of conductive study on human behavior, I decided to stick with the most practical theory when it comes personality observation, the 4 temperaments theory: the choleric, melancholy, sanguine and phlegmatic theory. The zodiac sign, astrology, blood type, genetic analogy, type A-B-C personalities theories are well, let’s be honest, interesting to know but not very practical and accurate. I’ve known too many people who are born on the exact date of birth but very different in terms of characters. Yes we know that genetic codes do play a significant role in determining one’s primary character, but those impacts are nothing in comparison to the impact made by circumstances over the years. So I’ll say that if one would trust zodiac sign and astrology explanations on human behavior observation, well, they are just invalid.

However, this theory concluded by Ludeman and Erlandson is very truthful and applicable. The alpha male syndrome actually is sort of explaining the strength and weaknesses of a type A personality person, specifically in the work place. The first chapter of the book is very general and boring. Yes we all know that a type A personality person is a high achiever, one that will do whatever it takes to excel to the top, is stubborn, explosive, impatient and bla bla bla. I’m like okay I’ve known a type A person front and back, side to side, half up and half down, this book is such a waste of money. I’ve put it down in my office desk for 3 days, but this Wednesday morning is so damn boring that I have nothing better to do, so I picked up the book and started to read, and Damn the book is worth much more that the pennies that I’ve paid for.

I’ve never read any book that could tell me the explanations behind a double personality, how to embrace them, how to confront the double personality and how to stop the antagonist side from appearing, how to decode a type A personality person who wears mask when dealing with you and brings out their vulnerable side. I’m like, “This is great stuff!”

See, I’ve discovered that all Type A personalities that I’ve known in real life, do have more than one personality. I know that for a fact. Anyone who is smart enough and strong enough in character wise and successful enough in their lives could put on different personalities for different occasions. And they could play those different characters flawlessly. Some people are aware of the fact of their multiple personalities; the others just do it unconsciously. The multiple personalities just take turn to show up naturally when they are needed.

These multiple personalities are developed over the years, not genetic but because of circumstance, and formed as one proceed in the stages of life. The alpha male syndrome states 3 personas that a type A person do possesses, namely the heroes, the villain and the victim. When the person is performing at his best, he becomes the heroes, when his territory is vandalized he turns into the villain, and when he felt mistreated (mostly because of his own fault) he puts on the victim mask. The characters of every persona is totally different, take a note that we are talking about one same person here.

IT is true that a type B and type C person would not excel as high as a type A person, since history and headline news prove that most leaders, most winners and most high achievers are a type A person, but the irony is also true that type B person does not stress out as much as a Type A person, does not break down, worry, feel anxious, or to the horror of all type A person, would suffer the risk of failing or defeated or injured as badly as a Type A.

A type A person might have the capability of soaring high to reach the corporate top, but with huge asset comes huge liabilities as well. Their liability comes in the emotional department. It’s emotional breakdown for women and blow-up for men. I’ve been blessed to have too many type A people in my life, my dad, my brother, my best friends, and my ex-boyfriends, who have not only inspired, but motivated, encouraged and have become a role model that brings out the very best in me. However, I cannot help but wonder how could such a shinning star, when they are at their worst, could turn into a totally different person. They could turn into their total opposite. A confident person could become so insecure and anxious. A wise and careful person could become so impulsive and making a totally stupid decision. A smart and successful person could harm and destruct oneself in a way that even a normal person would not dare to do.

Ludeman and Erlandson suggest a cure to the Alpha Male Syndrome that I would say to be very helpful. Identify the villain in you and talk to him. Okay, this stuff has nothing to do with horror movies or ilmu jiwa. This is psychology 301: dissertation. This method is very accommodating to differentiate and separate the three characters in you, yes I’m addressing this to all the confused type A person who must have for once at least wondered “who is the real me?”, “How could I do or say such thing? That is so not me.” Because if one person keeps changing masks and different personas, one will start to lose his or her true identity and would not be able to recognize oneself anymore. In other words, the multiple personalities would take control over him or her. Therefore, after you identify the antagonist and weak personalities, it will be easier to control them, after all you cannot kill the antagonist and the fragile sides of you.

The authors suggest that we ask question such as, “Since when does my antagonist influences me? In what situation does it usually appear? What impact has it caused? How could I self destruct in a very stressful situation?” all that kinda stuff. Well, that’s what I did for 2 hours in the office this morning. At it has been an enlightening experience in a self-seeking way haha. Alrightee, hopefully you find a pencarahan too.

the bachelorette : episode 1

2007-02-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

Two weeks since they first have been introduced, Microsoft called and asked her out. She did not pick up, of course, because she did not save his mobile number (on purpose. So that when she sits at home on saturday night, she would not be tempted to call him first, and loses ground.) Rule number one: never call first. Rule number two: never pick up anonymous numbers. (dont ask why and just do it. Trust me!) Wait until the caller sms you to tell who she or he is.

Therefore, when the anon number identify himself to be microsoft, she jumped out of her office chair in excitement. "Damn you!!", she screamed inside her head. She accepted the offer for an afternoon coffee on Sunday. She has always loved a school smart, another point scored when the school smart turns out to be a book lover. When he took her out on Sunday, the book store was their chosen destination before settling down for a cup of cappucinno.

After a brief 30 minutes of wondering around the book store, he picked up a couple of good books from the business and IT session. She picked up a harper bazaar for herself. She, accidentally, looked at the price label of the glossiest book out of his stacks, and her eyes widened. "700 thousand for a book, and he picked up 5 books that would cost probably similar to that one. Damn! i love books but rather spend those amount of money on shoes, or BEBE. The man surely loves to read" So she asked him, "Banyak banget belinya. emang berapa lama ngabisinya?" Then he said "Iya hobby sih. kamu juga kan? Di friendsternya ajah bilang a good book worth more than tiffany's.Enak banget yang jadi pacar kamu, entar ngelamarnya gak usah pake diamond. pake buku aja"

of course he knows that she does not mean that phrase literally, or wait, do you think that if someone says so, you think she would mean she prefers books over diamond literally? ARGH she is so going to edit that phrase before someone would get down of his knees before her and presents her with a john maxwell while asking her to marry him. That would be horrific! Anyway this is a not to all the men out there, just in case the girl you are chasing likes to play with metaphors like her, no matter how low-profile, or intellectual, or insane or even nerdy a girl is, she would not choose book over diamond. Never. til the day when Jesus comes back. Never.

But, just to save her face in front of her super cute and super smart and super nice date of the day, and not letting her ego be thrown in her face, she walked to the corporate aisle and picked up a glossy book which review she had read in Times magazines ages ago (good choice equals good taste equals good conversation topic for their coffee session), which would also cause her to not being able to purchase the TOPSHOP tee that she had been wanting to purchase since last month. NOTE to readers: she's only a normal girl, so she is allowed to be shallow occasionally.

At the end of the day, Microsoft and the bachelorette do have a great time talking about business, books and life over a cup of capuccino and a stawberry cheesecake. They might see each other again for another book shopping, but until then, the bachelorette learnt her lesson. Rule number 3: when caught in a life and death situation, choose life. (whatever it takes, just hang on to your dear life) By the way, the book that she picks up: The alpha male. Turns out to be an execellent reading. It is worth sacrificing a TOPSHOP tee, literally.

saturday morning

2007-02-23T19:33:00.000-08:00

It's a cloudy morning, with a little raining here on the street of kemang raya, everyone behind me, behind my office desk and computer, have got a little grumpy because of well, you know, work thing. Late delivery, delayed payment, defect in delivered items, bla bla bla. Yah, yah memang kenyataanya orang kerja kaya begitu yah, every new day, every new problem, and this little junior asscociate director has got nothing better to do but to catch up with her morning reading and writing. yahh mo diapain lagi yah? namanya juga kesalahan orang produksi, mo kita ngomel2 seharian juga, wont help to fix the problem.

Anyway, i'm still hooked up on reading biographies. I'm so hooked up in reading pages and pages of articles and stories on the richest man in China: the great Li Ka Shing. He is the first asian that i googled, haha. As much as i love to study the american business tycoon and European artists, i have to go back to heritage, right! Shame on me, i never heard of the name Li Ka Shing until the arrogant Sherlock laughed at me last night, and said "you read warren buffet, trump and all that, but dont know what makes Li Ka Shing so bloody rich, and you call yourself a chinese?"

Iya deh, i admit that the only chinese stories that i am profound of is the history of 3 kingdoms that i read from Legenda Naga (yeah, that does not count) So, i spare my morning to learn about this tycoon and well may be later i'll read on Sun Tzu as well. So apart from the fact that this person's net asset is $22 billion US (forbes 2007), i've researched sum interesting stories on him.

First of all the guy owns Hutchison Whampoa Ltd. (that means, i've worked for the billionaire once. i'm so gonna get back on Sherlock and tell him this!), the license to operate legal casino in Macau, Cheung Kong Holdings, was once a chairman of HSBC and he was invited by Deng Xiaoping to become a member of the board of directors of the China International Trust and Investment Corporation (CITIC) It is China's largest conglomerate and is 42 percent owned by the government of China. Its

function is to serve as the chief investment arm of China's central government and holds ministry status on the Chinese State Council.

Okay, enough of the impressive-slash-boring-facts. Some notable, good enough for entertainment facts on him are his personal stories of course. He has two multibillionaire heir, the youngest one, richard li, is ranked 32nd on the list of the richest men in China, is 40 years old and still single. So ladies, any of you interested in marrying the son of the richest person in china, grab your passport and fly to Hong Kong immediately. the oldest son, Victor Li, was once being kidnapped by the gangster Cheung Chi Keung in 1996. He asked for a ransom of $1 billion. That's a huge amount of money in '96. Though he got the ransom money, the guy should not messing around with the guy who practically owns China, because later on he was arrested and executed in Guang Zhao.

I was intrigued by a statement in the China Business Newspaper in regards to Li's wife. It states "Although she was the wife of Hong Kong's richest man, little is known of her other than that she died of natural causes in the 1980" Gossip tabloid at that time says that the cause of the death is not natural cause but suicide. Being a curious person that i am, i google the net wanting to read all of those gossips column. To my surprise, i found 0 (zero result). I put her name on the search engine and nothing significant appears. All that i could find is just a statement with similar tone to the quote that i put above. ANd i'm like, this is the world of freeflowing information even when i put a name of a nobody, like B or C list celebrity, pages and pages of stories would come up before me. Just look at the black Dahlia, even hollywood is doing a big screen her. But when it comes to the wife of the most powerfull businessman in Asia, NADAH! Eventhough, just very recently, her tomb had been vandalised by some people who hoped to find burried treasure there. Her husband did nothing buy saying that those vandalisers will have bad karma for the rest of their lives. (what?)

Some thinking then come across my mind, is it really that her husband tries to cover up everything, afterall he could hunt down a gangster and put him to the grave, what's the big deal in shutting up the media? Piece of cake. Or that is the way of life that any traditional wife of a business mogul in China has to endure? To really become a person di belakang layar, in this case, jauuuuuhhh di belakang, di ujung layar. Yiahh.. gw nulis posting ini jadi rada takut juga.. jangan2 entar tau2 ada mafia dari Hongkong nyariin gw untuk meng-edit tulisan ini. Hiiyy!! ya udah ahh.. enuf talking of Li kha sing.

Backk to my weekend.. where will we be having dinner tonight, dear? i reckon some places with a good red and chicken. Yes, i'm crossing the rule of matching red with white meat. They do go well together. There is no harm is matchmaking outside the box right? I'm so enjoying my chicken before all of them are dibantai for healthy reasons by the government. ciaoo..

politics talk

2007-02-23T19:00:00.000-08:00

poor adam air!! out of all maskapai penerbangan indonesia (yang rasanya sih sama2 gak becusnya) why it must be them yang terus2an ketimpa musibah? Baru juga pemberitaan on the missing plane cools off, now comes another disaster on the damaged wings of the boeing 737-300. That's really what you call a misfortune! Most of my friends (who must have owned 9 lives) told me that they're so flying with adam air, for the low cost, because when you think about it, who can be that unfortunate to have a repeated accident twice in a row, in a very short period of time. The management must have done a very close inspection to make up for the bad publicity that they suffered. Well, you just guessed that right! They just scored another newspaper headline again 2 days ago.

after living in indo for 2 years, I started to have a deeper awareness on what is going on around me. You know, just like when u entered uni. during the 1st yr, you just tagged along and do what everyone told you to do. Your mind is not supposed to be used for thinking purpose, only taking in everything, all information that is presented before your eyes. But as soon as you enter the second year, you started to develop your own idea on how to do stuff. Like back in uni, I never know that you can come and see your tutor in private, to negotiate on assignment deadline. I worked my arse off and could barely score distinction. But you learnt the tricks and treats as you go along.

Anyway, i've learnt my part on how to see things in Indonesian society after i became an idealist for over a year. I opened my eyes and learnt many2 things as i go along. First, i've learnt that there is no such thing as a "too good to be true" offer in indonesia. I've just realised that everyone is sugar-coating their initial speech to make you accepting the deal that they offer. But even until everything is written in black and stamped with materai Rp.6000,00. Things could change in a way that you would never imagine. Too many politics, manipulation and lies that hide in every corner of the room

Every single guddamed decision that we've made here in the never-never-land is a political decision. Even every human person who breathe the Indonesian air, especially jakarta so polluted air, whom you've met everyday is a politician, running their personal and individual party. They are campaigning the airy-fairy promises, all of those marvellous things that they are going to give you, but as soon as they got your vote, janji hanya tinggalah janji. And i'm like, MAN! What about world peace?

Unfortunately, we are not running for Miss Universe's pagent where all we care about is world peace. In this world that we are living in, we have to fight for our own survival. The strong will eat the weak one alive. So, it's either you kill or be killed. Scary thought, huh? But hey, if you dare to dream big, if you want to enjoy the corner office, the director seat, the warm coffee delivered to you every morning, you gotta earn them, even if it's by the hardway. And yep, i have chosen to put my eggs in the high risk investment, i gotta join the election campaign and running for presidency, well in my office at least.

Scary thing about Indonesian politics, it is not only taking place in your cubicle, it is at home when you are trying to pass a referendum to the jam malem regulations, it is in your relationship when you are trying to compensate on what you and your partner can and cannot do, it's in your life for gucci sake. When it comes to politic wars, I reckon the hardest one that you have to fight is relationship politics. Especially, when you have chosen a “queen of England” or “USA president” kinda person to become your counterpart. You, know the kind of person whom are so smart that they believe that whatever that they’ll decide must have been the best decision for the nation, and so confident that they believe that they rule over the universe. okay2 enuf talking on relationship bitchin'.

Speaking of USA president, i reckon the upcoming election is so going to be huge. Barrack obama is suddenly coming to the surface out of nowhere. I've never heard of him before, but in a blink of an eye, suddenly every newspaper column (kompas) every business journal (forbes) , and every lifestyle magazine (yes OPRAH's magazine and harper bazaar) put on his face and profile and comments everywhere. Yeah, yeah cant help liking him as well, afterall his step father is an Indonesian, and Oprah and George clooney love him too. Forbes magazine just stated that Oprah has said that she will do anything in her power, she's the richest woman in the states and the most popular TV host in the world, to make him the president. Now talking about some competition for mrs clinton huh?

as for me, his speech below is the fundamental reason why he has my vote,

"It was because of these newfound understandings–that religious commitment did not require me to suspend critical thinking, disengage from the battle for economic and social justice, or otherwise retreat from the world that I knew and loved–that I was finally able to walk down the aisle of Trinity United Church of Christ one day and be baptized. It came about as a choice and not an epiphany; the questions I had did not magically disappear. But kneeling beneath that cross on the South Side of Chicago, I felt God's spirit beckoning me. I submitted myself to His will, and dedicated myself to discovering His truth"

lagi..lagii deehh...

2007-02-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

so, i settle down in front of the computer, with a glass of water (haha! yes that's new. i'm reducing the caffeine intake, for as long as only God knows when, to improve my health) I think dunia ini memang sudah edan! Scorpio goes to church every sunday and Corleone is turning into a Gym freak. And their ex-girlfriend, moi, has not been to church since Christmas and never exercised, but keep binging on chocolate brownies. AH! and corleone keep quoting bible verses (thou his knowledge is very limited) when talking to me. I have officially become the bandel gurl who needs dikasi kuliah padat.

Afterall has been said and done, i've got into thinking about relationship again. I was talking to my dear salsa on the fone for an hour, during office hours, about relationship 100 (yes, we're back to the basics since she's stil 18). We're talking about "the package" of a potential boyfriend. She said, "cie caroline enak yah, pacarnya cakep2, keren2, smart, romantis lagi. Uda deh, tinggal merem ajah milih salah satu"

Her comment is absolutely right, except that they are in the wrong order. Harusnya: milih ajah salah satu terus tinggal merem. Well, what do you think the catch of having a so called perfect boyfriend anyway? Sebagai perempuan, yang memang sudah kodratnya untuk mengalah, we all have agreed that the more perfect a man is, the bigger the sacrifice that we have to make to retain them. My last exboyfriend, whom i will name moscato starting from now on, said "yah kalo semua yang keren terlalu perfect (baik), kasian kita yang biasa2 aja dong. gak kebagian apa2" Sudah pasti semua high quality bachelors itu banyak maunya, afterall that's what make them irresistable right? They know how to play their cards.

"Yah mau sampe kapan putting your heart on russian roullete, dear? Dating a romeo sih sama ajah kaya nanem bom waktu. Tinggal tunggu kapan waktunya hati kamu bakal meledak lagi." Begitulah nasehat temen2 saya after everytime i break up with 'em. I kept trying to prove them wrong, but over and over again, they're the one who prove me wrong. I tried to have a relationship with a decent guy whom in the end we are not connected emotionally, i tried to have a relationship with a bachelor who confessed that "dia sudah bertobat" and wanted a serious relationship, but after one year of trying to be a good boyfriend, his inner "buaya" minta dikasi makan.

Very true indeed, that we are all greedy human beings who want the perfect person with the perfect personality, and having the perfect relationship. Kalaupun ada orang yang perfect dan personality yang luar biasa mantap, pasti relationshipnya gak perfect karena kurang seru. Corleone has always treated me good, giving me his 100% trust, allows me to do anything that i want, taking me to romantic dinner everynow and then, and for some occassion he gives me red roses. But then, because everything seems to good to be true, i have always suspect that there must be something hidden under the rugs. But he has always said the right thing and that makes me to go insane. There never been jealosy, anger, tuntutan ini itu, the relationship becomes well, not very stimulating. It's very "carrie and aidan"

So bottom line, i tell my dear salsa, yah sudahlah, memang lebih enak menjomblo sajah. Lebih bagus buat kesehatan. Jablay itu lebih sehat daripada makan hati. Yah, se-engganya until we find out what we really want, has becoming a more stable and realistic person. Because it takes 2 mature people to tango until the curtain calls. To my defence for all of those who said that i cannot keep a relationship, well, i am admitting to that fact. Mungkin memang saya yang salah. Saya yang kurang bisa mengalah, kurang sabar and dont know how to be a good girlfriend. But i am a very good friend. In fact, i'm still having a relationship with my exes, a platonic one, that is. It's better than having 7 years relationship then never to speak to each other again. jadi, final note to my ex-slash-good-friends: we're good now, huh?

bringing sexy back

2007-02-20T22:12:00.000-08:00

finally, i touched the lowest down and ready to get up.

Well, i've said this countless times before, the fact that when you get smacked down really hard in life, i say the best policy is not to pretend that you are okay, dont calm down yourself too fast and not giving time and space for yourself to break down and cry. Breaking down and let yourself to go under is too important for long term benefit.

If we pretend that we're okay, we are just menimbun bitterness and unresolved problem that later on would cause us bigger problem. So i would say, it is okay live in a mess for a while to embrace and accept the fact that life has been shittin' us badly.

Go on, break yourself down until you cannot go any lower anymore. Because when we've touched the bottom end, the only way afterwards, is up.

So, I discover that i have reached the bottom end last night, when having a tall latte with scorpio. The ex boyfriend whom i have olweis thought to be the most bandel of the most bandel people i know. He told me how "bandel" i am now. A hundred people can tell me that i am bandel and it would mean nothing, but when the king of bandel actually thinks that i am bandel.. damn! i must have screwed up big tymes.

Therefore, i went home that night and i said to myself, this is it! i wont harm myself and cause anymore damage to myself. Of course scorpio likes the bandel version of me much more than the terlalu lempeng version. But i make up my mind last night, that's is! the pity party is officially over, this gurlfriend is climbing her way back to the top.

Funny when you sink down to the bottom of the pool, you kinda fell asleep for a while, because you turned into a person you dont even recognise, you turned into someone you dont want to be, you become what the circumstances what you to become, you lost all the principles, the values and the characters that you hold so high previously. So, when i got the wake up call, eventually, i'm like: goodness me, i've been waaaayyss off track. But yea, there is no such thing as being too late to turn back. AFterall, what you are at your lowest point does not define who you are, and big gurls always wake up does not matter how deep she had fallen, rite :)

To my dearest scorpio: i know, you just have to bear with the boring version of me.. no more "gila-gilaaan" 24/7, babe! I'm staying at home, reading john maxwell and working on my work project. I'll see you di gereja jam 9 pagi.

and being a good gurl next door,
who knows what she believes in,
and knows where she is going,
knows what's her worth,
knows who she is and content with that
now that's what i call
sexy

fat, broke, and love affairs

2007-02-12T00:40:00.000-08:00

back to blogging, finally, thanks to boredom attack at 15:41. Yes, i hav 2 hours to kill before i can leave the office and hit f'jl for monday afternoon cardio exercise. Those cardio exercise are really an order, in my defence, since i have not been exercising at all in the past 2 months. I am starting to hate the mirror and my newly purchased size 26 jeans Okay, so me friends (all of them) who have been forcing me to put on sum weights, congratulations! jakarta is really a place to rehab all of those nicole richie look alike. I've put on 4 pounds in less than a month. thanks to those huge banjir that caused me to be trapped at home for 5 days: nothing to do except eating, watching DVDs and sleep. Wooho! in 5 days all of my skinny jeans are feelin toooittt, mate! Yes, i dont fit into size 26 anymore..

Moreover, i got to confess to the sin of overspending, well, to put it in the exact words, i've used my credit card to the limit in less than 30 days, God forgive me. That's why i'm in desperate needs to go back to bandung for sin-ciah this weekend. I need suntikan dana to pay the bills. Again, in my defence, i would bet my gucci purse on this: that any sane, vogue-devotee, fashion TV lover, and Kate Moss worshipper gurl would not be able to resist tempation of not falling into the cardinal sin of overspending if she has to pass through a line of boutiques everyday, twice a day that is: on the way to and from work!. If there is anyone who could put her eyes straight on the road, i want the name of her theraphist.

anyhow, people are asking why i ended up taking this option eventhough the other options offer me bigger pays, My dear san2, who has been my bestfriend for a while, had guessed it right. "Pasti pengen dandan and pake baju a la art director yah, lin?" Iyaalaahh.. why would a 22 years old care for working in an established institution, contribute a significant value for the company, stressing over company's budgets and deadline, eventhough they pay big bucks, when she's been offered to a gallery to run and a new appartment to live. The employer had warned me that the job will be boring, that i would have nothing to do but to sit in front of my desk until potential buyers come to the front door. And i'm like, i wont be bored , i have a "project runway, devil wears prada, New-york Fashion week" production in my agenda. My long abandoned high waisted skirts, jersey dress, and peep-toe shoes are ready to breathe the kemang air. So yes, right now the wardrobe has taken the 4th week mark and the review has been fabulous so far.

Moreover,the city could not be more exciting now that all the major players are back in the game, yes, my game that is. Btw, i am allowed to talk like this. I am single. My male-reality-touchdown-best friend, mr. emosi, had said "kade siah, CLBK!" for like a hundred times by now. Well, too late, i am CLBK-ing, my friend. And.. ahh say hello to sum new contenders : the arrogant, lazy but his IQ is 140 so it's okay to be lazy, argumentative, sharp tongue, sarcastic, bae yong jun looking hunk whom i will name: sherlock. Yes finally, found someone who is qualified to be named sherlock! I was hooked after an intense 3 hours arguments on the topic of human behaviour 301 with him over dinner. He is so pedes that he almost made me cry.

And microsoft: yes a computer geek who is unbelievable smart as well. I cant believe someone so young could have his own IT company that he started from scratched, paid for his education in the states for over 5 years, and owns property in the states as well. Now that is a high quality bachelor. Plus, he is cute, has toned arms and wears diesel jeans. So cute that i talked my boss into buying a software system for our gallery from him. (okay, our gallery actually does not need a software system. But who cares? might come handy one day haha)

Apparently, i have not learnt any better after all these tymes. My brother had warned me that moving to jakarta on my own is like entering sarang penyamun, good looking, charming, intelligent- executive, sleek, heart-breaker type of penyamun that is. So, all of my single gurlfriends out there, i'll say bring your gorgeous self to sarang penyamun, where the boutiques are fine, the food are divine, the martini is a killer, and the sight seeing is totally awesome. Cheers

Let the verdicts be known

2007-01-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here are some updates from the gurl who had been interviewed countless times.

So i met the director of company A who had done a review on my performance for the past 7 days. I sat with him for not less than an hour to discuss those reviews, one by one. I mean, i had to take a photograph to show evidence of the kind of scrutiny that i had to endure to get in. See, he made notes on everything that i do for every 10 minutes.

The evaluation process was totally insane. Even listening to the reading of the results was frustating. BUT, can't complain: I got the job eventually. YAY!

That's one down, and 3 more to go..!! I felt like i'm back in uni, doing 4 intensive courses, where the schedule is too tight and you have to run from one class to another, and your brain is forced to work overtime. I mean, after i finish listening to the one hour review, i jumped in to car and went to company B straightaway to do final preparation for my review tomorrow. I'm like: where's my caffeine?!

(Question: Why is that the most established british institution in Bandung does not serve coffee, they only have teas? English breakfast and Earl Grey, thank you very much. The british are too proud. Yet i love them, i want to work for them.)

Anyway, here's the thing with company A and B. A is very american, the culture, the people, the ways they conduct business, the work ethics and all that are so american. So carefree, so direct and straight foward like "In your face, man!", so alive and so fast paced. Whereas company B, which is the british institute is very cultured, very high society, people are so proper and well manered, the way they behave towards one another is very polished. Love, love, love being surrounded by English accents, since most of the employees are european, i wish to find jude law look alike, or hugh jackman, or christian bale, never mind. haha. Choosing between A and B is tough choice already.

Wait until you see the gallery where i'd been offered a job by my bro's boss. It's too DAMN FANTASTIC!!! I fall in love with the gallery the minute i step into the front door. True, the job wont be as stimulating as it would be when i work for A and B, it would be tedious and i would be required to do many many paperworks. But, how could one resist to manage such a beautiful, classy, milan/manhattan kind of gallery??

YEs, and i'm up to interview stage phase three with company D in jakarta, and AH! company E as well.

HELP!

coming back for more

2007-01-14T05:04:00.000-08:00

so, i was back from the second part of my 1 week job interview, from jakarta that is. Because this is the first time i am doing interview for an executive job (yay!), i was surprised with the whole process that takes longer than what i expected. In the past, in all of the interview process that i had to through (i think i did 5 so far), i just went in with my CV, the employer would look at it, ask a few questions, had a little chit chat then they would tell me whether i would be accepted or not. The whole interview process have never gone longer than an hour.

Same thing when i first move to indo. I did an interview with harvard and panasia group. They just looked at the CV and the next minute i was given an employee ID. Therefore, i apply the same method when i am recruiting staff for my own company. One shot, one opportunity. Save time, save money, save energy. So, when these 4 companies that i am applying to keep sending me home and asking me back and forth, i am confused.

Alright, here's the story with the 4 companies. I was applying for a job at company A. I gave the resume and the employer did not even look at it and just said that she is going to call me if she's interested. Then i think, OK, i would not get the job. Because when i'm being the employer, that's what i said to the people i am not interested in.

So i send my CV to the next company, the competitor of company A, i'd say to myself that they are so going to regret it not even looking at my CV, i will work for their competitor!!. But then the same thing happened to company B. The people there just said that they are going to put my CV on the list and the director will contact me later.

So i thought, okay company A and B are way too established, too high standard, too international for me. 90% of their employees are native speakers and expatriates. Probably i'm still too young or too inexperienced for them. So i sent my resume to the third company, a local company that is. Yes, they have branches in surabaya and jakarta, and deal with international clients, but i think i can score this one.WELL, I cant believe my 3 times bad luck in a row. This one even did not say a basa basi for gucci sake. Just take my CV and sent me downstairs. I was like, "God did i do something wrong?" I am a good candidate for those 3 positions, at least give me a shot then reject me!"

SO i went home, disappointed and all that. I think to myself okay i'm just gonna find myself a good husband, be married and be a tante arisan. Nobody wants me to work for them! But that night at dinner, my brother told me that his boss wants me to work for him. Being highly desperate, i just said OK. Any job will do.

Miraculously, a few days after that, the three companies do call really call me and ask me to do interview with them. Scuzi moi! i'm just being a normal person here, being proud of my clumsy self, I think i would just go and do the three interviews just to prove that i can get the three jobs altogether.

Too happy too soon, because i thought when i got an interview, i have already been accepted. Interview is just a formality to talk about salary and working conditions. So i went to interview number one, for company A, where there were a board of directors, instead of one interviewer who were firing me with question after question. I was not prepared to answer them all, especially when i was also expected to answer the question in a correct format,in elaboration, in perfect english, perfect grammar, and no indonesian accents.In the end of the interview, i was like, DAMN i messed it up huge tymes! I did it badly!! Because i could see the interviewers doing "the face" when i answered the questions. They were like going "HUH??" and the "Where the HEW was that coming from??"

But thank Goodness, i met michael corleone for lunch after that bad interview at tomodachi. You all know what a girl needs in a bad day, right! a tiramisu, a straight doze of caffeine and a charming sweet talker in a suit. (HAHA! dont call me to edit this, babe!! not happening!!) But yes, being a person who has done a lot of recruitment, he gives me good interview advices over lunch. The thing is: IT is not about giving the right answer, it is all about giving the right impression. IT does not matter how bad your answer is, if the employers like you, they'll hire you.

To cut the long story short, that was exactly what i did in the next interview. I made the interviewer laughed, kept the answers precise and offer them "me" instead of "good answers". Actually the stories were much more complicated than that, because i had to do 3 stages of interview: doing written test, demo presentation, location visitation, meeting clients and all that. So much to endure for a job interview huh! It has been one week, and the four places (yes i'ms still doing 4 companies!) keep sending me home and calling me to come back for more and more interview sessions. I'm up to interview session stage 3 and we have not talked about salary yet!!!!

Honestly for me, that is the bottom line. I really want to drop my options to only one company. Doing interview after interview with 4 companies are frustating, and there's a fifth company that is offering me a job while i was doing visitation to company no:4. But none of them are telling me how much they are going to pay me. So i cant choose! So there goes my agenda for an upcoming week: more interviews

But like i've told some of my inner circles, i think i'm taking the 4th company, yes the one in kemang, jakarta. So all in all, if it goes well: Jakarta, here i come :) *Pay me a visit in the gallery, y'all!*

the sequel, page one

2007-01-12T06:07:00.000-08:00

here's the first posting this year, i have forgotten to do this blog until someone recently msg me in friendster telling me that he does like to read my blog (yes, thank chris! it was you haha. )

the blog was jammin on me somehow, so i cud not write and do posting, but that's okay, i told anyone that my mood in the last 30 days was crap. My mood in the previous 30 before that was even a bigger crap. (what the hew am i talking about? new year and worse grammar) So yeap, it's a good thing that i did not post many writings lately, otherwise pastor D will kill me when he reads them.

Anyhow, there is nothing much that i cud do regarding the crappy mood in past 2 months. Bad things happen to normal people, Very very bad things could happen and there is nothing that you can do to prevent them for happening. Yes, i've told my inner circle, whom i have met in person (international girlfriends, i'll tell you later when we meet) about the very very very very bad things that happened to me and my friends do agree that anyone who has to go through such suffering is allowed to weep and grief.

But hey, as i said in my previous posting, no matter how stormy our lives can be, if we are eager to hold on long enough, God will indeed show that HE is faithful. I am testifying to that! if there is anyone who can be so terpuruk, terpelosok, terjeblos to the deepest mess and terjepit, tertimpa the biggest rock ever at the same time, that person is me two months ago. All i am saying is, if you lost everything that you hold dear to your heart, everything that gives you security and a sense of belonging, everything that matters in terms of surviving life in this world , is taken away from you. That really is the time when your heart is tested. That is the time when your characters, your faith, and your mentality are tested.

When there is nothing left, what do you have left?

When everything that you have fought for is lost, do you still have the courage to start all over again from zero?

When what you know you have is no longer yours, how certain are you about the future?

I almost pass the line of sanity and literally going insane.
Thank God, thank God that i have JC in my life. OTherwise i would have killed myself long time ago. Yes, all of unbelievers out there, here this gurlfriend preach today! This is not an airy fairy religion thing. Knowing God is having a rope that you can grap and prevent you from drawning.

And miraculously, in the blink of an eye, i did not know how and why, but everything seems to take care of themselves. It was not as hard as i imagine. I'm through it without even realising it. and today, i am standing in a better place before the storm. I have an even better life before it was all taken away from me. Just yesterday i was sitting and thinking, being in awe of what God has done in my life.

Everything, all the bad things had to happen so that He could give a better thing for me in the end. IF The bad thing did not take place, i would not have all the good things that i am enjoying at the moment.

So yes, here's my bottom line, here's what's niu with me this year:
i am moving to jakarta
i become a director of an international company
my short term goal is to be promoted for this exec job in manhattan,
the job that charlotte york is having (aaw!)

All of you who has known me must have known that i am dying to live in new york and know what, i am on my way to make my dream come true :)

ah.. yes and i'm single.
someone has thrown me back into the game
dont blame me, it aint my choice. (haha!) i was ready to settle down!
shame on me, the antagonist side is released out of shell
now, where's that little black book of mine?

almost xmas

2006-12-20T20:39:00.000-08:00

Phew, Christmas is only a couple of days away, too exciting and too intense for me indeed. Alrite, it has been exciting because we’ve received so many cakes, so many chocolates and puddings at home. This Christmas is also the first time for me to send out chocolate cake to business partners and important clients. How huge is that? I was so touched when I stamped the card with my own company logo and put my signature on it. Not bad for a 21 years old kiddo huh?

Anyway continue, thank goodness that we live in the sms, friendster and msn era, since I am a person who is not very good with making a phone conversation (yes, my girlfriends can testify to that), but sms is a very practical way to ask your friends what to do on Christmas and New year, ah yes and to send greetings eventually. So yes, almost everyday my main conversation topic with my close friends, hang-out friends, hi-bye friends, friend of my friends, and my ex-boyfriends is “entar natalan taun baru ngapain?”

Sadly but true, I cancelled all the traveling plans at the end of this year (sigh), no Beijing, no Shanghai, no Bali, and yes Tirzah darling we need to reschedule tour the US next year (sigh again!). But I will still celebrate Christmas and New Year in style (haha) and in joyful spirit.

So far, my organizer states that I would be in Shierly and Leon’s wedding for Christmas, and Ade’s wedding for New Year. How’s that? Those two couples are celebrating their wedding on Christmas Eve and New Year. Other than that is still indecisive (gloomy)

Some Christmas messages from saint Kryptonite here:

Funny that God puts people in your life, whom are close to your heart, to go through similar kind of tribulation at the same time as you. Life is no co-incident at all. We have met and become close friends to grow together in characters and faith. There is a saying, “misery loves company” (haha). I am not saying I am throwing a self pity party here, by the way, but it’s good to know that what you have to go through is not only your shit. There are other people who are crying at night over the same problem. There are others who are battling and pressing on in regards to the same issue as you, and they are you friends, and if they could make it, so do you. That thought has given me a big relief.

So yes, to my darlings Ruth and Elizabeth: The three of us are the kind of person who thinks over every single detail and aspect of a problem. We cannot bear to stay still or to wait for a second, and we always want to do something about it. Well, I’d say that this really is the time for us to put our eyes on God and keep our hands out off it.

have seen it happening

2006-12-05T06:58:00.000-08:00

Be steadfast in prayer,

Stay just for another day longer,

Be hopeful just for another day,

Pressing on, that’s what I intend to do,

I’m not telling anybody just yet,

All they’ll do is just giving me advice I do not need to hear,

All I need is not opinions,

I need the truth,

And there is only one truth once and for all

Eventually I see the light,

It’s not the complete puzzle yet,

But I’ve seen it happening

Therefore, I’m hopeful

Therefore, I know that one day

I will make it through the storm.

On the urge of breaking down

2006-12-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

It is too ironic: Insanity is the only drug that keeps her from dying.

How could such a normal, sane, synchronized human being face thousand tribulations at once?

Betrayal

Deception

Indictment

Conviction

Deceit

Fear, Injustice, Liability

She must have been insane or probably in denial, or probably wishing that everything was just a dream, or probably her feeling is already numb.

Yes, she must metamorph into a cold blooded woman, or else a tremendous amount of pain will break her down.

Go on, call the lawyer in, bring in the persecutor, and let the verdict be known. It does not matter what ruling it will be in the end, her soul is already imprisoned. Guilty as charged,

Too many voices in her head, though it differs to those in the schizophrenia cases, that she just wanted to shut down for a while. She does not need to listen to anymore explanations or the chronologies of the incidents.

Explanations are not the answer to fear.

Suddenly everything else seems to be insignificant. Things that used to matter do not matter no more. Gone in 60 seconds her possession is. “What’s left?” she asks herself.

She foresees a thin line between sanity and insanity.

Too many tears, too many sleepless nights, too many nightmares, too many empty sights, too many starvations, too many empty minds, too many unanswered calls, too many anger and disappointments. If there is any way that she could escape, she would flee like a mad fugitive.

Quitting is not a DNA that she possesses

Then the alarm clock rings, the time indicates: 7 a.m. in the morning. Another battle to fight, another day to live, another trial to be attended, so well she takes the longest breathe, and she continues the journey.

There are certain and specific ways that every individual has to go through, there are specific and different amount of responsibilities and burden for every individual, yet different amount of grace to carry those particular burdens. Never envy those whom you think are blessed by a huge amount of grace, because that huge amount of grace might be the only thing that enables them to carry a great deal of burdens that you are not obligated to carry.

stop just there

2006-12-05T06:53:00.000-08:00

Any choleric type of person would be able to tell you that his or her life is divided into three parts: planning, doing and achieving. Yes, I’m one of those people who always have a target, a destination to go, a goal to achieve, and so far in these 21 years of my life that characteristic has helped me to excel.

I can handle challenges, overtimes and increases in the level of difficulty. There is only one thing that I cannot handle: waiting. I have admitted the fact that there is a portion that human being can do to the maximum, but there is also another portion that only God can make it happen for you. That is why I have always said you cannot have what is not meant for you and somebody else cannot take what is supposed to be yours. Sometimes, D’Oh! Not sometimes, but almost everytime I am about to pursue something, after all the 100% effort and tears and blood that I put, the expected result takes longer time to come true. Then I’ll be like “come one! God, make it happen now!”

After 21 years of forcing and talking God into doing what I want Him to do, I give up and let God be God. Just like what mr. fx said to me the other day “just chill” (de, I’m going to make it the motto of the year) I’m the one who have to adjust and fit my schedule into his. After all, He knows the best timing for every single thing upon planet earth. John Maxwell once said, everything can be perfect, but when the timing is wrong, it’s messed up. So, I’ve decided to make my waiting worth a while.

Waiting is a part of life. I’ve spent more time in waiting than in achieving. Therefore, I’ve learnt over the years to enjoy those times when we really couldn’t do anything to fix the situation other than “bersukacitalah senantiasa” and “janganlah kamu kuatir akan apapun juga”, until “Tuhan akan memunculkan kebenaranmu” takes place.

There is this one new club that I’d been trying to put my product in. I’ve called here and there, trying to see which Godfathers can help me to build the bridge for me. I’ve met the people, do some negotiations and business lunch, and that’s basically all that I can do. After that, I can only go home and pray, and let God make the owner to accept my proposal. I cannot do anything further. I cannot call them every single day or send flowers every single day to bribe them. All I can do is to wait. I’ve tried to push thing over the edge once, I call the key person every single day, be friends, have lunch, send gifts and everything. But in the end, this is Indonesian business world; a no is still a no. In many instances I have realized,

It does not matter how smart you are, how perfect your execution and skills, how many Godfathers do you have, how flawless your product is, how smooth your negotiation technique is, if you don’t have God’s favor on you: everything is doomed to fail.

And a favour is called a favour because it is given to you for free. I cannot manipulate God to favour me. It’s his choice whether He wants to give it to me or not. SO, in the meantime, while waiting for Him to open up the way, I’ll just have a good time. Do the things that I enjoy doing, while trying not to break the back account, I read and write, sit over a glass of latte while talking to friends, watch fashion TV while burning some calories in the gym, yes some manicure and pedicure as well. You know, enjoying life until my cellphone rings. Just like yesterday, after months of waiting and numbers of “di-pending dulu ajah yah, Bu Caroline”, my new client just ordered a huge amount of product. So huge that it is enough to cover my monthly target. See, life’s good. Good thing happens when you least expect it.

See, many times in life, we stress out on things that actually we could do nothing about. Those “what if” and those “what is going on right now” really do not deserve our attentions, or else we’ll be having wrinkles sooner than we ought to. As long as we have done our parts, just wait and let God be God. In the meantime, want to have coffee with me?

building briddges

2006-12-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

I’ve learnt so much about boundaries these days. (People, buy that book immediately. It is sold in the all the time best seller section in every major bookstores worldwide)

There is a difference between hurting and harming.

Going to the dentist might hurt but it will not harm you. It will do you good.

Eating candies does not hurt you but it will harm you eventually.

There are many things in life, many relationships, many decisions and actions that will hurt us for the good, or else harm us eventually.

Interesting facts. And yet, very tricky? Which one is which?

Seeing changes in people that we thought we have always known is intriguing. Could that be a fact that we do not actually know the particular person that well, or may be drastic changes do really take places. There is this one particular close friend whom used to spend every single day with me. If we are not hanging out then we’ll be talking to each other on the phone for countless hours. But then, I don’t know what happen, we just cant do that anymore. We are still the same person and we are still who we are. Nothing drastic has happened in our lives, so what is going on?

May be we are just in different places.

Funny how I can sit in front of this friend whom I have known since we were both in high school, and found out that I cannot talk about things that we used to talk about. The chemistry has changed. The level of trust, proximity and comforts have changed. All of a sudden I see the invisible boundaries that both of us have built against each other.

What do we do then?

I have always been the kind of person who wants to make friendship lasts to the end of day. Mg gurls and I made a pact that one day, we will be sitting in our garden, in our country house of course, having coffee with scone plus jam and cream, talking for hours about our grandchildren and our business empires (haha! Hey, we’ve been blessed with huge dream and vision, don’t blame our ambitions!). But it has only been 5 years, me and this particular friend, and we could not talk to each other anymore. Of course we have sat for coffee and nachos and talk for hours.

When you used to be having a heart-to-heart kind of conversation, the tears-almost-dropped, you-have-to-handle-the-truth kind of conversation with someone, then you will know if your latest conversation is just an airy fairy one.

But then again I learn, I could never lose the friendship. What we have had, we will always have. Things are not always going to be smooth, easy and all sparks up. Any normal long term relationship will always experience a sunny day (everything good), a stormy day (all fights and about) and sometimes some draughts (when everything is dull and crispy haha).

That’s why the boundaries book teaches us not only to have a few of close relationships in our lives. I’m not suggesting anyone to start an affair pretty soon, by all means it is referring to friendship kind of relationships. We should have more than 2 best-friends, more than 5 close friends and unlimited number of friends. This is for the purpose of letting our friends to become a normal human being. They can go through phases in their lives, becoming whoever they want to be, taking any necessary spaces from us temporarily and be back anytime they want to. In the meanwhile, we’ll still have the other best friends and the other close friends to lean on when we need them the most.

Nobody can go through life without the support of solid friendships. Keep that in mind.

I have a rock solid family to whom I can go home to every night for tender loving care and heart-to-heart conversations. But besides that, I also need a solid circle of trust to whom I can share my world with. Anybody who knows me well knows that I am a very open person. I don’t keep anything private about my life. But I don’t tell all my secrets to one person. A best friend knows some parts, another best friend knows another part, yes that burutss gurl, she might have known too much and that’s how I keep myself in balance.

blahblahblah in the morning

2006-11-27T19:08:00.000-08:00

it's tuesday, 9:55
it's raining, raining, ow raining.
good excuse for not working.
afterall, there is no staff meeting today, so yesh, the big boss can stay at home and relax
haha

so, i settled down with my latte,
kompas is on.
so proud of mister president
who's getting the doctoral award from japan.
viva yudhoyono!

just purchased another black item yesterday
a black mobilefone
yes, i dyed my hair jetset black, call it a long black now. haha
i manicured my nails in black french mane
i even bought a pair of black metalic shoes
it goes well with my black chloe and guess handbags
yes, black is my theme for 2007
(well, not that i'm joining the dark side)
it's classic and dramatic

speaking of black, i'm so tempted to open the little black book
mr. big is back
scorpio is hanging around the corner
and don corleone is about to turn 25 soon
yes, all the antagonist players are out.
......

rite,
the story is yet,
to be continued...

something worth knowing

2006-11-26T06:20:00.000-08:00

Indeed, there is such thing as fate and destiny. Life is predestined
Therefore I’ll say, take a chill-pill and cast your care on God.
It’s good to force a smile or laughter sometimes. Afterall, your emotions follow what your brain tells them to do. So, happy feeling is a fruit of determination.

it's good to stand in front of the mirror and say out loud "I have confidence"
freedom is being content and not wanting the life that someone else's has
fulfillment is found when you know where you belong and where you are going
There are times when you think, that you should have been in a position that someone else is in, you said "I can do it better than him or her". But the truth is, life is predestined. You cannot have what is not meant for you and someone else cannot have what is supposed to be yours

Giving up is easy. Staying in and pressing on, that what defines a solid attitude.
It is harder to be left by someone who loves us other than someone whom we love. True? Try it for yourself, you’ll see.
Okay, let me elaborate: when you have already given your 100%, then when you lose it eventually, you’ll have nothing to lose anymore. But when you have always been the receiver, you’ll lose so much when you actually lose someone who has given you everything. Why? Because everybody always regret things that have been taken for granted. So, I’m just saying: regret feels sucks. Because “later on” will always come.
FACT: you will never lose someone whom you love (because they will regret the fact that they lose you already, so they’ll stay around “just in case” they will have their second chance), but you will lose someone who has loved you much (because they will end up with someone who love them much more than you do). I’ve lived for 21 years and 10 months and I can swear for Gucci sake that this is true.

holding my breath

2006-11-19T01:58:00.000-08:00

tell me,
what do i gotta do?
because my pulse is racing fast
too hard to breathe

okay, so i just heard another "heart-breaker" story last night.
right.
remember our talk last night, girl? *you know who you are*
we want someone who loves us more than we do love him,
but aint that how it worked on the first place?
They love us so much that we trusted them
and when we finally learnt to love them back
they break our hearts.

yes yes, same old story, just different players.

we thought it's going to be different, but eventually found ourselves singing the same old song.

But, i tell you what,
It does not bring me down as it used to be,
well we are turning 22 pretty soon, huh?
we've learnt from experiences that

love
is not always what looks like on the outside
is not always what is happening at the moment
is not always what you feel or you think it is

i just know that it does not matter how many times our hearts had been stomped on, life goes on. Keep on stepping, girlfriend.

IF he aint worth it, God is not going to permit him to have you in the end.
Not good enuf for His precious daughter, huh :)

for all in all

2006-11-19T01:29:00.000-08:00

yes, a totally blessed sunday afternoon it has been. For the first time i heard Franky preached. Been listening to his music over the past 8 years, but never once seeing him delivering a sermon. He's a great preacher, i might say that. He does not try to fit into "the indonesian preacher"'s style, he's just being Franky, which is totally great. Well, but he does not wear the blonde hair and the tattoo this time, it's a total clean cut version of him.

The message, ah the message had brought me into tears. What could have caused more tears than an annointed teaching on the GRACE OF GOD.

Franky said,

Some people live in a life that is fullfiling the needs and wants of oneself
Some people live in a life that judges the life of others whom they thought they envy
Some people work so hard to prove something, to be a good person, to earn respect
and some people,
know that they are loved for who they are.
There is nothing that they could or should have been doing to receive such grace
They are living their lives for something that is bigger than life itself.

colosians 1:16 (For gucci sake, i remember the verse on top of my head)
"For everything is created by him", not finished there, "and for him"
well, that's life purpose: decoded.

why?

2006-11-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

just be careful when you pray
because HE might just anwered it rightaway,
and when all the answers are laid out before you

you get confused.

we shouldn't have crossed each other path anymore
you suppose to be my history, not my future.
now that you are back in my life
what do i gotta do with you?

you are a beautiful intruder, mister.

*kamu yang paling mengerti saya dan kamu yang mendewasakan saya. mungkinkah kamu yang terbaik buat saya?*

i dont know,
but we will find out the answer,
very soon.

that is a promise.

then again,

2006-11-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

there are always two sides of every story, right?
his and hers
so, you aint knowing nothing until you hear both of 'em.

to her,
it's all or nothing.
to her,
it's one shot, one opportunity, and no such thing as a second chance
it's a full force battle and a total withdrawal

she got nothing to lose anyway.

and well, then again
you are the one who throws the dice
dont blame me for getting back in the game
i'm raising the stake, my friend!
are you in or are you out?
you have no idea who you are messing with.

hey thee, my aphrodisiac!
it has been an extraordinary journey, you and I.
shall we continue to write our stories?
or,
shall i break you down and tear you apart?
or,
shall i be breakin down and let you to tear me apart?

i'm giving you the upper hand,
does not mean that i cannot turn the table around.
spotlight on!
it's your call.
or wait,
i'll make the first move.

just watch me.

going mift?

2006-11-15T20:53:00.000-08:00

hah, it has been a while since i last blogged. i missed blogging haha. Well, the story behind the prolonged absence was the busy schedule with me job. geez, when will work stop to exhaust and wear us off? alritee, it's approaching december, the holiday season, the parteehh season and well the weading season. (not saying that because i am a wedding crasher, btw)

congratulations for those who are throwing their receptions and engagement parteh next month.
i promise my best to attend.
anyhow, i'm still juggling between white christmas in china.. or green christmas (that's how they name it) in bali (well, it's a mini PGA for them).. shopping or sunbathing? humm... thinking and thinking..

well, christine if you are coming on board, i am pretty sure i'm chosing the bachelorette trip over bali.

hello, it's the year 2006! the bachelors can have their one wild and crazy night, and us the gurls, we'll move 10 steps foward. we demand a whole month of "i have to do this before i get married" trip abroad with our gurlfriends. (Can i have an amen in this?)

okay, i'm starting to get in tune with myself earlier this year, you know, doing the resolution and evaluation things. I think this year goes too fast that before i realised it.. damn! it's almost december already. What have i done this year? have i been productive? have i been wasting too much time doing absolutely nothing? what will i do differently next year? what's coming up next? humm... thinking and thinking..

haaa.. turning 22 next year? Scary as it could be. I remembered xenia told me long long time ago (she was 22 and i was like what?? 14? hahah) "kalo udah kepala dua, age is very sensitive, you dont want to confuse 21 and 22, or 22 and 23" serem amatt.. yah yah. just realised that time goes by in the blink of an eye. How will it feel when i am going to turn from 29-30?? arghh.. dont want to imagine. I still have 8 years and 2,5 months to make the most of my 20's. So does wiseman says that your 20's is the best times of your life. Yes i dont want to waste my 20's doing foolish things that i would regret later, i dont want to waste my time not knowing where i am going, then in my 30's i'm gonna look back and regret it that i dont go to the max when i am in my prime.

So, having said that.. and realising there are so many great options laid in front of me.. what should i do next year,yesh? yesterday, out of nowhere, suddenly having this craving, this urge, this desire to really pursue my dream job, my big excutive corporate job (yes burr.. i envy you so much you know!! you have it all , gurlfriend *wink*) anddd indo is not enuf for this dream.. argh..

when oh when?

2006-10-31T01:29:00.000-08:00

when oh when will i ever be cured from this disease? *hatchiuu... uhuk! uhuk!*

i've been treated in hospital for 2 days and thank gudness the hospital is just totally awesome, just like a 4 star hotel (hey! trying to be positive here..) They sent me food every 3 hours, the taste aint so bad indeed. Hey the good thing about being sick is that you can eat as much and you wont gain even a single pound.

I got this wristband from the hospital that stated the date when i got in. it was: 30/10/06 (00:43:26)

30th?

7 months ago, precisely at this very hour: i just said yes to a relationship proposal. (haha. sounds like a marriage proposal, yes?) and i was like "how could this hospital incident happen at the very day,at my jadian date?" At that very time being, i was kinda in a silent war with my darling. You know gurls, the moments when you feel that he is the one making the mistake and he should apologise first, but the he thinks that you are making a big deal out of something that is completely not worth fighting for.

Yes. i realised that both of us are equally arrogant, selfish, stubborn, and never want to lose and argument. (why am i always falling for that kind of guy?) Yes, those traits are appealing to me to the fact that stubborn and selfish men are always the ambitious, high achiever, independent and natural born leaders. (ehm) But yes, to the downside, when it comes to personal life, they still want to be the boss as if they're running the office. Fine, 21 years of dating the exact same breed of men at least give me some experiences on how to deal with that specific species, am i right?

How to deal with them?

The secret is to deal with yourself first.

Never expect the other person to change. none of your business. if you are not happy with the way your relationship goes, the one that you need to change is yourself. Really, it does not matter whose fault it is anyway. I've been so miserable in the past 3 days for the sake of defending my "so-called-principles". I've missed the big picture: i'm losing the trust and the joy in my relationship.

Gez, i think God has to bring me to hospital first to make me realise what matters the most.

I had so much free times while lying down on the hospital bed that i began to read joyce's best selling book. The battlefield of the mind. YES ALL OF YOU, THE DEEP-THINKER BREED. YOU ARE SO NEEDING THIS BOOK!
Only the i realised, that i was deceived by my own logics, my own understanding, that the devils had been using the weakness that i have always thought to be my strength, my brain. I thought my specialty is screwing people's brain and emotions (even the hospital psychiatrist had given up on me. I tried the basic instinct tricks on him muahaha) but hey actually, the father of lies have been messing up with my brain, that i lost the thing that matter the most,

1 corithians 13

and hey, after we realised our sins and asked for God's forgiveness, HE takes care business for me. I was ready to get the white flags out, call him first and yes actually saying sorry first. I dont want to make a big deal by telling him that i was laying on hospital bed, so that he will feel bad and he will have to be super nice to his sick gurlfren. But, i just did not know how the guy just showed up in my suite. "shouldnt you be at sukarno-hatta by now?" Well, he was. Bue he cancelled his flight and accompanied me all day in the hospital. And he ended up doing all the speech. (you know, the" i'm sorry i did this because this this and that") alritee, i think we've just ended the worst and longest silent war (the total of 3 days of total silent, and 2 days of sms only haha) in our 7months old relationship.

okay okay, let me share you some goss. I have so many friends saying that they never seen me to be happier than this. some of my closest friends know that my darling is not really exactly my type of guy. But magically saying, this is the first relationship in which i never have any serious issue, not even a single one issue, to fight about. We are talking to each other everyday, and if i am not mistaken, the more we talk, the more we will find an issue to argue about, well at least that's my personality. I love to argue about differences, about expectations, about different view in life, everything.

But so far. the only argument that we had is that : he wants me to wear earings. i dont want him to want me to wear earings. Not that i dont like to wear earings. I just dont like people to tell me what to and not to wear. Bitchy huh? haha. But yes. that's it! and he had decided to live with that. Other than that.everything is peachy keen. SO yep, if anyone asking. i'm happy. tomorrow is the first day of our 8th month.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person
1 corinthians 13:7

life's greatest secret

2006-10-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

i'm a simple girl, really. you want to entertain me? just take me to periplus. or QBworld. Leave me there for an hour. Then it's all good.

Yes, on some blurry nights i might request retail theraphies or a dry martini. But really, when i'm on my sanest state and i got my head alltogether, all i need is a good book. That will solve all mysteries.

So, after days of seeing stars and blue moon, i'm back to sanity. Ok, cying my eyeballs out wont make me feeling any better. Yes gurls, let me tell that to your face, a crying marathon wont solve your problem. Be a big girl. Get that kleneex and clean up your mess.

and yes, life's greatest secret is to get rid of me, myself and I first mentality and reduce oneself to love.

it is supposed to be hard.

2006-10-27T05:28:00.000-07:00

so it is written clearly in bold.

i wish to be naive. i wish to be ignorant.
i wish i know nothing. i wish my brain takes a holiday.
i wish i have never learnt anything
i wish i have never been in love before

then it will be easier for you and me

to have a new page together.

but having a new clean page, we couldnt

because we are not new kids on the blocks
we've played the games long enough to know the rules by heart
like a chess game, baby.
yes, like playing chess that's how i feel.

every single move is risky yet necessary
why are we playing this game, my darling?
are we both madly in love with each other?

but aint that how a great love story suppose to be?
it supposed to be full of drama, a little hint of thriller
many2 comedy and ends up in an afternoon infotainment?

love doctor

2006-10-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

dear love doctor,

i fall in love. i'm all head over heels. i'm acting crazy. i want to see tat person all the time. want to talk, phone, sms, everything. help.

answers:

Decide. whether you want to be with the person or you just want to enjoy the feeling of falling in love, the drama, the tears and joy and hope for the best? Okay if your answer is the second one, then go ahead with whatever that is that you are doing. Call the person, sms the person on every single minute, and i can guarantee that you'll have the drama and experience the pain of luhhveee..
But if you want to get the person to like you back, even to like you more than you do like the person. You gotta play your cards right, buddy!
All i'm saying is: dont be too eager. Nobody wants a desperado, or a stalker, or a private investigator. In fact, do the opposite, turn the table, be so untouchable, so admirable, so "goodness me. you're just too good to be true" that the other person would desperately wanting to be with you.
It's all good. dont rush. take your time. be there, then disappeared. be charming, then be as cold as ice. Everybody loves challenge, love mystery, both men and women. We wont appreciate something that we get to easy. BUT we always want something that we cannot have. Am i right? So, raise up thy chin, be confident and just play the field.
Okay, so love is a tricky word. You might want to act cool, but in front of the person you just cannot help but to lose yourself. Phew. That's what i am saying at first? Are you in for winning or for defeat? If you want to get the desired result, as high school teachers will say : WORK harder! see the big pictures. IF you have made a decision, the stick to it to the end. School, work and relationships are the same thing, whoever can control one's emotions and think clearly, will get the last laugh.

best regards,
love doctor

holiday fun and games

2006-10-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

season break higlights:

- shopping, shopping, shopping
- eating, eating, eating
- sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
- salon, salon, salon
- partehh..partehh..parteehh
-no work for a week

yesh, i thought i'm gonna enjoy all of those treats in my 7 days holidays, but well, after 3 days.. (only) i kinda got bored with them all.. arghh.. but nevermind, i am having fun though.

So, finally i got to indulge in the original-original glazed. For sure krspy kreme tastes better than J.co. i took away dozens and dozens of those donutss home. (yes tash, bur, san.. be jealous please kekeke!). Ahh.. my jkt trip was not so bad afterall apart from the fact that i have to accompany yunkimen doin shoe-shopping. Yes. he's the fussiest shoe person of all. worse than a woman! He took me to this same place 3 times, back and forth, trying on shoes that he had tried on for 5 times. He cannot decide which one is better (the one with square motives or the one with a hint of suede) For gucci sake, bro! from 30cmn distance, they look the same! Just choose the ones that you like. AND after those hours of choosing, he picks an entirely different one. WHAT! thank Goodness, the shoes are cool. They are totally pointy and slim. I love those shoes. He is forgiven.

And another evenening, we went cooking on mr.emosi's crib. open house (yes, too open that a theft managed to slip in. be afraid, sen! be very afraid.) i was cooking. haha. hey the chips are a bit too brown (A.k.a almost gosong) but at least they are crispy. (withh some sambel, they wont taste too bad huh?) haha AND because it's bbq night, we went low key. no wine, no champagne, no martiniz, just beer. Ew. I can only have a zip. eventhough it's heineken or carlsberg, i cannot do beers. (call yourself an oz?)

and more home spa, salon treatment, eating out wif family and friends.. and yest i caught the FF (fathukss and fhilekss..) badd.. badd badd.. now all i gotta do is lying around my bed.. and sleep til recovery. hattchiii... thathaa..

work hard.spend harder.

2006-10-17T04:59:00.000-07:00

long day, long long day. It's approaching the staff holiday which is the 21st, and you know what happen when they are all gonna go mudik. YES they squeeze every penny out of the employer's gucci purse..!!! Those THR, then pocket money for transportation, then they need money to buy oleh2 for keluarga di kampung, then they borrow sum money to waste on lebaran, and more more more. I mean, i have to find 1001 excuses to prevent them breaking my credit card limits.

So i said we need cashflows to build up inventories, we need marketing budget, poor collection, when the real reason is, HELO! your boss wants a new pair of true religion and citizens of hummanity jeans. muahaha. lohh bukanya bergembira di atas penderitaan orang lain. numero uno: i worked twice as hard as them. numero deux: they lied to me as well. Come on! who can be that unfortunate ditipu orang, anak kecelakaan, ditagih2 tukang kejar utang, orang tua butuh, bla bla bla.

okay could somebody teach me how to tarik ulur with employees, take a note, marketing employees!?!? I dun have any problem with accounting and admin people. they are the most lempeng people in the world, but hey talking to a marketing person... double trouble!

anyhow anyhow, dont bother my work blues.. i love getting into arguments and mind games with my staff.. it elevates my "management and negotiation" skills haha! just let's talk about shopping, shall we?

If you know me long enuf, well enuf to go on a mad shopping trip wif me, then you'll know how tat i'm a hopeless case. Okay mad shopping does not happen as often as it used to be. Now that i know how hard it is to earn a cepeceng, i am more careful in spending em. But, still every once a while, especially in desperate situations: RETAIL THERAPY is an order.

ESPECIALLY... at this season of the year.. when there are so many boutique's openning and gala and sale and preview of new arrival and yes: I definetely hadirr...!!

i endorse glow's boutique in riau. yes they sell authentic true religion, fresh karma, 7 and citizens of humanity.. ahh.. those months of searching are finally paid off. Very good customer service indeed, very cute cozy boutique, make you want to stay there for hourss...

i endorse kayu manis home spa.. finally.. can get all those treatment at the comfort of your own room. good masseur, good essential oils and good price. hah! what more could you ask for.

okay i want to endorse Vintage boutique, but have not seen how it looks like. but i kno yessie has an excellent taste and she's a gud businesswoman too. for sure her new boutique is fab. i'll check the opening tomorrow and report bakk what i impulsy purchaseedd..ha!

humm... gotta book an appointment for a blow-dry wif mas uudh from roger.... yasuthhhraa... i' m about to chill wif a mug of caffeine and huumm... tat bolu nyonya liem looks too gud to pass. MBAAkkk... piringgg dong!

Vain and vanity, ambiguity perhaps

2006-10-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

Behold my dear,
For i may say and i may leave
pain, pain, pain
yes my dear, i'm bleeding
tears, tears, tears
dammit, why does it hurt so bad?
more than addiction, you are.
more than the strongest poison, you are
you are to me, my darling
you live under my skin

baby, your mind is playing tricks on you,
you said.

you believe in things that do not actually happen.
You make assumptions that are not even true
You confuse your theory with reality.

Well, is that true?
so i think.

"The one who hurts you is not me.
It's yourself."
you proclaimed

"My darling" i said,
"you are either the most innocent and naive boyfriend i've ever dated"
"or the most brilliant criminal mastermind whose phillosophies
are way too much higher beyond my comprehension"

with much gratitude

2006-10-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

The person used to read my blog daily, just to know did i mean B when i say A. I dont know whether he still reads or not. But well, because his birthday was very recent. i thought of him. and decided to write something.

I owe this particular person so much and much gratitude. Here's a personal story: you've wondered long enough in the dating world, date too many good looking but no-soul hunks, made the same mistake over and over again ( you know! falling for romeo must die kind of boyfriends), and after years of nyemplung di lubang yang sama berkali2, then your heart becomes numb. You just cannot trust anyone whom you date or having a relationship with. You dont believe there is such thing as genuine heart and sincerety even in a serious relationship. Pasti ada udang di balik batu. all (very very qualified men) are the same. They are pigs!!

Okay. tat was my very cynical and bitter point of view of men, before i met this guy. He has changed the way i do a relationship. I had always thought that relationship is a burden and required too many hardwordks, with no foreseeable return. The only obvious return i will get from a relationship is emotional damage and extra killos that i put on my tummy after eating two whole tubs of gelato after a stressful break-up. I dont know how people could survive 10 years lasting relationship, especially with someone whose temper and attitude are somehow very special.

Tis person has shown me that a solid relationship does really bring loads and tons of benefits. I become a more stable and "keep my head together" person. He becomes the closest person to me who knows me back and front, side to side. It's very comfortable to talk to someone who does really understand the way you think and the way you do your life. He takes a really good care of me. I proclaim myself as a very independent woman, i make a living and take care of my life quite good. but it does not hurt at all, being takin care of. I can cook, but having someone to cook for me is just a delish, i can drive to work and pay my own bills, but having someone to do it for me is just awesome. The most amazing thing abt this person is just he does not give up on me, doesnt matter how sucks i behaved. I used to think to myself "aint you had enuf?" I treated him very badly, i was not a gud gf back then. But i did not know how the hew he still can bear with me. He teaches me the true meaning of a relationship that is worth fighting for. (hah heavy what?) He transforms me from being a commitment phobia to a relationship addict. (dont get me wrong. i am not a desperado. Strictly quality men only. thank you!)

yes yes, i told all of my boyfrens (After him) that they owe it to him. Lucky that they hav me after him. HE did all the hardworks in taming and grooming this awful person. Taming me is not an easy thing to do, you know. I was a total pain in the arse. I liked to screw people's brain. If he's not manipulative enuf, not selfish enuf, not smart enuf, not having a strong character, not kind hearted, not charming, not mature enuf, then the job wont be done.

so yes, all those tymes we've been together i rarely did give you praises and compliments ya. but i know that you know that i am talking about you. so here's with much gratitude for all the things that you have done to me. I do always wish you all the best for everything that you pursue in life.

my drugs of choice

2006-09-28T20:22:00.001-07:00

yes, if you have known me long enuf, damn it doesnt take tat long actually, to know that i am an addict.
Just spend a day with me and observe: how many times i inject my body with caffeine? you do the math.
what can i say? i tried to quit. I TRIED BIG TYMES. baik dengan kesadaran sendiri ataupun paksaan orang lain.

my frens even put a money (and an ear: Kereut yeuh ceuli aing lamun si lin2 berenti ngopi --> quote mr. bojeng!) to bet on the fact that the strike wont last for long. They got it right.

The longest strike i've ever been on was when i was living under one roof for one week with my bf's mum. She detest my binge drinkin problem and she will hunt me down here and there to make sure i aint indulging at all in my addiction. she even talks to my mum to remind me to stop drinkin.

i love her, and for gudness sake i tried to quit for her. Even her daughters pitied me and would give me sum coffeemix while she was not around. But after i return home i just cant handle it anymore. I told him: "well, i love your mum. but this is too much to bear" .

You see, me and my coffee, it's been a very very long, loving, cant-live-without each other kinda relationship. it's been 8 years and i think i'm gonna live happilyy ever after, with my caffeine. how could i betray something that has been united with me, in blood, in my mind in my life, all the time (literally saying: i tink i'm a black blooded woman)

Tis relationship has made a really big impact on people as well, if i may say. There are more than 20 people who are affected and becomin a follower ever since i consumed my first cup of latte. haha. Yes, no bullshit. dari mulai yang belom pernah nyoba, ga bisa konsumsi banyak2, sampe yang benci sama kopi, all of them have abusive drinking problem now. Welcome to the circle of trust. nyehnyehnyeh. when you come to my house, i dont serve water, softdrink or tea. You want to drink? mau kopi apa? tubruk, instant ato mo dibikin pake coffe machine? (am i rite, all you perth people) If we go out together for chilling: morning, afternoon, evening, supper, semi-night-ish, anytime! we order coffee. So you know, sooner or later people who hang out with me will just catch the disease.

See, why shud i quit then? I take coffee when i need to think, i take coffee when i need to clear my digestive system (you know what tat mean!) I need coffe when we are going through intense conversation. Damn, i need coffee conversation tat lasts longer than 10 minutes. mind you! i talk a lot. I need coffee when i need to diet. (Yes it works ladies. dont eat, just refill your mug haha), i need coffee when i am bored, i need coffee when i am tired, whether i am in bad or good mood, i need it every hour on the hour for the rest of my life. i am an addict, well and a writer and a criminal mastermind as well.

diagnose with neurosis

2006-09-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

The most complicated thing in life, is a woman's brain
okay. when one day i ever happen to become famous, that line would be one of my famous lines.

funny how your mood and feelings will change as an impact of changes in your thoughts.
one second, i'm happy, cool and collected, the next second something happens, then out of nowhere, i dont know how, but negative thoughts just suddenly come into my mind. Then BAM! i become a dramatic neurotic woman.

Just last night, my bf didnt answer my question right away, and i just did not know how the hew did negative thoughts could ever occur to me. "That's it. he never listens to me. he doesnt care, never understand me bla bla bla" I hang up the fone and practically crying. I mean, how silly could tat be? the poor man was brushing his teeth. for gucci sake.

the funnier thing is, negative thoughts do not occur for only a second. it stays in our mind long enuf to be accumulated into bigger negative thoughts. "he aint listening to me. what's up? never happen before? what was he thinking? WHO is in his mind rite now? could it be tat person or tat person? ok. the likelihood of him meeting tis person is bigger than possibility of meeting tat person? if they really met, what did they talk about... and so on and so on" DAMN does this only happen to me?

The next thing i know, i was obsessed. Cant stop drinking coffee, cant stop eating chocolate, cant stop watching korean and mandarin drama series, and CRYING my eyeballs out. ew! (BTW, watch tat muvie: pangeran kodok. So, damn Gud..!! romantic, very cute, aint corny, not causing unecessary merinding2 haha) and then after an hour of drama queen moment i am like "What the hew just happened to me? what was all the crying all about? i'm so pathetic" Then i take a second to rationalise everything, and for gucci sake, when we do really utilise our brain for good use, it does help to stabilise our feelings. "Okay, what's really happenning, we've been talking about this and that, and the possible reasons for him to act such a thing is because of this and that. He might be thinking about this or tat person. nothing wrong with tat. He meets the person, nothing wrong with tat as well. what could possibly happen, okay the worst tat could happen, okay i tink i still can handle tat. problem solved."

DANG..!! then wat's the purpose of an hour- crying-session?
so,
what is happening to tis woman, you say?
a) approaching PMS
b) starting to really like my bf, that i becomin posesive
c) suffering neurosis syndrome
d) rrr.. u have any other possibilities?

anyhow, bottom line: whatever the answer is, i determine to be cured. yes. i shud try to inject my brain with positive thoughts. wif bible verses possibly. tat way i wud not be infected with deadly virus.

(afterall, boys will be boys. they are cuek, never pay attention to details, dont watch the words that come out of their mouth, they watch tv and play computer games while talking to us on the fone. well and brushing teeth too. we just have to live with tat. )